


Harnessing Habits

by skell



Series: Redefining Routine [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-03-29 17:37:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 84,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3904987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skell/pseuds/skell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story of how Yamaguchi and Tsukishima push each other into pursuing their dreams, and how they adapt to their ever-evolving relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oil and Water

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will make absolutely _zero sense_ if you haven't read Redefining Routine and Memorable Mundane…
> 
> I feel like the sequel's title doesn't pack as much punch as the first two in the series, but I do consider it to be just as meaningful! If you are unfamiliar with its definition, ' **harness** ' means to control and make use of something, and when used in the phrase 'in harness' the word implies the routine of daily work, or working closely with someone to achieve a certain goal. I think I've made it pretty obvious now what sort of things this sequel will focus on :) It's going to be a fun ride yo!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get right into the thick of things, since this chapter is a direct continuation from [the last Memorable Mundane ficlet, 'Slumber'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3479831/chapters/8610916%0A). 
> 
> A lot of Lights' songs have helped inspire me throughout this series (like "Quiet" and "Cactus in the Valley"), and I've named this particular chapter after "[Oil and Water](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFWMiJeVA6U%0A)"!

The room shook. Whether it was from the peal of thunder or from the scramble of his emotions was debatable, but he knew his heart crumbled with the violent crackling. It was the din of shattered glass — the aftermath of being thrashed onto the floor, crushed and battered into an unrecognizable state. There were various pieces of it scattered before him. Moments, snippets, lines of words that didn't hold meaning but now unfortunately clicked to bring together a part of the puzzle. Muddled with it was the mess of Yamaguchi's own feelings, and the calm of his expression tore down bit by bit.

His mind reeled with an overwhelming barrage of questions, worries, reasons, and stop signs. He tried to concentrate on just remembering to breathe.

"You're moving out?"

His voice was but a whisper. Tsukishima's jaw visibly tensed as the blond shifted his gaze to the side. The other boy chose not to speak, and the silence made Yamaguchi's skin run cold.

"Why?"

No answer. The quiet hurt, its sharpened blade dripping with the poison of emptiness and confusion and burden. With each word he spoke, the more it felt like he was picking open a freshly cut wound. Talking served as a mere distraction now, something that might ease from the chaos of his thoughts and from the pain in his chest.

It came out like a puff of air, mimicking the first burst of steam from a heated kettle. The longer time stretched, the more his body attempted to shake off the pressure, a glint in his smile as he laughed.

Tsukishima looked at him uneasily.

"You're moving out. Okay. It can't possibly be that simple," the freckled boy said with a grin. "That can't be all there is to this, huh, Tsukki? Where are you even going?"

"I," Tsukishima paused to gulp before he continued, "I'll be visiting home first."

"Oh. Home," Yamaguchi echoed as he raised his eyebrows. "What about your work?"

"My, uh, request for a leave got accepted last —"

"Accepted? Already? Ha, okay, just how long have you been keeping this from me?" Yamaguchi chuckled resentfully. "So? When are you leaving?"

Tsukishima pursed his lips. "I'll be staying here until our rent's due."

Yamaguchi's jaw dropped. The strain in his lungs made it near impossible to breathe. "Then wouldn't that be next week? Ha, ha ha, w-were you even planning on telling me all this?"

"I- I did —"

"Really?" Yamaguchi laughed, his disbelief halfheartedly disguised by mirth. He rested his elbows on the table and brought his palms to his closed eyelids, his eyes stinging from the lack of sleep. "Did something happen with your family? Or is this because of money? If you'd told me sooner, I could've helped —"

"Helped? Helped with what?" Tsukishima chuckled bitterly. "I know you're tight on cash as well."

Yamaguchi shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I have enough to foot for at least one month of your rent."

"Using, what, your parents' funds?" the blond spat. "I don’t want your charity, Yamaguchi! You still have your college fees—"

“Oh, no, no no," Yamaguchi cut in. He shook his head and waved a dismissive hand in the air. "You know very well that I’ve been doing everything I could to support myself using my own money right now!"

"I do! You didn't let me finish talking—"

"Oh, now? Now you want to talk to me?" Yamaguchi snapped. "No. I'm not having it. I'm not going to listen to you if you're just going to switch the subject back to me. What about you? Why don't you tell me why you haven't been sleeping or eating well lately? What have you and Akiteru-nii been so wound up about? What are you even—?"

"Whoa, wait. Excuse me?" Tsukishima interrupted, his voice slipping an octave higher. "Have you been checking my phone?"

"No, it's not like that," the dark-haired boy defended. "It's just that sometimes I overhear your calls—"

"So you've been eavesdropping on me?"

"Look, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said, his voice tired and wilting. "I just want to know what's going on with you. You've been so stressed and guarded lately and it's just —"

“But to snoop around and all? It’s not really any of your business —”

"None of my business?" Yamaguchi laughed in disbelief. "I could've at least helped you think of some way to deal with whatever you're going through, try to make it better somehow —"

"Make it better?" Tsukishima scoffed. "How could you even guarantee that? You don't even understand what —"

“Of course I don't understand!" Yamaguchi shouted as he slammed his fists on the table. "You never even tried to tell me anything!”

The dark-haired boy hunched over the table, curling up like a star collapsing into itself, threatening to explode at any given moment. His shoulders began to tremble, and Yamaguchi couldn't bring himself to control the sounds that escaped his lips.

Tsukishima thought that the other boy was simply laughing again. When he lowered his gaze to the table, the moisture that dripped on the wood made him consider otherwise. His eyes widened as he realized that it wasn't laughter that he heard, but instead —

"Don't touch me, Tsukishima," Yamaguchi snapped, and his words surprised the both of them.

Tsukishima retracted the arm he hadn't even realized he'd reached out towards the other boy.

Yamaguchi sniffed and breathed in deeply. His dark eyes didn't conceal the hurt he felt, and as he stared at Tsukishima, the blond's clouded expression gave him no answers at all. The freckled boy bit his quivering lower lip. "I don't understand what you're going through at all."

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want to worry you —"

"Didn't want to worry me?" Yamaguchi's face contorted. "Have you seen yourself lately? Do you think it doesn't affect me when I see you looking so... so lifeless? Every time I ask you, you just shrug me off and now you just tell me that — that you're leaving? Am I so useless that you can't tell me what's on your mind?"

"You're not useless," Tsukishima whispered.

“Then what am I here for, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi chuckled weakly. "To cook your meals? To warm your bed? To fuck you?" he croaked, voice cracking despite the acid that dripped from his words. "What do you keep me here for?”

 

 

 

 

 

Yamaguchi ground his teeth together as he wiped away the moisture that trailed his cheeks. He let out a sigh. “I'm sorry. Never mind. I'm just tired. I mean, this isn't about me. I know you're having a hard enough time. But — Ugh, this is all just so frustrating," Yamaguchi said hoarsely, resorting to speaking out his thoughts rather than trying to articulate them coherently.

Tsukishima couldn't bring himself to respond.

"I'm here for you. I'm here because of you," Yamaguchi smiled, almost mocking. He shook his head as he continued, "Unlike you, this is the only place I can call home.”

Yamaguchi stood. The chair screeched against the floors, the sound amplified by the silence. His body felt of lead and his temples ached with the sting of a hundred gongs. The late hour seeped into his bones and his limbs felt weary as he walked away.

“Wait.”

Yamaguchi paused by the doorway. Motionlessness made his head spin. He placed his hand by the doorframe, gripping it to steady himself. He kept his eyes on his feet and waited for Tsukishima to speak.

"Please look at me, Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima's voice sounded distant — too faint to have come from the same room, or from the same person he'd been sharing his days with for the past year. Yamaguchi tightened his hold on the doorframe and sighed. He slowly turned back towards the dining table, angling his body first before lifting his gaze to the other boy.

The blond remained in his seat. His face looked pasty and troubled, and it made Yamaguchi's gut tie in knots.

“Where are you going?” Tsukishima whispered.

“...Out for a walk.”

Tsukishima's frown deepened. "This late?"

Yamaguchi squinted at the blond. "Why? Are you going to stop me?"

Tsukishima stared for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “Would it be okay if I'd go with you?”

Yamaguchi pursed his lips. “I think I’d rather be alone. I don't want us to say more things we might end up regretting in the morning.”

The blond blinked slowly and nodded. “You're still coming back, right?”

“Of course I am," the dark-haired boy said with a strained laugh. "I live here."

Yamaguchi's footsteps were light, and the sound of the apartment door closing echoed even louder than the unrelenting thunder claps.

The mug in his hand had long since gone cold, but Tsukishima drank down the bitter tea anyway.

His muscles tensed. He tapped his foot impatiently. He clenched his jaw and furrowed his brows. He wanted to move. He knew he needed to. But he had to stay. The conflicting emotions drained and electrified him at the same time. When Tsukishima heard the first torrent of rain, he immediately rushed out of the room, and it was only as an afterthought that he grabbed two umbrellas.

 

* * *

 

 

The second he bolted out of the building, it was by reflex that he hissed out, "Fuck!"

His waterlogged sandals weighed heavy on his feet, sloshing and seeming like mush under his heel. If he didn't feel like he was staring at bright orbs, he was straining to make sense of blurry forms and figures. He squinted at everything and anything, and the feel of the cold and dank wind was strange and unusual against his eyelids.

In the flurry of the moment, he'd forgotten that he wasn't wearing his eyeglasses. How was he supposed to move around? What if he wouldn't even be able to find his way back to his apartment in the end? It would've been more reasonable to head back to grab his specs, but he didn't want to risk losing momentum, and time was of the essence. Despite his worries, a greater fear clawed at his mind, and it was enough to push him forward.

The roads were dark, damp, and deserted. That was all Tsukishima could confirm. The torrent beat down onto his umbrella, and the aggressive sound was loud enough to distract. His mind was working double time. Where was he? Where could Yamaguchi have gone? What the hell did he just step on? He veered towards the safety of the sidewalks and struggled to get a hold of his surroundings with whatever vague familiarity he had over the area.

As he trekked on, the streets began to light up with neon signs and boisterous laughter. He felt unimaginably embarrassed when he realized that he had not only run into a pole and apologized to it, but a group of drunk businessmen had witnessed the whole catastrophe unfold before them. When Tsukishima did end up bumping into someone, he was taken by surprise when what he thought was a garbage bin turned out to be a cloaked man's hunched over figure. He bowed as low as he could.

A sharp gust threatened to topple him over, and Tsukishima found himself praying that his umbrella wouldn't break from the wind. He repositioned his umbrella above and before his body to shield from the storm. The angle made his arms ache.

The street shops were bustling with the Friday night crowd. The neighborhood watering holes teemed with guffawing uncles and chattering aunties. Tsukishima mulled over the possibility of Yamaguchi taking cover in one of the pubs, but quickly ruled out that train of thought. He knew that Yamaguchi wasn't the type to find refuge in crowded spaces.

His mind clicked.

The downpour obscured his vision even more, but the curtain of rain didn't discourage him. He'd almost slipped as he sped down a narrow alleyway, and while his recovery was neither graceful nor immediate, he didn't let it slow his pace.

It had been a good year since he'd made a detour down that path. He moved by instinct, and each step felt bittersweet.

Tokyo was a monstrous city. The rain swept the streets and cleared them up only to highlight just how large it really was. Yamaguchi could've found shelter in any one of the alleys and convenience stores that littered their neighborhood area. He might've already passed him. Tsukishima knew this, but he decided not to dwell on it.

"This has to be it, he has to be there," he chanted to himself. He trusted that he knew Yamaguchi well enough that his judgement would be right, but the thought of how his past decisions played a role in the way the night played out caused a lump to form in his throat again.

 

* * *

 

If he willed it strongly enough, then the universe might just rearrange itself to make his wish come true.

 

* * *

 

 

He wanted the rain to stop.

Maybe, by some strange chance, the night would fall silent long enough for him to crawl back home. He would shower away his feelings of pain and shame and he'd flop right back into bed. He'd burrow himself deep within the sheets, to a state where the ache might just lull him into sleep. But he knew it wouldn't. He'd just end up laying next to his cold lover, unspeaking, both of them awake and staring at different patches of the ceiling. The silence would stretch like a Marianas Trench between them despite their bodies being only inches apart. Even the mere thought of it was suffocating.

Yamaguchi had been staring at his hands, his fingers appearing pale and bony in the shadows. His fringe stuck to his forehead in an awkward manner, and the tips of his hair still dripped with rain water. His shirt wasn't entirely soaked, but it still clung onto his body in various places.

He closed his fists and opened them gradually. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, and he wrapped his arms around himself as he shivered. He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed himself for not wearing a coat. Almost immediately he remembered the situation he had walked out of, and he excused himself for the slip up. But the cold was not as forgiving.

He traced his finger along cracked paint, and on impulse he tore off several chunks of black from the outdoor staircase. It was hard to tell in the light, but he was sure that the place looked even more worn down than it used to be. He leaned against its steel railing and rusty beam, and almost immediately felt the strength rush out of his knees. He lowered himself to the ground. He blinked twice. His lids felt heavy, and he was sure to wake up with them feeling crusty from dried tears.

He nonchalantly stared at the worn red Welcome rug that lay in front of him. He laughed to himself. Why hadn't the new tenants switched it out? It looked even shabbier than ever. He felt emotion bubbling up in his throat again and his eyes began to sting.

A distinctively wet, pattering sound perked his ears. While the threat of being discovered stunned him, he didn't will himself to move. He didn't have the energy to, and he'd much rather suffer the shame of being seen by a stranger than have to brave through the rain again.

The sound of footsteps stopped. For a moment, Yamaguchi thought he had been imagining things.

The tall figure was slightly drenched — their shirt and shorts turned two-toned from being half-damp and half-dry, and droplets glistened on his forearms and shins. When he lowered his umbrella, his blond hair glowed from the faint light of an outdoor lamp. They stood quietly, gaze transfixed on the doorway of Yamaguchi's old apartment.

The sight only made Yamaguchi feel conflicted.

"How did you know I was here?" Yamaguchi spoke softly, not knowing if he even wanted to hear the answer to his question.

The other boy jumped, shoulders visibly tensing as they turned around to face the freckled boy. The expression on his pale face softened when their eyes met. "I just had a feeling you would be."

The dark-haired boy felt numb. "So what did you come here for?"

"...I don't really know. My body just moved on it own," he said. He rolled the umbrella in his hand and walked over to sit next to Yamaguchi. It was raining violently, but the silence still rang in his ears. "How... How are you feeling?"

"H-how? How am I feeling?" Yamaguchi scoffed. "What kind of a question is that? How am I feeling... seriously... Well, I feel horrible, thank you for asking," he answered. "I don't even know why I feel bad. I know it hurts that you're leaving, but it really stings that you kept lying to me, again and again."

Tsukishima hung his head low.

"How are you feeling then, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi shot back, if only to keep the conversation going. He, too, had grown tired of the quiet.

"Awful," Tsukishima replied.

Yamaguchi bit back the urge to reply, "I sure hoped so." Instead, he waited for the blond to continue.

"I don't know how to make it up to you," Tsukishima confessed.

If Yamaguchi bit down any harder, the insides of his cheeks would start to bleed. "Please, Tsukki, just please tell me what's on your mind."

"You were right." Tsukishima admitted simply. Yamaguchi looked at him confusedly. The blond cleared his throat. "It's been about a year since things have gotten rocky with my dad's company, so now my family's just been at a loss, scrambling to adjust to this whole new situation."

"Is this really just a financial problem?"

Tsukishima paused. "Well. It's the root of it."

"You know I wouldn't have minded to pay some of the bills for you, right?"

"How could I do that to you?" Tsukishima replied with a frown. "I wouldn't want to do that. I've never had to. I— I've never had to ask anyone for this sort of thing."

"But you didn't have to keep me in the dark."

"I thought about telling you. I really did. But you had your plate full with issues about your parents and your applications and I just didn't want to add on to it," Tsukishima said. His bare eyes seemed lost in the nightfall, and they stared at Yamaguchi as though they were searching for the light. "I was so focused on not giving you anything to worry about that I ended up doing something worse and hurt you instead. I'm sorry."

"Then that makes me feel worse," Yamaguchi sniffed. "I don't want to force you to tell me anything, but Tsukki, I don't like seeing you force yourself to carry your burdens on your own. I just want to help."

"Yamaguchi, if you weren't here with me, I might've already lost my mind by now. You're helping me more than you think," Tsukishima blurted.

Yamaguchi blinked back his tears and pulled his knees closer to himself. "Why do I feel like you're still hiding something from me, then?"

Tsukishima turned away for a moment. Without his eyeglasses, the blond appeared younger yet wearier all at once.

Yamaguchi pursed his lips. The wordlessness between them caused his mind to mull over how Tsukishima's shoulders were rising and falling much too quickly to be considered normal. He thought to himself — Had he been running blindly through the dark?

Tsukishima tensed under his touch.

Yamaguchi wiped away the dampness of Tsukishima's cheeks, the rain dripping off the delicate curve of his eyelashes. His heart felt heavy as he breathed, "You've been scared, haven't you?"

The blond smiled. It was barely there, and the light might have just been playing tricks to his eyes, but Yamaguchi knew what he saw and he knew what it meant. The freckled boy drew back his arm.

"I'm sorry," Tsukishima said. "It's not that I don't want you to know, I'm just not ready to tell you. I want to try sorting it out on my own for a little bit more."

"I understand."

They exchanged understanding smiles. The pain didn't leave their chests.

"Maybe being away from each other would be a good thing for us, then, huh? We might have rushed into things too quickly," Yamaguchi thought out loud, mainly to convince himself.

"Maybe," Tsukishima echoed just as weakly. "Having some time for ourselves might not be such a bad thing."

"I'm sorry you're going through a rough time."

"I'm sorry we have to go through this."

"It's not your fault," Yamaguchi said. "Well, not all of it."

Tsukishima smiled weakly. He offered a dry umbrella to the other boy as he said, "Why don't we go home for now?"

Yamaguchi smiled back. "Yeah. Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, it means you've also read the first two parts of this series, and I'm so happy that you decided to continue the story… Thank you so much, I really appreciate your readership ;_;


	2. Somber Counsel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! It's pretty cool to see all of your familiar usernames again. ^__^

The clatter of forks against plates punctuated the quiet. He focused his gaze on bread crumbs or spilled coffee, sporadically preferring to stare at the dance of the floating dust particles instead. They weren't particularly interesting, but they were easier to take in compared to the eyes of the other boy seated across from him. He and his roommate ate in silence, but his burnt toast seemed especially difficult to swallow. He wondered if it was from the charred taste or from the absence of their usual breakfast chatter.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a pale arm extend towards him. He instinctively flinched, but the arm quickly drew back once it had picked up a stray morsel of bread off the table.

There was a slight vibration against his thigh, and he reached into his pocket to locate the source of the light buzzing. When he unlocked his phone's keypad, the notification across the screen displayed a string of carefully chosen emoticons.

"Good morning, Yamaguchi," and "Let's have lunch together," were the only words in the text message. Aside from an excessive use of exclamation marks, Yachi had punctuated her message with an array of both happy and sad faces. Yamaguchi knew that the contrasting moods had a story behind them.

As Yamaguchi typed out his response, his companion wordlessly gestured towards his empty plate. The freckled boy nodded, and the blond gathered their plates and mugs.

"You don't have anywhere to be today, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asked once he sent his message. He realized too late that his unmodulated voice was too loud for the occasion.

"No," Tsukishima replied tersely.

"I see," the freckled boy nodded, his words coming out no louder than a whisper. He sifted through the contents of his bag before zipping it up and slinging it over his shoulder. "I'll be heading out now, then."

"Okay," Tsukishima nodded.

Yamaguchi stood from his seat and dusted off his pants. He walked slowly towards the apartment's entryway. Once he reached the shoe racks, he crouched before them to pick out his footwear. He settled for an understated pair of dark brown loafers.

He was about to slip a shoe on his left foot when he heard Tsukishima speak up from behind him.

"Hey," the blond whispered. "Should I make dinner tonight?"

"Oh, I'm not sure, to be honest," Yamaguchi answered. He readjusted his bag strap as he stood and faced the other boy. "We're having a meeting about the science department celebrations today, so I have no idea what time I might be coming home later."

"Oh. Okay," Tsukishima nodded, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck as he spoke. He stood by the hallway, his brows knitting slightly as he added, "You still have to help out even though you aren't going to be there when it happens?"

"Well, I don't mind the extra work anyway," Yamaguchi said as he played with the hem of his sweater. "I'll just call— uh, or text you. About dinner, I mean."

"Sure."

Yamaguchi cleared his throat. "I'll see you later, Tsukki."

"Okay," Tsukishima replied, motioning to move towards the door.

"Ah, i-it's fine, it's fine. I can lock up after myself," the freckled boy stumbled over his words.

"Oh," the blond said, voice quiet. "Yeah, sure."

"T-that's okay, right?"

"Uh, well, I guess."

Yamaguchi bit into his lower lip and nodded. "All right." He set his hand on the doorknob.

"See you."

Without glancing back, the dark-haired boy opened the door. "Bye."

"Bye," Tsukishima echoed back. "I love you."

The two of them froze. A moment's pause seemed to last too long yet it ended too soon.

Yamaguchi took a step back and whipped his head around to gape at the other boy. The blond's eyes had widened in surprise, face blanched and lips set in a straight line.

"I-I'm sorry. I've just gotten so used to saying it when we're at the doorway," Tsukishima spluttered.

As Yamaguchi continued to stare at the other boy, he felt as though he might have reflected the same expression on his own face.

"You don't have to apologize for that," the dark-haired boy said, his sincerity overflowing even to the way his voice softened.

"Well," Tsukishima said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Either way, there's a lot I have to apologize for."

"Maybe so," Yamaguchi murmured with upturned lips. "Don't forget to each lunch later, okay?"

The blond readjusted his eyeglasses and looked away before saying, "I won't."

For a split second, Yamaguchi could've sworn that he saw a smile ghosting the other's lips, too.

"Good," Yamaguchi replied. He set one foot out the door and paused. He blinked at the ground before turning to look at Tsukishima for one more time. "Take care, Tsukki."

"You too," he replied. This time, the smile on his face was unmistakable.

The door closed with a thud. Tsukishima could overhear Yamaguchi shuffling through his belongings as he searched for his keys. Soon enough, the air was pierced with the sound of the door being locked from the outside.

His face fell almost immediately.

His muscles felt strained. In his mind, he had already cursed and scrutinized the events of the morning, from his every minuscule gesture to every unfortunate word choice. He tried to think of something else, but his thoughts just kept circling back to that rainy night. He clenched his teeth. He walked over to the kitchen to wash the dishes, if only to have something to do with his hands.

He could see what he was doing. The soap suds lathered on the plates and utensils, and the water washed away the foam in steady streams. He could see everything happening before him, but as his shirt soaked up the dishwater and his eyeglasses caught spurts of bubbles, it became clear that he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. His mind kept wandering — replaying a blurry memory, over and over, as if overanalyzing it would alter the outcome.

Tsukishima put away the dishes, and the sound of glass clattering against one another made his ears hurt for a moment.

He walked back towards the dining area and slid into a chair. With his head rested on the table, he meant to contemplate what he wanted to do for the rest of the day. He tried to organize his thoughts, but he couldn't ignore the thunder that rang in his ears. He walked to the windowsill in the kitchen and peeped outside. The sky was bright and sunny.

He grumbled as he stormed into his room. It felt stuffy, and the shared space made his chest ache. Using a set of keys he'd retrieved from a drawer, he unlocked his windows. He breathed in deeply before strengthening his stance. Attempting to slide the window completely open was near impossible, and he could only manage to bring it halfway. Even then, the unobstructed glare of the sun was unforgiving, and with the absence of a screen there was an increased threat of bugs and critters finding refuge in the apartment. He made a mental note to close it as soon as he had his fill of fresh air.

He drew the curtains and inadvertently tinted the room in an obnoxious green hue akin to freshly retched bile.

The bespectacled boy walked over to his closet and took out his duffel bag. He set it atop his desk and began taking down some of the books that he had left on a nearby shelf. He'd already perused most of the titles, and considering how much free time he had that day, he set a couple of books aside in case he wanted to read them again. He arranged them in his bag, meticulously organizing them in a way that was space efficient. As he shuffled them around, a particular cover caught his eye.

It was a small saddle-stitched booklet. The matte covering sported a hand-drawn cartoon dinosaur, aptly equipped with time-inappropriate black framed eyeglasses. The gold party hat perched atop its head had a polish that shone in the sunlight. It was already quite a sight to behold, but the curly yellow pompom by the tip of the hat completed the visual experience. The image coaxed something like a gruntled noise out of him.

Despite his better judgement, he thumbed through each of the pages. He took a seat as he skimmed through the various scribbled text, the messages ranging from heartfelt reminiscence to generic 'Happy Birthday's. The summer air was heavy with humidity, and soon enough his temples glistened with sweat. He ignored the droplets that trickled down his spine and kept turning the pages. The nostalgia filled the spaces of his thoughts.

As he reached the end of the booklet, the last page was near-black from the ink. A couple of words had been artlessly blocked out, and the scratches were effective censors.

With each passage that he read, it became increasingly difficult to focus. The words swam in his vision, but his eyes only ever lingered on one line — "I'll always be here for you, Tsukki!"

The way he bit into his inner cheeks caused the flesh to feel sore. Tsukishima closed the booklet and put it away just in time to prevent the letter from getting soiled.

He cradled his head in his hands as he alternated between panting and hissing under his breath. Even in solitude, he subdued expressing himself. It didn't take long for him to calm down, but his reflective mood was quickly interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

He picked up the call immediately but said nothing.

"Kei?" said the voice on the other line. "I just finished depositing the money. Call me once you've reserved your train tickets, alright?"

"Okay, nii-chan," he croaked out, his own voice sounding hoarse.

"Hey," his brother whispered. "Is everything okay? You've been crying, haven't you?"

"No," the boy defended. He sniffed unintentionally. "I- I have a cold."

"Eh? If you're sick then wouldn't you be unfit for travel?"

"I just said it's only a cold. It's nothing serious," Kei reasoned. "I got caught in the rain last night."

"Well, if you say so," the older boy replied warily. "Take better care of your health anyway, okay?"

"Okay."

They exchanged their goodbyes. He silently thanked his brother for not engaging him in a long conversation. The bespectacled boy felt much too drained to speak, and he didn't feel like resuming his packing either.

He made a quick trip to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. After struggling to close his bedroom windows, he switched on the air conditioner. Once he'd slipped on his headphones, he crawled into his futon and closed his eyes.

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

  

"Yamaguchi!" Yachi cried, face contorted into an inelegant frown. She gave the taller boy a brief hug. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's fine. What happened to you?" Yamaguchi asked as he motioned to pull back the chair before him. The girl waved him off and pointed towards a more secluded table by the corner of the restaurant. Once he'd notified their waiter, he picked up the glasses from his table and transferred them to their new location.

"I've been so tired!" the girl whined once Yamaguchi had taken a seat. "I've had to work overtime this week and I'm so tired. I've had to do so many revisions and write so many e-mails and I'm just so —"

Yamaguchi slid a glass of water towards the other girl. While the place was bustling with patrons, their table easily became one of the liveliest in the room.

The blonde chugged down the drink. Once she'd finished the contents of the glass, she paused to dramatically inhale and exhale. "I'm sorry. Thanks."

"No problem," Yamaguchi smiled. "What's gotten you so busy?"

"Ah, you know how the museum's been doing some major renovating?"

"Yeah, Tsukki kind of mentioned that before. He said they had to move around a lot of the exhibits and stuff," he replied.

"You're right. Well, they've decided to do some rebranding at the last minute, and I'm losing my soul in the process of designing it," the girl pouted. "It's so stressful. It's either too youthful or too traditional, too experimental or too common."

"Seems like a big project, then. Do you have any other freelance jobs on the side?"

"Thankfully, I don't. Considering how this has such a close deadline, I need all the time I could get." Yachi explained. "Ah, but before I got notified about the rebranding project, I volunteered to format and layout a friend's art book."

"Oh yeah, you told me about that," Yamaguchi nodded.

Yachi's eyes twinkled. "I was really looking forward to it! Their illustrations are so nice and crisp. I want to marry the details."

The freckled boy snickered. "Well, you'll have to do your priorities first."

"It's unfortunate, but yes," Yachi sighed, slumping her shoulders as she seemingly deflated into herself. "Besides, even though the art book would be so much more fun and easy to work on, I'm just drained of my creative juices once I get home from the museum. I couldn't even will myself to eke out another effective page layout."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," the freckled boy said with smile. "You're doing the best that you could."

"Thanks," the girl smiled back. "Ah, by the way, could you look at some of these thumbnails for me?" she requested as she tentatively reached into her bag.

"Oh, okay," Yamaguchi nodded. "Are you sure you should be asking me about this right now? This seems pretty important, and I only ever pick whichever I think looks good."

"What are you talking about? I've asked for your opinion so many times now, you should already know my thought process by heart."

"I wish. Your design rationales are way beyond what I could imagine," Yamaguchi confessed.

"You're able to appreciate most of it anyway, and that's more than I could ask for from a client," Yachi replied.

"Would you like to practice how you're going to pitch them, then?"

Yachi beamed. "Ah! Ah, sure, that'd be great! I'll try to be coherent. I haven't practiced for this set at all."

"That's fine," Yamaguchi said. "At least this might help you gather your thoughts about them easier."

"You're right. Okay, okay," Yachi nodded to herself as she repositioned herself on her seat. She brought her hands together and grinned widely to signal that she was ready to begin.

Yamaguchi smiled in return.

Yachi pointed towards the first rough sketch on her grid notebook — a small picture etched in pencil. It had seven different variations to its right. "For this design, I wanted to capture the diversity of the museum's exhibits. Relying on, uh, rather, having strong typography would make this design timeless, while using strong - ah, wait I already used that word, so, um, using rich colour treatments and patterns makes it eye-catching and appealing to the visitors."

"I see," Yamaguchi nodded. "There are a lot of colour variations for this one, though. Even more so than usual."

"Ah, yeah, I was going on the idea of altering the look depending on where it gets used in. Like, say, uh," Yachi paused and gestured her hands around, as though trying to piece together her thoughts that floated in the air. "If it were used in the Japan Gallery, it could have more traditional and local elements incorporated to it. When applied to the Marine Life exhibit, it could be changed to reflect that branch of science more as well."

"I see. You really thought about this one, then."

"Not really. I kind of just made most of that up right now," Yachi laughed.

"You could have fooled me!" Yamaguchi chuckled. "But with so many alterations, wouldn't it be hard to associate them all to the museum?"

"That's why I wanted to keep the typeface strong and consistent. Since I'll be making the patterns from scratch, they'll all be in a similar style and colour scheme. Hopefully, it should all tie up together in the end."

"That'd be some extra work on your part."

"Eh, it would be," Yachi sighed. "I still need to develop this design some more."

Yachi managed to explain and mock present several other concepts to Yamaguchi before their glasses of water were switched out and their drinks were served. The waiter notified them that their food orders would be ready in a few more minutes. The two friends smiled and thanked the wait staff.

"You know, you're not looking so good today either, Yamaguchi," Yachi said as she mindlessly played with the straw of her iced tea. "Did something happen to you?"

"Ah, well, I did get caught in the rain last night," the boy said as he brought his straw to his lips.

"Last night?" Yachi repeated with a tilt of her head. "It started raining at, like, three twenty-four in the morning."

Yamaguchi almost spat out his drink. He dabbed his lips with a handkerchief before asking, "Why so specific?"

"Because I was awake and working and staring at the clock every ten seconds," Yachi frowned. "Were you and Tsukishima out clubbing on a Friday night?"

"If only," the boy chuckled. "We were fighting."

"Oh no," Yachi's face immediately dropped as she clasped both of her hands on the table. "Why? Was it about anything serious?"

Yamaguchi shrugged. "He's moving out."

"Excuse me?" Yachi practically shrieked. She'd slipped up and shouted the first half of her sentence, but by the end of it she'd embarrassedly lowered her tone to a hiss. "Did I hear that right? He's moving out?"

Yamaguchi nodded.

"What were you guys even fighting about that he has to move away?" the girl asked worriedly. "Oh my goodness, did you guys break up? Oh no. You guys broke up didn't you?"

"Eh—"

"Can you even stand staying in that apartment, then? Oh dear. Yamaguchi, you can totally stay with me if you want. I could even move my dog's things to make more room for you—"

"Ah, I don't think that's needed. I mean, I don't — I don't think we're breaking up."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Yachi asked, panicky. "Isn't this something you should be sure about?"

"Yeah, I guess, b-but this morning he told me that he loved me," Yamaguchi stammered.

From the way Yachi angled her head, she appeared to have a double chin. Incredulously, she stuttered, "W-Well, d-did you say it back?"

"N-no."

"So do you not love him anymore?"

"What? Of course not," Yamaguchi shook his head. "Would I be like this if I didn't care about him?"

"Eh?" Yachi whined. "But that makes no sense! I'm confused now. I thought he was leaving because you guys fought."

"Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant," the dark-haired boy replied. "He's moving out next week, but he only told me about it this morning. I got upset about finding out about it so late."

"Ah, really?" Yachi furrowed her brows. "Then it's reasonable for you to feel that way, then."

"Do you think so?" Yamaguchi asked. He fidgeted with his drink, wrapping and unclasping his fingers around the glass.

Yachi tipped her head to the side. "Am I supposed to think otherwise?"

The freckled boy hummed. "Well, Tsukki's having a hard time and all, so I'm sure he has a lot of things on his mind. I don't know if it's even right for me to feel bad just because he didn't want to tell me about it."

"Tsukishima-kun must've had a reason to keep it from you until the last minute, right?" Yachi pointed out. She took a sip of her drink. "Didn't he say why?"

"Now that you mentioned it, I don't think he explained that part," he confessed. "He just said that he didn't want me to worry."

Yachi's hand was much smaller than Yamaguchi's. Her fingertips chilled the places that it touched, her skin cold from the glass of iced tea she'd been drinking out of. Yet as she placed her hand atop Yamaguchi's, her soft and delicate touch felt firm and reassuring.

"Yamaguchi," Yachi spoke, her voice low and soothing. "It's okay for you to feel hurt."

"I don't know," the boy frowned. "I feel guilty. I should be focusing on supporting Tsukki, not on my petty bitterness."

 

 

"It's not petty. Just because you think Tsukishima has it worse doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel bad about it," Yachi said softly. "What really happened last night?"

"I haven't processed it all, to be honest," Yamaguchi said with a forced smile.

"Is Tsukishima-kun sick?"

"No, I don't think so," Yamaguchi replied. "He was very hesitant about telling me about his situation, so I hope you wouldn't mind that I'd leave out some details."

"No, no, that's fine," Yachi shook her head in understanding. "I'm glad that he finally opened up to you, at least."

"Yeah, me too, but it really wasn't an ideal setting either way," Yamaguchi laughed weakly. "I'm so worried. I feel like Tsukki needs somebody right now and yet I couldn't even be with him."

"Why not? Where is he going, anyway?"

"Miyagi."

"Ah..."

"It'd be impossible for me to even visit him on the weekends, what with my work and all."

"Well, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, either," Yachi said. "Even if he wasn't moving out, you'd still end up going out of the country next semester. Being away from each other was inevitable."

"I know," Yamaguchi replied solemnly. "I know that, but the timing —"

"Was something totally out of your control," Yachi cut in.

Yamaguchi lowered his head. The girl squeezed his hand before she brought her arm back to herself.

"I'll really miss you, you know, but at least I could still hang out with you every now and then until you have to leave. Now you have even lesser time to spend with Tsukishima-kun before he does. I could only imagine how sad you two must be feeling."

Yamaguchi reached over to Yachi's drink and brought it towards the center of the table. He hesitated to glance at her, but the girl's subtle fidgeting made it difficult not to do so.

There was a twinkle in her eye as she continued, "I don't think you should delay your confrontation for any longer. You wouldn't want to separate on bad terms, right? Unless you wouldn't mind your relationship ending, then you should do something."

"But I don't know what to do," Yamaguchi mumbled. "I don't think I even know what I could do for him. Can't I just skip to when we're back to normal together again?"

"How do you two even sort things out most of the time?"

"We haven't had an argument this big before."

"Ah, that's true," the blonde nodded.

"When we do have misunderstandings, it's almost always easy for us to reach a compromise. If not, they usually just end in tickle fights."

"Have you tried doing that, then?"

"That isn't going to work, is it?" Yamaguchi replied monotonously.

"I guess not. You could try talking it out, anyway. You should at least clarify what it is you both want to do about your relationship now that you're going to be away from each other for a while."

Yamaguchi stared at his drink pensively before taking a sip.

"Do you feel like having a, er, you know," she trailed off as a waitperson returned with plates of their food. When asked whether they needed anything, the two friends simply thanked them for their service.

"A what?" Yamaguchi urged.

Yachi leaned in closer, lowering her voice as she said, "Ah, well, would you like to order a drink? Beer, wine, I don't know, anything — I wouldn't mind it if you wanted to get something. My treat."

"Ah, no, there's no need to resort to any of that," Yamaguchi said with a wave of his hand. "Besides, I still have to go back to work later, so I can't be reckless."

"Okay. Next time, then," Yachi nodded. "You seem pretty busy with work yourself, too. Have you even had the time to check up on webcomic updates?"

"Why are you even asking that?" Yamaguchi smiled. "Of course I have. There's always time for that."

"Ack! Did you read the latest one?" Yachi said excitedly, almost clinking her utensils together as she brought her hands closer to her chest.

"You mean from last week? Uh, yeah, didn't we already talk about that?"

"No, no, there was a new one this morning!" Yachi gushed.

"W-What! What happened?" Yamaguchi asked. "I mean, don't tell me everything, but just give me a heads up of what I should be looking forward to."

"Oh, you'd really like this development," Yachi grinned. She cleared her throat before she continued. "You know how the marquis' daughter has just been this obnoxiously sweet and feminine damsel-in-distress sort of character? Well, as it turns out, she actually had the skill to single-handedly slaughter an entire zombie army — all while in kitten heels, mind you..."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The orange sun glared through the foliage of Ueno Park. There was a growing strain on his shoulders from lugging around his bag throughout the entirety of the day. The promise of finally resting at home made the burden a little easier to carry, but the idea of 'home' brought about its own concerns. As he paced towards the Shinobazu Pond, his footsteps gradually slowed to a halt.

He walked over to a park bench. He sat facing the lotus-covered pond, and it was near impossible to spot any of the mallard ducks that waddled about. The lush expanse of green evoked fond memories, but the nostalgia left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

His throat felt dry as he navigated through his cellphone. He scrolled through his contacts and selected a familiar name. With every ring that echoed in his ears, he felt an unrelenting temptation to put his phone down. Before he could back out, the dial tone had already stopped.

"Hello?"

"H-Hey Tsukki," he greeted. "Can you come over here to the park?"

"Why?" the other boy replied, his voice sounding raspy. "Do you want me to bring jogging clothes?"

"Huh? No," he answered. "Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah. I think I fell asleep after eating."

"Oh. Okay," Yamaguchi nodded. "Well, I just wanted to sit around for a bit."

Tsukishima was silent for a moment. Yamaguchi wondered if the other had fallen back to sleep. Before the freckled boy could speak, Tsukishima replied, "If we're meeting at the park, then what about our dinner?"

"I'll buy us something to eat."

"Huh," Tsukishima droned. "Are you sure?"

Yamaguchi turned to the sky. A streak of gold shone through the clouds, and a small flock of birds swiftly sped towards the other side of the park. "You haven't bathed yet, have you?"

"...No. I haven't."

Yamaguchi pursed his lips. "Go take a shower."

"I'll just go change —"

"No. Go shower," Yamaguchi replied sternly. "Don't worry, I'll wait for you."

"...Okay," Tsukishima answered almost inaudibly.

"Let me know when you reach the station, okay? Please remember to call me."

"I will."

"I'll see you later, then," the dark-haired boy murmured.

"See you, Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima had put down the call before the freckled boy could say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter to finish. I had to readjust to a new work schedule, so my usual writing routine was thrown into a disarray. I also got pretty lazy hehe and I was close to scrapping this chapter altogether. Chapter 157 of the manga was more than enough to renew me, though. I want to punch Tsukishima in the gut, but I also want to comb my fingers through his gravity-defying hair. Hmm!! Anyway, I'll try to execute my ideas in a more satisfying way in the upcoming chapters. I'm sorry this one was kinda uneventful in the end, but I guess it's a much-needed break from the first chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!~ ^__^


	3. Gamble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ  
> thank you for reading!!!!! your comments and messages always make me feel all fuzzy inside T__T

The shower did little to clear up his mind. The water failed to wash away his worries, and the soap didn’t cleanse him of his guilt. His thoughts remained a fogged up mirror, his reflection distorted by the steam and confusion.

His skin felt prickly — awash with a cool sensation from the mint of his soap, marred with trails of red from the coarseness of his bath sponge. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom. He stopped by an end table to retrieve his eyeglasses, but he chose not to wear them immediately. Instead, he weighed them in his hands as he entered his room, and he set the black frames atop his desk.

The room was chilled from the air conditioner’s leftover crispness. From his dresser, he picked out a shirt and turned it inside out. He tucked his hands through the red sleeves and flipped the shirt over, wriggling his head through the opening. The fabric smelled of powder and citrus, and he folded up the sleeves once to make up for its awkward length. He spritzed on some perfume and the scent of bergamot mixed in the air, its peppery fragrance reminiscent of the Earl Grey tea that spoiled his palate just that morning.

Droplets trailed down the side of his face, the moisture pattering to and from every which corner of his body. The dampness caused his hair to straighten, the tips sticking to his forehead and tickling the shell of his ear. He rubbed a towel against his head and willed away the memory of rain.

He grabbed his wallet and keys, unlocking his phone to check the time before pocketing it with the rest of his belongings. He mindlessly combed through his blond locks, only half-caring whether the bristles scraped too harsh against his scalp.

He poured himself a glass of water before he made his way out the apartment door. The humidity hit him like a crashing wave, and as he traversed the streets, he felt as though he’d hurtled himself against a raging current.

The crowd during the rush hour was no joke. Each time the train came to a stop, the blond felt some temporary relief. Just when he thought he could finally have some wriggling room, more commuters pooled in to fill each space that the train coach had to offer. It was by sheer willpower that he managed to strategically position himself at a corner that allowed for easy transitioning when it was his turn to alight.

Once he’d steered himself out onto the train platform, he took out his phone. The small device barely weighed much, but with each character he keyed in, he felt a growing burden on his shoulders. He mechanically paced through the station as he waited for the dial tone to click.

Despite all his mental preparation, he was still caught off guard by the voice on the other end of the line.

“Ah, Tsukki, are you at Ueno?”

“Yeah, I just arrived,” the blond said as he made his way through the turnstiles. He walked towards his usual exit gate as he said, “Where am I supposed to meet you, anyway?”

“Just stay where you are,” the other replied.

“Huh?” Tsukishima asked.

The blushing sunset bruised from the dark purple clouds, a flash of yellow filtering through its spaces. In the distance, he spotted a familiar outline. The other boy's frame easily towered above the people around him. There was a small smile on his freckled face as he put down his phone and walked towards Tsukishima.

“Thanks for coming here,” Yamaguchi said when he was close enough for Tsukishima to hear.

The dark-haired boy stood a few steps away from the blond, and the proximity made Tsukishima’s heart race. Whether or not it was a pleasant sort of high was something Tsukishima couldn’t quite place.

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima replied. It sounded almost robotic, the words rolling off his tongue from instinct rather than from careful decision. The blond clenched his teeth.

Yamaguchi nodded, face solemn as he wordlessly urged Tsukishima to follow him towards the park’s pathways. The silence accompanied their steps. When they neared one of the benches, Yamaguchi had asked if the blond wanted to take a seat.

“I think I’d rather walk around,” Tsukishima replied.

“Okay,” Yamaguchi smiled. “I thought you’d much rather sit down.”

“I guess I normally would, but I didn’t get to move around much this afternoon,” Tsukishima shrugged. "Did you want to talk about something?"

"Well," Yamaguchi paused. “There’s that, but I guess I wanted to look at the sunset with you, too."

"It's a good thing I remembered to put on my eyeglasses, then," Tsukishima blurted, immediately regretting his tone. In his mind, he repeated to himself that he needed to choose his words better.

Yamaguchi looked thoughtful as he stared at the ground. "Why weren't you wearing them last night, anyway?"

"I wasn't thinking properly," Tsukishima admitted.

"How did you even know where you were going?"

"I didn't. Not really,” he confessed. "I just started running.”

“That's kind of dangerous.”

“I guess,” the blond agreed. “I just didn't want to lose y— lose track of you."

Yamaguchi kept his head hung low.

Tsukishima pursed his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” the freckled boy whispered.

They neared the end of a fork in the road, their footsteps eventually gravitating to the path leading towards the edge of the park.

“When will you be back?”

“In a few weeks,” Tsukishima replied. “I’d probably be in Miyagi until the end of September.”

“So far away,” the dark-haired boy commented. The wilting intonation of his voice made it sound like a half-hearted question. "They’re letting you take a leave for such a long time?”

"I'm not getting any pay for it, if that's what you're asking,” Tsukishima shrugged. “I actually meant to quit. My supervisor just told me that they'd keep the position for me. In the end, I just filed for a leave.”

"You must be doing a pretty good job if they'd offered to do that for you."

"I can't say. The museum needs all the extra hands right now.”

"Ah, for the renovation, you mean?" Yamaguchi asked, nodding in understanding. "When you’re back in Tokyo, where will you be staying?"

Tsukishima gazed at the branches that hung overhead. “I haven’t really figured it out.”

Yamaguchi stared at the other boy. His eyes held a certain curiosity that showed that he wanted to say something in response. When he opened his mouth, the monotone of his words were a total disconnect from the expression of his face.

“I see.”

They walked in silence. The heavy air fanned their faces a few moments after a group of rowdy teenagers sped past their direction.

“So, uh, how was your day?”

“Oh. Mine?” Yamaguchi stammered. “Well, work was fine, I guess.”

He looked at the other boy patiently. “Nothing interesting happened?”

“Not exactly,” the freckled boy shrugged, but there was a hint of a smile on his face. “Although one of the kids did ask why the Earth didn’t have a ring around it.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I didn’t get the chance to respond, actually.”

“Why not?”

Yamaguchi turned towards Tsukishima, his lips pursed in a cautious line as he observed the other boy. “Eh, some other student just piped up and said, ‘If we ever got a ring, it’d just be full of satellites and astronauts’ shit.’”

“Good point,” he nodded. Tsukishima kept his eyes forward. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to laugh.

They walked along the outskirts of the park, where the leaves brushed against steel and the shrubs sprouted out of cement. It was mostly quiet, as though even the birds were listening in to their conversation.

“Ah, but I met with Yachi today, though. We went out for lunch and all,” Yamaguchi whispered. There was something suspicious about the way he spoke that it caused Tsukishima to look at him, but the freckled boy turned away the moment their eyes met.

"Did something bad happen?"

"No, not really. She was excitable as always," the dark-haired boy replied. “Don't worry, I didn't tell her about your problem."

"Thanks," he said quietly.

Yamaguchi hummed in acknowledgement. He cleared his throat as he shifted his gaze to something far off in the distance. "I told her some other things, though. She asked if we broke up."

"Huh,” Tsukishima said, eyes widening slightly.

Yamaguchi started dropping his pace, and Tsukishima didn’t feel like moving quickly either. He wasn’t even sure if he could feel his limbs, but he was somehow able to continue walking.

"What was your answer?" the blond asked.

"I didn't really know what to say," Yamaguchi replied. "Did we?"

"I don't know, but," the blond trailed off.

"But what?"

"I've been thinking about it."

"Oh,” Yamaguchi nodded. He stopped in his tracks. The two of them had reached a curve in the road, with motorcycles and cars occasionally passing them. He turned to Tsukishima, his voice trembling as he asked, “Is that what you want?"

Tsukishima had been staring at the ground, briefly noting how the leaves quivered in the wind. He gradually raised his gaze to meet Yamaguchi’s eyes, and the other boy looked back at him with an intensity that made him feel acid in his gut. “I'm not sure," the blond answered. "We practically won't see each other for five months."

"I know," Yamaguchi said with a forced smile. "I kind of want it to be over already."

"You should go and make the most of your time in Germany,” Tsukishima replied.

"I guess,” the other boy replied slowly. "But what are you even trying to say?"

Tsukishima pursed his lips. He stared at the other boy intently, and while he attempted to convey his thoughts telepathically, the confusion on Yamaguchi’s face never left. “Five months is a long time," he said slowly, "and, what if... you know..."

"What if...?" Yamaguchi urged.

The blond felt his chest tighten. He brought his hands before his body and entwined his fingers together. "Well, what if you'd like to concentrate on your studies more?"

"Tsukki, this wouldn't be the first time I'd be pursuing both an education and a relationship at the same time.”

"But it's sure to get tough," Tsukishima mumbled. "And with the difference in timezones, it'd be really difficult for us to even communicate."

"I thought I was the one who worried too much?" Yamaguchi said with a strained laugh.

"The last thing I want to do is distract from your goals.”

"That's impossible," Yamaguchi frowned. "You're the reason why I even have the guts to go back to school in the first place."

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said with a shake of his head. "I just don't want you to think that you have an obligation to be with me right now."

"It's not an obligation."

“But I don’t want to bring you down with me."

"You talk as though I view you as a burden just because you have problems that you're dealing with."

"You don't?"

Yamaguchi shook his head. "No."

"But what if you’d start to think differently,” Tsukishima continued. “What if you'd meet someone who —"

“Do you even believe what you’re saying?" Yamaguchi interrupted. He sounded more concerned rather than harsh. “Do you think we’d be better off if we broke up?”

The street lights flickered on. Tsukishima gave a cursory glance to the sky that had lost its vivid colour. He breathed in deeply.

“I don't actually want to leave you."

Yamaguchi was silent. The more time that passed, the more genuine his smile appeared.

“I don't want to leave you, either, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima felt conflicted. It must have shown on the blond's face, since Yamaguchi's expression grew somber as the crease in his brow deepened.

“What’s wrong?”

He clasped his hands together even tighter. “I'm not even sure if I'd be able to give you what you need right now.”

The two of them were silent for a moment.

Yamaguchi shifted his weight, adjusting his posture and squaring his shoulders slightly. “Tsukki, not once did I get the impression that you didn’t care about me. I’ve come to learn that your actions make up for the words that you don’t always say,” he admitted. “But how about you? Do you doubt my feelings somehow? Am I lacking in some way?”

“No,” the blond replied. He accidentally bit his tongue as he added, "You're enough. I mean, you've been doing enough. More than enough."

“Then trust me on this,” Yamaguchi said firmly, a hint of a smile teasing at the corners of his lips. “I mean, you’re right. It’d be a long time until we see each other again, but we’ve been together for even longer, haven’t we? Rather than thinking about all the ‘What if’s, shouldn’t it be okay to focus on what we already have instead?”

They shook slightly, but Yamaguchi's fingers were much warmer than Tsukishima's. It was a feather of a touch, neither uncomfortable nor forceful in a way that could be considered unpleasant. The tension in the blond's hands began to loosen, and Yamaguchi's grip on him flooded Tsukishima with a familiar warmth.

“I’m just as scared as you are. I’d rather go through all this together with you.”

The blond opened and closed his mouth, speechless. “I—“

“Hey! It’s Yamaguchi!”

The boisterous shout was followed by a softer but higher-pitched greeting. The two almost instantly peeled away from each other despite not having much contact in the first place. Tsukishima reflexively turned towards the source of the commotion, only to find a vaguely familiar vehicle parked by his side. However, he was no stranger to the two heads that peeked out of the windows.

“Ah, sorry, did we interrupt anything?” the driver said once they took a good look at Tsukishima’s face. They had one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the car’s radio.

“It’s fine, Yachi,” Tsukishima answered in monotone.

“Where are you guys going?” the freckled boy asked.

“We’re having dinner together! I’ve been texting you about it but you haven’t replied to any of my messages at all,” whined the boy in the back seat.

“Really? You have?” Yamaguchi said as he fumbled through his bag and took out his cellphone. “Oh. Oops. Sorry, Hinata.”

“So, are you joining us or not?” the redhead asked impatiently. "We just got off work, so I'm really hungry."

“I know you have nothing planned on Saturday nights,” Yachi chimed in.

Yamaguchi laughed nervously. He turned to Tsukishima.

"You want to go, don't you?" the bespectacled boy asked in a soft voice.

"But what about you?"

The boy in the passenger seat pouted and glared at them. “Hey, can’t you two hurry up? The light's going to go green any second now.”

“Kageyama, be patient!” Yachi cried.

"Let's just go," Tsukishima shrugged. He opened the back door of the car and guided Yamaguchi inside before stepping in himself. Their knees slightly brushed against one another in the confined space, but he tried not to dwell on it too much.

"What were you guys even doing around here?" Kageyama asked once the other two had settled themselves.

"Uh, nothing much, really. Just taking in the scenery," Yamaguchi answered. The other boy stared at him from the rearview mirror, but said nothing. Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “So, Yachi, where exactly are you taking us?”

“She wouldn’t tell us,” Hinata shrugged.

“Seriously?” Tsukishima said with a raised brow.

“Oh, come on you guys,” Yachi replied. “It’s nowhere suspicious, don’t worry.”

“Well, now it sounds suspicious,” Yamaguchi commented.

“She’s probably going to take us drinking again,” Kageyama shrugged.

“That could work,” Tsukishima agreed. “I mean, why else would she need so many bodyguards with her?”

“Ugh,” Yachi groaned. “Stop ganging up on me! Now I feel like letting you guys pay for your own drinks.”

The car practically shook from how loudly the boys gasped.

“Uwah, you’re paying for us? You’re treating us out?” Hinata asked excitedly.

“What’s the occasion?” asked the boy in the passenger seat.

“I’m stressed, Kageyama. That’s the occasion,” Yachi laughed. “But first, let’s go get something to eat! You guys up for some barbecue?”

 

* * *

 

 

They got caught up in traffic until long after sundown. By the time they arrived at their destination, it was by a stroke of luck that they even managed to find a parking space within a ten meter radius of the food strip.

The restaurant only had outdoor seating left available, but their group was more than willing to take it. The server left each of them a menu, but due to a shortage, they weren’t able to supply one to Tsukishima. The server excused themself to find another menu.

"Are you paying for dinner as well, Yachi?" Tsukishima spoke loudly once the waitstaff returned.

"Stingy! You're the most loaded of us here, how come you never treat us out sometimes?” Hinata spoke up.

From the corner of his eye, Tsukishima caught Yamaguchi glance at him from the opposite side of the table. While Tsukishima disliked sitting next to the loud Hinata, he couldn’t bring himself to sit next to Yamaguchi either.

Hinata continued, "Besides, aren't you going away for a while? When is your farewell party?”

“There is no ‘farewell party’,” Tsukishima droned. “And how the hell did you even find out about that?”

"Tanaka-san told me about your leave," Hinata replied. "He's really sad about it, you know!"

"It's not like I'm going to be gone for a long time."

"Still! You two get along pretty well.”

"Yeah, at my expense," Kageyama groaned.

"Are you still butt hurt about that?" Tsukishima laughed.

"About what?" Yachi and Yamaguchi asked in unison.

"There was this time —"

"Don't say it, Hinata,” Kageyama warned.

"It was Hinata's fault," Tsukishima grinned.

"That leaves a lot to the imagination," Yamaguchi replied.

"Can you two stop smiling at me like that?" Hinata frowned.

"Like what?" the freckled boy asked with a tilt of his head.

"Yeah, the two of them complement each other's movements, don't they?" Yachi agreed.

Hinata grimaced. “Ugh, tell me about it. It happens all the time lately.”

“Really?” Kageyama asked. “I haven’t noticed.”

“It’s not super obvious, to be honest,” Yachi explained. “It’s more like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sort of mimic each other sometimes, like the way their bodies move when they laugh or how they react to things together.”

“That’s the thing! It’s super creepy,” Hinata agreed.

Yamaguchi raised his brows. “Eh…”

 

 

“Yamaguchi, what's so good about being with Tsukishima anyway?" the redhead asked.

Tsukishima tensed. In the brief moment that Yamaguchi glanced at him, the bespectacled boy felt his heart sink down to his stomach and rise back up to his throat. His boyfriend’s cheeks had a warm colour to them, and Tsukishima felt his own face heat up even more.

"Uh, I don't really know," the freckled boy answered. "That question's a little sudden."

"Surely you have some kind of general reason," Kageyama prodded, completely oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Er, I guess, somehow," Yamaguchi began, “it just... you know. It just feels right.”

“Huh…”

Yamaguchi strained to smile. "A-anyway, what was it that happened to Hinata and Kageyama?”

"Hinata put too many items on a display shelf and it ended up collapsing right when Kageyama passed by," Tsukishima retold, equally eager to shift the attention to a different topic.

“Oh no. Did Tanaka-san get mad?” Yachi asked worriedly.

“Uh. Well, he was too busy laughing with Tsukishima to bother doing anything immediately,” Hinata answered.

“What were you even doing there, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi had asked reflexively, and when his and Tsukishima’s eyes met, there was a certain awkwardness to it.

“Ah. I was training some of the new tour guides about some of the products there,” the blond answered.

The girl nodded and turned to Hinata. “There weren’t any customers that got hurt or anything?”

“No. The museum hadn’t opened yet. It took like ten minutes for Tsukishima and Tanaka-san to even regain their composure to help Kageyama,” Hinata continued.

"Why didn't you help me?" Kageyama hissed.

"You looked like you would've murdered me then and there! Your killer intent was too obvious!" Hinata squeaked. "I had to make an exit."

"Dumbass, you basically walked out of doing your own job!"

"Well, at least I'm still alive!" Hinata reasoned.

"I'm surprised you two have managed to keep your jobs for this long," Tsukishima jeered.

"We're not as incompetent as you think, Tsukishima," the red-haired boy frowned.

 

* * *

 

 

They continued chattering as they ate their meals, and soon enough Yachi ordered their first round of beer. Kageyama dejectedly downed a meager bottle of alcohol, having lost the bet that decided the designated driver of the night. As the night faded on, Hinata and Yachi began slurring and laughing at every little thing, their mouths set in permanent grins. Their noise and nonsense caused Kageyama to move to sit next to Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi didn’t drink all that much either, not only out of courtesy to accompany Kageyama in his sobriety but also because of his wariness of Tsukishima’s own intake. Although the blond didn’t have too much, he drank them all too quickly in succession. Just as quickly as he began speaking in a frenzy, Tsukishima soon fell silent altogether.

“Did something happen?”

“Huh?” Yamaguchi asked, taken aback by the unexpected question. “Happen with what?”

“He’s more reckless than usual,” Kageyama said as he motioned towards Tsukishima.

“It’s a good thing he passed out before he could cause too much trouble,” Yamaguchi smiled. “Hinata’s a little different tonight, too.”

“Ah, I guess. This morning, he said something about one of his roommates transferring to a university dorm, so he’s been pretty sentimental about it.”

“Who moved out? The one who was into games?”

“No, it’s the guy who was good in cooking.”

“Oh, I see,” Yamaguchi nodded. “I wonder how Hinata’s been fixing his meals, then.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s more concerned about how there’s no one who’d wake him up in the mornings anymore.”

“Why don’t you move in with him, then?” Yamaguchi suggested.

“No way,” Kageyama replied outright. “I see him all day at work already. I don’t think I could stand living with him, too.”

“Is that so?” the freckled boy chuckled.

“Besides, if I did move in with him, I’d rather it’d just be our own place and not have a third party hanging around,” the other mumbled.

Yamaguchi smiled. “Have you talked to him about that?”

Kageyama shook his head. “I don’t think that’s even something on his mind right now. Either way, I think it can wait. I’m fine like this, anyway.”

It was difficult to finally convince Yachi to call it a night and settle the bill. It was an even greater ordeal to lug around three drunks. Kageyama had his hands full from just trying to keep Hinata upright. Yachi excitedly swung around the hand that Yamaguchi held her with, and her forceful tugs were enough to cause the taller boy to lose balance every so often. Tsukishima was thankfully more pacified once it was time to go home, and Yamaguchi only needed to guide him by the arm.

Kageyama unceremoniously dumped Hinata in the passenger seat, letting out an exasperated sigh when he closed the car door. Once everyone had settled themselves in their own seats, he turned up the air conditioning and switched on the radio. Despite Hinata’s attempts at singing along to the radio station’s top hits, Tsukishima’s head began to bob from side to side, in an erratic rhythm that matched the bumps that they met along the road. The blond felt his eyes burn each time he tried to blink.

“Hey,” Yamaguchi whispered. Tsukishima slowly turned towards him. The dark-haired boy smiled as he teased, “Are you okay? You look kinda tired.”

“I am,” he agreed.

Yamaguchi scooted closer. Yachi had dozed off on his lap, and his movements caused her to grumble. The freckled boy wrapped his arm around Tsukishima and pulled the other boy towards him instead. He let Tsukishima lay his head against his shoulder.

“Rest a little. I’ll wake you up later.”

Yamaguchi’s shirt smelled of sweat and secondhand smoke, and his body radiated with a heat that Tsukishima associated with home. Tsukishima readjusted his body to better angle himself against the other boy, practically nuzzling his nose deeper into Yamaguchi’s shirt in the process. The freckled boy tensed from the gesture. Tsukishima meant to move away, but as the car made a stop before a traffic light, Yamaguchi began to pat his blond hair in light strokes.

Tsukishima closed his eyes. Sleep came easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tldr of what i posted on [tumblr](http://yankasmiles.tumblr.com/post/119595296601): i'll be introducing some new characters soon! i already have a few in mind, but if there's anyone in particular that you'd like to see (or maybe even the notps you'd rather not see,) please do let me know~ 
> 
> this fic will still be very much tsukkiyama-centric, but i really want to develop more interpersonal relationships! having tsukkiyam's lives revolve around just one another seems pretty unrealistic and hella unhealthy, and i also want to try out how i'd fare writing other hq characters… we're already so far into the story but i still feel the urge to keep experimenting and challenging myself uuu i'm only 50% sorry for being so self-indulgent with this series :^) thank you so much for reading despite this tendency of mine!!


	4. Fuel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This time, I'll be sure to bring you happiness." - Kaworu Nagisa, Neon Genesis Evangelion
> 
> :-)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3 <3 <3

Under the sheets, his knees lightly brushed against the skin of his hungover roommate. In grunts and whispers, they spoke of friends and drunken escapades, of “Did I say anything weird?” and, “You’ve said weirder things while sober.”

“How come I’ve never seen you drunk?” the other boy asked.

He made a face before replying, “Let’s keep it that way.”

In those rare occasions where they were both conscious at the same time, they engaged in brief conversations. How’s work? Do you want some water? Are you sure I didn’t miss anything good while I was passed out? They talked about nothing that held importance, but there was something about their proximity that left a warm impression.

That Sunday passed in a blur and they spent too much of it in bed, but it didn’t feel like such a waste. Not to the two of them, at least.

The two days after were mere replications of themselves. He got up early and stayed at work until the afternoons, and after a light snack he’d make his way to a gymnasium to meet up with his teammates. They were set to have a match the following week, but practices were still enjoyable rather than a mere toil. He’d play until late into the night, arriving home to dinner that he’d need to heat up with the microwave. On the first night, he managed to muster up the courage to ask his roommate to join him at the table. On the second, the other boy was already waiting for him when he got home. Conversations were a bit easier for them now, but he’d grown exhausted of the leftover tenseness.

The days were trickling away. Time seemed to be slipping through his fingers. He needed to do something…

He stared at the idle clouds. Slate grey skies and crisp winds welcomed him when he exited the train station. Thick straps weighed down his shoulders as he walked through his neighborhood, and a nudge against his lower back punctuated each step that he took. As he lost himself in reverie, he found himself slogging through a puddle on the sidewalk. He tapped his shoe on the front step of his apartment building to rid his soles of some of the mud and moisture. The discordant rapping caused a soft lump to stir. It curled up into itself and let out a quiet purr.

The urge was too strong.

He squatted before it, careful not to sit too close. The cat’s left eye shone a crystal blue, but its right was a rich gold. The boy carefully lifted his hand, inching his fingers towards its alluring saffron coat. He shifted his gaze from the cat’s whiskers to the freckles that specked his own skin. Slowly, surely, he reached out to it. He calculated his movements, until he finally —

There was a glint in the feline’s eyes. It was familiar to him — a bitter, repressed memory brought to the forefront of his mind by the way the cat tensed its muscles and bared its teeth. It was muscle memory, the way he instinctively drew back his arm and swiftly darted away, his legs jumping up the stairs two steps at a time. He wasted no time scrambling for his keys and unlocking his apartment, and he shut the door behind him using the body weight he’d slammed against it. He tried to catch his breath in a calm manner, but the fear that surged through his veins was too real to conceal.

His temples continued to throb as he made a beeline for his bedroom, but as he stood before the door, it was only then that he regained the feeling in his other senses.

The first to register was his sight — ah, he still had his shoes on. He figured that he would need to return to the apartment’s entryway to take them off.

As the dryness of his mouth began to sink in, he almost felt like laughing. It was a cat! It was just a cat. He was so much larger than it. It looked so tender and welcoming too, but those fangs and those claws caused a sting…

He’d noticed the sound last, but it immediately captured all his attention. Everything else turned into a second priority.

He needed to confirm his suspicions. With each step he made across the living room, the louder the noise became. He stealthily switched on the lights in the hallway and wiped the sweat off his hands before turning the doorknob of their shared bedroom.

The room had been rid of whatever few possessions littered it. The shelves were empty and a majority of the cabinets’ contents were packed away into a single luggage bag, which was a large maroon case that lay open in the middle of the space. Other things lay helplessly atop the futon, most likely for future categorizing or for disposing.

His focus shifted to the junk on the floor, and eventually to the bespectacled blond that stood tall amidst the mess.

His roommate had his eyes fixed to the ground, and his one hand held onto a broomstick while the other readjusted the headphones against his ears. It was impossible to hear what sort of music he was playing, but it was easy to take a guess.

The freckled boy had heard it before, belted out in the same garbled yet sharp tone that was in no way melodious. He’d only managed to catch previews of whatever managed to escape the bathroom’s walls, and regrettably he’d never sat through an entire performance.

The other boy continued to sweep, bobbing their head slightly to the beat only he could hear. It was unavoidable that he would raise his gaze once he had finished gathering dust into a dustpan. When their eyes met, the blond’s jaw dropped. He’d almost thrown off his eyeglasses from how quickly he pulled down his headphones.

“H-how long have you been there, Yamaguchi?”

“I just got here,” he replied.

“I thought you weren’t going to be back until late in the evening.”

“Yeah. I forgot to pack some extra clothes, so I had to stop by.”

The other boy rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, “Oh. Okay.”

Yamaguchi clenched his jaw. When that proved useless, he started biting his lower lip. “You’d rather let the neighbors hear but not me?”

The bespectacled boy frowned. “Was I really singing that loud?”

“Don’t worry, Tsukki. Your voice is,” Yamaguchi paused. He mindlessly tucked stray locks of hair behind his ear, and he couldn’t contain the teasing smile on his lips when he finally thought of an appropriate word — “endearing.”

Tsukishima’s eyes reflexively followed Yamaguchi’s movements, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. “Hey,” he whispered. “What happened to your hand?”

“Oh, this? It’s nothing serious,” Yamaguchi said as he waved his hand in the air. “One of the cats just scratched me.”

“What?” Tsukishima asked, eyes widening. “Have you cleaned it yet?”

“Uh, no, it’s just a little —“

The broom fell to the floor with a thud.

He felt a tight grip on his wrist. The force pulled him forwards, and before he could even process what was happening, he had already been shoved into the bathroom.

“W-wait! I still have my shoes on!”

“That’s not important right now!”

Tsukishima brought the freckled boy’s hand under the tap. As the water beat down on it, the blond meticulously assessed the redness of the skin by Yamaguchi’s knuckles.

“Who did this to you?”

Tsukishima had said it plainly, but his choice of words caused Yamaguchi to smile.

“It was that old one.”

“Orange?”

“Yeah, the one with heterochromia.”

Tsukishima shook his head. He instructed Yamaguchi to thoroughly wash his hands with soap, and the bespectacled boy walked over to a cabinet to retrieve some ointment.

“Didn’t the landlord warn you about that cat?”

“He did,” Yamaguchi replied dejectedly as Tsukishima handed him a towel, which the freckled boy used to wipe his hands. “The neighbors even told me their own horror stories.”

“Then why didn’t you listen to them?” the blond grumbled. He asked whether it was okay for him to apply the medicine for the other boy, and after Yamaguchi nodded in response, Tsukishima carefully salved the boy’s wound.

Yamaguchi grimaced. “It was silent and half-asleep, so I thought it wouldn’t mind me.”

“It was half-asleep?” Tsukishima said with a squint of his eyes. “You shouldn’t have bothered it. The cat probably thought you were going to attack it.”

“You seem awfully knowledgeable about this,” Yamaguchi commented. “Has this sort of thing happened to you before?”

“Well, it almost did,” Tsukishima answered. He paused to twist the lid back onto the ointment’s tube. “My brother pushed me out of it just in time.”

“Oh,” Yamaguchi nodded. He adjusted the straps of his backpack as he added, “It’s a good thing you didn’t get hurt.”

“Aniki was the one that ended up getting stitches from the scratches and bites,” Tsukishima shrugged. He opened the door of the bathroom and waited for Yamaguchi to walk out before he stepped into the hallway himself.

The freckled boy showed a look of horror. “What did you even do to the cat to make it get so agitated?”

“Nothing,” the blond droned. “I was just messing with its kittens, but I guess their mom didn’t like that.”

The freckled boy frowned. “Were you unsatisfied with children that you started picking fights with animals as well?”

“What?” Tsukishima chuckled. “No.”

It was a sight he’d seen many times before, an image he saw constantly whenever he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Yamaguchi’s chest tightened because of it, but his quickened heartbeat felt pleasant.

 

 

It had been a while since he’d seen Tsukishima smile like that. His memory of it didn’t do it justice.

Yamaguchi let out a little snicker himself. “It must be nice knowing that cats like you now, huh?”

“Hmm? How so?”

“Well, at least they actually approach you,” Yamaguchi pointed out. “They don’t seem to mind being held by you, either.”

“Eh, I guess,” Tsukishima shrugged. “We had a lot of strays passing through our back yard, so my brother eventually taught me how to deal with them.”

The freckled boy perked up. “Teach me some time.”

“Huh?”

“Teach me how to play with cats,” Yamaguchi repeated.

“Okay…?” the blond said with a confused expression.

Yamaguchi stared at the other boy. He fumbled with the straps on his shoulders as he said, “Hey, why don’t you come to practice with me today?”

The other boy shook his head. “I wouldn’t be able to play during the games, so what’s the point?”

“Just stop over to say hi, I guess. Kuroo-san’s been asking about you, you know.”

Tsukishima’s lips were set in a straight line. “Really. Are you sure you should even be going?”

“This hardly counts as an injury. It isn’t even deep,” Yamaguchi dismissed. “I’ve had much worse. When I was a kid, I used to get roughed up by cats a lot.”

“Huh. That’s kind of sad.”

“It is, so you better teach me, all right?”

“That’s starting to sound like a demand,” Tsukishima said, a small smile on his lips.

It only encouraged Yamaguchi to widen his grin. “If it was a demand, would you do it?”

“Yamaguchi, I already agreed to do it for you. What more do you want?”

“I want to have no more scratches on my body. Ever.”

Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi, eventually glancing away.

“What?”

“It’s nothing,” the blond replied.

Yamaguchi frowned. The soured mood concerned him. “You looked like you wanted to say something.”

“Uh. It was just a thought. It’s not even important.”

“Ok,” the freckled boy nodded. “Please tell me anyway.”

Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi. He blinked his eyes slowly and tensed his jaw. “No scratches on your body. Ever.”

It was a statement, but at the same time it hung in the air as though it baited for an answer.

Where the colour had left Tsukishima, Yamaguchi earned a flush in his cheeks.

“Oh. Uh… W-well,” Yamaguchi stammered. His mind flashed with images of steam and skin and shower water. “I just w-want to get better with cats, or, er, something…”

“Right,” the blond whispered. “You’re right…”

The two looked anywhere but at one another.

“You know what, I’m sorry for forcing that out of you, Tsukki,” the freckled boy said as he shook his head. “I’ll try not to do that again next time.”

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima droned. He kept his eyes glued to his feet as he said, “Could you wait for a bit? I’ll just go prepare my things.”

“Ah. You’ll come with me to practice?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Yamaguchi replied. “Take your time. I’ll just be in the living room.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “Uh. Do you want me to prepare your practice clothes for you, then?”

“N-no, that’s all right, I can get them myself,” Yamaguchi spluttered. He stumbled on his own shoes as he walked towards his bedroom, laughing nervously as he said, “Thanks for reminding me about that.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tsukishima rubbed his palms against one another. Yamaguchi trailed closely behind the blond, and the freckled boy had his own hands tucked neatly inside the pockets of a light jacket. They talked about the odd weather and how it ruined their shoes. It was overcast as the two of them walked to the train station, the cold of their fingertips longing for the warmth the other would’ve been able to provide. Neither of them mentioned this.

They squeezed themselves into the coach, and the view outside the windows showed turbulent clouds looming overhead. After switching train lines and hopping onto a bus, they arrived at a neighborhood sports complex that they’d never been to before. Yamaguchi quickly phoned their group leader for directions, and Ennoshita was kind enough to personally escort them to where they were practicing.

“It’s been a while since you’ve played, hasn’t it?”

The question was aimed at Tsukishima, but Yamaguchi was quick to answer for the other boy.

“Yeah, he hasn’t been feeling well.”

“Oh, is that why I haven’t seen you around school all that much either?”

The freckled boy was silent at this, and it appeared as though Tsukishima had been waiting for the other to respond for him. In the end, the blond said nothing.

It wasn’t so much a building but more of a covered court, and the practice area had a high ceiling and fully functional basketball hoops stowed away at a corner. There were bleachers by one side, and apart from a few bystanders and a couple of misshapen bags, it was mostly empty.

The two of them were left to do their warmups on their own. After several laps around the quadrangle, they went about their stretching routines.

“I’ll be taking Yamaguchi in my team,” the team captain announced once the two latecomers were through with their light exercises.

“Oh? I was almost certain you’d choose Tsukishima-kun, Kuroo,” Ennoshita commented.

“Whatever could have given you that idea?” the other boy joked in a dramatic tone.

“Well, you keep talking about him lately.”

“Isn’t it normal to worry about a teammate who hasn’t trained in a long time?”

“I’m sure Tsukki would still be able to play well, Kuroo-san,“ Yamaguchi piped up as he walked over to his group’s half of the court.

“Oh?” Kuroo said with a quirk of his lips. “You sound pretty confident about that, Yamaguchi. He’s probably gotten rusty from how much he’s been skipping practice.”

“Ah, maybe so,” Yamaguchi shrugged, a playful smile on his face. He happily accepted the volleyball that was passed to him, and he walked over to the rear guard to speak with another one of his teammates.

“Are you with me or against me?” Tsukishima murmured jokingly. He stared at the freckled boy that stood on the other side of the net.

“Does it matter? He’ll still be fighting together with you, right?” Ennoshita said softly as he placed a hand on Tsukishima’s back. “…I mean, as a teammate. At the end of the day you’re on the same team. Uh,” the boy frowned. “Hey, Yamaguchi.”

“Yeah?” the freckled boy called back. He walked up to the net, and the volleyball in his hands seemed to glisten in the lighting.

“Are you sure Tsukishima’s feeling better now? He’s a little red.”

“Eh? Uh, I don’t know. He seemed fine earlier today, Ennoshita-san,” the freckled boy said.

“It’s nothing,” Tsukishima grumbled.

“You should go to your position then, Yamaguchi,” Kuroo said plainly.

It wasn’t long until the sound of a whistle pierced the air.

It took a while for Tsukishima to get reacquainted with his limbs. Days, weeks, and months of lethargy caused his muscles to weaken, and although he’d accompanied Yamaguchi on some of his morning jogs, it was nothing compared to the strain of physical activity. His mind was alert, but his body lagged behind.

“Be mindful your form, Tsukishima. Take note about how you land, too.”

“Yes,” the blond droned.

“Eh? You don’t seem all that enthusiastic today,” the captain frowned. The team had decided to take a water break after their first set, and the two of them stood by the edge of the service line. “Has Yamaguchi’s plays gotten you all starstruck?”

“No,” Tsukishima spat.

“Ah, so you’ve just gotten bad at playing volleyball then?”

“It’s only been a year since I last played.”

“That’s a long time,” Kuroo commented. “I bet you couldn’t block even half of my spikes today.”

“Are you challenging me?” Tsukishima asked.

“Eh, do you even have the energy to keep up with me? You already had trouble defending against me this set,” he said with a grin.

The blond squinted at the other boy.

Kuroo only smiled wider.

The team captain had managed to rile up Tsukishima to the point that the blond moved around the court if only to spite the other boy. Despite his inevitable slip ups, Yamaguchi constantly called out to him. Cheers of “Nice, Tsukki!” and “Don’t mind it, Tsukki!” echoed in his ears, the freckled boy’s voice somehow overpowering that of the others around them.

“Which side are you on, Yamaguchi?” Kuroo jokingly asked, but nobody really commented on it.

It was hard to see it through the net, but the brief glimpses that Tsukishima got of it was enough to affect him as well. The freckled boy’s smile was just infectious.

The storm grew violent as they neared the end of their second set, sweat trailing down their skin as though they’d run through the downpour themselves. It was a close fight, mostly thanks to the balls Ennoshita managed to recover for his team. When their match was through, it was only then that the rain started to settle.

Yamaguchi ran to the other side of the court to slap Tsukishima’s back. “You played well, Tsukki!”

“We lost this time, though.”

“That doesn’t matter,” the freckled boy replied.

The two of them did their cool down stretches together. After they’d changed their shirts and Tsukishima left to refill his water bottle, Ennoshita approached Yamaguchi by the bleachers.

“Thanks for coming over today. Would you be able to join the next session this Saturday?”

“I’ll try,” Yamaguchi said. “Tsukki wouldn’t be able to make it, though. He’d be visiting his family by then.”

“Oh. Maybe we could try moving the practice date, then.”

“Ah, no, that’s fine. He’s leaving in two days anyway,” the freckled boy replied.

“When is he coming back?”

“Eh, maybe at the start of the next semester? I’m not really sure —“

“You guys are talking about school, too? Man, I’m really not looking forward to the next semester,” Kuroo said as he sat down next to Yamaguchi. “I got the worst possible professor for my English class. I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail.”

“You could ask for help from Tsukishima, then. He’s pretty good in it,” Ennoshita replied.

“Oh, is he?” Kuroo commented with a raised brow. In the distance, the group spotted the blond walking back towards them. Once the other boy was within earshot, Kuroo shouted, “Hey, Tsukishima! Would you tutor me?”

The blond scoffed as he unzipped his bag and retrieved a face towel. “Huh? Why would I?”

“What do you think, Yamaguchi?” Ennoshita asked.

“Eh? I’m horrible with English.”

“Oh? That’s too bad,” Kuroo pouted.

“I see, but I was actually asking you to help persuade Tsukishima,” the other boy murmured.

“Huh…”

“Tsukki does seem like he’d listen to what Yamaguchi says most of the time, huh?” Kuroo commented.

“What proof do you even have?” Tsukishima said with a frown, much too flustered to correct the nickname that the older boy had used.

“It’s written all over your face,” Ennoshita replied.

“Remember how Tsukishima was like during his birthday?” Kuroo added. “He was smashed but he was still wrapped around Yamaguchi’s finger.”

Ennoshita nodded. “Shouldn’t it be your birthday soon? Will you be throwing another party?”

“No,” the bespectacled boy answered. “I wouldn’t be in Tokyo by then.”

“Oh, are you two going somewhere?”

The two boyfriends traded anxious looks.

“You know what, let’s not embarrass the children any more, Kuroo,” Ennoshita smiled.

The older boy shrugged. “Fine. I’m playing with some friends tomorrow. Nothing serious, but we could use a few more players,” Kuroo relayed. “We’re meeting at Tamachi station at five. You’re free to come.”

“I think I’d be able to go,” Ennoshita replied. He turned to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and asked, “How about you guys?”

The two looked at each other once more. Yamaguchi attempted to stifle his grin as he replied, “We’ll think about it.”

“Come on, you should go. You guys live so close to the venue, it’s practically within walking distance,” the older boy said. “We’re even thinking of going to the karaoke afterwards.”

“We’ll let you know, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima replied. “No need to rush us.”

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

 

The skies were calm by the time they arrived in Shinagawa station, limbs tired and stomachs hungry from their trip. They’d barely made their way to the turnstiles when the blond hissed out a curse.

“What is it? Did you lose something?” Yamaguchi asked, slightly panicked.

“No, I just remembered that I aired out the pillows this afternoon. They’re probably still soaked by now.”

“You left them out for sun-drying in this kind of weather?” the freckled boy inquired.

“It was pretty warm this morning.”

“You left them out for the whole day?”

“I forgot about it, okay,” Tsukishima frowned as he walked out of the station.

Yamaguchi lightly jogged to catch up to the other boy. “Well, did you have fun today anyway?”

“I don’t know.”

The freckled boy pouted.

“Fine,” Tsukishima sighed. “Maybe I did.”

The freckled boy tried not to look so self-satisfied, but he felt his steps become lighter. “What do you think, Tsukki? Should we go with Kuroo-san tomorrow?”

“Would you like to go?”

“I don’t know. That’s up to you,” Yamaguchi answered. “Have you finished packing all your stuff already?”

“I don’t have a lot of things, so that’s not going to be a problem,” Tsukishima shrugged.

“I guess so,” the freckled boy agreed.

The streets weren’t as busy as they usually were. Although it had already passed, the rain had urged people to move indoors, and the few that mingled in the streets all sported jackets and held onto closed umbrellas.

“Did you have something else planned for tomorrow?” Tsukishima asked when they neared their apartment building.

“Oh. Uh, not really,” Yamaguchi said a little too loudly, as though he had been spurred from a daydream. “I guess it would be nice to just stay at home.”

“Then let’s stay at home.”

“But you’re always at home lately. It’d be nice for the two of us to head out, too.”

“It’s fine. We can do that on another day,” Tsukishima replied. “Tomorrow, let’s just spend time together.”

“Ah. Well. Sure thing, Tsukki,” the freckled boy grinned.

Yamaguchi was careful to avoid the puddles in the ground. When he noticed a cat crossing their path, he instinctively grabbed on to Tsukishima’s hand and murmured, “Don’t forget, okay?”

Tsukishima smiled in response. “We’re not fighting anymore, are we?”

The freckled boy looked into the other’s brown eyes and smiled to himself. “I hope not. It’s hard to stay mad at you.”

They didn’t let go of one another until it was time to unlock their apartment door, and the two of them practically dragged their feet inside.

“I just want to rest!” Yamaguchi groaned as he kicked off his shoes and trudged to the bedroom. “Ack, I forgot that we left this room in such a mess,” he frowned. He motioned to flop down on the futon when he felt a light tug on his shirt.

“That’s really dusty right now,” Tsukishima warned. “We should clean up first.”

Yamaguchi grumbled.

“If you don’t want to help, you can sleep on the couch.”

“What? The couch is way too tiny.”

“So change the beddings first. I’ll go get the pillows from the sofa.”

“But Tsukki, I’m tired,” Yamaguchi whined.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Then I’ll put some music on for you.”

“What?”

Tsukishima took out his phone and swiftly played an electronic track. He put one hand on his hip as he looked at Yamaguchi.

“Oh no. Seriously? Right now?” Yamaguchi asked disbelievingly, a confused smile stretching across his face. “Aren’t you exhausted?”

“If you dance, you’ll forget about how tired you are. Didn’t you say so yourself?”

“When did I ever say that?” Yamaguchi laughed. “Tsukki, let go of me! My arms are really sore.”

“No way. You have to dance with me,” Tsukishima said as he twirled Yamaguchi around, his own arms aching from the gesture.

Tsukishima held both of the freckled boy’s hands and swayed them around. The blond’s lead was erratic and unsynchronized with the music, but the two of them were laughing too much to bother doing anything about it.

“Enough! Enough, I can’t breathe,” Yamaguchi wheezed as he tugged the other boy’s hands as hard as he could. The momentum caused the two of them to bump against a wall.

“Giving up already?” Tsukishima replied between titters.

Yamaguchi meant to retaliate, but once he’d leveled his breathing, his mind began to think of other things.

It was warm. So warm, his chest felt like it would explode. He squeezed Tsukishima’s hands lightly.

“A smile really does suit you more, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima bit his lower lip in an attempt to suppress his grin, but to no avail. He looked away before saying, “Thank you for today.”

Yamaguchi gently punched the other boy’s arm. “No. Thank you for every day.”

“Every day?” Tsukishima asked. He rubbed his thumb over the fingers that still entwined with his. There was a wrinkle in his brow, but his expression was soft.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi nodded. “Even all the rough days.”

“Was today one of those days?”

“Not at all,” the dark-haired boy replied. “Your song and dance performances made up for it.”

Tsukishima snorted, and his choked back laughter caused Yamaguchi to giggle. Soon enough, they were both chortling to themselves, trying their best to keep steady. They ended up leaning onto one another for support anyway. Tsukishima had curled up against the other boy, forehead resting against Yamaguchi’s chest. The freckled boy struggled to balance both of their weights, and he brought his arms around the other boy.

Their laughter watered down to hiccups, until it was only silence between them. Tsukishima gradually straightened his posture and raised his hands to Yamaguchi’s back, hands grasping clumps of cloth. The absence of words was comforting, almost necessary in order to appreciate the familiar feel of being in the other’s embrace.

Yamaguchi swayed their bodies from side to side, in tune to the low melody that filled the room. When the song changed and the grip that held on to his shirt tensed, the freckled boy stopped moving.

Tsukishima’s voice was faint when he whispered, “I’ll miss you, Yamaguchi.”

“Don’t say that,” the freckled boy said, his throat swiftly closing up to the point that he had to rasp the words. “Don’t say that now, it’d just make it harder for us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. You don’t have to apologize for it, either,” Yamaguchi said as he held onto Tsukishima even tighter. “I’ll really miss you too, Tsukki.”

They stayed like that for a while. Tsukishima gently stepped away from Yamaguchi, but he kept his hands on the other’s waist. “Want me to make dinner for you again, then?”

The freckled boy made a face. “I love you and I’ll probably miss your cooking, but I think we deserve a proper meal tonight.”

The blond chuckled softly. “Fair enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH you'd think that after a month of writing angst, this 'light' chapter would come as a blessing to me. Nah. I conveniently forgot that writing happy things made me feel physically ill… I really procrastinated writing this chapter because of that reason aUUuuuuGh.. timeline-wise, the story has been going pretty slow lately, so i'm going to have to speed things up a little lol expect some experimental chapters in the near future!
> 
> The next chapter might be a little late, since I promised a friend that I would finish a smut oneshot first lol :-) :-)


	5. Sentimental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An announcement: **instead of a weekly schedule, I'm reverting to my one-update-every-ten-days** sort of routine. There may be times when I'd update a little earlier or a little later than that, but this timeframe really gives me space to breathe, so I'll be sticking to it!
> 
> s/o to everyone that left nice messages, comments, and tags on the previous chapters, and thanks as well to all the silent readers out there!! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all of your support and readership, I am immensely grateful!! <3 I was feeling pretty blaurgh and awful and stressed these past two weeks, so I'm sorry for this delayed update!

The low humming of the air conditioning accompanied the soft huffs that escaped the lips of the boy lying next to him. Dried up drool trailed down the other’s freckled cheek and pooled on the scratchy maroon cover of their sofa pillows, its tassels tangling with the fringes of dark hair.

His roommate slept peacefully, looking snug thanks to the the comfort of a blanket. His own body seemed cold and near-numb against the futon. Although disoriented from grogginess, he reached over to tug on the blanket and —

“Oh. Sorry,” he said, voice still rough from sleep. He reflexively placed a hand before his mouth. “Did I wake you?"

"It's fine, Tsukki. I need to get up soon anyway," his roommate replied. He too had his palm by his lips in an attempt to shield from his morning breath. He unwrapped himself from the blanket and offered it to Tsukishima, who wordlessly accepted it.

“Did you sleep well?” Tsukishima asked. His icy feet rubbed against a warm surface under the covers. He felt his body flush with feeling again, and it was mostly because of the heat that radiated from the limbs that entwined with his.

“Hmm? Uh, I guess,” the freckled boy replied with a yawn.

“Would you want some coffee?"

"That would be nice," Yamaguchi said. "But it could wait. Besides, you still look tired, Tsukki. You should go back to sleep.”

“It’s fine.”

Yamaguchi frowned. “Are you sure?”

Tsukishima shrugged. “I can catch up on sleep later.”

“If you say so,” the freckled boy nodded. “I’d rather share the morning with you first, too.”

He exhaled sharply, a hint of warm air teasing at the flesh of his hand. His droopy eyes closed slightly as he said, “Oh?”

“It’s a shame that I have work today,” Yamaguchi continued. “I would’ve wanted to spend the whole day with you.”

“You make it sound so sad.”

“Maybe it is kind of sad,” he whispered. “But don’t worry, I’m happy right now.”

“You’re happy?” Tsukishima repeated.

“Well, a little bit, anyway.”

"Just a little bit?"

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima's face. He mentally traced its lines and dark circles, gaze lingering at the crusted sleep that gathered by the corner of amber eyes.

"Okay," the dark-haired boy smiled behind his open palm, "maybe I'm happier than I thought I was."

"Why the sudden change of mind?"

Yamaguchi stared at the other boy, but remained silent.

“What?” Tsukishima asked.

“I thought the answer would be obvious.”

“I don’t want to make a wrong assumption,” Tsukishima droned.

Yamaguchi brought his free hand to the other’s blond hair, patting it down gently. It was not only soft and light to the touch, but also unruly and rebellious — refusing to smooth out the stubborn tufts that stood out like horns on Tsukishima’s head. It coaxed a chuckle out of Yamaguchi.

“I like it when I'm here with you."

Tsukishima's eyes crinkled even more. Yamaguchi was met with no resistance when he reached over to pry the other's hand away from his mouth, revealing that the blond had been biting his lower lip in the way that he always did when he wanted to keep from smiling too wide.

Tsukishima easily intertwined their fingers. He scooted closer, but Yamaguchi appeared to be hesitant about doing the same.

"Uh, may I...?"

"Oh. Uh. It's gotten kind of warm,” the freckled boy pointed out.

"The AC should start cooling up again in about a minute,” Tsukishima replied. "Or would you rather not...?'

"No, no, it’s fine,” Yamaguchi said as he vigorously shook his head. “You can stay in my arms for as long as you'd like!"

The laughter that escaped Tsukishima’s lips were drowned out by the loud ringing of Yamaguchi’s phone.

“Oops,” the freckled boy squeaked as he grabbed the phone under his pillow, rushing to silence the notification.

"Uh. Well,” the blond paused to clear his throat. “How about that coffee?"

“Ah,” Yamaguchi rushed, tugging on Tsukishima’s shirt as he spoke. “That was just my first alarm, so there’s still some time for us to—”

Tsukishima chuckled. “Okay.”

Yamaguchi smiled, embarrassed. He wrapped his arms around Tsukishima and snuggled up to him. It felt like the most natural thing to do. He rubbed his hand up and down the other’s back, careful not to put in too much pressure.

“Your body must be sore, huh, Tsukki?”

“Maybe.”

“Yesterday, you kind of overexerted yourself while playing.”

“Hmm,” Tsukishima murmured. “Just a little bit.”

“I guess we really wouldn’t be going with Kuroo-san today,” Yamaguchi commented.

“You know it’s fine for you to go alone if you really want to play, right?”

“No way,” Yamaguchi frowned.

Tsukishima readjusted himself in the embrace. “Why not?”

“On any other day I might have considered it, but not today,” he hushed. Yamaguchi rested his chin by the top of Tsukishima’s head, ruffling his fingers through blond hair as he added, “You’re leaving tomorrow. Why would I spend today with anyone else but you?”

Tsukishima gripped Yamaguchi’s shirt tighter. The two of them lay still, rubbing noses against skin and tracing patterns against spines every now and then to signal that they were still awake.

Yamaguchi swallowed the lump in his throat, but his voice still shook as he spoke. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work today.”

“You should go,” was Tsukishima’s silent reply.

“I know,” he said, holding Tsukishima closer, his lips smashing against the other’s scalp. He breathed in deeply before moving away, far enough to see Tsuksihima’s face, but close enough that they still had an arm wrapped around each other. He covered his mouth again. “Keep in touch, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You don’t have to talk to me all the time. I know that might get inconvenient for you,” Yamaguchi explained, his eyes darting to and away from Tsukishima’s. “Just every night is fine. Or whenever you feel like it. It’s up to you.”

Tsukishima glanced away briefly. “You should call me sometimes, too.”

The dark-haired boy nodded. “Of course!”

The blond slid his hands down to the dip of Yamaguchi’s waist. The freckled boy acknowledged the gesture with a small smile, and Tsukishima began to rub reassuring circles against the other boy’s shirt.

“I guess the whole cat thing is going to be a priority for us later.”

Yamaguchi grinned. “It’s a good thing you remember.”

“You kept talking about it yesterday.”

“That’s true,” the dark-haired boy agreed. “Would you want to have lunch together?”

“Do you want me to meet you at work?”

“I was actually thinking of coming home.”

Tsukishima squinted. “Are you implying that I should cook?”

“Hmm,” the dark-haired boy grumbled. “You’re right. I guess we’re eating out then.”

Tsukishima tittered.

"I'm kidding. I'll come home," Yamaguchi replied.

"Any requests?"

"I don't know,” he shrugged. “Whatever you want, I guess.”

“Then don't expect too much,” Tsukishima replied.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
Yamaguchi pulled up the sleeves of his cardigan. He brushed back the hair that began to stick to his forehead, and half-heartedly used his hand as a makeshift fan to temporarily relieve himself from the heat. As he prepared his wallet and umbrella, his co-worker teasingly informed him that he had a visitor. Yamaguchi didn’t even ask for more details — he simply dialled his boyfriend’s phone number once he’d made his way out to the corridors, hopefully free from any listening ears.

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi greeted. He walked down a flight of stairs as he said, “You didn't tell me you were coming over."

“I didn't want to disturb your lectures.”

“Where are you, anyway?”

“I’m at— oh,” Tsukishima paused. “I see you.”

Yamaguchi stepped onto the school lobby and turned around frantically, finally spotting the other boy’s unmistakable height towering over the junior high students that lounged nearby. The freckled boy cut the call and quickly skittered over, smile widening as he said, “You couldn't wait to see me again, huh?”

Tsukishima contorted his expression as if meaning to laugh, but he only ended up looking more constipated than anything. It made Yamaguchi smile either way.

“I’m surprised the guards even let you in.”

“They practically have my face memorized already,” Tsukishima replied. They walked out of the building and moved towards the gates.

"So, what are we having for lunch?"

"Uh,” Tsukishima said as he avoided Yamaguchi’s eyes. “Let's just grab something at the food courts."

The freckled boy raised an eyebrow. ”Eh? But I thought you'd be cooking?"

"Yeah, about that..."

"Something happened, didn't it?" Yamaguchi asked. “You didn’t blow up the kitchen or something, right?”

"Yes and no. The kitchen’s fine,” Tsukishima assured. "Everything I cooked looked fine, too, but I think I added too much salt."

Yamaguchi grimaced. They walked out of the school grounds and moved towards the park, and the otherwise harsh noontime sun was made bearable by the fresh winds. “By how much?"

“The recipe said to add two teaspoons of salt,” the blond relayed, pausing to readjust the nosepiece of his eyeglasses, “but I added two tablespoons."

"Oh. That's kind of. Huh."

Tsukishima frowned. “Sorry, I ended up wasting food."

"It's fine, we might still be able to salvage it somehow,” Yamaguchi said with a smile, but it only made the crease of Tsukishima’s brow deepen. "You didn't throw it away yet, right?"

"Yeah, it's just in the fridge."

"Good," Yamaguchi nodded. "Don't look so down about it, Tsukki."

"I'm not."

The freckled boy smiled. He reached over to hold Tsukishima’s hand. “Want to try again for dinner?"

The blond let out a sigh. “Can we cook together instead?"

Yamaguchi beamed. "Sure thing!"

They walked over to a shopping complex, which was unsurprisingly packed with customers. The two stopped by a convenience store to buy some drinks to momentarily quell their hunger, although both of them insisted that they “weren’t that hungry yet.”

They strolled around the complex’s premises to pass the time, their observant eyes taking note of the flow of patrons within the food places. Electronic beeps and obnoxious music filled their ears as they neared an arcade, and Yamaguchi curiously glanced inside.

“Hey,” the freckled boy said as he stopped walking. “Isn’t that Hinata?”

Tsukishima turned to where Yamaguchi had been staring. “I think so.”

“Is it his day off?”

“Maybe,” the blond shrugged.

“He sure has a lot of tall friends,” the freckled boy said as he took a sip of his drink. “He looks even smaller than usual. That one guy might even be taller than you, Tsukki.”

“Whatever,” Tsukishima commented. “Look at Hinata’s hands, though.”

“Eh? O-oh.”

Yamaguchi lowered his gaze to find hands linked together in an intimate moment, but the two boys that they were attached to seemed pretty indifferent about the contact.

“Kageyama must be satisfied.”

“I can’t say,” Yamaguchi replied.

“I didn’t know they were at that stage already.”

"It's been a while, I think,” the freckled boy commented. “Kageyama and Hinata are probably closer in private."

"What a thought," Tsukishima snickered.

“Remember when we were like that, Tsukki?”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know, when we used to get a little flustered and embarrassed about being together in public.”

“Really?” the blond said incredulously. “Did we go through such a thing?”

“Do you want me to point out some examples?”

“No,” Tsukishima chuckled. He reached his hand out between them, and Yamaguchi immediately intertwined his fingers with the other boy’s. “Save yourself from the trouble.”

“Would you want to go to the arcade, too?” Yamaguchi asked as he motioned inside. Hinata and Kageyama, along with the group they had been with, shuffled into the amusement centre, eventually getting lost in the throng of people and machines.

“Eh, I don’t know,” Tsukishima said. “It looks crowded.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just one game,” Yamaguchi suggested. “Please?”

Tsukishima furrowed his brows, an awkward grin manipulating his expression. “What do you even want to play?”

Yamaguchi had a glint in his smile that was so mischievous that Tsukishima wondered if he might’ve said something wrong.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was undebatable, after six rematches and a failed attempt at sandbagging, that Tsukishima was quite well-versed in traditional fighting games. Despite that, it was Yamaguchi that won their bout, albeit by a small margin. Their hunger forgotten, the two of them resorted to playing a ryhthm game as a sort of tie-breaker, but the results were too unreliable considering they’d started tickling and being over-all distracting to mess up the other’s momentum. If not for the fact that Yamaguchi was running late for his afternoon classes, they would’ve settled their score through a desperate game of Dance Dance Revolution.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The dark of the night set in earlier than usual, and the silver of the street lights brightened up the otherwise gloomy streets by Shinagawa station. Yamaguchi brisk walked through the masses, and he was just about to set off into a full-blown sprint when he spotted Tsukishima leaving a bowl of water by the entrance of their apartment complex.

"You're back early," Tsukishima greeted in monotone, and the small smile on his lips complemented the cozy air.

"Yeah," Yamaguchi panted. "I left school as soon as I could."

"I could see that," the blond teased as he wiped the sweat by Yamaguchi's brow.

The dark-haired boy smiled in gratitude. He motioned towards the bowl at their feet and asked, “Do you always do this?"

"No, not really,” the bespectacled boy replied.

Yamaguchi opened his mouth to speak, but he choked back his words. He pursed his lips.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow inquisitively, but said nothing. He followed Yamaguchi’s line of sight and found an old orange cat walking towards them. The freckled boy took a step back — and then three more — when the feline moved towards the bowl and lapped at the water.

“You don’t have to be so nervous,” Tsukishima said as he reached over to hold Yamaguchi’s hand.

The freckled boy gripped it tightly. “But it might attack me again.”

“Let’s go upstairs.”

“No, no, wait,” Yamaguchi said. “You still haven’t taught me yet. It's now or never.”

“Huh? Oh. Okay,” Tsukishima replied softly. “Why don’t we try with another cat first?”

“You mean with one of the younger ones? I guess that could work,” Yamaguchi nodded.

“Try not to make any unnecessary movements,” Tsukishima advised. He snickered a bit before adding, “You don’t have to be stock still either, Yamaguchi.”

The freckled boy frowned. “I’ll just follow your lead, then.”

Tsukishima slowly walked towards the building’s gates and knelt on the ground, maintaining a comfortable distance between him and a gray cat. He called out to it as he offered his hand towards it, and the feline tentatively walked towards him. The cat had a fine coat, and Yamaguchi vaguely remembered Tsukishima petting it during several of his drunken episodes.

“You shouldn’t approach them suddenly,” Tsukishima relayed. “Also, it’d be better if they approached you instead of the other way around.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi replied as he knelt beside the blond.

“Hold out your hand.”

“Huh? Uh, are you sure?”

“This one’s a bit friendly, so it should be fine.”

The freckled boy massaged his palm before shakily bringing it towards the cat, who curiously sniffed his fingers before licking it.

“This is kind of ticklish, and I’m actually kind of scared,” Yamaguchi said with a pained expression. “Are you sure it wouldn’t spontaneously bite me or something?”

“I’m pretty sure it’d stay calm as long as you don’t give it a reason to feel otherwise,” Tsukishima shrugged. “Try to enjoy it, I guess.”

“Okay,” the freckled boy nodded. “Hey, why don’t you take a picture of me? I want to show Yacchan.”

“What?"

“Hurry up!" Yamaguchi hissed. "My phone’s in my left pocket. Be careful, my wallet’s in there, too.”

“Fine, fine,” the bespectacled boy groaned.

After an accidental video and several photos — “Wait! What if that one was blurry? Take another, take another!” — Tsukishima taught Yamaguchi to make it a habit to reach out to the cats, but to never force himself on them. He noted where to and not to pet them, which confused Yamaguchi to some extent since they were practically the exact opposite of where he’d normally touch a dog.

As they walked up the stairs to their apartment floor, they talked about their afternoons and planned out what they felt like having for dinner. Yamaguchi kept his hand on his phone, masterfully silencing the notification alerts that buzzed whenever Yachi sent him a message. While waiting for the blond to finish untying his shoes, Yamaguchi replayed the accidental recording that Tsukishima took earlier that evening.

“How come you’ve never done this with me before?”

“You’d want me to lick your fingers?” Tsukishima whispered, teasing as though meaning to be playful, but it ended up causing a different effect.

“Th-that’s not what I meant, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi stammered. “I meant how come we’ve never fed or played with the cats together before…”

“Oh.”

“Ah, but you know," Yamaguchi said slowly, looking to the side as he swallowed his shame. "I wouldn’t complain if you did do that." Heat spread across his cheeks like a performer’s delayed reaction when they realized they’d missed their cue. He stared at his bare feet, the floor appearing so far away from him. Yamaguchi clutched his phone tightly before lifting his head.

Through the intensity in their eyes, the two of them shared a wordless conversation.

Tsukishima combed back the mess of dark hair that covered the other’s face. He caressed Yamaguchi's cheek, and the freckled boy easily warmed up to his feathery yet trembling touch. The blond eventually lowered his hand to rest by the side of Yamaguchi’s neck. He leaned in, barely brushing the other's mouth. In a brief moment of bravery, he tentatively pecked Yamaguchi's lips, tender yet chaste. It hadn't been long since the last time they kissed, but the warmth and softness of Yamaguchi's lips were worth savoring. He wanted to drag on the moment for as long as he could, but he gently rubbed his thumb across Yamaguchi’s jawline before moving away.

The freckled boy knitted his brows. He brought a hand to tug at Tsukishima’s shirt.

“More.”

 

 

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck, tilting his head to better receive him. His phone fell to the ground, but it seemed as though neither of them even heard its thud against the floor. Tsukishima brought his hands to Yamaguchi's waist, pulling the other boy even closer. The bespectacled boy remained slow and gentle, but he found himself hungering for the other's taste. Yamaguchi made it difficult to keep things modest. Bodies touching and heartbeats racing, the only sounds that escaped them were low and dripped with longing.

They parted only to gasp for air, breaths shaky as they clung onto one another for support.

"Room?" Yamaguchi whispered, voice rough.

Tsukishima claimed Yamaguchi's lips again, like a silent agreement. The freckled boy smiled into the kiss, leading the other boy by the collar.

They barely stumbled into the living room when Tsukishima hastily pulled off the other's cardigan and Yamaguchi gracelessly took off the blond's eyeglasses. Too impatient to reach the bedroom, they set themselves on the couch.

Yamaguchi slammed against the backrest, and Tsukishima wasted no time in straddling him. The freckled boy graciously angled his head to the side, inviting the other boy to trail kisses down his neck. He tightened his grip around the blond's shoulders as his boyfriend gingerly unbuttoned his shirt, moaning when Tsukishima began to nibble at his exposed skin.

The freckled boy slid his hands up Tsukishima’s torso, the pads of his fingers setting flame to cold skin. They peeled away from one another for a moment, if only to hastily throw away most of their garments.

Tsukishima peppered the other’s skin with kisses as though he were tracing wet patterns amongst his freckles. He dragged his hand down Yamaguchi’s torso as he guided himself to kneel on the floor. He sucked on the nub of Yamaguchi’s chest as he flicked and squeezed its counterpart, lest it feel neglected.

Yamaguchi’s breathing grew erratic — erotic enough to cause Tsukishima’s heart to swell with excitement. The blond kept his hand on Yamaguchi’s thigh as he pulled the other’s pants down.

He shoved his hand into the left pocket of Yamaguchi’s jeans and retrieved the other’s wallet, flipping it open to retrieve the metallic wrapper lodged discreetly inside one of its compartments.

“What flavor is this?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember,“ Yamaguchi replied breathlessly. “It’s from the last box you bought.”

“Banana? Really?” Tsukishima made a face. “What was I thinking?”

“Hey, you were pretty restless that time,” Yamaguchi laughed. “You said it didn’t really matter.”

“Well it’ll have to do now, too, then,” the blond mumbled as he tore up the foil and fitted the rubber onto Yamaguchi.

“Oh.”

“What?”

“I thought you were still sore,” the freckled boy said in monotone.

“I still kind of am, actually.”

“Then why me?” he asked. “You might not be able to walk to the station tomorrow.”

Tsukishima smirked. He spit into his hand and slicked Yamaguchi, licking his lips as he observed how his fingers worked along the other’s length. “All the better.”

“Hey, I was just kiddin—“

Yamaguchi trailed off mid-sentence, the coherency of his thoughts dissipating into the heated air as the other boy pleasured him. The cold fingers that pressed into the flesh of his lower abdomen contrasted the warmth of the tongue that wrapped around him.

Tsukishima moved leisurely. He moved painfully slow that Yamaguchi had to will himself to keep his hips steady. The freckled boy tangled his fingers in Tsukishima’s hair, goading the other boy to pick up his pace. Tsukishima dug his nails into Yamaguchi’s skin, perhaps as a warning, but it only instigated the other boy to pull on blond curls and inadvertently caused Tsukishima to moan.

“T-Tsukki, no, I won’t last long if you do that,” the dark-haired boy whined as he tightened his hold on the other’s hair.

Tsukishima gave one lasting suck before drawing back, wiping off the visible string of drool that stretched between him and Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi closed his legs to make room for the knees that pressed down on either side of him. He exhaled shakily at the sight of the sweat trailing down Tsukishima's body, the moisture trickling down his blond happy trail like a beacon that guided awed eyes to the main attraction.

In the heat of the moment, he hadn’t noticed when the blond had shuffled out of his own pants. He swept his fingers up the other’s pale thighs before wrapping them around Tsukishima’s length. He teased the tip as he whispered, “It’d be bad if you strain yourself, right?”

“Don’t worry,” he scoffed. “I’ll ride you nice and slow.”

The blond linked his fingers with Yamaguchi’s free hand, bringing them to his mouth and letting his lips linger over freckled knuckles. Even without eyeglasses, his gaze seemed focused on Yamaguchi as he tentatively opened his mouth and brought out his tongue.

He began sucking on one finger first, and Yamaguchi was made painfully aware that Tsukishima hadn’t had a clue as to what he was doing. Tsukishima concentrated on Yamaguchi’s expression as a way of being conscious of his movements and reactions rather than out of his own self-confidence. The freckled boy enjoyed the show anyway. When Tsukishima spread himself and allowed Yamaguchi to prepare him, Yamaguchi couldn’t find it in him to complain.

Tsukishima twitched in Yamaguchi’s hand when he lowered himself on the other boy. Breaths came out huffed and heavy, and Yamaguchi continued stroking even as the blond began to grind his hips. The blond draped himself over the other boy, and Yamaguchi sunk his teeth into heated flesh once Tsukishima began moving seriously. Wet sounds and the smell of sex filled the room, punctuated by the unmistakable volume of their pleasure. Tsukishima’s voice felt like lava in his gut, and it only caused Yamaguchi to bite down harder.

“You’re being loud, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered.

“Ah, s-sorry,” the blond replied.

“I like it.”

Tsukishima chuckled. “Then keep doing what you're doing.”

“You’re starting to look tired, though. Do you want to lie down for a bit?”

“The sofa is way too small for us,” he droned.

“How about the floor?”

“I don’t feel like it,” the blond confessed.

“Fine,” Yamaguchi said with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll carry you to the room, then.”

“What?”

“Hang on tight.”

“Wait— Yamaguchi—“

Tsukishima instinctively wrapped his legs around Yamaguchi’s waist, shoulders shaking as he laughed.

“You’re kind of heavy…”

“You’re mad! I can’t believe you!” Tsukishima wheezed as he tightened his hold around Yamaguchi’s neck. “Put me down!”

“Stop moving so much and just open the door!” Yamaguchi strained to say once they reached their bedroom. He tried his best to set Tsukishima onto the futon as gently as he could, but he really just dropped both of their bodies onto the foam out of his own exhaustion.

Their teeth mashed together as they inhaled one another’s laughter before they could even bring themselves to properly kiss, but once they started breathing normally again, it only felt natural to make love when they were already overflowing with affection.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ah, wait.”

“What is it, Tsukki?”

“Don’t pull out yet.”

“Eh?”

“Let’s go for another round.”

“Like this?”

Silence.

“...You don’t want to?”

“Ah, no, I mean, uh, we should change the condom first,” Yamaguchi said slowly. “I thought for sure you would’ve wanted to switch.”

Tsukishima smiled. “So considerate.”

“Am I really?”

Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi closer and whispered, “Make sure your bite marks last this time, okay?”

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

The morning sun was unapologetic, rising up the horizon sooner than either of them would’ve wanted. Tsukishima’s boiled eggs weren’t overcooked for once, and the toast was the perfect golden brown. Yamaguchi didn’t need ten alarms to wake up — in fact, he got up of his own accord. It was practically the perfect day. But as the two of them stood by the entryway, bodies warm from the coffee they’d just consumed, something felt off.

“Have fun at work,” Tsukishima said as he trailed behind Yamaguchi.

“I guess I —“

Tsukishima squeezed him tight. The tightening of Yamaguchi’s chest didn’t help any, and the freckled boy struggled to keep his breathing leveled.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off, Tsukki?”

“It’s fine.”

“Call me when you get there,” the dark-haired boy rasped.

“But you’d be at work…”

“Then text me. Just, something…”

“All right.”

It felt warmer than necessary, and when they hesitantly moved away from one another, Yamaguchi felt emptier than he expected to be.

“I already miss you, Tsukki.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to say that?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Yamaguchi laughed weakly. “It really hurts to say it.”

“Then you don’t have to say it.”

The freckled boy pursed his lips. “When things go bad, don’t forget to call me, all right?”

Tsukishima nodded.

“No, even when you’re happy about something small, let me know, okay? If you’re bored, that’s all the more reason to call me.”

The other boy’s nose had gotten pink. On a normal occasion it would’ve looked amusing, but Yamaguchi wasn’t in the mood to laugh. His eyes moved to the dark patches that littered Tsukishima’s skin, and it only made Yamaguchi feel worse. It would be a while until his love marks would fade, but they would fade all the same. He should’ve given Tsukishima something, anything that would have lasted him longer. But time was up. There was nothing he could do now. He leaned in to leave a kiss on the other’s nose before bringing his lips to Tsukishima’s mouth, hoping the memory of him would be enough, anyway.

“I’ll always be here for you, Tsukki. Okay?”

“I know. I could never forget that.”

Yamaguchi attempted to smile, but he bit his lips to stop himself from sobbing.

“I love you, Tadashi.”

His heart swelled, feeling frisson each time he heard those words. “I love you, too, Kei.”

“Goodbye.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

Yamaguchi nodded and immediately turned away, his eyes welling up with heat. The first step out the door was the hardest.

“I’ll see you soon.”

Yamaguchi kept walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who aren't well-versed in game lingo (like myself — I had to consult my bro about this because I am just the filthiest of casuals), **sandbagging** is a term used for "When a player in any game chooses (on purpose) to not play their best. Normally this is because they are too superior, they want to hustle you, or they are too lazy to play their best with nothing on the line." ([source](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sandbagging&defid=1338090))
> 
> —
> 
> Okay... This chapter wasn't even supposed to have smut lol I don't really know what happened there. It practically wrote itself....... lol....... *washes hands clean of Sin*
> 
> Well. Anyway. The next chapter is going to end up being much more Dramatic and plotty than this one, so I'm quite excited to write about those sorts of feelings hehe i'll see you guys in the next update! Wish me luck! ^_^


	6. Wistful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [CG](http://tsukishima-kei.tumblr.com), who helped me decide what kind of colours to use for this chapter's doodle!!

He didn’t need the oceans to swallow him whole in order to feel like he was drowning — the way reality sank in was brutal enough. It was cruel, how his emotions flowed like slow droplets, seemingly harmless and irrelevant, only to accumulate into a mammoth of a wave that threatened to topple him over. It was only a matter of time until his thoughts would overwhelm him, bubbling out of his mouth where his words should have been. He could only keep so much of himself bottled up.

He felt strange, but somehow it wasn't all too unfamiliar. It was still disorienting that the hands that spread before him didn’t even feel like they were his own. He stared out the window and onto the blur of green and blue that flashed past him. Each second seemed to take longer than the last, and the minutes scratched against his skin like sandpaper scraping him raw. He felt bitterness on his tongue as he found himself wondering —

“This is it?"

His memory was fresh. He had taken a step forward, jolted with a desire to move forth. It was an unconscious move, and it was one that had surprised him. He hadn’t even considered chasing after the other boy, but somehow, in that moment, it felt like something he wanted to do. But what had seemed like a surge of energy instead turned his limbs to lead.

The other boy had kept his head hung low, lips quivering as he made his way down the stairs and out of the building. As he stood by the door, he couldn’t even comfort himself with the thought that it might have only been a probability that the freckled boy had tears in his eyes. His own eyes stung, and all he could do was witness what had unfolded before him.

The sun had grown harsher as the hours wove together. Time had passed, but his worries remained unchanged. Would it have made a difference if he'd acted upon his urges? As he raised his gaze to the cloudless sky, he wondered what his own steps would have sounded like — would they have been calm, too? Would they have echoed throughout the building? The answer didn’t matter. The weight of the possibilities and the aftertaste of regret were enough to burden his soul. It didn’t matter at all, not when his feet were still rooted by the doorway even long after Yamaguchi had left.

The mere recollection of it made him weary. He longed for the warmth of home, but that seemed unattainable when his own body felt far out of reach. He readjusted his headphones and turned up the volume, silently wishing the train ride would go on forever.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A loud announcement tone boomed throughout the coach. He opened his eyes lazily, and he blinked away the sleep that only made him feel more restless. He looked past faces and collided against commuters. He walked out of Sendai station in a daze.

"i'm here," he typed out on his phone as he wove through the horde of people. He quickly shoved his phone into his pocket, too jittery to wait for a reply he didn’t even want to read. It was only when the crowd began to thin that he realized how he hadn’t notified his brother of his arrival. He willed himself to feel nothing, but when he retrieved his mobile and saw that there were no new notifications, he still felt a dull ache.

He’d barely managed to type out a single character when he heard it.

It wasn’t particularly loud. The station was busy enough on its own, and to overpower its sounds would’ve stirred up a commotion. The tap on the concrete was no showstopper, but it held a weight that caused Tsukishima to clench his jaw. The other’s presence was something he was all too familiar with.

The moment he saw Akiteru, he noticed how pale his older brother looked. Seeing the solemn look on his face made his stomach churn.

"Just one bag, huh?" the older Tsukishima greeted. "Your entire life is in there, then?”

"Not everything," he replied in monotone.

"Did you forget some things in Tokyo?"

"No."

Akiteru looked at his younger brother, anticipating an explanation. Kei stared at his feet.

“Well. Welcome back."

The bespectacled boy nodded in response.

"...Anyway, we should get going.”

He said nothing as Akiteru grabbed his bag and led him to the parking lot. They stopped before a bright red sedan, and through the clear windshield, he could see the modest collection of stuffed toys that littered the dashboard. Kei knitted his brows when Akiteru dragged his bag over to the trunk and shoved it in.

“This isn’t our car.”

“It’s good to know your eyeglasses are clean,” the older boy said as he closed the trunk shut.

Kei pursed his lips. “What happened?”

“Ah, well, the van’s in the shop, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he replied. He waited for the bespectacled boy to shuffle into the passenger seat before continuing, “I just rented this one especially for you and your arrival. Do you like it?”

“I don’t know,” Kei frowned, eyeing a particularly offensive-looking dog figurine that had lost half of its head. “It looks a little —”

“Endearing?”

“— busy,” Kei finished.

Akiteru chuckled. His laughter seemed to last a moment too long. He revved up the car's engine and directed them onto the streets. “Don’t worry, I’ll be returning this tomorrow morning. You won't be seeing all this for much longer."

Kei opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by the buzzing of his phone.

“Is that Tadashi?”

The bespectacled boy scrunched up his face in distaste. He didn't want to bring his hopes up, but his expression softened when he caught the name that flashed on the screen. “Oh. Yeah. It is.”

“He knows about all this, right?”

Kei shrugged as he readjusted his eyeglasses. "For the most part."

“That’s good,” Akiteru nodded. “What did he say?”

The younger boy kept his eyes on his phone. “We kind of fought about it, actually.”

“Why?”

“I,” he said slowly. “I might’ve waited too long to tell him.”

Akiteru clicked his tongue. “Didn’t I warn you about that?”

“I know.”

“Are you guys doing okay?” Akiteru asked worriedly. Out of concern, he glanced at his younger brother. He looked at just the right moment to catch Kei gnawing at his lower lip, the corners of his mouth turning upwards.

“Yeah.”

The older boy mirrored back the smile. “That’s great. He seems nice. He might be good for you.”

Kei rolled his eyes.

“You know, mom still couldn't get over the hot pot he made last December."

"Oh?" he remarked, a hint of satisfaction on his face.

"Does he do that with you, too?"

"Do what?"

Akiteru paused as he made a turn at an intersection. "Does he casually shape your food into different characters?"

"Uh. It's not an everyday thing," Kei explained. "He has his moods for that, I think."

"I see. Well, mom was really impressed, and to think dad finally had someone to talk to about sumo wrestling."

Kei shook his head. "I didn't even know Yamaguchi was into that."

“It's not exactly something you would bring up in casual conversation now, is it?"

"Well, dad did."

"He's... he's dad. You know how he is."

Kei smiled weakly.

"Mom and dad have been worried sick about you," the older boy sighed. "You haven't been returning their calls. I'm surprised you even answer mine."

"They only ever call me when I'm busy."

"It's good that I have better timing then."

"I wouldn't say it like that."

"Oh, allow me this much at least,” Akiteru said. "I —”

"You don't have to say anything,” Kei cut in. "It's fine."

“It’s not fine,” Akiteru replied with a shake of his head. “I really hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, but—”

“It’s okay. Really,” the younger boy reiterated sternly, trying to sound convincing. “I saw this coming, anyway.”

“Kei,” his brother said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, nii-chan.”

“You didn’t have to go through this,” the older boy mumbled. The grip he had on the steering wheel tightened. “But we’ll manage. We’ll make it past all this, too."

Kei turned his head to the side, focusing his eyes on the concrete.

"...Ah, anyway, you should use this time to rest. I know you've been strained lately," Akiteru said slowly. "You should think about what you'd like to do next. You might even want to stay in Miyagi for longer —"

"I don't know. I'll think about it."

Akiteru pursed his lips. He nodded in understanding and added, "All right. Let me know what you want to do, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good," the older boy said. "Hey, mom and dad won't be home until evening, so how about we go somewhere for a bit?"

"Do you have someplace in mind?" Kei asked with a raised brow.

"No, not exactly," Akiteru confessed. "But I paid good money for this car, so we better make the most out of it."

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The air felt sticky against his skin. The leaves swayed lazily with the heavy evening wind, and the crisp sound soothed him. He paced through Ueno Park with a blank expression on his face. The claustrophobic closeness of public transport was distressing, but the emptiness of his hands as he wove through the streets was no less unnerving. When he neared his apartment building, he felt some semblance of warmth when he caught sight of a gray cat in the distance. He smiled and waved a freckled hand at it, and the feline met his gesture with disinterest.

Yamaguchi walked up to the upper floor, and the tapping of his feet against the steps reverberated in the stairwell. He slipped the key into his apartment door with practiced ease, slinging his bag off his shoulder as he kicked off his shoes.

"I'm home —"

Ah.

His greeting came instinctively, but it had been a while since his words bounced off the walls in a vain attempt to fill in the spaces. He bit his lip once he realized just how empty the apartment felt, how much larger it seemed from missing just a few pairs of footwear in the shoe racks.

He took one step inside. And then another. He then turned on his heel and darted straight out the door. The freckled boy’s aimless pacing brought him to a vaguely familiar coffeehouse, and once he’d left his scrambled order to the patient cashier, he settled himself by a window seat. The thin device in his hands felt heavier than usual. With each character he typed, he felt more restless.

“Are you free to talk?”

He stared at the words for a good five minutes before finally resigning to pressing the ‘Send’ button. He sighed as he gently positioned his phone on the table, and he barely had the chance to fold his hands under this chin when the table started to vibrate. His heart leapt in his chest.

He brought the phone to his ear.

"Hi," he said, voice coming out like a sigh of relief.

"Hey."

"I'm surprised you called so soon, Tsukki.”

"Is it a bad time?"

"Oh, no," Yamaguchi replied slowly. He smiled at the waiter that set a mug and a rice meal before him. He mouthed his thanks as he wrapped his fingers around the mug, and he found comfort in the borrowed heat. When he was left alone again, he whispered, "No, it's fine. I really wanted to hear your voice anyway."

The freckled boy could hear something muffled. It was like a spurt of air exhaled through the nose. He tilted his head to try to listen to it better, but instead he heard something else — "Me too."

Yamaguchi grinned. Tsukishima’s words brought about a warmth that made the coffee in his hand seem cold in comparison.

“How was your day?”

“It was just as eventful as you’d expect,” the blond droned. “And yours?”

“Work was so-so, I’m just glad the week’s almost over. I was just about to have dinner right now.”

“Oh. Am I disturbing you?”

“Don’t worry about it! My food’s still too warm to eat, anyway.”

“If you say so,” the blond replied. “Are you with Yachi?”

“Huh? I’m alone, actually.”

“Oh.”

“How’s Akiteru-nii? Ah, do send my regards to your mom and dad, too!”

“My brother’s fine,” Tsukishima answered dryly. “We kind of went on a road trip today."

"To where?"

"Nowhere. We just took a long and roundabout route home," the blond recounted, but Yamaguchi could sense a touch of contentment in the other's tone. "He mentioned something about wanting to ask for your phone number.”

“Ah, sure! Did you give it to him yet?”

“No. I wanted to ask you about it first.”

“It’s fine. It’d be nice to have a way to contact him, too,” Yamaguchi replied. He took a sip of the bitter coffee before asking, “How’s Miyagi so far?”

“It’s, uh, quiet," the other boy said. "Aniki said I should be able to see the stars clearly tonight.”

“That’s nice,” the freckled boy nodded. “Can you see any good constellations from there?”

“It’s still a little early in the night to see anything right now, but at this time of year, Cygnus should be easy to spot.”

“Cygnus?”

“Ah, it’s the Swan that Hercules hunts," Tsukishima explained. "You might know it as the Northern Cross.”

“Oh! Isn’t that the one with Albireo?”

“Yeah,” the blond replied slowly. “Albireo marks the beak. Why?”

“Nothing, really. I just read a story about it before, like how it sort of, well, blurs into one,” Yamaguchi answered while waving vague gestures in the air.

“Yeah, it’s a double star.”

“A double star, huh,” Yamaguchi nodded. “It’s interesting how they could be so close that when viewed from a distance, they kind of merge into something totally their own.”

“Well, they’re not really all that close. They’re at least —”

“You got my point, right?”

“I guess,” Tsukishima chuckled. “Sorry. I’m probably stalling you. You should eat.”

Yamaguchi pouted. “I can still talk for a bit more.”

“I’ll call you again later.”

“Ah, that might not be a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“You spent the day traveling, so you should rest tonight," he answered. "I guess we can just talk again tomorrow.”

Yamaguchi furrowed his brows, mentally cursing himself. It felt like his mouth had been moving on its own. As the quiet stretched on, he wondered if Tsukishima might have already cut the call. Just as he was about to ruffle his hair in frustration, he heard a grumble from the other end of the line.

“Fine. At least we got to talk for a bit anyway.”

“Oh. Yeah. At least,” Yamaguchi repeated. “I’m glad.”

“Take care tonight.”

“You too,”’ the freckled boy said. “Sleep well.”

“It's still early,” the blond commented, his tone rising like that of a question.

“Ah, right. Sorry,” Yamaguchi laughed nervously. “Good night in advance, anyway.”

“Right.”

“Yeah.”

“Uh. Bye?”

“Bye,” Yamaguchi exhaled, and he swallowed down the excess moisture in his mouth. “I —”

“I’ll talk to you again soon, then.”

The call went silent, and Yamaguchi pursed his lips before bringing the coffee to his mouth.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The walk back home seemed quicker somehow, no matter how long he tried to linger in the crowds. He stumbled back into his apartment, and in the hallway he began to clumsily peel away the layers of clothing he’d thrown onto himself earlier that morning. He walked right into the bathroom on a whim, alternating between lathering soap viciously and staring into space blankly whenever he saw fit. He sprinted to his bedroom buck naked and dripping wet. He quickly dabbed a towel onto his cooled skin. Fresh clothes felt good on him.

The noiselessness still rang in his ears.

A folded futon had been tucked into a corner of his room. As he spread the mattress on the floor, the expanse of white made him realize how devoid of colour he was in comparison. He collapsed onto the sheets and struggled to find some comfort, but the pillows only served to cushion his head. They were too soft, too accommodating to his shape that they spread thin. The sheets still smelled like his lover. His own skin stung with the scent of the other’s soap. It was almost as though he wasn't alone. He turned to look at the other side of the bed.

He wasn’t sure what he even expected. Almost just wasn’t enough. Of course his bed was empty.

He resigned to his imagination, but his thoughts constantly revolved around the blond that had burned himself into his memory that it was impossible to keep his heart from aching. It felt like his whole body throbbed. His skull felt unhinged, torn open so forcefully. His mind drifted away so willingly, his thoughts spilling out only to infect the air and choke his lungs. Should he have held him longer? Did he make a mistake somewhere? If he’d done things differently, would he have avoided the hurt he felt then? He tossed and turned, riddled by guilt.

It all just felt too excessive.

He opened his eyes again. He fumbled for his phone, and somehow the reading of the time didn’t surprise him. Attempting to sleep would’ve been useless at that point.

He scrolled through his menus and clicked on an icon. It was a recipe for suffering. Yamaguchi knew that it was a bad idea, but he did it anyway.

He started browsing through the photos he had.

He allowed himself to linger on each one. He appreciated the curve of Tsukishima’s lip in every awkward smile, the unfocused way the blond regarded the cellphone’s camera. In the more recent additions, Tsukishima seemed to get more confident with being photographed, or at least appeared more indifferent about them. Despite that, there was still that faint quirk in his brow, that unsure way he stared back.

Yamaguchi blamed his emotive mood to the lateness of the night, and yet as he recounted the bittersweet memories, it made him long for simpler times. Should he have treasured those moments more? Would these pictures be their last? But it wasn’t like they’d never get together again, was it? His throat tightened from the unreasonable train of thought. Just how was he going to make it through that night, let alone the next half year without the other boy?

His phone vibrated in his hand, jolting him back to the present. The notification flashed on the screen —

“i couldn’t sleep.”

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile.

“Me neither,” he sent back.

“can I call you?” was the other's near immediate response.

He wiped his eyes before typing out his reply.

The phone didn’t even get a chance to ring. He picked up the call immediately.

“Tsukki —”

A muted chuckle. “Good morning, Yamaguchi.”

“Good morning,” Yamaguchi replied.

“Why are you still up?”

“I was looking at photos of us.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I was just looking at that one with Yachi’s dog and—”

“Ah," Tsukishima groaned. "Please don’t.”

“But it was a nice moment!”

“It was hard to appreciate having dog slobber all over my face.”

“That’s the opposite of a problem.”

“It tackled me when I wasn’t prepared,” the blond grumbled.

“Then be on guard around it next time.”

“Yeah, next time,” Tsukishima whispered back.

Yamaguchi smiled to himself. “Hey, do you remember that place we went to the first time I went to your apartment?"

“What do you mean?”

“You know that time I came over to talk with Sugawara-san? It was raining pretty hard that summer, so I stayed over and —”

"Ah. Yeah, that was the night we went out to buy you new underwear, right?"

"That. Uh, yeah, that's one way to remember it," Yamaguchi said with furrowed brows. “Well, I had dinner there today. They actually renovated a bit, it looks a bit brighter now. It’s nice. We should go there together next time.”

“I didn't know they served food. Was the stuff any good?”

"They didn't have a lot of options on their menu. The meat was a bit overcooked, I think. It should've been marinated for a bit more, too.”

“Why would you want us to go there then?” Tsukishima chuckled. “Was the food worse than mine?”

“Definitely.”

“Then that’s saying something.”

“Hey, your cooking isn't all that bad, Tsukki,” he assured.

“That’s a lie.”

Yamaguchi snickered. “You’ve gotten better at cooking lately, anyway!”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. I meant that, though,” the freckled boy admitted. “I took a picture of my meal, anyway. They at least presented the food nicely.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Now that you mentioned it, I have a picture of my dinner today, too.”

“Eh? Really?” Yamaguchi gasped. “Why?”

“Why?” Tsukishima echoed with a hint of a laugh.

"That's unlike you."

“Well, my mom forced me into it.”

“Oh, I see,” Yamaguchi grinned. “Can I have a look?”

“I guess. Should I cut the call then?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll call you again once I’ve checked it out,” Yamaguchi replied. “Or we could switch to Skype if your internet connection is fast enough...?”

“I don’t have a Skype account.”

“What?”

“I’ve never found the need for that sort of thing.”

“Oh. Okay,” the freckled boy said, somehow deflated.

“But I guess I could make one later,” Tsukishima whispered. “I’ll be ending the call now, okay?”

“All right.”

When he received a copy of the photograph from Tsukishima, Yamaguchi almost lost his grip on his phone. He only barely saved himself from dropping his handheld right onto his nose.

The photo had Tsukishima standing by the head of his family’s dining table. He strained to meet the height of his mother, who had her arm on his waist. The food on the table was no feast by any means, but it was littered with Tsukishima’s favourites and Yamaguchi knew that they had been prepared with love. He could feel that love radiating from his own body as he stared at Tsukishima’s awkward expression, face slightly blurred from the movement of the photographer’s hand.

"Don't you have a better copy of this?" he said once Tsukishima picked up his call.

"No. Aniki only took one photo, and my dad was too hungry to delay mealtime any longer."

"Ah, that's understandable," Yamaguchi smiled. “The food looked delicious." 

“It tasted good, too.”

“Better than mine?”

The other line went silent for a moment. Tsukishima cleared his throat before saying, “Sorry. Better than your what?”

“Better than my cooking…?” Yamaguchi clarified. “What did you think I meant?”

“Nothing, I was just —”

“Tsukki... ”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything at all,” the other boy defended. “Also, I’d have to say yes.”

“Yes? Yes what?”

“Yes, my mom cooks better than you.”

“Really?” Yamaguchi replied with a grin on his face. “I’ll have to do something about that then.”

Tsukishima laughed, and his voice smoothed over the leftover soreness Yamaguchi had in his body. “What? Please don’t do anything to my mother. She actually likes you.”

“Oh? She likes me?” Yamaguchi said, shifting his position in the futon to wrap his limbs around a throw pillow.

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“Tsukki, tell me more about it!” Yamaguchi replied, almost whining into his phone. “What did she say?”

“What? No way. I’m not telling you,” the blond spat. “Go ask her yourself.”

“Why would you even suggest that? That’d be too embarrassing!”

“Exactly! It’s too embarrassing for me to even say.”

“Ugh, okay, I get it,” Yamaguchi huffed, but his cheeks were beginning to ache. The grin on his lips was unrelenting. “Will you at least tell me if she said any good things?”

Tsukishima scoffed, but remained silent.

The freckled boy groaned. “Tsukki, now I’m just getting worried! Just what kind of impression does your mom have of me?”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. It’s not like she’d have anything bad to say about you.”

Yamaguchi frowned. He understood that Tsukishima couldn’t see him, but he didn’t feel like saying anything more either.

“Anyway,” the blond continued. “Don’t you have to go to school later?”

“Yeah, but we only have a meeting in the morning, so I’m planning on napping through the afternoon. I hope I would, anyway. If I couldn't get some rest, then I probably wouldn't be going to volleyball practice tomorrow,” he muttered. “Why?”

“Oh. Just asking,” Tsukishima answered. “I didn’t think you’d still be awake, so I don't exactly have anything to talk about.”

“Eh, if you’re starting to feel tired already, you should get some sleep then.”

"Yeah— Well," the blond began, “I don’t feel like ending the call yet, though.”

“Then don’t,” Yamaguchi replied. “Let’s just talk about whatever.”

The darkness melded with the light as Yamaguchi curled up in his sheets, shoulders trembling from the laughter that shook his body. They talked about everything and nothing all at once, Yamaguchi lost track. He’d close his eyes every now and then, focusing his senses to his boyfriend’s voice alone. At one point he must’ve spoken for too long, since after he was done explaining at length that Sugawara’s hair colour should be possible to achieve through natural means, the voice on the other end of the line had gone silent. Well, almost. Yamaguchi listened to Tsukishima's soft breathing until it was time for him to get up for work.

The freckled boy hadn’t even considered that he’d miss the other’s snoring, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Yamaguchi made deconabe at the Tsukishima household. It's a decoration hot pot! It's basically a hot pot, but the ingredients have been shaped just like in a character bento.
> 
> —
> 
> A little heads up — I'm participating in the Haikyuu!! Summer Big Bang this year, so from now up until the end of August, I will be splitting my free time between working on HH and the project I'll be doing with my co-writer (and whoever our future teammates would be) !! I don't think this would affect HH's updates too much, but if ever a chapter gets too delayed, then the HQBB might be the reason ;; (But tbh the late updates are usually because of my work schedule + after work laziness uuu)
> 
> The next chapter is going to be an experimental one!! I'm already looking forward to it v^__^v Thanks so much for reading!!!


	7. Idle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH I encountered so many setbacks while writing this chapter… A few days ago, my work file got corrupted so I ended up losing 1-2k words of progress, and my tablet died on me last July 1st too *cue tears and bitter feelings* While that would have posed a problem for HH's fic art, I was graciously reminded that angels _do_ exist on earth — thank you SO MUCH to the five talented artists that offered to help me out!!! (You can click the pictures to visit the original artist's blog, or you can wait until the end notes to find out who made what! ^_^)
> 
> Anyway, this experimental chapter ended up being really late, and it's also hella heavy in text and images (5k+ words, not including those that were turned into text images; there are 9 drawings and text conversations split into 19 pictures, so a grand total of 28 images), so i'm really sorry it's so long!!! orz The SMS images are CRUCIAL in this chapter, so **PLEASE inform me if they do not show up** or if it'd be better for me to write those scenes out in text so that it wouldn't take too long to load up this update and any future chapters that may incorporate this style again.
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience and interest in this fic!!

Despite the drawn curtains, the bright sun still shone through with fierce aggression. The air was heavy with languor, but his head felt light, barely there. A groan spilled out of his lips as he rolled to his side, and his movements caused his temples to throb in complaint. His shirt rode up his torso until it barely concealed a thing, the sweatdrops peppering his pale skin glistening in the morning sun.

With eyes still closed, he extended his arms, only to helplessly grab at a lifeless lump of foam. He knitted his brows, but he curled up into the pillow anyway. He fluttered his eyes open. His headache worsened as his eyelids drooped heavily. His temples ached with a dull pain, somehow comforting in its familiarity, but the discomfort it brought about was unwelcome. It was inevitable that he eventually succumbed to the listlessness he didn’t even attempt to ward off.

When he regained consciousness again, the acid on his tastebuds was even more discouraging. He assessed his surroundings anyway. The plain walls were nostalgic, but they struck him to be in the wrong hue. The washed out dresser by the corner was filled with clothes that didn't quite fit. A bookshelf displayed trinkets and old pastimes, outdated almanacs and dust-ridden dioramas. The room brimmed with things he owned, but he felt like an intruder in the intimate space of someone he once knew. Everything seemed to be in place, and yet he couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something missing. He mentally berated himself as he reached his hand under the sheets and retrieved his cellphone, but he managed to forgive himself when the screen alerted of several unread messages.

The first one was short and concise, a mere note about how the sender had left Miyagi and would be back in a few weeks. He nodded to himself in acknowledgement, and made a mental note to reply to it later. A newer message seemed to garner all his immediate attention.

 

 

 

He raised an eyebrow in concern. Something felt off. He glanced at the name at the top of the screen before he typed out his reply.

 

 

 

He massaged his temples before slowly bringing himself into an upright position. Although he’d moved with the utmost care, he still suffered from a headache by the time he sat up on his messy bed. He heaved a sigh as he turned to his mattress and stared at his silent phone. He brought the device back into his hands and began to type a reply to Yachi.

 

 

 

Tsukishima frowned. He stood up and ruffled his hair with his free hand. He slipped on his eyeglasses and walked out of his bedroom, tapping his phone’s screen as he considered how he wanted to respond to Yachi's inquiry. He stopped before the bathroom door for a moment, but the grumbling in his stomach guided him forward instead. He kept his eyes on his phone as he entered the kitchen. He was mentally prepared to send his answer to Yachi when —

“Oh. You’re up early, Kei.”

The boy lifted his head up. A quick glance to the clock only added to his confusion.

“Uh. Hi, mom.”

“I didn’t think you’d be up until much later today."

"Huh."

"What kept you busy all night, anyway? I don’t suppose you were up until dawn just talking to yourself.”

His eyes widened at the statement, and he felt his facial muscles slacken.

His mother simply smiled at his reaction. “How about we practice your cooking today? Your dad and your brother are out of town, so we don’t have to make too much.”

The boy wordlessly approached her and put his cellphone aside, and he accepted the knife that she handed to him. While his mother prepared a wok and began sauteing the ingredients she had readied beforehand, Kei busied himself with mincing carrots, meat, and chives.

“Here, why don’t you try stirring this for a bit?” she asked once the last of the spices had been added. She walked over to a countertop and retrieved a plastic container, and she dumped its contents into the mix.

The blond had some confidence as he held the spatula in his hand, but the fact that his mother was watching over him as he prepared the fried rice made him feel unnecessary pressure.

"Kei?"

"Yes?" he answered.

“How long have you been," his mother paused to turn to him with an expectant look on her face, but Kei was too preoccupied with stirring to notice. "...you know..?"

"What?"

"…Involved?”

"Involved with cooking?" the boy asked. "I’ve been learning how to cook ever since I moved out.”

His mother sighed. “How long have you been together with your boyfriend?"

Kei straightened his back out of his reflex. His arm moved on autopilot, and he stared at the jumble of meat and grain that tossed in the pan before him. “M-mom, I-"

"You can't hide anything from me, Kei," she said softly. “Well, you were talking pretty loud last night, and I heard the news from your brother, too. But don't blame him about it, I might've forced it out of him."

  
He slightly covered his face with his upper arm and subsequently pushed his eyeglasses up his nose. “Uh, it’s been about a year now.”

“Oh. Wow, you’re pretty serious then.”

“I guess,” Kei replied before he could carefully evaluate his choice of words. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“It’s okay,” she replied in a serious tone.

Kei cleared his throat to ward off the awkward silence that followed. His movements turned messier and some of the rice began to spill out of the wok.

“I heard that Tokyo wards have started recognizing unions now,” his mother said in a voice barely above a whisper. She lightly placed her hand atop her son’s forearm, and although Kei instinctively stiffened from the contact, she was still able to peel the spatula away from his hand. She continued to stir the fried rice with more ease and finesse as she added, “Are you two planning on getting married?”

Kei paled. “Mom. No."

"Why?"

"It’s way too soon for that.”

“Maybe, but have you talked about it at least?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t even support myself right now," the boy sighed. "Why would I even think of that?”

“I’m not saying you should jump at it right now. It could just be a goal to work towards."

He pursed his lips.

“I don't know... I don’t know how Yamaguchi feels about it either,” Kei replied slowly. He stepped away as his mother motioned to transfer their meal into separate serving bowls. He rubbed the side of his neck and looked away as he continued, “But mom, you… you’d be okay with that?”

 

[ ](http://ray495.tumblr.com)

 

His mother smiled. “Well, if it would ever come to that, then I wouldn't really have a say in it, would I? You’re a smart boy, Kei, and I have always trusted in your decisions. If you’d want to settle here in Miyagi for a few months, that’s fine. If you’d eventually want to head back to Tokyo and marry that charming boy you brought home, that’s okay too. If it’s something that would make you happy, then why would I go against it?"

Kei laughed nervously.

“Ah, but your father really wanted to have a girl in the family, you know. You might have to talk it out with him. Or better yet, you should let your boyfriend do it, since he seems to have charmed your dad quite a bit. He could probably woo your dad with his sumo knowledge.”

“Woo? With sumo knowledge?” the boy repeated.

“Would Yamaguchi-kun be joining us for your birthday?”

“Ah, no.”

“We should invite him, then.”

The boy shook his head. “He wouldn’t be able to make it."

"Why not?"

"He has a flight on the same day.”

“Oh. I see. You’re right, he did say something about studying abroad last time, didn't he? But I didn’t think it was so soon,” his mom mumbled. “Did he tell your brother about that?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, well, that’s too bad. I was hoping to see him, too,” she replied quickly. “Anyway, Kei, can you set the table? It’s about time we ate something.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

His food looked almost untouched. Normally, he would've wanted to finish things up quickly, but his sluggish pace wasn't because he was trying to savour his meal, either. Preparing dishes for himself meant that he didn't need to exert too much effort. There was no need to be mindful of what to put or how much to make — he was going to finish whatever he put on his plate, anyway.

The sound of chopsticks picking against plastic echoed too loudly in his ears, to the point that he'd much rather not bring his utensils anywhere close to the meat that had gone cold. He sighed.

Eating just seemed more tedious than usual. It was uninspiring.

 

[ ](http://baccadraw.tumblr.com)

 

A piercing alarm rang through the room, and it startled him to the point of feeling embarrassed. The name on the screen took him by surprise, but he tried his best not to stall reading the message for too long.

 

 

 

Yamaguchi brought a closed fist to his mouth. Normally, he would've needed more time to muster up his courage.

 

 

 

 

It was anything but a normal day.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

He carried the boxes of files and papers in his arms, carefully calculating his every step so as not to lose his balance. His co-worker slightly lagged behind him, and he made sure to pace himself so as not to put extra pressure on the other boy.

“Yamaguchi, you’ve gotten quite fit lately, haven’t you?” the older teacher wheezed as he dropped his load on a table. The teachers' faculty room was bustling with people, but the science department was mostly overflowing with paperwork, new and old.

“Do you think so, Sugawara-san?” Yamaguchi smiled.

"I'm a mess from having carried these things across the campus, but you haven't even broken a sweat yet! What's your secret?" Sugawara asked with a huff. "Does it have anything to do with you getting busy with Tsukishima-kun after hours?”

[ ](http://baccadraw.tumblr.com)

"Uh," Yamaguchi said as he looked away, and he could feel his face heat up. "What do you mean?"

"Eh, you thought of something naughty just now, didn't you?" the older boy snickered. "Are you and Tsukishima-kun doing anything suspicious?"

“N-no, we've just been p-playing volleyball…”

“Oh, I see,” Sugawara nodded in understanding, but his raised eyebrows and discreet smile showed that he wasn't all that convinced.

"I'm actually headed to practice right now," the freckled boy relayed, steadying his voice so as to sound more convincing.

"Oh, is that so? It’s great that you even find the time to do that. Must be nice to be young.”

“I’ve only been participating during the summers,” Yamaguchi explained. “I wouldn’t have even gotten into it if Tsukki hadn’t introduced me to his team.”

“Ah, didn't he have some of his teammates over for his party last year?”

“Yeah, he did!"

Sugawara nodded. “Is there any celebration planned for his birthday this year? It should be happening soon, right?”

“Ah, his birthday is in two weeks. Tsukki isn’t in Tokyo right now though,” the freckled boy answered.

“But he should be back in time for your flight, right?”

Yamaguchi shook his head.

"Oh?" Sugawara frowned. "Have you been feeling lonely without him around?"

Yamaguchi laughed awkwardly. "That's embarrassing to even think about, Sugawara-san."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way," the older boy smiled.

"I'm fine."

"If you say so. But if you ever need company, we could always hang out. I know I would miss having you around here!"

"I'll miss it here, too!"

"You've been a great teacher, Yamaguchi," Sugawara began as he took a seat behind his work desk. "You've made a positive impact on a lot of students here, and I think that's the best kind of contribution you could make as an educator. I'm sure you'd do great back in school, and if you ever need a hand with something, just give me a message!"

"Thanks, Sugawara-san," Yamaguchi replied with a grin. "But can we say our goodbyes when I'm actually leaving already? I don't want to get emotional right before I have to give a lecture on the excretory system."

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

The space was packed with the heat radiating from bodies, sweat dripping off foreheads, and the shouts filling the tense air. Modest cheers gushed from the bleachers, adding to the adrenaline that pulsed through him. There was an undeniable rush that came with being on court, but the special kind of anticipation that accompanied the nightfall equally fueled him, too.

He’d been looking forward to it. The moment he separated from his team, he took out his phone and checked the time before typing out his message.

 

 

His phone rang in his hand before he could pocket it back into his jacket. A smile spread on his face.

"What."

"What?" he replied, grin widening.

"What kind of a message was that?"

"A thoughtful one."

“It’s still really early, Yamaguchi.”

“But you’ve been sleeping a lot,” he commented. “That’s not such a bad thing, but I still worry about you, you know.”

“You’re worse than my mother.”

“I’ll call her to remind you about your dental hygiene, then.”

"Just how many volleyballs hit you in the head today?"

"Zero," Yamaguchi chuckled.

"Did your serves hit anyone in the head?"

"I'm not that clumsy, Tsukki."

"But you can be cruel on the court when you want to be," the other boy pointed out. "So, how did it go?"

His smile made his cheeks ache as he said, “It dragged on for too long."

"Three sets?" Tsukishima asked.

"The other team was really good. We might have settled the score even faster if you were with us."

"...Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"I'm serious!" the freckled boy half-shouted as he turned to a crowded area that was lively with commotion. He maintained the volume in his voice as he said, "Kuroo-san said the same thing."

"No way. I wouldn't have made much of a difference.”

"Your presence would've made a difference on me at least," he replied. Further down the street, he caught sight of a couple, their fingers linked as they exited a well-lit shop. He felt slightly bitter from the public display, but the matching glint from their hands caught his interest.

"You're biased. It doesn't count."

Yamaguchi faked a gasp.

"Stop."

"You're no fun tonight."

"The game wasn’t enough to dampen your energy?" Tsukishima commented.

"I'm just psyched up, I guess,” the freckled boy replied. “You sound off, too. You just woke up, didn’t you?”

The blond sighed. “Yeah.”

“Got a headache again? Your mouth taste like shit again?”

“Yes, yes,” the other boy grumbled. “But honestly, my mouth doesn’t taste all that bad this time.”

“You’ve probably gotten used to it being unclean. Nasty,” Yamaguchi made a face. “I can’t believe I used to let you kiss me with that mouth.”

“Are you saying you’d reject me now?”

“It depends on how desperate I am,” he laughed.

Tsukishima chuckled. "Okay. I'll brush my teeth later. Did you guys win?"

"Yeah."

“Ah, that explains things.”

“What things?”

“Nothing,” the blond droned. “So you're a rich man now, then, huh?“

"Hardly," Yamaguchi replied. He meant to simply glance into the shops he passed by, but he stalled before one that had a rather fancy display.

 

 

 

 

"How much did you guys get this time?"

"Just enough to treat myself to something nice," Yamaguchi spoke slowly as he dragged his feet. His eyes lingered on the delicate patterns of the jewelry. "I mean, if I wanted to, I guess."

"You're not adding it to your savings?"

"I don't know. Maybe not all of it," he shrugged. "It depends."

"Well, you should spend it wisely either way."

"You're right," Yamaguchi agreed, and he quickened his pacing down the road.

There was some chattering on Tsukishima's end of the line, and shortly afterwards the blond had to excuse himself to help his mother with some errands.

Yamaguchi stopped in his tracks. He stared at his phone before keeping it away in his bag. He bit his lip in consideration as he checked the contents of his wallet, eyeing the measly wad of paper bills and the tempting glint of silver plastic.

The urge was too strong again.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Kei, don’t forget to bring a jacket with you. It’s quite cold outside.”

“I think I’ll just put on a sweater, mom.”

“Okay. Try not to take too long to change, okay? The mechanic might have closed up shop by the time you get there.”

He readjusted his collar as he walked back to his room. The smooth cotton shirt that he layered on was soft and soothing to the touch, not unlike the decade-old shirts he’d been wearing throughout the past few days. In his freshened up state, he felt slightly overdressed for the occassion, but the crisp fabric felt reassuring on his skin.

As he was about to step out into the hallway, his phone started to buzz.

 

 

He furrowed his brows.

 

 

“Kei, are you still there?” his mother called out from the other side of the house. “You don’t have much time left.”

“Okay. Sorry, mom,” he replied back as he quickly slipped on some shoes and shuffled out the house.

A gust of wind rustled the leaves overhead, and the orange sunset granted a sense of warmth. As he paced through their front yard, a shrill sound piqued his interest. He immediately lowered his gaze. It took only a moment for him to get on his knees and offer his hand forward.

 

 

[ ](http://arururin.tumblr.com)

 

 

He hadn’t expected the kitten to actually approach him, but it didn’t seem all that wary of him anyway.

The feel of grass grazing his skin, the looming threat of dirt staining his jeans, the captivating glaze in the cat’s eyes — it was a strange sensation, having its dark fur tease at his fingertips. It felt like a real, solid interaction — something he hadn't realized he'd been missing. It was as though he’d been drenched and finally left out to dry in the sunlight. He had a feeling he’d soak up to his worries when left to his own devices again, but he allowed himself to enjoy the momentary solace. It was nice to get some weight off of his chest, even if only temporarily. 

His phone buzzed again. He was right not to keep his hopes up, since it only ended up being a followup from Kuroo. It was a photo of their team huddled around a bare table, and sure enough Yamaguchi was seated right next to the team captain. Tsukishima made sure to reply with a curt, “Okay,” before exiting his messaging application and switching his camera on.

 

* * *

 

The repair shop was closed by the time he arrived, just as his mother had predicted. Luckily, one of the head mechanics had to make an "extended deposit" at the office comfort rooms, one that allowed him to dawdle long enough to authorize the collection of the Tsukishima family van.

Even though Kei had to humor the mechanic’s awkward conversation about “bathroom accidents,” he still felt it wasn’t that much of a suffering experience. It was worth living through, especially when he kept getting messages from Kuroo complaining about how Yamaguchi had gotten so distracted by Kei’s cat ramblings that the freckled boy ended up heading home early and canceling his initial offer for an afterparty.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

[ ](http://baccadraw.tumblr.com)

Yamaguchi carefully set the bowl on the ground, mindful to not let any of its contents spill. He looked at the small kitten that glared at him apprehensively from a distance, and he turned away briefly to look at a wall. When he returned his focus on the cat, it had lowered its tense tail to the ground, but the squint in its golden eyes still gave off a guarded aura. The freckled boy took out his phone and snapped a photo of his setup anyway.

He browsed through his photo gallery idly. His recent photos boasted of cats and dogs, of dinner plates and familiar faces, of a distinct lack of blond. There was, however, a surplus of photos with Kuroo.

When their team regrouped for their last meeting of the season, Yamaguchi had made the mistake of admitting to Kuroo that he sent most of his pictures to Tsukishima. The older boy took it as that night’s golden opportunity. It irked the bespectacled boy in the beginning, but it quickly escalated into a challenge for Yamaguchi and Kuroo to make the team captain appear as difficult to spot as possible. It was like a twisted game of Where's Waldo.

Yamaguchi smiled at the memory, but the message notification that flashed on his screen made him think of something else.

He scrambled to dial his friend's phone number, eager to get the news out. The first words out of his mouth were, “Yacchan, it's on.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

He rhythmically tapped his fork onto the plate, mindlessly attempting to match the melody he heard in his ears. Synthesized sounds reflected his artificial feelings — fine-tuned and calculated, all-encompassing yet empty. Empty was the stare he’d affixed to the masses that phased before him, bodies and droplets moving faster than his eyes could follow. He could faintly distinguish his reflection on the glass window, and it was only then that he realized how he’d forgotten to even attempt to tame his hair. Not that it mattered.

He studied his own expression as he smoothed whipped cream to the roof of his mouth. It felt too awkward to swallow. The sweet aftertaste was soothing yet subpar, and he found himself thinking —

“Tadashi’s tasted much better.”

 

[ ](http://smrth.tumblr.com)

 

He dwelled on a year-old memory, one laced with cold and uncertainty not unlike what he felt in that moment. He recalled how familiar faces had gathered around a table and stuffed themselves with music, beer, and mirth. Although scrambled and spaced apart, his memories of that night’s events were painfully vivid, and the image of the two birthday cakes Yamaguchi had baked still spurred some fondness in him. He'd been under the impression that the other boy's shortcakes were impactful simply because they were delicious. He gulped down the mush in his mouth and hummed to himself in irritation.

He considered his options.

He could leave — too risky, too many uncertainties, and he was too exhausted to endure that kind of stress alone.

He could stay — but that would mean he’d given up, wouldn’t it? He didn’t like the sound of that, either.

But then, he could ask Yamaguchi about it — the idea sounded good in theory, but he knew it would be too difficult to set things up in reality. How would he even bring it up? It wasn’t exactly something he could say out of the blue. What good would involving Yamaguchi even bring? Tsukishima didn’t want the other boy to needlessly worry about him, even more so when they were already worrying about their physical distance.

Nothing felt right.

He took another bite of his cake.

When was this going to end?

He needed to do something.

He didn't even want to move.

His phone beeped. He ignored it. But it buzzed again. And again. He sluggishly reached into his pocket, and the muscles on his face felt strained when he opened the message.

It was a simple message. It only had one word — "Look!"

The text was followed by a rather unfocused photograph of two kittens, both of which looked quite young and charismatic. They crowded over what must have been Yamaguchi's loafers. The cats stared up to the camera, their eyes shining with expectation.

He didn't bother subduing his expression as he typed, "when was this?"

 

Tsukishima stared at his screen. He weighed Yamaguchi’s words in his mind.

They almost felt wasted on him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

He needed to duck his head before he could enter. The shower stall felt smaller somehow, as though the shampoos and soaps had been stationed further away from where they normally would have been. It made him feel huge. The room seemed too bright, and it was unnerving to see so much of himself in such a harsh light. It was disorienting.

The faint sound of barking boomed over that of the water spraying his skin, and it was a welcome distraction. The heart in his chest skipped with excitement as he patted himself dry. His towel was at least a familiar item, and the overworn shirt and basketball shorts he slipped on helped make him feel more at home.

He grabbed his belongings, making sure to triple check that he’d at least remembered to bring along his used boxers.

“Oh, you’re done already? That was kind of quick, Yamaguchi.”

“It felt kind of weird to bathe in a new place,” the freckled boy laughed. “Thanks for letting me use your shower, Yachi!”

“No problem! You’re free to use it as many times as you want this week,” the girl laughed.

“Where's your dog?” Yamaguchi asked as he wiped the shell of his ear with his towel.

“I brought him to his room. I didn’t want him to tackle you right after you cleaned yourself up,” Yachi answered. “You should’ve told me that it started raining! I could've picked you up from the station.”

“It’s fine! I've survived through much worse downpours," he replied. "Besides, you’re already helping me way too much.”

“Don’t mention it!” the blonde grinned.

“Ah, did you move the rest of my things?” Yamaguchi asked as he frantically turned around the room in search for his bags.

“Oh, yeah! I transferred them to where you’d be sleeping,” she replied.

“Is it the same room your dog would be at?” the freckled boy inquired with an expectant smile.

“No, sorry! I temporarily moved his bed to the living room,” the girl replied with a shake of her head. “He's in your room now, though.”

“Where? Where was it again?” Yamaguchi asked with a bright grin, and Yachi eagerly returned it as she led him to the source of all the barking.

“Hey Starry, did you miss me? It’s been so long!” Yamaguchi crooned as he sunk to the floor, willingly offering his face to be licked upon.

“He’s really started to take a liking to you!” Yachi laughed. She fiddled with her phone and squatted before the other two.

“He’s more fond of Tsukki, though! I’m jealous!” Yamaguchi pouted. He ruffled the tufts of fur behind Starry’s ear as he said, “When are you going to tackle me to the ground, huh, Starry? When are you going to be that excited to see me?”

“Well, the both of you are going to have a lot of time to bond now, so it’s only a matter of time!”

“I guess you’re right,” the freckled boy agreed. “That’s kind of exciting!”

[ ](http://smrth.tumblr.com)

“My mom’s going to be dropping off her dog here tomorrow, actually!” Yachi beamed. “She’s Starry’s older sister, but they get along pretty well. I’m sure you’ll enjoy her company!”

“Eh?” the boy gaped. “But what about—?”

“Don’t worry, it’s only temporary! My mom agrees to babysit Starry whenever I’m away, too.”

Yamaguchi breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh. I see. You got me for a moment there.”

“You don’t have to worry too much about this. I got you covered,” the girl reassured. “Ah, do you need help wrapping your gift? You got something, right?”

“Yeah, I did,” Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly. “It was kind of impulsive, though. I wish I thought about it better before getting it.”

“Hmm, that’s fine too, right?” Yachi hummed. "You liked it so much that you just had to get it right away. That’s not so bad.”

“I guess,” the freckled boy agreed.

Yachi gently poked at Yamaguchi's forearm as she playfully raised her eyebrows. “Are you ready for the weekend, then?”

“I’m kind of nervous,” he laughed. “But thanks for agreeing to come with me!”

“Of course! We have to keep up the tradition, you know!” Yachi grinned. “It’s exciting!”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

The afternoon was humid and silent, save for the melodies that flowed from the headphones around his neck. He lay on his side, causing his eyeglasses to tilt at a dangerous angle. He readjusted himself to prevent his specs from splitting in half. The darkness danced before him, slowly and leisurely, pacing through walls and shelves and lonely corners. He was a patient spectator, anticipating their every move and sway, even though the steps didn’t quite follow a rhythm. Soon enough his room took on a whole different tint altogether, the shadows nearly swallowing him whole. He continued to stare off into nothing in particular.

The pillow in his embrace seemed stiffer than usual, but he supposed he’d gotten too accustomed to it to even appreciate its comfort. He exhaled deeply, and the stress on his shoulders made him weary. He wondered if he was starting to collapse from his burdens, and a part of him dreaded how he was merely waiting — for an opportunity, an excuse, a message — he was waiting for a clean way out. But nothing came easy. He drew the pillow even closer to himself, and tracing back to the roots of his problems only caused his mind to drift further.

 

[ ](http://smrth.tumblr.com)

 

It wasn’t a particularly exciting journey to revisit old pains and speculate future worries, but it was exhausting nonetheless. He made an attempt at reading a book to distract himself, but the words held no spark and he quickly lost interest. His lack of energy only discouraged him from leaving his bed. His limbs felt numb, even when heat spread across his chest. The burn was unspectacular yet unmistakable. It was the lick of fire dangerously caressing the fringes of dry wood, the blaze that might bring warmth to his cold fingertips.

The pain was dull. So dull, he wondered if he’d already lost his capability to feel. Maybe he’d overworked his senses to the point that they’d set off on an indefinite vacation. Maybe he could treat his situation as one long indefinite vacation too, however lackluster it was, but he knew he couldn’t fool himself into thinking that way about it. He willed himself to think about something else instead. Something lighter, easier…

It came as no surprise when a smile flashed in his memory. But instead of comforting him, it only filled him with guilt.

He was off to a fantasized space filled with gray, where everything was a mere placeholder, save for himself and the freckled boy before him. They could've been anywhere — at a restaurant, in the comfort of their apartment room, or in different corners of the world, wires and pixels blurring the distance between them.

“Yamaguchi,” he whispered. It wasn’t the first time he attempted to rehearse the situation, nor was it going to be the last time he’d contemplate how the other boy might react to his revelations. He took in a deep breath as he tried to collect his thoughts yet again, but a knock on the door brought him back to his childhood bedroom in Miyagi.

“Kei? Are you up?”

The voice sounded nearby yet muffled at the same time. The boy pursed his lips. He suspected that the other person was right outside his room, anticipating his reply. He considered staying silent, but he croaked out a response anyway.

“Yes, mom?”

“Do you want to help me with dinner today? I’ll just be in the kitchen if you feel like joining me.”

He sat up on his bed and cradled his head in his hands.

He’ll just have to try again tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order of their art's appearance —  
> Embarrassed Tsuk - [Ray](http://ray485.tumblr.com)  
> Yams eating alone + Embarrassed Yams - [Dave](http://baccadraw.tumblr.com)  
> Yams looking at a jewelry shop display - [CG](http://tsukishima-kei.tumblr.com) digitally lined my pencil sketch  
> Tsuk playing with cat - [Eri](http://arururin.tumblr.com)  
> Yams setting a water bowl - [Dave](http://baccadraw.tumblr.com)  
> Tsuk eating alone, Yams + Yachi with dog, Tsukki emoting in bed - [Pom](http://smrth.tumblr.com)  
> Thank you for your kindness!!!! <3 I've gotten so accustomed to having RR as my own one-man ~~struggle~~ show that it was quite refreshing (and disorienting) to work with so many talented people to get this chapter done!
> 
> Also, the note about Tokyo recognizing same-sex partnerships is an actual thing! The news is from the first half of this year (2015) and you can read a lot of articles about it online ^_^
> 
>  **Happy ninth month to the Redefining Routine series!!** To commemorate, I posted a list of nine notable things that I've done in order to finish certain chapters in this series — [you can view it on my art blog](http://yankasmiles.tumblr.com/post/123461984041)! I know things have been kind of sad in this AU as of late, but trust me!! The next chapter will be loads of fun :3c Thank you so much for reading!


	8. Shrapnel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ** _shrapnel_** (noun) — fragments of a bomb, shell, or other object thrown out by an explosion.
> 
> Thank you to [Eri](http://arururin.tumblr.com/) and [Voi](http://glowly.tumblr.com) for helping me with the angst part of this chapter :^)

A dry cough scratched at the back of his throat, and he rubbed his palm over his chest to relieve himself. His cotton mouth tasted of bile, awful and acidic, and his tongue felt foreign against his teeth.

It took quite a bit of effort to stand on his two feet. His weak knees threw off his balance the moment he tried to take a step towards his door. He managed to stumble out of his room anyway, but he’d bumped his thigh against the sharp edge of a table in the process.

He brought his hand to the walls of the corridors, running his fingers against the rough surface to flick a switch. The burst of light caused him to squint as he waited for his vision to adjust. He massaged his temples and dragged his feet to the kitchen.

"Good evening, Kei.”

He nodded in response. He walked over to the cupboard and retrieved a glass, and with a careful eye, he filled it to the brim with lukewarm water. He eagerly chugged down the liquid that filled his mouth, savouring it to the last drop.

"Is there anything you feel like eating tonight?"

He chugged down his second glassful, feeling relief with each passing moment.

"Anything will do, mom," he replied once he'd refreshed himself.

"Does hot pot sound good?"

The boy raised an inquisitive brow. "Do we have enough ingredients?"

"Maybe. Could you stop by the grocers to get some tofu and vegetables, just in case?"

He shrugged. "Okay."

"While you're there, could you pick up some of these, too?" his mother said as she grabbed a scrap piece of paper.

Splotches of blue stained the back of a blanche white receipt, careful strokes filling the page until the ink bled onto the other side of the sheet. Kei observed how the list steadily grew in length, and the crease in his brow deepened with each added entry.

"I know what you're thinking," his mother said knowingly. "I have enough money, don't worry."

The boy shook his head. "I'm just worried they might spoil before we could even eat all of them."

The woman smiled as she passed the list to her son. "Don't worry. Your dad and your brother should be arriving in a few days, so we need to prepare."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kei made a quick stop to his bedroom to don a coat, and his sweater sleeves were an ordeal to contain in the jacket. He had considered walking to the supermarket, but the cold draft that bit into his skin made him reconsider. He walked over to their family van and started up its engine, and the grip of the steering wheel felt strange and homely at the same time. He readjusted the car's mirrors before backing the vehicle onto the street, and it was with an effortless ease that he navigated around his neighborhood.

The search for a parking lot was a needlessly tiresome one, and from the store's bright posters and blaring jingles, Tsukishima gathered that the place was in the middle of a seasonal sale.

The mishmash of store patrons flocked to the busy discount aisles, and the blond tried his best to avoid getting caught in the scuffle. He lingered along the dairy section when an announcement echoed within the store —

"Flash sale! Limited offer only! Store brand eggs are half-price a dozen for purchases made within the next hour!"  
  
The young boy had thankfully secured a pack of eggs beforehand, but the crowd that flocked to his general direction was enough to cause distress. His senses were overwhelmed by the sound of frivolous aunties and opportunistic students rushing to get a hand on a tray.

The blond wriggled himself out of the hubbub, letting out a sigh once he broke free from the horde. He looked back to the swarm of shoppers and stealthily whipped out his phone. He snapped a quick picture of the scene, pausing only to send the image to his boyfriend. He continued his walk to the cashier counters, and Tsukishima was only half-surprised that the freckled boy hadn't responded to him within ten seconds. He figured that Yamaguchi might've been busy with his own dinnertime preparations, but when he hadn’t received a reply even after the near half hour he’d spent waiting in the cashier queue, he couldn’t help but feel slightly concerned.

He carried his bags out of the store and carefully stowed them inside the van. He glanced at his phone before he slid into the driver's seat, and he tried not to dwell on his lack of notifications as he eased back onto the road. The ride was mostly an uneventful one, but Tsukishima wrinkled his brow when his home entered his field of vision.

Another car was parked in the driveway. Once he got a good look of the registration plate, the vehicle started appearing even more out of place. He felt his throat tighten. Somehow, the dark pink kei car seemed vaguely familiar. His suspicions only heightened once he walked into the threshold of his residence to find two pairs of foreign footwear neatly tucked away in the corner. One set was in a light cream colour, its leather material daintily adorned with hand-stitched designs. Next to them sat a worn-down pair of brown loafers, and the sight caused Tsukishima to purse his lips.

He readjusted his eyeglasses. He robotically walked into the kitchen and set his grocery bags atop a table. With shaky hands, he shook off his coat and wiped the sweat off his brow. He strained his ears to get a hint of either of the visitors’ voices, but his mother’s was all he could hear.

He advanced with caution, following his mother’s words as he walked further into their home. Her voice grew louder and clearer with each step that he took.

“—thank you so much again for making this trip. I hope this hasn’t interfered with your schedules.”

The visitors merely chuckled in unison. When Tsukishima finally entered the sitting room and saw them, his eyes widened to such an extent that it was as though their normal size wasn’t enough to take everything in.

The group stood in the middle of the room. They formed a loose circle, breaking up momentarily to turn their attention to the younger Tsukishima.

The tallest amongst the visitors offered the blond a warm smile, their mouth stretching as they uttered a simple, “Hey.”

He promptly pursed his lips closed, having only then realized that his jaw had gone slack. He cleared his throat before replying, “H-hey. You’re here.”

The rise in his voice hinted that of a question. He spoke with a twinge of uncertainty, still considering the possibility that his eyes might’ve just been tricking him into seeing the form that stood before him.

“Do you want us to go back?”

“No,” Tsukishima replied quickly.

The boy flashed his teeth again. “Good, because we’re not going anywhere."

His lips curled upwards.

“Kei, are the groceries in the kitchen?” he heard his mother say. Or at least he believed it was his mother who said it. Kei couldn’t confirm it, mostly because he couldn’t bring himself to avert his gaze from the dark eyes that met his stare.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Ah, Yachi-san, why don’t you accompany me in the kitchen?”

“Eh? B-but T-Tsukishima-san, I’m horrible at cooking!” a smaller voice spluttered.

The blond faintly caught his mother motioning towards him when she said, “Can you help me as I set the table instead?"

The girl whimpered. “O-okay. I-I’ll try my best.”  
  
“We’ll let you know when everything’s ready,” the woman noted as she ushered Yachi out of the room.

The other boy moved forward, and time dragged on with every step he took to shorten the distance between them. He had gotten close enough that the freckles on his face were clear enough to see.

Tsukishima felt much too numb to move anywhere.

“Sorry I didn’t get to reply to your message,” the freckled boy said. “Your mom was showing us around and I didn’t want to be rude.”

“That’s okay,” the blond croaked out. “For how long would you be staying here, Yamaguchi?"

"Yachi needs to leave for work by tomorrow night, so —"

"You'd be heading back with her?”

The freckled boy studied his expression with a serious look of his own, but he couldn't maintain it for long. He grinned as he asked, “Why do you sound so disappointed, Tsukki?”

“I’m not—”

"Are you sure?"

Tsukishima frowned. "No. Stop trying to get me to say embarrassing things."

Yamaguchi chuckled. He reached over to intertwine their fingers, and the faint contact caused Tsukishima to smile back.

  
“You’re warm.”

The freckled boy hummed in reply, briefly glancing the lower half of the other’s face before quickly shooting back up to meet bright brown eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

"H-huh?"

"I've been wanting to do it since the moment you came in,” Yamaguchi whispered, inching dangerously into the blond’s personal space. “I just didn't want to scare your mother."

"...Okay?"

"Is that a yes?" Yamaguchi asked with a hopeful tilt of his head.

"Uh."

The shorter boy waited, but the mere seconds dragged on that he frowned and looked away.

"Never mind.”

"No, wait, your question caught me off guard," the blond reasoned as he tugged Yamaguchi towards himself.

“I just wanted to know if you’d be okay with it," Yamaguchi explained. "You looked a bit conflicted to see me."

"I was surprised," he defended. He rested his his hands by Yamaguchi’s waist, slipping them down to the other’s lower back as he hushed, "You could've at least given me some kind of hint."

“Eh... ” Yamaguchi tilted his chin upwards, slowly sliding a hand up to rest by Tsukishima's neck. “But that would’ve defeated the purpose of my visit in the first place.”

"Hmm," Tsukishima mumbled, unable to say much else as he leaned closer to Yamaguchi, their lips barely touching. He fluttered his eyes closed, inhaling slowly to take in the breath that the freckled boy had exhaled into his mouth and —

"Kei, mom said— whoa.”

The blond jolted away from his boyfriend. He immediately turned his attention to the doorway. "N-nii-chan?”

“Am… Am I interrupting something here? Because that’s okay, I’ll just go tell mom to eat ahead and —”

“No, no, no,” Kei replied, frantically shaking his head from side to side. “Why are you even here? I thought you wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow?"

"I wanted to be here in time to see Yamaguchi-kun," the older Tsukishima grinned. "It's good to know you arrived here safely."

"A-ah, yes—"

"You knew he was coming here?" the bespectacled boy asked with a raised brow, but the heat in his cheeks had yet to subside.

“Yeah. Didn’t mom tell you?”

“Huh? What does mom have to do with this?”

“Ah, I told Tsukishima-san that I wanted it to be a surprise,” Yamaguchi commented.

“Oh, it’s a good thing I didn’t spoil anything for you guys then,” Akiteru replied. “Ah, well, for the most part anyway.”

Kei opened his mouth to reply, but he decided against voicing out his thoughts.

“Uh, anyway, I’ll go on ahead,” Akiteru said as he slipped back out of the room. “You two can come join us when you’re done catching up.”

Akiteru left as quickly as he arrived, and the events caused Yamaguchi to laugh. His chuckling pierced through the tension of the air as he said, “Well, we can have all night to talk. Why don’t we eat first?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A large round hot pot served as the table centerpiece. The water in the hot pot boiled at a decent temperature, and it was tinted yellow from the broth cubes Yachi had plopped into it. A decent selection of lettuce, mushrooms, lobster balls, and fish tofu encircled the setting.

Yamaguchi moved towards the empty dining seat next to Akiteru, and it came as second nature for Kei to sit directly from his boyfriend.

The older boy quickly rose from his own seat.

  
"You can sit here if you want," Akiteru offered.

"There’s no need," Kei replied.

"Are you sure? I’m almost done eating, so—"

“It’s okay, really,” the younger boy insisted.

“What took you two so long to get back here, anyway?” Yachi asked.

Akiteru gestured to his brother. “Well—”

“I needed to use the restroom, so Tsukki just showed me the way,” Yamaguchi answered.

“Oh, I see,” the girl nodded.

The savoury dinner continued along with conversation, the light-hearted banter serving to complement the simple tastes of the meal. They spoke of current events and work relations, of travel experiences and the hiccups met along the way. When they were finished eating, Yamaguchi offered to clean up the dishes, and Kei and Yachi willingly accompanied him to the task.

“Tsukishima-kun,” Yachi said as she pointed towards a stack of ceramic plates by the side of the sink. “Are we going to have to wash these too?”

“Ah. There’s no need. I’ll put those away later,” the taller boy replied.

“Why are they out here anyway?” Yamaguchi asked.

“I think my mom wanted to use them at first.”

Yachi pursed her lips. “Do you think she’d want to use them tomorrow?”

  
“Uh, I can’t really say,” Tsukishima shrugged. “Why?”

Yachi’s eyes widened. “Am I going to have to eat from a dog bowl?”

Tsukishima knit his eyebrows. “How did you even reach that conclusion?”

“There are only five plates here. Your dad is going to arrive tomorrow, right? Surely I’d have to —”

“No,” the blond replied stiffly. He wiped his hands on a towel before he reached into to a cupboard. “Look. Here’s the sixth one.”

“Ah. Okay,” the girl sighed in relief.

Initially, they had split the workload amongst themselves, with Tsukishima drying off the plates after Yachi had washed and Yamaguchi had rinsed them. After a couple rounds, it became obvious that the soap suds were too powerful for Yachi to overcome, and when she got painfully close to breaking one of the glass cups, the trio unanimously decided on a switch, if only to spare them of a synchronized heart attack.

“How are you guys doing here?”

“We’re just finishing up now, mom,” Kei replied.

“Oh, that’s good,” she replied. "Yachi-san, would you like to use the bath afterwards?"

"Ah, yes please," the blonde chirped. "You guys wouldn't mind?" she added as she turned to her two friends.

"Go ahead. We have two bathrooms here anyway," Kei replied. "You can use the shower before me, Yamaguchi. You know where it is, right?"

"Yeah," the freckled boy nodded.

“Could you tell me where I should go then, Tsukishima-kun?” Yachi asked as she rinsed off the last of the utensils.

“Sure,” the bespectacled boy said. “I’ll go get a towel for you first.”

“There’s no need, I brought one for myself!” the girl chirped. “I’ll go get it from my bag.”

The blond accompanied her to their guest room and waited until she was done fixing up her things.

“Thanks for waiting for me!” she greeted once she walked out into the hallway. She carried a small pouch and a set of new clothes in her arms, and a brightly printed towel rested comfortably around her shoulders.

“It’s fine,” the boy answered. He turned on his heel and lead Yachi to the bathing area, and once she sneaked herself in, he speed walked back into the guest room. He only needed to quickly glance into it to see that Yamaguchi had already shuffled through his own belongings. Tsukishima blinked twice before walking out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The last fringes of summer teased the autumn cold, but the chill was pleasant against his skin. In the crash of nightfall, the world took on a different hue. He was careful to keep his steps light as he walked towards the backyard, and it didn't take long until their garden was within view.

He sat on the patio floor, his feet planted firmly on the dirt. The blond readjusted his eyeglasses and kept his gaze affixed on the sky. An unexpected gust caused him to shiver, and he considered walking back inside the house to grab his jacket. Just before he could stand back on his feet, he heard footsteps shuffling closer.

"Tsukki?"

He shifted to look behind him, only to find Yamaguchi combing his hands through his damp dark hair.

"Do you want to use the shower?" the freckled boy continued.

"I can go later," he replied.

"Okay," Yamaguchi nodded, not once looking away from Tsukishima as he added, “You sure get a good view here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Yamaguchi smiled. "Can I sit next to you?"

The blond patted the space beside him, and Yamaguchi took it as an invitation. It didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to lower himself next to Tsukishima, and their legs splayed out before them as the cool air nipped at their skin.

Tsukishima repositioned his feet on the ground, just barely missing the grass blades that swayed in the wind. He opened his mouth to speak, but promptly closed them in favour of staring at the patterns speckling the dark sky.

“When I see the stars, I end up thinking of you.”

Yamaguchi abruptly turned his head to look at him. The boy stifled a grin as he asked, "Is that why you only ever call me at weird hours?”

“Not always,” Tsukishima corrected.  
“I wonder…”

“Sometimes, I call after I wake up from nightmares."

Yamaguchi chuckled.

"What?" the blond grumbled.

“It’s nothing,” the freckled boy said with a wave of his hand. "I just remembered that one time you woke up in cold sweat because you dreamt about Jurassic Park."

Tsukishima pouted. "You died in that dream."

"I know," the boy replied. "Did it make you cry?"

"No."

"Ah. Whatever, you still called to check up on me anyway,” Yamaguchi recounted. “Did you get worried that those dinosaurs might’ve eaten me up for real?”

“Would you shut up about that dream already," Tsukishima chuckled. "I already know there’s only one thing that could ever come close to eating you.”

“Eh? Are you saying you’d eat m—?”

“Could you lower your voice?” the blond hissed.

“I was just checking,” Yamaguchi tittered. “What did you mean, anyway? What could possibly eat me?”

“Stress, for one,” the blond pointed out. “I hope you haven’t done anything weird in an attempt to destress.”

"No. Maybe. Not yet.”

Tsukishima stared at the other boy.

“What?”

“Maybe I should ask Yachi to check up on you.”

“There’s no need,” Yamaguchi assured. “I’ve been staying at her place for a while now.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Ah, she was going to drive me here anyway, so she let me crash at her place. She lives closer to the airport, so I be might spending my last days in Tokyo there, too.”

“I see,” the blond nodded. “What about the apartment?”

“Well,” Yamaguchi trailed off. He spoke slowly as he added, “I’d be away for the rest of the year, and you wouldn’t be there anyway, so....”

“Did you move out?”

“It felt like a waste to renew the contract,” he frowned. “I hope you understand.”

“No, that’s fine. I was going to suggest it to you, anyway,” the blond assured. “So you’ve been rooming with Yachi?”

“Yeah. Temporarily anyway,” Yamaguchi grinned. “It’s kind of strange to not have you around at home. At Yachi’s, it’s almost always noisy.”

“What, does she always cause a ruckus or something?” Tsukishima chuckled, his mind already projecting various possible scenarios.

“You’re not wrong,” the freckled boy laughed. “It’s almost impossible for it to be really peaceful, but at least it doesn’t feel lonely.”

Tsukishima forced out a smile. “I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t have to leave so soon.”

“No, it’s fine,” Yamaguchi rushed to say. “I know you have your reasons.”

“What were your reasons for coming here, then?”

“Shouldn’t the answer be obvious?” Yamaguchi replied with a raised brow. “I wanted to see you before I left.”

“I thought so.”

“Don’t go looking so smug about that,” the freckled boy said with a light punch to Tsukishima’s shoulder. “I know you felt the same way, too.”

“I did.”

“I’m glad to know I wasn’t alone, then.”

Tsukishima folded his arms together, keeping them close to his body as he asked, “Have you started packing your things, then?”

“Yeah, Yachi’s been helping me out with sorting through everything. I’m trying not to bring too much with me,” Yamaguchi relayed.

Tsukishima nodded solemnly. “I see. I’m sorry I couldn’t help out.”

“Tsukki, you’ve helped me out so much with this already. It’s fine!” the freckled boy assured. “If there’s anything I could do for you when it comes to your thesis, let me know, too!”

The blond’s shoulders tensed, feeling rigid in the cold air. He quickly looked away.

“Huh.”

“Ah, well, I don’t think I could be of much help, but I’ll do my best anyway,” Yamaguchi said as he turned his eyes to the sky. “You’ve been looking really invested in your research lately, and I’ve been kind of envious of how you had something like that to stress over.”

“Really?”

“Seeing you like that made me look forward to doing some research of my own too, but I’d probably regret saying that once I’m neck-deep in deadlines,” he chuckled.

“That’s good…”

“From now on, we’d both be pretty busy, huh… We’d have different timezones too, so we should probably set up a date or time for when we could catch up with each other properly.”

Tsukishima clenched his jaw. The stars turned blurry in his vision.

“I wouldn’t be here to stop you when you overwork yourself anymore, Tsukki, so you better—”

Yamaguchi trailed off. His words hung in the air, empty and forgotten. The freckled boy had paused to look at Tsukishima’s face, only to get a glimpse of the faint sheen in the other’s golden eyes. It was by instinct that he wrapped his arms around the taller boy, but to Yamaguchi it seemed more like he had opened his arms just in time to catch Tsukishima.

The blond rested his forehead by the junction of the other’s neck. Yamaguchi began to pat his back slowly and rhythmically, and Tsukishima attempted to match his breathing to it. He inhaled the smell of Yamaguchi’s shirt, and as he melted in the warmth of the other’s embrace, he felt safe.

Tsukishima raised his hands to clutch at the freckled boy’s shoulders.

“I," he breathed, the single utterance already draining him dry. He cleared his throat. "I dropped out of school.”

Yamaguchi froze.

"I know. I know I should've told you sooner, but I," he paused, "I have a hard time just admitting it to myself."

“You… you dropped out?” the dark-haired boy asked in a whisper. “Why?”

“The school had been threatening to kick me out for overdue fees,” he replied, a bitter smile on his lips. “I just left before they could do it. It felt like a pointless struggle to stay anyway."

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi spoke, his voice soft as he held the other boy close. "Didn't the school give you any options?"

"They did. And I tried. It wasn't enough," the blond sighed. He slid his hands down to the other's back and grabbed fistfuls of fabric. “It sucks.”

Tsukishima’s breathing remained leveled, but the freckled boy felt his shirt dampening where the other boy had rested against.

"You must be so tired.”

Tsukishima exhaled sharply. He meant to laugh, but he couldn’t find the strength. He remained still as Yamaguchi smoothed his hair and massaged his scalp.

“I-I can’t even imagine how you’ve been feeling.” Yamaguchi shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Tsukki. I’m sorry I’ve been needlessly hard on you when you were going through so much. I’m sorry I’ve been so insensitive.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” the blond replied. “It’s my fault you didn’t know about this in the first place.”

“That doesn’t matter at all.”

"It does. I’m sorry. I just hated how they looked at me, how they said they wished they could help me. I didn’t want you to look at me in that way. I didn’t want to cause any more trouble for you — for anyone. But here we are now,” he chuckled weakly. “I don’t know what I want to do anymore, Yamaguchi. I really don’t.”

“I understand,” Yamaguchi said softly. “That’s okay.”

Tsukishima peeled himself away from the other boy, and his pale face was speckled with splotchy shades of red that made Yamaguchi’s chest sink to his stomach. The freckled boy slowly took off the other boy’s eyeglasses and wiped away the tears on his cheeks.

Tsukishima kept his eyes lowered to the side. Moisture caught onto his lashes and blurred his unaided vision. A gentle caress coaxed him to raise his chin, and it was with great reluctance that he complied.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to support you lately, but I’ll do better,” Yamaguchi whispered. His voice was calm and soothing, much like the way his touch felt against Tsukishima’s skin. “I’ll be better.”

Tsukishima pursed his lips, pressing them tightly together to the point that they felt numbed. He slightly moved away from the other boy, and felt himself begin to relax once he’d rested his head against Yamaguchi’s shoulder. The two looked skyward, their eyes fixated towards the same direction.

“It’s fine that you don’t know what to do yet. I wouldn’t expect you to,” Yamaguchi said as he began to smooth Tsukishima’s hair. “Besides, you always think too much on your own.”

“You’re no better than me.”

“I know! But that’s okay. We end up figuring things out when we’re together, anyway.”

“Oh?”

“Why? You wouldn’t agree?”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I know that I probably wouldn’t have survived the past year without you,” Yamaguchi confessed. “You helped me through my struggle to go back to school, and I could never thank you enough for that."

Tsukishima shook his head. "I barely did a thing."

"But you stuck with me and you respected my decisions,” Yamaguchi replied. “Ah, now that I think about it, I guess part of that was because you were going through your own struggle.”

The blond felt heavy yet light at the same time, but it was a comfortable kind of conflict. It was somehow reassuring to have Yamaguchi next to him, and in the silence that they shared he found a certain strength that he wouldn’t have found otherwise. He smiled softly to himself.

“Why do you do all these things for me?”

“Because you’re important to me,” Yamaguchi answered with a conviction that caused Tsukishima to smile even wider. “You've been strong for too long, Tsukki. You need some rest. When you're ready to decide what you want to do, let me know."

"How about now?" the blond asked. "What do you think?"

"If you want something, you have to look for your own way to achieve it, I think. I can't tell you what to do, but we can talk about your plans if you want,” the freckled boy replied. “I'd support you no matter what you choose."

Tsukishima straightened himself, turning to face Yamaguchi directly as he asked, "Really?"

"Really,” Yamaguchi replied. “I only want you to be happy."

Tsukishima scrunched up his nose when his boyfriend stopped to ruffle his hair when he motioned to stand back on his feet.

He stared at Yamaguchi accusingly, but the freckled boy only smiled and muttered, "Wait here for a bit."

The blond nodded, and Yamaguchi skittered towards the inner hallways. Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi’s back until the other boy was safely back into the house.

In his newfound solitude, the boy wiped his eyeglasses and slipped them back on. The song of the crickets and cicadas echoed in the distance, and the faint flicker of fireflies blinked along to the tune. Leftover warmth still heated the space where Yamaguchi had just been, and Tsukishima traced his fingers along the wood in an attempt to get a hold of it. The sound of doors sliding open and shut grew louder as the seconds passed, and soon enough he could hear the sound of Yamaguchi’s panting.

"Oh? What's this for?" the bespectacled boy asked when Yamaguchi returned with a small box.

"It's for a lot of things," the freckled boy answered. He rubbed his palms against his jeans as he settled himself next to the blond again. "Open it."

“With you here?” he asked warily.

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi said as he tried to catch his breath.

Tsukishima reluctantly peeled off the paper bit by bit. The solid blue wrapping made way to stark black, the colour not much different from the shade that the sky had taken up.

Yamaguchi rubbed at the nape of his neck as Tsukishima thoughtfully weighed the jewelry box in his hand. “Uh, I originally wanted to get a ring, but I got the feeling that you wouldn’t like wearing one.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, uh,” Yamaguchi jumped, taken aback by the unexpected interruption. “Well, you fidget with your fingers sometimes, so you mind end up taking it off and misplacing it, you know?”

“Huh.”

“Bracelets would’ve been okay I guess,” the boy rambled, “but they might snag at stuff and get in the way of your work, too. And then Yachi wasn't sure if earrings went against the museum's dress code, so —"

A soft huff creeped past the blond’s lips. The sound was barely noticeable, merely amplified by the stillness of the air. Just as Tsukishima moved to cover his face, Yamaguchi held his hand down. The blond no longer attempted to hide how creases formed on the bridge of his nose as a smile made the corners of his mouth feel like they were being torn open.

“What’s wrong?” Yamaguchi asked, his expression halfway between worry and amusement.

The blond tried to sober his expression, but his grin never left him.

"You really thought about this."

"Not really, actually,” the freckled boy confessed. Yamaguchi tucked his dark hair behind his ear in embarrassment. “Why don’t you try it on?”

The dark material of the lid felt lush in Tsukishima's palms. The box's interiors looked of midnight from the way it contrasted the spark of luster within it. Small specks were engraved onto an ornament, and Tsukishima ran the pads of his fingers over each spot.

“Oh,” Tsukishima raised his brows in surprise. “These are your stars.”

“I know,” Yamaguchi chuckled nervously. “Is it okay?”

The jewelry glinted despite the limited light. The blond carefully plucked it from its cushion and brought it closer to his face.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Tsukishima carefully appraised the details of the piece. The dark chain felt fragile yet sturdy at the same time, and the flat pendant that hung in its grasp was etched with stars drawn into a constellation. Despite the growing smile on his lips, the blond could still sense the increased tenseness and anticipation oozing from his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything yet."

“Oh, n-no, no, that's fine,” Yamaguchi stammered. His expression remained expectant.

“It’s not," he replied. “You’re always doing all these things for me.”

“That’s because I want to.”

“Then I want to get you something, too.”

“You don't need to spend money on me, Tsukki.”

“But weren't these expensive?”

"Ah, not at all," Yamaguchi replied. "The pendant was a bit on the pricey side, but everything else isn't. Yachi just went overboard with the wrapping and decorating, so it looks more expensive than what it's really worth.”

Tsukshima snorted. “You could have lied to me.”

"That wouldn’t be fair," Yamaguchi defended. "If we're going to start being more honest with each other, then I should be able to say this much to you, right?"

"You don’t have to say everything."

“I guess," the boy agreed, "but it’s not like I’m forcing myself, anyway.”

“Well, if you want me to be honest, I’ll let you know that I don’t know how to put this on by myself.”

“Ah, I-I can help you with that, Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi wordlessly accepted the chain in his open palm. The freckled boy unclasped the chain and wound it around Tsukishima’s neck, and Yamaguchi moved around the other boy to link the necklace closed. The seriousness in his face as he readjusted the pendant made the blond smile.

“Did Yachi help you pick this out?”

“Oh, no, I got this on my own,” Yamaguchi replied. “It’s just that when I saw these, it just immediately reminded me of us."

“These?” the blond asked. “There’s more than one?”

“Oh, I got something for myself, too,”

“We… we’d match?”

“Uh, not really,” the other boy said slowly. “It might make more sense if you look at it.” Yamaguchi said as he took out another necklace from his pocket.

“Isn’t that…?”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi laughed nervously. He pulled his hair to the side, exposing his nape as he struggled to lock the jewelry around his neck.

“Do you want me to…?”

Defeated, the freckled boy sighed and lowered his hands. “Yes, please.”

Tsukishima smiled as he held onto each end of the necklace, but frustration began to take its place once the lock began to dig into his nail whenever he tried to open it.

“These are a little complicated to put on, huh.”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi groaned. “I didn’t really think this through.”

“Maybe,” Tsukishima answered, his voice trickling down into something more solemn. “They’re a bit easier to wear, so, maybe… maybe next time I could get us the rings that you wanted.”

Click.

Right when the necklace snapped closed, Yamaguchi whipped his head around.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know," he replied. “I said ‘maybe.’ You might beat me to it."

"You... you wouldn't mind that sort of thing?"

"No, I guess not," he said. "But we should get cheap rings."

Yamaguchi grinned. "I'd get the fanciest of what Don Quijote has to offer."

"You'd get something so easy to replace?"

"Yeah. Why not?" the freckled boy said. "That way it wouldn't be so painful to throw away when we'd want to go with something that'd last us longer."

Tsukishima’s cheeks ached from his smiling. He closed his mouth to lick his lips as he grazed his fingers along the silver plating of the other boy’s pendant.

"Libra for you, huh?"

"Would you rather have this one after all?”

"No. It’s fine,” he whispered as he traced the familiar pattern on Yamaguchi's freckled cheek. “It suits you.”

He let his touch linger, caressing the side of Yamaguchi’s face as he leaned in to peck the other boy's mouth.

Tsukishima had been feeling like he was standing at a precipice. Anticipation had trickled down his spine and his laboured breaths would leave quickly and painfully from the anxiety and fear, but he felt them melt away in Yamaguchi’s warmth. The freckled boy brought his hands to the blond's sides, slipping them under Tsukishima’s shirt to press the pads of his fingers against cold skin.

Yamaguchi’s warmth captured him, and Tsukishima found himself hanging onto every foreign breath that filled his lungs.

It was not a spectacular kiss by any means. It was undebatable that they've had more intense exchanges before. This one felt more like a continuation to their conversation than anything else. Lips moving as though they were mouthing the things they couldn't find the voice to say, the words melting at the tips of their tongues.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I'm glad we have each other.

I can’t believe you’re here with me.

They move away from their kiss to instead share the air between them, and as they stared into one another’s eyes, it made conversation seem unnecessary.

Even so, Yamaguchi brought his hand atop Tsukishima’s, rubbing his finger across the other’s wrist as he said, “I love you, Tsukki.”

“I know.”

“You know?” Yamaguchi grinned.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima smiled back, “but I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I already did.”

The freckled boy raised his palm to Tsukishima’s hair, messing his blond curls as he said, “Happy anniversary.”

Tsukishima fought back the urge to kiss Yamaguchi again, but as the freckled boy grabbed a hold of his collar and pulled him closer, he began to wonder why he'd been holding himself back in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i... i skipped my usual final proofreading step with this chapter so there's sure to be some errors and awkward sentences somewhere lel... this chapter is just too long and i still have exams to study for so my free time is really limited sO JUST TAKE IT. PLEASE. I'VE BEEN STRESSING OVER THIS UPDATE FOR OVER A MONTH NOW I JUST WANT TO BE FREE ALREADY *FLOATS INTO SPACE* this was enjoyable to write tho, don't get me wrong, i just hate editing long chapters hahah a 
> 
> that said, please inform me of any errors so i can zOOM IN REAL FAST to correct them. thank you so much
> 
> so yea. i hope this chapter was worth the wait. somehow. i'm so sorry for the late update..... orz


	9. Vocal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no NSFW images in this update, but because of the contents of this chapter, the rating for this fic has been raised to **Explicit**. I'm sorry... I miss how innocent Redefining Routine used to be, too!!

The force of a giant boulder dropped onto Tsukishima’s gut, knocking out all the air in his lungs in the process. He cursed out an articulate "Oof!" as the weight made contact with his body, and when his eyes shot open from the shock and the pain, he awoke to find a casualty lying on top of him.

His heartbeat raced from confusion. Streaks of morning sun caught onto his eyelashes and slightly obscured his vision, and the ceiling lamp that loomed above him blurred at the edges. As his eyes adjusted to the light, a low hum vibrated in his chest, familiar in its tune and comforting in its rhythm. Despite his disorientedness, he groggily blinked away his drowsiness as he tried to assess his surroundings.

He at least knew one thing — Yamaguchi was with him. It was unmistakable. He could pick out the other boy’s breathing from a sea of noise. Soothing and calming, it was his favourite piece to wake up to any day. It had been so long since he’d last felt it against his chest, coupled with the sight of dark hair spilling onto him in a tangled mess.

Tsukishima’s thoughts were disrupted by another blow to his chest. Considering how Yamaguchi's knees rested against his thighs, he deduced that the star-spangled sock inching dangerously close to his face could not have been his boyfriend's.

Tsukishima reevaluated his situation.

 

 

He could barely move. He'd been forcefully pinned down like a tail to a helpless donkey, and incidentally he felt just as incapacitated.

Admittedly it wasn't a totally unpleasant arrangement. It had been a fairly common event to have Yamaguchi's sleeping form settled close to his own. However, having Yachi’s deadweight splayed across his torso was as concerning as it was disconcerting.

The arm that Yamaguchi had been lying on had started to feel numb, and Tsukishima lifted his hand in an attempt to regain his sense of feeling. The pinpricks spread across his limb, sharp and paralyzing, and in defeat he lowered it to the other boy’s head.

He barely had a chance to savour having Yamaguchi’s hair between his fingers when he started to feel a pressing strain by his lower abdomen.

He needed to leave.

After carefully considering the acrobatic feats he’d have needed to achieve in order to untangle himself from Yachi’s and Yamaguchi’s grasps, he simply resorted to tossing them both aside. He quickly scrambled to his feet, clutching the doorframe as he stumbled on his way out and —

“Tsu-Tsukishima-kun, what’s wrong?"

Yachi sprang up, frazzled blonde hair framing her confused face. Tsukishima grit his teeth and hesitantly took a step back into the room.

"Nothing. You can go back to sleep."

"Eh? Are you sure?" the girl asked with wide, searching eyes. "But you looked like you were in such a hurry and-"

"You're fine. You're safe," Tsukishima grumbled. "If you want, you can go eat breakfast now."

"Oh, were you just excited to eat?" Yachi said with a tilt of her head. She took her sweet time standing up from the futon and straightening her nightshirt, combing her fingers through her hair as she said, "Why didn't you say so?"

Tsukishima's bladder felt just about ready to burst as he led his guest to the dining hall, where he wordlessly passed the responsibility of entertaining her to his mother. Yachi looked momentarily confused, but her mood considerably lifted from the sight of fresh waffles.

By the time Tsukishima shuffled to the restroom, he was more than eager to shuck his pants down and pass water. He was much too preoccupied to concern himself with how the walls amplified the sound of liquid pattering onto the ceramic. A shiver ran down his body by the time he was finished, relief seeping into his bones as he flushed the toilet. He washed his hands and brushed his teeth, and he splashed cold water on his face before walking back to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Kei.”

“Good morning, mom,” the boy replied as he scratched his lower back.

“You’re just in time. Come, sit,” the older woman said with a smile. “Would you like some coffee? Or tea, perhaps?”

“Tea please,” he replied, dragging his feet to the dining table and plopping onto the chair next to Yachi.

The girl had her hands tightly clutching a fork and a knife, her cheeks plump from the food she’d stuffed in her mouth. Golden brown syrup smeared on her chin, and Kei silently passed her a tissue.

“I was just talking to Yachi-san, and she’s agreed to come with me to the morning market.”

“Was there something I missed at the supermarket last night?” Kei asked as his mother set down a plate of waffles before him.

“No, but I wanted to buy some fresh okra today, especially since they’re in season,” his mom smiled. “Would you and Yamaguchi-kun be fine here on your own?”

“Uh. We’ll manage, I guess,” the boy replied softly. “Where’s niichan?”

“He went out for a jog. He should be meeting me at the market, and I’m sure he’d be more than willing to give you a tour around, Yachi-san.”

“I’m kind of excited. It’s been a while since I’ve been to an asaichi,” Yachi confessed.

“We can head right out after you change,” the older woman replied. “Could you do the dishes for me, Kei?”

“No problem,” he said as he brought some food to his mouth.

“We might take some time, so you should prepare something for lunch just in case.”

His mother untied the apron around her waist and promptly left the room, and it wasn’t long until Yachi finished her meal as well. Before the smaller girl set off to the guest room to retrieve her things, she turned to her friend, a looming question deepening the frown on her face.

“Tsukishima-kun?”

“Hm?”

“How did I end up in your bed?”

Tsukishima furrowed his own eyebrows as he said, “You don’t remember?”

“No, not really,” the girl mumbled.

“Well, I don’t, either,” the blond shrugged as he sliced another piece of his waffle.

“But Yamaguchi-kun was with me in the guest room, too,” she clarified. “Did you drag us to your futon?”

“He came in at the dead of night since he’d almost rolled onto you. Thankfully he snored loud enough to choke on his own saliva in time to spare you,” he droned.

“Eh? Do you think we should have him checked at a doctor’s?” Yachi half-shouted. “What if- what if it’s serious? What if he chokes so badly he stops breathing—”

“It’s fine. He only ever snores when he’s tired. You were traveling yesterday, so he should be fine,” Tsukishima reasoned. “Although I still don’t know how you got in my room.”

“Ah, I guess I might’ve been sleepwalking, then. I tend to do that when I’m tired, too,” the girl confessed, a sheepish smile on her face. “Well, I should go change now. I wouldn’t want to keep your mom waiting.”

Tsukishima shrugged and continued chewing. He ate his meal leisurely, and when his mom and his guest stopped by to say goodbye, he paused to wave his hand back as well. His utensils clinked against the plate with every slice of the knife and pierce of the fork, and each tense of his jaw was a lazy attempt at chewing. Gradually, his mind finally registered the silence of the house and the gravity of his situation. His heartbeat hiccuped as he downed a glass of water, and he calmed himself with two firm pats to his chest.

He stacked the dirty dishes into the sink and briefly considered sitting by the table. He bit into the insides of his cheek before deciding on taking another step forward, right foot before the left, slowly and eventually arriving by the door of his room.

Yamaguchi still laid on his side, his arms and legs loosely splayed across the futon. The morning light illuminated his skin in an ethereal glow, the pale beddings contrasting his slight tan. The other boy looked warm. It made Tsukishima feel warm, too.

Tsukishima walked inside the room and positioned himself by Yamaguchi's side, lying before him even though the sun’s glare pierced his eyes. He allowed only his hand to make contact with the other's forearm, where he drew senseless patterns across the other's skin, trailing his fingers up to his boyfriend's bicep, pausing only to glance at the rise and fall of Yamaguchi's chest. His touch ghosted over the dots that peppered the other's collarbone and jaw line, and he lingered over the patch of drool that had gone crusty on his freckled cheek. If it had been anybody else, it would’ve seemed awkward and unappealing, not welcome and endearing.

Tsukishima began to rub against Yamaguchi's cheek, pressing his thumb against the patch of dried saliva.

The freckled boy knitted his brows and brought his lips into a tight line. He covered his mouth with a hand before he said, "Tsukki?"

"Sorry," Tsukishima whispered as he lifted his hand away from Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi blinked his heavy lids twice. "Is it time for me to get up already?"

"No, but there's food on the—"

"That can wait," Yamaguchi said, immediately reaching over to Tsukishima and tucking his arms and legs around the other boy.

The blond stayed still as Yamaguchi instinctively snuggled up to him, sticking close to his body until he was enveloped in warmth. Their limbs entwined, the blond burrowed his face into the junction of Yamaguchi's neck, easily melting in his boyfriend's embrace.

"Don't move."

"Okay," Yamaguchi chuckled. He rested his fingers against Tsukishima’s neck, rubbing his thumb against the shell of the blond’s ear. “How are you feeling, Tsukki?”

He wrapped his arms tighter around Yamaguchi’s torso as he mumbled, “Better.”

“That’s good.”

“You?”

“Hm?”

Tsukishima nudged his cheek against Yamaguchi's chest as he asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Uh. Well. Didn’t I already answer that?”

"Tadashi," Tsukishima paused, “you’re nervous, aren’t you?”

He chuckled nervously. “I am.”

“Did something happen with your parents again?”

“No, it’s nothing big,” Yamaguchi answered.

“Don’t wait for it to be,” Tsukishima replied, curling into the other's body. “I’m here for you, too.”

“I know. Thank you,” the freckled boy said, petting Tsukishima's hair in appreciation. “Were you able to get enough sleep?”

“I slept better than expected, considering how you and Yachi were on me by the time I woke up.”

“Eh, so she slept here?” Yamaguchi asked. “Did you want our company so badly? You could’ve just asked us—”

“You crashed in my room uninvited.”

“Oh, you didn’t even try to get rid of us,” the freckled boy grinned. “You even lent her your teddy bear, huh?”

“I keep telling you. That’s not mine, it’s nii-chan’s,” the blond groaned, his voice slightly muffled from his position. “She must’ve just grabbed it herself.”

“Or did you have it in bed with you already?”

“Uh, no?”

“You don’t have to deny it,” Yamaguchi teased. He ruffled the tufts of hair behind Tsukishima’s ear as he smiled against the crown of blond hair.

“What use would I even have for it?”

“I don’t know. An extra pillow, maybe?”

He scoffed. He leaned his head slightly above Yamaguchi’s sternum, the other’s steady heartbeat ringing in his ears. The two stayed quiet for a moment, with Tsukishima tugging onto Yamaguchi's clothes as he said, “I already have you for that.”

“Save it. You always complain that I’m too heavy.”

“That’s also true, but I’d choose you over some stuffed animal any day,” Tsukishima grumbled.

“Me too,” Yamaguchi laughed. He began to trace random shapes across Tsukishima’s nape, the pads of his fingers gliding across slowly and gently. “I like it best when you’re next to me.”

Tsukishima craned his head up, and Yamaguchi tilted his chin further to press a chaste kiss on his lips. The blond looked away before returning his head to the other’s collarbone.

The freckled boy snaked his free hand up the taller boy’s torso, having slipped it under Tsukishima's red shirt to spread the same colour across pale skin.

“You’re colder than usual, Tsukki."

“Am I?” he exhaled slowly, his heated breath on Yamaguchi’s skin. He trailed a hand down Yamaguchi’s back, stopping dangerously close to the other’s waistband. His lips pressed against Yamaguchi as he mouthed the words, “Do you want to change that?”

“Maybe,” Yamaguchi hummed against Tsukishima’s hair.

“What do you have in mind?” the blond teased, close enough that his teeth barely scraped against flesh.

“There’s something I want to try,” Yamaguchi said as he dug his fingers into Tsukishima ever so slightly, dragging his nails to leave just the faintest sensation.

Tsukishima hummed as he arched his back in anticipation, pressing their bodies close enough that he could feel Yamaguchi’s heat against his stomach.

Yamaguchi shifted his weight and brought his knees on either side of Tsukishima, pinning the blond to the mattress as he slipped off the other’s shirt.

“Don’t be too loud,” he warned as he lightly dragged his hands down the taller boy’s chest to playfully tug their shorts.

“Why not? I thought you liked that.”

“Do you want us to get caught?” Yamaguchi chuckled. With a steady flick of his wrist, he pulled off the last of Tsukishima’s clothes, leaving only the other’s undergarments. He didn’t avert his gaze when he murmered, “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Wh-what?” Tsukishima gasped, breath hitching in his throat as Yamaguchi began to fondle his chest.

The freckled boy lowered himself slightly, their hips meeting as he whispered into Tsukishima’s ear, “I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?”

“Would you like that?”

He nodded as he tilted his head to the side, Yamaguchi already nibbling on his exposed skin.

“Tadashi,” the blond said practically breathlessly, “No one’s home.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” Yamaguchi said as he immediately straightened himself.

“Huh?”

“Wait here,” the freckled boy grunted as he stood on his feet. He scuttled to the door, coming to a halt the moment the knob turned instantaneously.

“What happened?”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi squeaked. Despite not wearing eyeglasses, Tsukishima could point out that the boy’s cheeks had taken on a warm shade as he added, “you didn’t lock the door?”

“I told you, right? No one’s home.”

“I mean, yeah, I know, but still,” he stumbled on his words in the same manner he brought himself out the door. “Anyway. Yeah. I’ll be right back.”

Yamaguchi’s contrasting characters made Tsukishima smile to himself, chest burning with affection and longing just as his body ached from the unanticipated lack of contact.

He grit his teeth together, swallowing tensely as he willed his eyes shut. Tsukishima tried to distract himself, only to be torn between thinking of life’s stresses and the mouth he wanted to drown his moans into. Reality would only put a downer on his mood, but thoughts of Yamaguchi wasn’t going to help him much either.

He hesitated to bring his legs apart, but eventually surrendered to palming himself through his underwear. It felt half-hearted and impetuous, but the friction didn’t leave much room for him to feel shame. He covered his face behind an arm as he began to stroke himself with more resolve, mind reeling with fantasies of —

“Well. I see you’ve been making your own preparations.”

“Where did you go?” Tsukishima mumbled, immediately bringing his hand away from himself.

“I took care of some things,” Yamaguchi grinned innocently as he shut the door behind him and drew the curtains closed. He took his time to lower himself to a kneel, hands laid flat by either of Tsukishima’s shoulders.

“Like what?”

“Why spoil the fun?” he said as he continued to hover above the other boy. He nudged his knee between the other’s thighs, and Tsukishima eagerly spread them further apart for him.

Yamaguchi traced the outline that swelled in the other’s boxers, a moist patch tainting its plain material. He rubbed his palm over it, applying just enough pressure to faintly feel the surface underneath.

Tsukishima grunted. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just waiting for you,” the freckled boy said with a faint smile. He tilted his head to the side.

The blond licked his lips, pulse quickening from the mere intensity that Yamaguchi appraised his growing erection. Dark eyes flickered back to his own, causing Tsukishima to gulp down as he raised his hands to Yamaguchi’s waist, coaxing him lower.

The freckled boy complied, pushing his forearms onto the sheets as he whispered, “Tell me what to do, but you better make it specific.”

Tsukishima tried his best to hold his gaze despite the growing flush of his cheeks. His voice was shaky, feeling unsure and hesitant about vocalizing himself.

“Kiss me.”

“Kiss you where?” Yamaguchi asked, his breath hot against Tsukishima’s ear.

His blood rushed with excitement. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be eloquent.

“Everywhere.”

He could feel Yamaguchi smile against him, a soft chuckle tickling his ear before it was replaced by the sensation of wet warmth. Tsukishima raised his hips but the freckled boy effortlessly pinned him down, and the blond couldn’t complain when Yamaguchi brought their lips together, mouths opened and eager to taste.

Their tongues moved languidly, and Tsukishima sought after the faint mint of the other’s teeth. Tsukishima’s grip on Yamaguchi’s shirt tightened as the other pulled on his blond hair, but when he lifted his hips to grind against the freckled boy, Yamaguchi almost immediately moved away.

The dark-haired boy’s chest heaved with effort as he rose to his knees, and before he could say anything, Tsukishima pushed himself up to bring his hands to the sides of Yamaguchi’s face.

“Again,” the blond panted, pulling Yamaguchi into another kiss.

The second time was rougher than the first, hands roaming and teeth biting as they gasped into each other’s mouths. Tsukishima’s chest burned from arousal and lack of air, and when he finally drew away from Yamaguchi, it was only out of necessity.

There was barely any force in the way Yamaguchi pressed him back down, and Tsukishima observed with open-mouthed admiration as Yamaguchi carded through his dark hair and reached into the back pockets of his shorts to retrieve a thin elastic band.

“You’re unexpectedly quiet, Kei,” Yamaguchi smiled. He caressed Tsukishima’s sides as he moved closer to the other boy’s lower half.

The blond grabbed hold of the pillows by the sides of his head, unintentionally lifting his hips as he groaned out his lover’s name in annoyance, but his voice dripped with a fondness that made Yamaguchi smile wider.

“Speak up about what you want, okay?” the freckled boy said as he kissed the other’s toes and the soles of his feet, leaving a wet trail along the length of long legs, encouraged by the blond’s audible gasps.

The places were Yamaguchi had kissed began to cool from exposure when he repositioned Tsukishima’s knees onto his shoulders. He slid his other hand up his torso, rubbing Tsukishima’s chest as he nibbled on the stretch marks by his soft inner thighs. When the freckled boy paused to nudge his nose against Tsukishima’s crotch, peering through his eyelashes to study his boyfriend’s expression, the blond felt a shiver run down his spine.

Yamaguchi shifted his attention to Tsukishima’s upper body, leading his lips up the hair by the blond’s stomach and to his breastbone, sticking his tongue out to leave patterns across his breast.

Tsukishima drew out a low groan when Yamaguchi blew onto his dampened chest, and he moaned into the kiss that the freckled boy captured him with as Yamaguchi brushed over his nipples and fondled them. He hooked a leg over the other’s body, squirming as Yamaguchi continued to rub and flick him.

“Can you still handle it?” the freckled boy asked, tone soft yet hoarse that it stunned Tsukishima for a good moment before he could muster a reply.

“Y-yeah,” he murmured. Yamaguchi’s face was close enough that he could make out almost each freckle and line, and the pendant of the other’s necklace felt cold against his skin.

With half-closed eyes, Yamaguchi offered him a smile. Without warning, Yamaguchi pulled on one of Tsukishima’s nipples before he wrapped his tongue around and suckled on it.

Tsukishima let out a cry, throat tight as his boyfriend dragged a hand close but nowhere on the erection that achingly sought for attention.

“Wait, enough already,” Tsukishima pleaded, helplessly clutching and clawing at his boyfriend’s shoulders. “I can’t, I’m, I’m already so—”

Yamaguchi ravished him in another kiss, sloppy and wet that drool began to dribble down their chins, and Tsukishima rolled his hips against his lover in a desperate attempt for something — anything — to relieve him.

“Do you want me to kiss you here too, Kei?” Yamaguchi asked as he finally rubbed his hand against Tsukishima’s crotch, and the blond enthusiastically nodded in response. “I can’t hear you.”

“Please, Tadashi,” he whimpered, and Yamaguchi bit down his lower lip as he peeled off the last of Tsukishima’s clothes.

Yamaguchi whispered words of love and rewarded Tsukishima with slow pumps while he angled himself over the blond’s dick, fingers pressing against the other’s thigh as he ran his tongue over his hole to the base of his cock, admiring the way Tsukishima pulsed in his hand.

Tsukishima’s body had blossomed with colour, the deep red even more vivid on the tip that Yamaguchi had wrapped his lips around.

“N-no, Tadashi, no more teasing, a-ah,” Tsukishima moaned, desperately grabbing onto Yamaguchi’s hair as his hips stuttered from the sensation of his lover’s tongue running over his slit. “Stop, please, I’m already—”

With his free hand, the freckled boy massaged the diamond of Tsukishima’s perineum as he filled his mouth with the other boy’s warmth, bobbing his head as he continued to caress the base.

It didn’t take much for Tsukishima to finally come undone, body shaking in pleasure as Yamaguchi licked him clean.

Tsukishima entwined his fingers with Yamaguchi’s as he guided him to his lips. He slowly glided his hands down Yamaguchi’s drenched shirt and to the slope of his ass, kneading it in his hands as the other boy wrapped his arms around his neck.

He could taste himself in Yamaguchi’s tongue.

Tsukishima helped Yamaguchi out of his shirt, and just as he leaned over to bite on the other’s reddened lips, the mixed sounds of their panting were pierced by the noise of an unrelenting ringtone.

“Sorry,” he said as he moved himself away from Tsukishima to fumble around the futon, his search made even more difficult from the mess of blankets and beddings.

In the end, it was Tsukishima that found the phone. He stared at the name that displayed on the screen and shifted to Yamaguchi’s flushed cheeks and chest, sweat drops glistening on smooth skin and trailing down his freckled stomach, leading Tsukishima’s gaze to his soiled undergarments.

“What are you going to do?” the blond asked as he handed the device to his boyfriend.

“I don’t know,” the boy answered with a raise of his shoulders. He brushed away the clumps of hair that had slipped out of his ponytail, stubborn bangs still sticking to his forehead. “What do you want me to do, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima licked his lips. The phone continued to ring.

“Answer it,” he said as he rested his hand against Yamaguchi’s thigh. “Leave the rest to me.”

Yamaguchi smiled, a look of excitement in his eyes. He spread his legs and lifted his hips at Tsukishima’s urging, resting his back against the wall as he picked up the call.

"Y-yes?” the freckled boy stuttered, face contorted in arousal as Tsukishima left chaste kisses down his shaft. Short gasps managed to leave his lips as he struggled to focus on the voice that spoke to him and not on slight brush of teeth against his flesh.

“Ah, n-no, I'm still in Miyagi. I'm- I'm just visiting. Someone. Do you remember Tsukishim- Ah,” the boy grunted, grip tight in Tsukishima’s hair as the blond swallowed around him.

“Oh, no, I’m okay, just a little a-ache,” Yamaguchi trailed off as Tsukishima took him in deeper. He hissed under his breath, concentration drifting, but he doesn’t change the blond’s pacing. “Mm, yes, my flight is in a week. Okay. Oh, okay. I-I’ll let you know. Ah. Yes, I meant your secretary. S-sorry, mom. I will. Bye."

When the call was cut, Tsukishima made no attempt to reserve himself any longer. Yamaguchi was wet and warm and raw in his mouth, and as his nose bumped against the boy’s dark fuzz and tears burned at the corners of his eyes, the sinful sounds that left Yamaguchi’s lips drove him to go even harder, deeper, faster, until all his tongue could taste was that of Yamaguchi’s release.

His boyfriend immediately pulled him into an embrace, and they nestled close to each other as they matched and stilled their breathing.

"Is something wrong?" Tsukishima asked, smoothing his hand over the other’s chest.

"No, it's fine," Yamaguchi whispered as he nuzzled his nose against Tsukishima's hair.

"Are you sure...?"

"Yes. Don't worry," he reassured. "My mom called the office thinking I was there, only to find out that I wasn't in Tokyo altogether."

“I see.”

“Yeah," he panted. "That. That was good, though. You've gotten better at this."

"Shut up."

"Really," Yamaguchi said with a laugh. "Well. I think I’ll go back to sleep."

“My mom’s probably going to be back soon, so I really have to clean up,” the blond groaned. “I still have to cook lunch, too.”

“I’ll help you.”

“Thanks, but I think you should shower before you do that.”

Yamaguchi perked up. He wiped off the sweat by Tsukishima’s brow as he said, “Why don’t you go in with me?”

Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi, his attempt at a scowl looking very much like a pout.

“Let’s just put the futon on the side for now,” Yamaguchi smiled, caressing Tsukishima’s face and cradling it in his hands. “We’ll have enough time to make lunch, don’t worry.”

 

* * *

 

Yamaguchi had lathered soap over both of their bodies, rubbing his hands on Tsukishima’s waist in the way that he knew would cause his knees to buckle, wriggling his fingers until the blond’s lungs burned from laughter. He latched onto Yamaguchi for support, and the both of them would’ve slipped if Yamaguchi hadn’t grabbed onto the shower curtain. Even then, they still ended up tearing off a part of it, their chuckles echoing louder than the telltale rip of the plastic sheet.

When they had composed themselves enough to wash their heads, they had gotten too preoccupied with arguing over whose foamed-up hairstyle looked better that they reacted too late when the bubbles poured down to sting their eyes in near unison. Crying turned to laughter, and they left kisses against one another’s eyelids once they’d rinsed off the shampoo residue.

It was anything but a quick bath. Even drying off turned into a competition to see who could dress themselves faster. Despite that, Tsukishima couldn’t say that he resented the causes of delay, either. He'd been smiling the whole time.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tsukishima stirred the contents of the pan. Yamaguchi stood behind him, watching the swirl of red with a serious expression. The sizzling of sauce filled the room as the blond scraped up a portion of it with a spoon.

Tsukishima brought the sample to his mouth, forehead wrinkling as he gauged the flavour. He mindlessly rubbed his chin before he turned to Yamaguchi and said, “Do you think this tastes all right?”

“Let me check,” Yamaguchi replied as he brought his mouth to Tsukishima’s, lightly running his tongue over the other boy’s lips and the sauce he had failed to wipe off. As his boyfriend stood stunned, the freckled boy grabbed hold of the other’s hand, grasping it to keep the spoon in place as he lowered himself to it.

“Wh-why—”

“You should add salt,” the dark-haired boy answered as he dropped the spoon into the sink, “since I think it tasted better on your lips.”

“Be serious!”

“But it’s true,” Yamaguchi reasoned. “You taste delicious.”

“Would you like another, then?” Tsukishima asked mockingly.

“Uh, I guess I wouldn’t mind,” the freckled boy replied. “I’ll go get another spoon first—”

“No, uh, that’s not what I meant,” Tsukishima replied with a shake of his head.

"What did you mean then?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Never mind, forget about it."

"You brought it up. Explain it to—" he paused, eyes lighting up in understanding as he slightly raised his eyebrows.

"Tadashi?"

"Oh," the freckled boy said as wrapped his arms loosely around Tsukishima’s waist, a mischievous smile on his face as he purred, “I've already had my fill, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima’s expression soured.

"Are you still unsatisfied?" Yamaguchi hummed. "I made sure to kiss you all over.”

The freckled boy chuckled as Tsukishima lightly kissed his lips.

“What’s funny?”

“You’ve been so compliant today,” Yamaguchi commented.

“Would you rather I resisted?”

“Could you even do that?” Yamaguchi said as he aligned their hips together.

“Probably not,” Tsukishima hummed as he left another peck on Yamaguchi’s mouth, locking their lips and gently tugging against the soft flesh.

“The pasta’s going to spoil, Kei.”

Tsukishima clicked his tongue and attended to the stove yet again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Yachi, Akiteru, and Kei’s mom arrived from their shopping trip, they had brought with them several bags of treats and souvenirs, “For everyone back home!” Yachi had exclaimed.

Akiteru prepared a fresh salad as Kei and Yachi set the table, and Yamaguchi was whisked off to help prepare soup with his boyfriend’s mother. When Kei asked about their father’s whereabouts, his older brother instead commented that they were to eat lunch ahead.

“He should be here any moment,” the older Tsukishima said after their group had said their graces. He eyed his younger brother from across the table, noting how the bespectacled boy’s arms, wrists, and shoulders all brushed against the guest next to him. Akiteru cleared his throat, “but you know, Kei, this table has enough room to fit two more people.”

Their mother laughed at the comment, but Kei simply grumbled in retaliation. As soon as Yamaguchi motioned to move away, Kei grabbed his hand from under the table, urging him to stay.

They ate mostly in silence, their meal punctuated with conversation about the early market trip. Yachi continued the topic even as they took up their dishwashing roles, and when the smaller girl had asked her two friends about how they’d spent the morning, Yamaguchi and Kei shared an uncomfortable silence. The girl didn't seem to mind, taking it as a cue to ramble about her own adventures.

It was only when the three friends were loading luggage into the girl’s car’s trunk that the Tsukishima patriarch arrived. He greeted Yamaguchi with fondness, foregoing a handshake to instead pat the younger boy on the back as he brought him into a loose embrace. Yachi looked on with a mixture of awe and fear at the taller man, and they shared their farewells in the same breath they had uttered their introductions.

“Do you have a moment, Yachi-san?” the man asked as he motioned to the front door of his home. “There's something I meant to give you. Why don’t we go in for a bit? ”

“Ah, thank you, but Tsukishima-san has already given me so many things, I can’t possibly—“

“This is something different,” he grinned. “It’s nothing big, just a little memento to remind you of your trip to Miyagi. My wife asked me to get it for you on my way here, so you can think of it as a gift from her, too.”

“O-okay,” Yachi said hesitantly as she shuffled back into the house.

Kei and Yamaguchi stood stiff next to the small car as they remained on the driveway. The freckled boy cleared his throat and pursed his lips before he moved to close the trunk.

"I'll see you in a few months, then?"

"Yeah," Tsukishima nodded. "I guess so."

The dark-haired boy sighed, but his face easily took on a smile when he turned back to his boyfriend. “Don’t forget about me, okay?”

The blond scoffed. “I couldn’t do that even if I tried.”

“Good,” Yamaguchi grinned up to him, eyes half-closed as he tilted his chin up to kiss Tsukishima yet again. "We can work through this, okay?"

"Okay."

Yamaguchi expertly readjusted the frames that had tilted askew across Tsukishima's nose. He moved to tuck stray curls behind the other's ears, lowering his hand to the side of his neck as he said, "I'm glad I was able to spend some time with you."

His mouth curved into a grin. "Me too."

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima and squeezed him in a tight hug, throwing the both of them off-balance. Tsukishima stumbled to regain his footing as he returned the gesture with equal gusto.

“L-Let’s bye, Yamaguchi!”

"Let's bye?" Tsukishima taunted. He loosened his grip around Yamaguchi, but the freckled boy kept his hold firm.

"I m-meant let's go! Bye," Yachi squawked as she tumbled into the driver's seat.

“All right,” the freckled boy chuckled as he moved from the other boy. He lovingly held Tsukishima’s cheek, staring into his brown eyes before he walked away. 

“Good bye, Tsukki.”

"Yeah. Bye," he said as Yamaguchi entered the car's passenger seat.

He briefly glanced back to his house, where he spotted Akiteru standing by the doorstep along with their parents. The older Tsukishima pointed to the side, prompting Kei to look elsewhere. When Kei returned his gaze to the car, he found Yamaguchi urging him over, where he sneaked one more kiss before closing the door.

Kei didn’t mind the teasing chuckle that his brother aimed at him.

“Have a safe drive,” Akiteru called out when Yachi revved up the engine. “Do come to visit again next time!”

The two guests waved their final goodbyes, and although it was heavy to see Yachi drive them out and disappear into the streets, Tsukishima felt calmer than he’d ever been that year. It was as though a burden finally lifted from his shoulders. The feeling of tranquility didn’t stop him from typing a message on his phone, neither did it stop him from smiling when he received a, “I’ll call you when we reach Tokyo, Tsukki!” in return.

He was the only one left outside when he finally thought to turn back to his home.

“Kei,” his father said when he walked into the living room. “It’s a little early, but we have something for you, too.”

“What for?” the boy asked as he received the small envelope in his hands. He slipped his finger under the flap and slid the cover open, gingerly reaching into it to retrieve a rectangular slip. The cyan card displayed names and numbers, and as he processed the information, he felt his jaw drop open. "Is this—?“

His family grinned from his reaction.

“I took quite a detour to get them,” his father chortled. “I sure hope it was worth all the trouble.”

"We’ve been talking about your birthday, and Akiteru suggested we go through with this gift,” his mother explained. “It’s not much, and we could only afford a one-way ticket for now, but we thought that you would like it.”

Kei gaped as he read and re-read the times listed on the paper, his mind already buzzing with plots and plans and plausibilities.

“He isn’t saying anything,” his father commented.

“Let him be,” murmured his mother.

“Kei,” his brother began, “it’s a little sudden, so if you’d rather not make the trip, we might still be able to file for a refund—“

“I’ll go,” Kei answered firmly. “I’ll go,” he repeated softly, nodding as though to reassure himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments on the previous chapter!! They were very encouraging, reassuring, and at some points VERY flattering, and it goes without saying that they made me very happy ;v;


	10. Brittle

“Did you notify your workplace about your move?”

“Yes, dad."

“Do you have a shift today?"

"No, mom."

"Then where will you be staying? Don’t tell me you’re planning on crashing at the airport—”

“Akiteru, weren’t you the one who suggested this in the first place?”

“Have some faith in your brother. I’m sure Kei’s already figured something out.”

“Uh, it’s not like I have it all planned out, dad...”

Kei looked away from the group that huddled around him to fumble with the opening of his jacket before finally zipping it up. His parents stood on either side of him, and his brother sat on a sofa to the left of him. Kei yawned and rubbed his nose before reaching over to mount bag straps on his shoulder, repositioning them as he adjusted to the weight.

“Aren’t you in a bit of a hurry, Kei?" his father commented. "No matter how early you get to the station, the train’s still going to leave at the same time.”

“I-I know, dad,” he stammered and shifted his eyes to the ground. The boy cleared his throat and began nudging the smaller bag by his feet before crouching to idly tinker with it.

His mother leaned closer to the older man beside her. She wrung her fingers before her body as she whispered, “I told you that you should’ve booked an earlier ticket.”

“But then he wouldn’t have had enough time to prepare!” his dad reasoned. “And this was supposed to be a birthday gift. It’s only natural to have it the trip on the day itself.”

“Yes, yes, I know," she hummed, patting a hand onto her husband's forearm, "but, you see, today is…”

His father had scrunched up his nose before he’d raised his eyebrows in surprise, his features smoothing out to the point that he looked more youthful than he really was. He nodded swiftly before whispering, “Oh. Oh, I see. Well you should’ve told me about that beforehand, then. There’s nothing we can do about it now. Ah, are you all set, Kei?"

He nodded in response. He had risen to his feet, his head lowered as he studied the floor with feigned interest. A sharp hit landed squarely on his back, causing him to jolt forward and spew out spit, eyes widening as he robotically turned his head to stare at his father. He stood close enough that Kei could see the wrinkles by the corners of the older man's eyes.

“What was that for?” Kei squeaked.

"You better be back here by the end of the year,” his father said in a serious tone.

"I'll think about it," the bespectacled boy grumbled.

His father quickly glanced to the side and added, "Akiteru, you have Yamaguchi-kun's phone number, right? Can you send it to me?"

"Oh. What do you need it for?" the older boy asked.

"I want to make sure he drags Kei back here."

"F-F-Fine, I’ll visit," Kei spluttered. "Just don't bother Tadashi. Please."

"He was more than willing to cooperate with your mother though," the man frowned. "I don't see why I can't be in cahoots with him, too."

Kei knitted his brows. "What does he mean by that, mom?"

A soft sound slipped past her lips, her forced laughter punctuated with exaggerated movements of her shoulders.

“You make it sound so suspicious! I would never let Yamaguchi-kun do something against his own will.”

Kei stared at his parents, squinting his eyes as though to filter through their calculated smiles to see their genuine expressions.

"Is that all you're bringing with you?" his mother asked as she eyed the backpack and duffle bag slung over her son's shoulders.

“Yeah,” he replied, his eyes reduced to slits. He frowned at the change of subject, but otherwise withheld his comments about it. “It’s not like I need a lot of things.”

“It’s better to be prepared for anything,” she advised. “Who knows what might happen to you in the city.”

Akiteru nodded in agreement. “Did you make sure to pack some socks? You get awfully cold during the winters. Did you even pack enough underwear? Why don’t you add an extra set just in case—”

Kei groaned, but he marched towards his room regardless of the irritation he didn’t even attempt to mask.

“I’ll go start up the car, then!” his brother called out.

“Okay,” he replied dryly.

He took his phone out of his pocket and sifted through the notifications, and gradually his scowl smoothed out into a smile as he revisited a conversation he’d had earlier that morning. The messages were marked with ungodly timestamps, but in retrospect, the lateness of the hour didn’t hold much weight for him. Although he now felt lightheaded as a result of drowsiness, it wasn’t that huge of a setback. If anything, sleep was something he would willingly sacrifice if it meant he could spend more time with —

“Yamaguchi?”

“Oh. Hey, Tsukki!”

He’d answered the phone call even before his device could buzz with its first ring. The voice on the other line was lively and energetic, with a cheeriness that was infectious enough to rid some of the sourness that Kei had felt.

“Are you on your way to the airport already?”

“Not exactly. Yacchan's dropping me off after we finish getting ready,” Yamaguchi replied. “What are you up to right now? I didn’t expect you to be up at this hour.”

“Then why did you call me?”

“Ah. Actually, my hand just slipped,” the other boy laughed awkwardly. “I was looking through my call log to see how long we’d been talking last night.”

“So?”

“Hmm?”

“How long was it?” Kei asked as he walked into his bedroom. He set his phone into speaker mode and unzipped his bags before his closet.

Yamaguchi let out a long hum, and the blond assumed it to be a yawn.

“It was almost four hours long.”

“You didn’t get enough sleep, too, huh?”

“That goes without saying,” Yamaguchi laughed. “But it’s fine. I can catch up on sleep on the plane rides.”

“You better time your naps properly. It’d be bad if you get too jet lagged.”

“I know, I know. Yachi kept telling me about that last night, too. She already gave me a sleep schedule to follow for the next four days,” the freckled boy replied.

“She’d probably lecture you if she found out that you practically didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Then that’d just be our secret,” the boy laughed. “Ah. Well, it’d be worth it either way. At least I was the first one to greet you again this year.”

“You’re probably the only person who’d fuss over that,” Kei commented as he stuffed socks and undergarments into every free crevice his luggage would allow.

"Heh, well," the freckled boy paused. “I wouldn't mind fussing over you for the rest of my life.”

“Huh,” Kei said quietly, a wide grin spreading across his face. He rearranged the headphones he’d shoved in his bag and traced his fingers along the zipper’s teeth as he added, “that’s a pretty long time.”

Yamaguchi chuckled softly. “I hope it’d be long enough.”

Once Kei had successfully packed things up, he closed his closet doors, pausing briefly to stand on his feet. He’d mentally prepared his reply and conditioned himself to finally say it, but the knock on his bedroom door broke his concentration.

“Kei? Are you done?”

“Give me a minute,” the bespectacled boy grumbled.

“What was that, Tsukki?”

“It’s nothing. I was talking to niichan,” he explained. “I have to go.”

“Oh, okay! I have to prepare breakfast now, too, so I’ll call you again later, I guess.”

“Sure,” Kei replied. “You haven’t eaten yet?”

“Yeah, I wanted to eat together with Yachi. Sounds like she’s finished taking a shower already, so that’s my cue start cooking. It’d have been kind of awkward to eat ahead when I’m just a guest here.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Bye, then, Tsukki!”

“Bye,” he said as he sluggishly carried his bags again. He walked over to his door and opened it.

"Kei, you should hurry— oh. What was taking you so long?" his mother asked. She stood right before his bedroom's door, hand hanging in the air in a failed attempt to grab the doorknob.

"It's nothing. Where's niichan?"

"He's already in the van," his mom noted. "Stay safe, okay? Eat well, and try to get enough sleep. Don't ignore our calls."

"Okay," he said as he allowed his mother to dust the lint off his coat.

He slipped on his shoes and walked out of the house, where his father gave him another hard smack on the shoulder when they'd crossed paths at the entryway. He shared more last minute wisdom and wishes, and Kei simply listened to them in silence. He played with the pendant wound around his neck as he approached the family van and placed his luggage in the back seat.

“We’re going to be late at this rate, Kei,” his brother warned once he’d settled himself in the passenger seat of the car.

“I can drive if you—”

“No! No. That’s okay. I’ll drive us there as fast as I can,” Akiteru cut in. He rolled down the car windows and peeped his head out slightly as he said, “We’ll be leaving now!”

“Drive safely,” their mother said as she waved them off from their house’s doorstep.

Akiteru backed the car out onto the street and steered them towards the main roads. Kei sat silently next to him, where he drummed his fingers over his thigh while he silently observed the scenery around him.

The neighborhood seemed more muted than usual, but Kei wondered if it might've just been his imagination. His vision focused and unfocused on the details, and it caused him to develop a headache. He rested against the headrest and looked straight towards the incoming traffic.

“Are you excited?”

“Not really,” Kei mumbled.

Akiteru observed the lines of his brother's face, sighing as he resigned to bringing his eyes back on the road. The steady clicking of the turn signal indicators echoed in the closed quarters.

“You don’t have to leave, you know.”

“I know I can’t stay,” Kei spoke quietly. “I’ve been here for too long already. Mom’s starting to look at me strange.”

“She’s only worried. We all are," the older boy replied. "Are you sure you’re even ready to go back to work?”

“No. Not exactly,” he shrugged.

“But you still want to go through with this?”

“I guess so.”

Akiteru smiled. "I guess there's no helping it then.”

The two brothers chatted idly throughout the car ride, stopping only when Akiteru stalled before the train station in Sendai. Kei slunk out of the passenger seat and retrieved his bags in quick movements, but he considerably slowed by the time he walked back towards the front of the car.

Akiteru rolled down the window and asked, “Getting cold feet?”

“Uh. I wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh?” the older boy said with a genuinely surprised expression. “What’s that?”

Kei rubbed his fingers against the patterns of his necklace’s pendant, slowly registering each line and dot before finally saying, “Thank you, niichan.”

Akiteru’s eyebrows reacquainted themselves with his hairline, having shot so high up his forehead that they’d been almost completely concealed by his fringe.

“Um. Bye.”

“No, Kei, wait,” the older boy rushed as he frantically switched on the hazard lights and stumbled out the car, toppling over his own feet as he brought his younger brother into a tight embrace.

“Niichan, you’re—“

“You take care of yourself, okay?"

“I know,” Kei mumbled in response, his arms hanging stiffly by his sides when his older brother patted his back reassuringly before finally moving away. “I’ll try not to worry you too much.”

“I’d probably be more worried if you acted overly put-together,” Akiteru commented. "If you need to come back here to Miyagi, just give me a call. I’ll drive to you if I have to. Don’t exert yourself too much again, Kei.”

The younger boy tightened his jaw and linked his fingers before his body.

Akiteru smiled solemnly as he said, “You should get going.”

“Bye.”

He turned towards the station, face stiffening and ears burning from the brisk air. The chill subsided by the time he walked past the entrance and away from the moving crowds, and his bags felt ten times lighter as he carried them to the platform. The passengers around him continued to chatter and titter despite his growing headache, and he only began to calm down when the bullet train finally made a move.

He'd had it all pictured out. He was going to spend the train ride rehearsing the words he wanted to say, but whispers of uncertainties deafened him instead.

He glanced to the side and the blur of green and blue hypnotized him into a deeper spiral of self-loathing and doubt, of "What am I doing?"s and "How am I going to make it there?"s. He propped his elbow against the windowsill, resting his chin atop the palm of his hand as the ticking of his wristwatch rang in his ear. The steady beat echoed too loudly, and the slow and grating trickling of the time only fed his anxieties. His head throbbed and his throat tightened, and he clenched his teeth as he reached into his pocket to —

"Eh."

In an instant, his heart rose to his throat and his vision pulsed along with his quickened heartbeat. He frantically surveyed the contents of his jacket pockets, hissing out a prayer with each compartment that he looked over.

Things weren’t going as planned.

He searched his bags and he wracked his brain, the hours blending together until he was finally enlightened by an answer that only made him feel worse. He alighted at Tokyo station, feeling as though he were swimming through sludge. He willed himself to walk faster — he needed to catch the next train without a moment’s delay, but as more and more people moved around him and bumped against his shoulders and talked and laughed and stared —

He froze. He couldn’t feel his limbs.

Would it be too late to go home? He had enough money to purchase a new ticket. Maybe Akiteru was right. Maybe it really was too soon for him to get back into the grind. Maybe he’d overestimated himself. Maybe Yamaguchi’s love had blinded him, had made him believe in himself too much. Kei couldn’t possibly get himself together so soon.

His knuckles ached as he tightened his grip on his bag straps. He bit into the insides of his cheeks, venom seeping to his tongue when a sharp pain shot through his face as he reached a realization —

No one can help him through this.

He clicked his tongue.

Without Yamaguchi, he was alone in this city.

"So what?"

He tightened his jaw. He didn’t need to state the obvious to himself.

“Fuck it,” he scolded himself as he sprinted towards the Yamanote Line.

He resisted the temptation to glance at his watch and avoided any of the clocks that he passed — a stubborn act to challenge fate to bend to his will. His plans were so flawed and dependent on chance that they were near impossible, and yet they resonated so strongly with his heart that he knew he was going to make them happen. He had to. When he barely made it into the train at the Tokyo-Monorail, for a moment he felt like it would work out for him somehow, too.

Yet as he stood there, pale-faced and tight-lipped before the departures board, he was met with a customary feeling of dread.

He remained paralyzed in the midst of the hustle of the airport, and he couldn't ward off how he felt small, disconnected, and cold. People seemed to pace around with a set conviction and a sense of direction. He could just laugh at himself — he didn't even have a reference point to fall back on. All the adrenalin in his veins had all too quietly faded away, and despite the eerie calm of his heart, his hand numbed from sweat and cold.

The numbers and names made no sense to him. Everything was intimidating, and he cursed himself for not thinking things through. A certain airline name struck him as important, but the “Go to Gate” remark only served to dampen his spirits. He considered asking for assistance, but the idea of requesting an airport-wide announcement struck him as an impossibly embarrassing feat. He'd much rather dwindle away in private without having to incite empty sympathies from a bunch of strangers.

He dug his fingers into the soft flesh of his palm.

“Eh? Tsukishima-kun?”

Had he been too impulsive, too idealistic that his plans for the day would have panned out?

“Ah! Tsukishima-kun!”

He wanted to curl up into a ball right then and there.

“Tsukishima-kun!”

He tugged on his bag straps and turned on his heel.

“K-Kei, wait!”

If he left now, he might still be able to make it home before dinner.

“Tsukki!”

“Huh?”

His heart skipped a beat, sweat running cold and knees turning weak as he looked back, only to lower his chin and affix his gaze on a familiar face. His pulse immediately stilled, but he was met with a new sense of relief.

"Ah, Yachi-san."

The girl that stood before him smiled as she said, “I’m happy to see you, too!”

The exclamation caused Tsukishima's facial muscles to fall slack.

"Your mom mentioned something about you coming to Tokyo, but I didn't think it was happening so soon."

He furrowed his brows. "When did she tell you?"

"She and Akiteru-san told me while we were at the morning market," the girl confessed. She scanned Tsukishima's appearance before asking, "Are you traveling somewhere?"

"Not really. I'm just settling here again."

Yachi lighted up. "What. Really? You didn't say anything! Will you be reporting back to work?"

"Yeah, tomorrow."

"Ah, that's great! That's good to hear!" Yachi cheered. "Yamaguchi didn't tell me anything about this."

"I didn't tell him," Tsukishima shrugged.

"Eh? Really?" Yachi asked with a tilt of her head. She rubbed her chin in thought. "Did you come here to surprise him, then?"

Tsukishima regained the feeling in his extremities, heat pooling to even the tips of his fingers as he blurted, "Please don't tell him that you saw me here."

"What? But why not?" Yachi pouted. "He was all emotive about it when I left him at the gate."

"You were with him," the taller boy commented, nodding to himself in a quiet epiphany.

"Uh, yeah, I dropped him over here from my place," Yachi explained. "He was rambling about how you hadn't been answering his calls and whatnot. He actually sounded pretty worried."

"Where can I find him?" he asked.

"I don't know. He already passed through the gates, and he's probably just waiting for his boarding announcement now," the girl relayed. "Why don't you just call him?"

Tsukishima clicked his tongue. "I left my phone in Miyagi."

"Did you break it?"

"No," the taller boy groaned. "I just forgot to pack it."

"Oh," Yachi nodded. "I can call him now, if you'd like—"

"Then he'd find out I'm with you."

"Ah. You're right, you're right," the girl said with an embarrassed laugh. "I don't understand why you want to be so secretive about it, but if you're not doing anything today, do you want to hang out with me, then? I still have some errands I need to do, but we could definitely celebrate afterwards."

"Celebrate?" Tsukishima said with a raised brow. "Celebrate for what?"

"It's your birthday, isn't it? Yamaguchi wouldn't stop talking about it last night," she said with a pout, but the sparkle in her eyes didn't make it seem like she was complaining. "No matter how many times you guys talk about each other, I still can't quite understand how you get along so well."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you don't really look like you have that many similar interests, and you don't work in the same field either," she said. "Did you ever tell me how the two of you got to know each other?"

“I don't know," the blond shrugged. "We met on the train.”

“On the train?” Yachi repeated, her eyes widened in disbelief.

“Actually, no, not really," Tsukishima brushed off, grin widening from the memory. He covered his mouth with his hand and cleared his throat before he continued, "He fell out of the train. I just happened to be close enough to stop him from hitting the ground."

“Eh, so was it all just a coincidence that you got to know each other?”

“I can't really say. My previous roommate was his co-worker, and he invited Yamaguchi for dinner or something, and we just kept bumping into each other either way,” Tsukishima recounted. "Things just sort of happened."

“Oh. That's kind of nice," Yachi said with a smile. "Seemed like you two needed to meet each other, so you did."

“That’s nonsense,” Tsukishima said with a shake of his head. “Ah, but things do seem better whenever he’s around. I don't understand how he made it into my life either, but I'm glad he did."

The girl drew her lips into a thin line, but her cheeks itched with a desire to tug a smile out of her. She hid her face behind her hand and swallowed her secondhand embarrassment before saying, “Tsukishima-kun, you really like Yamaguchi, don’t you?”

Tsukishima visibly swallowed. The corners of his mouth quirked upwards as he peeked at her, face heating when he asked, “Is it that obvious?”

Yachi felt like a flame had been shot through her, searing through her chest and plunging to the pit of her stomach as her mouth hung useless. She stared at the boy before her, taking a moment to absorb the image he presented her. It was impossible for Tsukishima's smile to go unnoticed, and even more difficult to ignore the bright tint of his cheeks.

“I didn’t know you had such a nice smile.”

“What?”

“If you kept showing that kind of face to Yamaguchi, then it’s no wonder he started liking you so much. I kind of understand him a bit better now. He didn’t stand a chance,” the girl mumbled to herself, rambling on regardless of whether Tsukishima could hear what she was saying. “The two of you are so scary similar. Is this what they meant by how couples start to resemble each other? Ah, wait, I’m pretty sure the both of you were like this from earlier on—”

“I, uh, Yachi," Tsukishima stammered, hesitantly tapping Yachi's shoulder to catch her attention. "I can’t really answer those kinds of things."

"Ah. Well, I guess you're right," Yachi nodded. "So, would you like to come with me?"

"Where?"

"I'm picking up some pet supplies and some packages from the post office, then I'm going to get some groceries afterwards. We can buy your birthday cake along the way, too!" she beamed.

"Uh, o-okay, wait—"

"So it's settled then!" the girl grinned as she led him out of the airport and to her car.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"You don't have an apartment here yet, right?" Yachi asked as she pressed a small circular button on the elevator's control panel.

"No."

"Why not stay with me until you find a new one?" she offered.

Tsukishima shifted his weight to his other foot, clenching and unclenching his fists around the plastic bag straps that dug into his fingers. He weighed his options, but was only made painfully aware of how he lacked any other.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Why would I?" Yachi asked innocently.

The sharp ding marked their arrival, and they exited the elevator in silence. The two walked side by side over to Yachi's apartment, pausing right before it as the girl fumbled to unlock the door.

"I'm home!" she shouted excitedly as she entered the room.

"No need to be so loud—"

Tsukishima stood stock still, interrupted by the ominous thuds of skittering across floors. The sound was too erratic to have originated from a singular source, and the boy didn't have the luxury of time to process his circumstance when paws clawed at his calves and threw him off-balance.

"Whoa—"

"Hey there, Meggy," Yachi cooed beside him, her laughter drowned out by the open-mouthed panting that filled Tsukishima's ears.

"Meggy?" Tsukishima asked as he affixed the eyeglasses that had tipped off his face. "I thought your dog was named something else?"

"Oh, he really is," Yachi said, hands busy smoothing out the fur of the dog that had approached her. "My dog's called Starry. Meggy here is my mom's."

"Starry...?"

Tsukishima knelt to the ground and ruffled his fingers through a white coat, the soft fluff making him feel more like he'd been assaulted by a cloud.

"Yeah, for Starscream."

The blond frowned. He continued to smooth Starry's hair.

"Who even chose that name?"

"My mom did, but I gave both of their nicknames," Yachi explained. She began to tinker with her phone, and Meggy took it as her cue to tentatively approach  Tsukishima. "It's just a mouthful to say Megatron each time, too."

"Huh..."

Meggy sniffed Tsukishima's leg, and Starry continuously nudged against his shin to grab his attention. Tsukishima patted Starry's head to pacify it, and through Yachi's urging, both Meggy and Starry scurried back to their play areas.

"The dogs sure like you a lot."

"I don't appreciate having dog hair all over my black clothes."

"Ah. Yeah, that really is a problem," Yachi commented as she dusted the strands off her tights.

The bespectacled boy shrugged off his luggage by the doorway before he carried the grocery bags to the kitchen area. Yachi followed close behind him, with a paper bag and a cake box in tow.

"You can just leave those on the counter, Tsukishima-kun," she said as she slipped the cake box into the refrigerator.

"Okay."

"Thanks so much for the help today!"

"Right..." the boy mumbled. He stood awkwardly by the corner as he observed Yachi stowing away canned food and setting aside bathroom toiletries. He linked his hands before his body as he whispered, “Thanks for letting me spend the night.”

"Spend the night? You can stay here as long as you need," Yachi beamed.

Tsukishima lowered his head. “I don't have the means to pay you—"

“It’s fine! I could definitely use the company anyway," she assured. "It can get pretty lonesome around here.”

“Huh. Having two dogs isn’t company enough?”

Yachi laughed. “Yamaguchi said something about that when he was here, too.”

“He did?”

“Well, he really liked hanging out with Meggy and Starry, and it was really lively when he was around, too,” Yachi shared. “But, as he put it — ‘Their barks could fill the room, but Tsukki’s snark can light up the night.’”

“Is that… supposed to be a good thing…”

“You can bring it up with him and ask,” Yachi shrugged. “But it sounded like he meant well. You two only ever talk about each other with this certain look in your eyes anyway.”

“What look?”

“Oh, you know, ‘that’ look,” Yachi said with a pointed tone. She brought her chin in her hands and tilted her head to the side, but resigned to rearranging the contents of her cupboard to make room for a box of cereal. “Gah. I can’t copy it properly. But I’m pretty sure you know what I mean.”

“Not really," Tsukishima replied. He walked over to Yachi and held the cupboard doors open for her until she finally gave in to letting Tsukishima do the reorganizing.

“Don’t you notice it when he’s talking to you, too?"

The boy angled his head to the side, pausing to position a box of cookies into the cabinet.

"...Is there something that I'm missing?"

Yachi shrugged. "It’s hard to look at the two of you sometimes, you know? So much going on in such a limited space... Makes me feel like I should be the one who'd need to relocate to a private room.”

“Really?” Tsukishima chuckled.

Yachi stood on the tips of her toes in order to push the cupboard doors shut, and with a satisfied huff, she ran her fingers through her hair and wiped the sweat off her temples. "Do you feel like eating something? It's too late for lunch and it's much too early for dinner, but I could really use some food right now."

"Do you have anything planned?" Tsukishima asked.

"There's some leftovers from when Yamaguchi was here, so I hope you wouldn't mind it if we just heated them up."

The blond's ears perked in interest. "Tadashi made them?"

"Yeah! I love his cooking," the girl gushed. "Did he cook a lot when you lived together?"

Something about the question struck Tsukishima as odd, but he replied with a nod anyway.

Yachi popped a few containers into the microwave, and Tsukishima set the table as they waited for the food to be ready.

They folded their hands and said their graces, carefully sampling each dish to test whether they'd been heated long enough or not. It dawned on him as he chewed on a mix of half-rice and half-ice, the conflicting sensations of hot and cold having jolted him to a realization that made it difficult for him to swallow. 

"Yachi," he said slowly. "Did you know I was going to be at the airport today?"

"Mm?" the girl hummed, cheek puffed out from food. She brought a hand before her body as if to say "Wait" as she munched on her food. "No, I didn't. Why?"

"Just wondering," the boy droned as he poked at his plate. Yamaguchi's food didn't taste quite the same once they'd been reheated.

"I was really surprised to see you there, to be honest. I was half-expecting that it wasn't you, but I'm glad I took a closer look!"

"I probably wouldn't be here if you hadn't."

"Eh? Did you actually have somewhere to be? Did you miss a flight?" the girl spluttered. She brought a tissue to her mouth and added, "Are you hiding from someone? Are people going to barge in my apartment, hold a gun against my head, and ask for money as compensation for harbouring a criminal? Or — oh my, you've been looking pale all day — are you dying? Tsukishima, we should go to the hospital right now—"

"No?" Tsukishima frowned. "I'm fine, Yachi. I've just been kind of... lost."

"Lost?" Yachi repeated. She stared at the mounds of food on her plate. "Is there somewhere you'd rather be?"

"Definitely," the boy agreed.

"Is there a way I can help you?" she asked with a confused expression on her face.

"It's okay," he answered. "It's not exactly a place I could go on a whim."

"All right. I don't really understand what you're trying to say, but if you ever need some help, I'm right here for you," Yachi smiled. She pumped her fist in the air as she said, "Yamaguchi-kun told me to take care of you while he was away, so I'll try to live up to the task."

"Thanks," he scoffed. "I appreciate it."

Yachi immediately frowned. "You're mean..."

"What? I thanked you, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did," she sighed in defeat as she began scooping up another spoonful of rice.

When they'd finished eating, Yachi placed the dishes inside a dishwasher and volunteered to do the rest of the washing, saying that "Tsukishima-kun, you should relax! You look really tired, so you can let me handle this."

As much as Tsukishima wanted to decline, he really did feel sluggish and lethargic, and he dragged himself to the guest room without so much as a pause.

He flopped onto the the bed — a little too short, he immediately noted — and closed his eyes. He skirted dangerously between consciousness and sleep, and he'd already begun to drift off when he forced himself to sit up on the mattress. He reached over to his bag to retrieve his eyeglasses case, and from the corner of his eye, he noticed an opened hamper by the corner of the room. The dark shirt that hung out of it managed to catch his interest, and he decided to inch toward it to satisfy his curiosity.

He crossed his legs as he sifted through the laundry. True enough, the shirt's print was a familiar pattern, and he closed his eyes as he brought his—

"Tsukishima-kun, Yamaguchi is—"

Yachi gaped at him, her body jolting to the point that her laptop nearly fell out of her arms.

Tsukishima tightened his jaw in response, feeling much too startled to move.

"Yacchan?" said a voice that spilled out of the computer's speakers. "What happened?"

"Um," the girl droned, the word akin to the low hum of an overheated machine.

Tsukishima stowed away the soiled shirt and shook his head violently. He mouthed, "Don't say anything."

"Yachi? Is... is Tsukki really there?"

The bespectacled boy glared at the smaller girl.

"Eh. Uh. Well..."

"Is it a bad time to talk after all?"

Tsukishima sighed as he brought his fingers to massage his temples. He gestured his friend to sit next to him, and she only looked back at him in confusion.

"I'm here," he announced with little enthusiasm, and Yachi took it as her cue to approach him on the ground.

"Oh! Hey, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi greeted when Tsukishima made it on frame for the video call. "What happened to the two of you?"

The blonde spoke, "Uh, well, you see, Tsukishima-kun, he—"

"Yachi. Don't."

"Your shirt was—"

The bespectacled boy let out a grumble much like that of a dying animal.

"Kei," Yamaguchi said softly, "is this about something serious?”

Tsukishima sighed. “No.”

“Ah, then it’s fine for me to not know then—”

“Tsukishima-kun was eating your shirt,” Yachi blurted.

Yamaguchi's eyes widened. “What?”

“No, I wasn’t!” Tsukishima defended.

“What were you doing with my shirt, then?” the freckled boy asked.

“I was…” Tsukishima trailed off. His face contorted before he hid his expression behind a hand as he said, “I was smelling it.”

Yachi glanced to him. “Eh, that’s not much better, is it?”

Yamaguchi laughed. His voice is light as he said, “It’s fine, Tsukki!”

"Do you always do that?" the girl asked.

"No. You just caught me at the worst possible time," Tsukishima groaned.

"Anyway, Yamaguchi-kun, are you in Germany already?"

"No, I'm still in Tokyo."

"Eh?"

"My flight got seriously delayed, but I should be boarding in a few minutes," the freckled boy explained. "You know, Tsukki, I tried contacting you again before I checked in, but you weren't answering any of my messages. I was really worried."

"Ah, sorry about that," Tsukishima apologized. "I accidentally left my phone back at home."

"It's okay. I was just caught off guard when your dad picked up my call."

"What?"

"I practically had a heart attack."

Tsukishima's mouth felt dry. "What did you talk about?"

"He said you were a forgetful son, and that you left your phone in your room, and that he wanted me to remind you that we're invited for dinner this winter break."

The blond sighed. "What did you say?"

"I wasn't in a position to refuse his offer," Yamaguchi shrugged. A faint ascending tone buzzed from his end of the call, and Yamaguchi's face showed that of concentration as he listened to the announcement. "Ah, that was my call to boarding. I'll talk to you guys again during my layover in Munich."

"Okay," Yachi smiled.

"What are you going to do about your phone, Tsukki?"

"I'll probably get a temporary one. I might be able to ask niichan to send my current one to me. I don't know. I'll have to look into it first," Tsukishima answered.

"All right," Yamaguchi nodded. He turned to Yachi as he said, "Yacchan, can you help Tsukki set up his own chat account later?"

"Sure thing!"

"I'll see you guys later, then!"

The three friends exchanged their goodbyes, and once the call was cut and the room fell silent, Yachi and Tsukishima exchanged awkward looks.

"I told you not to tell him," Tsukishima said dryly.

"He already knew you were in Tokyo! Your dad told him," Yachi reasoned.

"How did he know I was with you here, then?"

"Ah... well, I accidentally sent him a picture of you with Meggy and Starry," she laughed nervously. "It was too cute! Yamaguchi was happy to receive it. If anything, it was your shirt sniffing moment that was more concerning."

"I think you've misunderstood."

"What's your explanation for that, then?" Yachi asked, genuinely curious. Her tone had no malice, but Tsukishima still felt sweat drops forming on his forehead.

"I was," he began slowly. "I was going to take a nap. But I got distracted. I had to wake up early for my train ride this morning, and I haven't been able to think properly."

"Have a good rest then, Tsukishima-kun," Yachi smiled, a hint of mischievousness in her eye as she collected her things before silently leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sort of uneventful chapter — a necessary calm before the inevitable storm. It's the beginning of the end! Thankfully, graciously, FINALLY, this story is steadily coming to a close. Thank you for reading despite the irregular update schedule! I'm truly grateful ;__;


	11. Subtle Closeness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is sooooo late... i'm sorry!! my schedule was tough this previous month, and i really didn't have a lot of free time to myself. it seems like RR got a bunch of new readers lately tho, so hello!!!
> 
> It was actually Redefining Routine's anniversary earlier this month, and I don't really know if that's an achievement or not hahaha either way, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I've been working on this fic for over a year now!!! my tsukyam feels are so strong and life-consuming....

The air felt heavy, damp, and foreign — too crisp to be welcoming and too cold to be that of home. The sound of droplets pattering onto concrete was repetitive and hypnotizing, almost luring his eyelids to fall down as well. His icy fingers felt numb as he rubbed them together, and when the taxi driver greeted him into the warm interiors of the cab, he was welcomed with near instant relief. The driver attempted to engage him in conversation, but he was too groggy to articulate his thoughts in a language he couldn't even call his own.

The smell of cigarettes and sweat had stuck onto the cab's leather seat, and it mingled with the overpowering lemon air freshener that hung innocently by the rearview mirror. It was an intoxicating mix that made him feel nauseous, and he wanted so badly to roll the windows down to breathe in the smell of rain. He instead raised his head in exhaustion, pausing to register the glowing exterior of the airport building that disappeared in the horizon. In the blink of an eye, he found himself looking at the entrance of a hostel.

He hadn't felt the time passing.

He mechanically counted his money and offered it to the driver. His knees were weak as he walked out of the taxicab and unloaded his bags from the trunk. He slipped his arms under the straps of his backpack, adjusting them before wrapping a hand around the handle of his luggage bag. As the vehicle backed up and drove away, the boy wasted no time dragging his belongings into the hostel lobby. It was too cold for him to stay outside, and too dark for him to make sense of anything around him.

A lone security guard stood by the door. The warden’s mouth opened and closed, but their words were lost on him. Albeit awkward and strange in the other’s tongue, he caught the faint mention of his name and his arms moved on their own. He dug into his backpack and retrieved a folder of papers.

The guard looked over the documents and walked towards an unmanned receptionist’s desk. He opened several drawers and plucked a set of keys from one of them.

“You’re very late, Mister Yamaguchi. Did your flight get delayed?” the warden asked in heavily accented English.

Yamaguchi bobbed his head up and down in both a nod and an attempt to brush off his grogginess. “Yes. Very delayed.”

The security guard smiled politely. “You’ll be on the second floor. Once you get off the lift, take a turn to the right, and just go straight until you find your room number.”

Yamaguchi bowed out of instinct. He kept his head lowered as he said his thanks. He directed himself to the elevator area, robotically pressing the round number pad embossed with a number two. The ground below him shook slightly and he felt pressure in his ears, and he distracted himself by focusing all his senses to his hand. The key felt awkward in his palm, and as he ran his finger over its jagged edge, he could only feel anxiety swelling in his gut.

The floors stopped moving. The doors slid open. He walked out into the hallway feeling as though he'd been transported to a different dimension.

The corridor was lined with identical blue doors, and each had a small rectangular number plate hanging below their circular window panels. He could see the ground floor from where he stood, and if he reached out far enough he swore that he could touch the tips of the tree that stood below. Beyond the railing to his left was a large glass panel that spanned the entire length of the building, and it was clear enough that he could see the night sky outside. His luggage ran smoothly across grey tile floors, and the sound of its turning wheels echoed off the bone white walls. He kept his footsteps light, but the squeaking of his shoes were amplified in the dead of the night.

It didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to locate his room.

The keyhole sat at an odd angle. The first time he slipped his key in, the door knob wouldn't even budge. He wrangled they key into the lock and persistently turned the metal to the right, nearly jabbing the door down in the process. His head throbbed. He thrust the key in and out of the opening, impatience overriding his rationality as he artlessly shoved and pushed and —

Click.

"Finally—“

Darkness. The unmistakable fragrance of bamboo calmed his senses. The scent lead him to a glowing orb, and the motions of oil and water slushing inside the scent diffuser momentarily entranced him. Its faint blue glow was enough to illuminate his way to a light switch. Each step forward seemed crunchier than the last, as though he were treading on uneven land. He constantly stumbled on his own footing no matter how slowly he moved. He strained his eyes to see clearer, but he could only make out blurry edges and awkward shapes.

He flicked the lights on with a sense of curiosity and determination. The immediate flash of brightness caused his eyes to sting. His headache only worsened at the sight of t-shirts haplessly strewn across the floor, mingling amongst empty cups of instant noodles and plastic wrappers for bread buns, blankets perched over a couch in a makeshift clothesline, a lone game cartridge sitting neglected atop a mound of garbage —

The small sitting area was a mess. He didn't want to deal with this.

Yamaguchi felt more exhausted than ever. His eyes immediately flicker towards the three other doors in the room and tentatively peered into the one that had been left ajar. He breathed a sigh of relief -- it was free of clutter at least. A large window filtered in the faint moonlight, and the small single bed was bare but enticing. He hastily shrugged off his coat, shut his door, and flopped down onto the mattress, the tough pillow feeling every little bit like heaven to him.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

He was awakened by a loud, incessant ringing. His eyes shot open, heart racing from the unfamiliar wooden ceiling and sour taste of his mouth. The faint sunlight was enough to illuminate the bare desks and shelves around him, and the empty room made him feel anxious. He took his phone out of his pocket and found comfort in the familiar name that flashed on the screen.

“Yachi?”

“Not quite.”

Ah. The low voice that whispered into his ear was not the one he had expected, and the tiny gears in his head moved into place and his heartbeat settled.

"Hey," Yamaguchi replied, the word coming out like a sigh of relief.

“How are you, Tadashi?”

"It's too early to say, Tsukki," he replied.

“Huh? Oh. Right. Timezones. Sorry."

"It's fine," Yamaguchi yawned. "What are you up to?"

"I'm just standing around at the museum."

"Oh. Back to work already?" he asked.

"The meeting ended a while ago, so I'm free for the rest of the day."

"You're with Yachi, then?"

"Yes. It’s her day off today though, she just stopped by to pick me up."

"That's a nice arrangement,” the freckled boy laughed. His laughter morphed into a yawn, and he stretched his limbs as he turned over to lie on his back. “Did you ask her to do that?"

"No, not really. She went to drop off Meggy at her mom’s, so she offered to stop by and pick me up," Tsukishima answered. "Besides, I can't exactly get in her apartment on my own."

"It's good that she's letting you stay with her.”

“Yeah. I’d have to get my own place eventually, though.”

“I guess so,” Yamaguchi agreed. “But why do you have her phone?"

"Uh. Well. She went for the restrooms and told me that I could call you,” the blond paused. “I — I mean we — we’ve been wondering why you hadn't messaged at all.”

“Oh?” Yamaguchi asked. He slid a hand up his torso to scratch at an itch by his rib, and he traced the pads of his fingers over his sides to warm himself up.

“And, well, I wanted to know if you'd even arrived there safely or not."

A smile crept up on Yamaguchi’s face as he whispered, “Sorry to make you worry first thing in the morning."

"It's okay," the blond reassured. "I’ll call you later when you’ve gotten some rest, then?”

“No, stay with me,” Yamaguchi spluttered. “I want to talk to you for a bit longer.”

“Okay,” the other boy chuckled.

The soft sound conjured an image in Yamaguchi’s mind — the smooth curve of Tsukishima’s lips quirking upward as a quiet laugh escaped their lips, and as the freckled boy imagined how his boyfriend looked like back in Tokyo, he found himself smiling at the thought.

 

“If Yachi complains about her phone bill, then I hope you're willing to pay her.”

“Why don’t you just call me through Skype, then?” Yamaguchi suggested.

“Are you even connected to the internet right now?”

“Ah, you’re right. I still have to check with the admin office later so they could set up a wifi account for me.”

“I thought so,” the blond hummed.

"You know," Yamaguchi hushed, eyelids drooping as he continued, "I'm still kind of sad that I wasn't able to spend your actual birthday with you."

"Me too.”

“Your dad apologized to me for not booking earlier Shinkansen tickets for you,” he blurted. “He said you were pretty eager to meet up with me before I left Japan.”

"Did he really say that?"

"Maybe, maybe not," he teased. "But is it the truth, I wonder..."

"I wish I could see you right now so I could wipe off that smug look off your face."

"How are you so sure of that? You can't even see my face right now," Yamaguchi laughed.

"That's the problem,” Tsukishima grumbled. There’s the sound of shuffling and distant footsteps in the background as he asked, “How was your flight?”

“Awful,” he groaned. “We encountered turbulence in every trip. I couldn’t sleep at all. It still feels like the world's going to shake under my feet any moment now.”

“That sounds horrible,” Tsukishima laughed.

“It’s nothing to laugh about,” Yamaguchi whined.

“How did you pass the time then?”

“I watched a gag show reel for a bit, but I couldn’t laugh too loudly because the woman next to me was asleep.”

"So?" the blond asked. “The turbulence was going to wake her anyway.”

“No, look, this lady was asleep even before our plane took off. She snored all throughout the flight disturbances and she just happened to be up right when they were dishing out our in-flight meals," Yamaguchi recounted. "She was something else, I swear.”

“You should’ve followed her example."

“How was I supposed to sleep when it felt like the plane was going to crash at any time?”

“That sounds like something Yachi would worry about,” Tsukishima teased. “Ah, which reminds me. Yachi told me that you talked to your mom a lot while you were here."

"Oh."

"You want to talk about it?"

"It's okay. Nothing much happened, really,” Yamaguchi droned. “I didn’t have to cut our conversations short then, so she was able to scold me as much as she wanted. She at least offered to pay for the new things I’d need to buy for my room here, so that’s a plus, I guess.”

“Huh? I don’t quite understand,” Tsukishima replied. “What has she been scolding you for anyway?”

“For answering her calls a minute too late, or for avoiding my father’s messages. It’s unbelievably easy to get on her nerves lately. Her secretary says her schedule has been anything but healthy,” Yamaguchi said with disinterest. “I was a bit distracted when she called me when I was in your place, so she was sure to repeat her lectures before I formally left Tokyo.”

“She called you when you were in Miyagi? How come I don’t remember that happening?”

“Ah. That’s probably because your mouth was busy with something else.”

“Oh. Oh, right. That happened.”

“Eh, you forgot about it already?” the freckled boy said with a purposefully dramatic pout. “And here I thought it was something really special.”

“Trust me, it’s hard to forget how good you make me feel," Tsukishima defended. "You can’t blame me for not remembering all the details when so many other things were happening, right?”

“I don't know,” Yamaguchi grinned.

"Tadashi," Tsukishima said after a moment of quiet. "There's something I've been meaning to ask."

"Hm?" he hummed.

Yamaguchi breathed in slowly and held his breath, anticipating a question to fill in the silence for him.

"What is it, Tsukki?"

He wondered if the call had gotten disconnected, but the sound of footsteps still rang in his ears.

“Do your parents know about us?”

The freckled boy bit his lip.

“Oh. No," he replied slowly. "No, they don't.”

“Oh. Okay."

Tsukishima didn't say anything more. Yamaguchi took it as an opportunity to choose his words carefully, but he didn't even know what it was that he wanted to say. He sat up on the bed and massaged his temples.

“I’m sorry, Tsukki. I’ll introduce you eventually. Now just doesn't seem like a good time.”

“It’s not a big deal. I understand," Tsukishima whispered. “Ah, Yachi’s here. Would you like to talk to her?”

“Uh, sure,” the freckled boy hesitated. He heard the sound of whispering on the other end of the line, followed by the familiar greeting of his friend.

“Yamaguchi-kun! How are you?” Yachi said in a light tone, and Yamaguchi could almost feel her smile radiating off her voice.

“I’m fine, how about you?”

“Oh, I’m doing okay. Thanks for asking!” the girl answered. “You worried us sick last night! I’m glad to know that you’re safe.”

“Ah, I’m really sorry about that!”

“You really don’t have to apologize to me. You should see Tsukishima-kun right now. He looks like a sour lemon that's been drained of all its juice. I mean, this guy hasn’t slept a wink at all—” Yachi’s voice grew distant, and it was only faintly that Yamaguchi was able to hear her say, “Ah! Hey!”

“Don’t listen to Yachi. I was able to sleep,” droned the low voice of his lover, and Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile at the remark.

“I sure hope you aren’t lying.”

“I’m not.”

Yamaguchi could hear the faint creaking of a door being open and shut. It took a moment for him to process that the sound came from right outside his room.

"Ah, I think one of my flatmates just arrived. I should go greet them."

"Sure," Tsukishima replied. "Let me know what you think of them later, okay?"

"I already know they won't be as cool as you."

"Cool?" the blond scoffed. "Don't forget to get some sleep later. Seems like you really need the rest."

"Fine," Yamaguchi said with a sigh. "Bye, Tsukki. Tell Yachi I’ll message her once I’ve set up my wifi and gotten a local SIM card."

"All right. She actually let me borrow one of her old phones, but I still need to buy a new card for it too.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“Yeah. Good bye."

Yamaguchi clenched his teeth and waited for Tsukishima to drop the call as he usually did, but all he heard was silence.

“Uh, Tadashi?”

“Y-Yeah?” he said, surprised.

“Have a good day.”

“Sure. Yeah, you too.”

“Okay.” Tsukishima said simply. “Don’t try to stress yourself out too much. It’s only your first day there.”

Yamaguchi raised his hand to his chest, pausing to trail his fingers up to the dip by his collarbones. He ran his fingers over the pattern on his necklace pendant, a feeling of calm rushing over him as he whispered, “Kei, you know that I love you, right?”

"Of course I do."

"Okay," he said, nodding to himself as he added, "Bye."

“Bye," the other boy replied, his voice barely above a whisper as he said — “I love you, too.”

Tsukishima immediately cut the call, and Yamaguchi kept smiling even after he’d put his phone down.

He slowly rose to his feet, clutching the end of a desk as he tried to stay upright. His socked feet rubbed against the carpeted floor as he put on his shoes, and he noted to himself that he'd need to purchase bedroom slippers. He linked his fingers and brought them above his head as he stretched his aching back, gradually bringing his hands to massage each side of his neck. He felt his pace quicken as he walked to his bedroom door, and he’d gotten so distracted from his nervousness that he’d almost forgotten to straighten his shirt and hair before stepping outside.

His heart stopped altogether once he caught sight of the person by the other end of the room.

The boy by the entryway had brown hair sculpted in such a way that it waved across his forehead and framed his features in careful angles. In his hand he had a large garbage bag that appeared to be half-full, causing Yamaguchi to notice the cleaner state of the space. In the five-second timeframe that Yamaguchi allowed himself to appraise the person before him, he had already managed to take in the broadness of the other boy's shoulders and the bruises hinting behind his shirt collar.

"Good morning,” the brunet said with a smile. The foreign words rolled off his tongue easily.

Yamaguchi trained his eyes back up to the other boy's. "G-good morning,” he replied as softly and as quickly as he could in an attempt to mask his accent and intimidation.

"How are you?"

"Fine," Yamaguchi mustered. "You?"

"Would you mind it if I spoke English? I wouldn't mind it either way," the boy said in Yamaguchi's mother tongue.

The freckled boy breathed a sigh of relief. "Ah, I thought for sure you weren't Japanese. Hello, I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi."

"Oh?" the brunet laughed. "Do you think so, too? I'm Oikawa Tooru, by the way. I’m sorry you arrived to such a mess, I had some friends over yesterday and I didn't get the chance to clean up before we left."

“It’s okay,” Yamaguchi replied. “Do you know where our other roommate might be?"

"You haven't met them yet?"

"No.”

"Good, because I haven't seen them yet, either," Oikawa grinned. "You're from Keio too, right?"

"Ah, yeah."

"Nice. Are you staying here for the two-year program?"

"Eh? Ah, well —”

In an instant, Yamaguchi forgot what he was going to say. The loud grumbling of his stomach caused his mind to go blank.

Oikawa smiled. “You haven't had anything yet, have you? Let's go get breakfast."

“Sure,” Yamaguchi replied, rubbing his hand against the nape of his neck as he slunk back to his room. “I’ll go brush my teeth first.”

“Do you have your supplies out already? You haven't unpacked yet, have you? I could just lend you my mouthwash if you’d like,” the other boy offered.

“Oh. Uh, I guess that’d be fine. Thanks.”

“No problem,” the boy replied with a wave of his hand. He knotted the garbage bag in his hand and set it on the floor before he walked over to his own room. He opened the door and paused before going in, lingering long enough for Yamaguchi to see inside it. The freckled boy was quick to notice that while the other’s walls were bare, there seemed to be a lot of stuff piled onto their shelves and atop their cabinets.

The seconds ticked by. Yamaguchi spent the time fixing up the pillows on the couch and folding the shirts that had been thrown onto it. 

When Oikawa re-emerged from his room, he had layered on a jacket and a scarf. By the time he had closed his door, the space was filled with the smell of citrus and spice. The scent was faint yet not unnoticeable in the way that Yamaguchi’s attention was instantaneously captured. It was oddly familiar, and the freckled boy didn’t have to wrack his brains to know why.

“Is that Cologne du 68?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yes,” Oikawa nodded, his eyebrows raised and lips upturned from being impressed. “Do you wear Guerlain, too?” Oikawa asked as he passed Yamaguchi a small container. The clear purple liquid inside it glistened in the light, and Yamaguchi ran his finger over the lined bottle cap.

“Thank you, but no. They’re too pricey for me,” Yamaguchi said with a grimace.

“I can pass you some samples. You seem to have a good nose, so I think you’ll like their other fragrances too.”

The freckled boy’s eyes widened in surprise. He idly opened the mouthwash bottle as he asked, “Are you sure?”

“It’s fine. They’re just piling up in my dresser, plus I got them for free, anyway,” Oikawa replied. “I’d definitely recommend Cologne du 68, though. It’s an interesting scent, plus it leaves a beautiful warm vanilla at the end.”

“Such a delicious smell on the skin, honestly,” Yamaguchi nodded as he added some mouthwash into the cap and poured the liquid into his mouth, swishing it around his mouth despite the unexpectedly harsh burn it brought about.

“So is it the perfume your lover uses?”

Yamaguchi quite nearly gagged himself, the sting of the mouthwash causing his eyes and throat to hurt. He was torn between swallowing and throwing everything up, but he resigned to keeping it all in. He brought a hand before his lips and gestured to his mouth, and Oikawa dutifully opened the garbage bag for Yamaguchi to spit in.

“Am I right?” his flatmate asked with a mischievous smile. He lifted the garbage bag off the floor as he said, “It's nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, I commend their expensive taste.”

Yamaguchi felt anything but reassured, and he could still feel his heart race in his chest. He stared at the floor as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Without saying a word, he passed the mouthwash bottle back to his flatmate and waited for the other boy to finish putting it away.

“Is there anything in particular that you want to eat?”

He unconsciously pat his stomach as he asked, "We're allowed to cook here, right?"

"Yes,” Oikawa said as he opened the door to their flat and walked out onto the hallway. “I haven't restocked the refrigerator yet though, so there's not enough ingredients for the two of us. We'd need to head to the convenience store for today."

"I see," Yamaguchi replied as he stepped out of their flat. "Ah. Let me go get a coat first—"

“Hey, Tooru! Good morning!”

The two flatmates turned towards the group that gradually crowded around them. Their angular facial features struck Yamaguchi as unusual, but at the back of his head he reasoned to himself that it was something he was going to have to get accustomed towards.

“Tooru, have you had breakfast yet?”

“Not yet,” Oikawa replied in a heartbeat.

“Would you like to have breakfast with us?” another one asked.

“Only if you’d let my friend tag along with me.”

“Who is he? I’ve never seen him around before.”

“He’s my new roommate.”

“Can you ask Hajime to come with us, too?”

“Iwa-chan’s already had breakfast. I don’t think he’d be up for a second helping.”

Yamaguchi’s head spun. They spoke too quickly for him to process the words. He could only pick up various phrases and gestures, but never a full idea. No one was looking at him, so he at least didn’t feel the need to contribute to the conversation.

He turned to Oikawa and observed the composed manner that he carried himself, almost admiring the casual way by which he responded to the attention that he’d been showered with. The other’s mouth naturally wrapped around the words and expressions, enunciating them with ease. Yamaguchi thought nothing when Oikawa continuously gestured towards him, but he felt his blood run cold when the entire group turned to him.

Oikawa smiled as he asked, "Are you fine around girls, Yamaguchi?"

Yamaguchi’s ears immediately perked from the unexpected utterance in his native language.

"W-w-w-what?"

"It'd take a while for us to reach the store. You’re already hungry, aren’t you? These girls said they’d like to cook breakfast for us."

"Oh, no, I think I'm okay with waiting, uh—"

"Nonsense. Your stomach was protesting just two minutes ago. You can worry about the specifics later."

"Ah. Um,” Yamaguchi pursed his lips. He wondered in his head if this was just another thing that was normal in this part of the world, and that he was supposed to get used to here. “Okay, Oikawa—"

"Just Tooru is fine," the brunet smiled. “It’s what everyone calls me here.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry I took a while!" Yachi said as she and Tsukishima began to make their way out of the museum. The cold air rustled the trees of Ueno Park, and their leaves fell gracefully onto the paths that they passed through. "I thought for sure you'd be on the phone for even longer, so I wanted to give you some time."

“Huh,” the boy said as he drew his brows together. “Uh, thank you for the consideration."

They walked leisurely, phasing through the crowds in silence. Even so, Tsukishima's stride was much larger than his companion's, and he had to constantly stop in his tracks to wait for Yachi to catch up to him. He decided to match his pace with Yachi's, and once they had entered the parking building, some dust had managed to get caught in Yachi's eye. She grabbed onto Tsukishima's shirt sleeve, forcefully pulling on it to make the boy look at her. The girl blinked her eyes rapidly, blobs of tears threatening to fall as she gestured to her bag and blubbered, "T-Tsukishima-kun, could you, uh, get my eyedrops, please—"

"Okay," he said simply. He located Yachi's cosmetics bag fairly easily, and luckily it didn't take too long for him to find what he was looking for. "Do you need me to put this for you?"

"Please," Yachi cried. She was already holding her eyelids open.

"Hold still."

He squeezed out a few drops from the bottle, and he kept it in his hand as he waited for Yachi to react. He screwed on the cap once Yachi's shoulders began to relax.

"Thank you," the girl smiled, sniffling as they walked to a stairwell. "You don't have anything going on this afternoon, right, Tsukishima-kun?"

"Not exactly,” he shrugged. “I was just planning on looking for a new job."

"Eh? You're quitting the museum already?" Yachi asked with widened eyes.

"No.”

Yachi expectantly looked up at him, but Tsukishima showed little interest in explaining himself. The girl pouted as she shoved her hands into her coat pockets. "If you’re interested in getting a part-time job, then you might want to ask Hinata.”

“Hinata?” the bespectacled blond scoffed. "Why would I ask help from him?"

"He works a bunch of jobs around the clock. Maybe he knows of something that could work with your schedule."

"Eh. I don't know. I'll think about it next time I see him," the boy answered. He trailed behind Yachi as they set foot on the building's upper floor, and he stopped only when Yachi froze midstep. He followed her line of sight and asked, "Is it me or am I really seeing Hinata by your car?"

“Hi-Hi-Hinata, what are you doing here?” the girl stammered as she approached the other boy.

“Kageyama left me behind before I could go with him, and I didn’t have enough phone credit to contact anyone anymore,” Hinata mumbled.

"How did you even know my car was here?"

"I took a chance," he said sheepishly. "You only ever park in this building anyway."

“Did you guys have work today? I didn’t see you at the meeting,” Tsukishima asked.

Yachi laughed nervously. “Ah. Um. Anyway. Okay, well, you can ride with us, Hinata.”

“Ride where?” the taller boy asked.

“Home!” Yachi squeaked as she half-ran to her vehicle and slipped inside.

“Huh,” Tsukishima said with a raised brow. He turned to Hinata to look for answers, but the other boy was adamant about evading his gaze. “Hinata, are you sitting in front, or—“

“I’ll take the front seat,” he replied as he pulled on the door handle, slunk inside the car, and slammed it closed in lightning speed.

The car engines revved up. Tsukishima felt a hint of concern.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The ride back to Yachi’s apartment was deafeningly silent.

They had made a quick stop to the convenience store on the way there, and it was only to buy refreshments while Tsukishima purchased a new card for his borrowed phone. He wasn’t one to miss the dubious looks on Hinata’s and Yachi’s faces as they discussed matters by the store entrance, but Tsukishima was both too tired and disinterested to try to discern anything that they said.

“I’ll go check on the dogs,” Tsukishima said the moment he walked into the apartment.

He heard a sigh of relief before Yachi answered, “Okay. We’ll call you over when lunch is ready.”

“Let me know if you’d need me to do anything,” he replied.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Hinata quickly spluttered. “You don’t have to come check up on us.”

Tsukishima frowned. He rested his hands on his hips as he asked, “What the hell are you two up to?”

“It’s nothing! It’s nothing,” Yachi laughed awkwardly. She waved her hand at him and it made Tsukishima feel put off, but he didn’t have enough energy to question them any further.

He entered Starry’s play area only to find the pomeranian fast asleep in a corner. Tsukishima sighed and hunched over to pick up its empty water bowl, and his movements caused the small dog to spur. Its tail moved about but gradually went still, and Tsukishima felt bitter over how he’d gotten his hopes up that Starry had awoken. He crouched before it and stared at its sleeping form, observing how its small front paws loosely wrapped around a cupcake-shaped chew toy.

“Stay there,” he whispered as he rose to his feet and walked out of the room.

He entered the kitchen, and was surprised to find that the place was empty. He left the water bowl by the sink before moving to check the living room, but that area was deserted as well. He made a beeline for Yachi’s bedroom, feeling relieved by the loud voices that originated from inside. The noise instantaneously settled down when he knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Yachi said in an uncharacteristically hushed tone. “What is it Tsukishima-kun?”

Tsukishima quickly studied the room. Hinata lay on the floor, his own cellphone grasped tightly in his hands. Yachi sat on the edge of her bed, fingers flat and tense atop her powder blue sheets.

“Can I borrow your phone?” he asked as he readjusted his eyeglasses.

“Why?”

“I was thinking of trying the SIM card…?”

“Oh. Right. Let me go get it,” she said as she stood and approached one of her cabinets. She shuffled through one of the drawers as she asked, “Would you want to borrow my tablet, too? My old phone’s camera’s busted, so you can use my tablet instead for when you’d want to video chat with Yamaguchi.”

“You wouldn’t be needing it for yourself?”

“I have another one, so it’s fine. I only have one charger though, so just ask me beforehand if you’d need to use it,” Yachi replied with a smile as she passed the gadgets to her friend.

“Thanks, Yachi.”

“It’s no problem!”

“Did Yamaguchi say anything about having a new phone number yet?” Tsukishima asked.

“No, but I’ll let him know that you have one already. You can just leave him a message on Skype that you have your own now, too.”

“You have a Skype account now too, Tsukishima?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah,” the taller boy replied, and he left the room without saying anything else.

He slipped the phone in his pocket and tucked the tablet under his arm as he cleaned and filled Starry’s water bowl. It was a bit of a balancing act to get everything back to the play area, but Tsukishima felt accomplished when he was rewarded with the sight of Starry's sleeping form.

He lowered the bowl onto the floor and set up the tablet’s camera. He took a few snaps, just in case his first attempt ended up being blurry. He sat cross-legged as he navigated through the tablet’s applications, and he waited silently as Skype booted up. He keyed in his account details and checked his contacts list. There were only two people listed — Yachi and Yamaguchi — and he clicked on the latter’s name and began typing out his new phone number.

“Is this yours, Tsukki?”

His hands hovered over the screen. He paused to look at the green circle that glowed next to Yamaguchi’s name on the sidebar. He hadn’t noticed that the other boy was online.

“Yeah,” he typed back. “There’s something I wanted to show you.”

“What is it?” was Yamaguchi’s quick response.

Tsukishima scrolled through the device's gallery to attach a photo into the conversation. Yamaguchi quickly accepted the file transfer. A few moments after the other boy received the file, Tsukishima received a video call invitation. He positioned the tablet on the floor in such a way that Starry was the only one who made it into the frame.

“Is that Starry?” Yamaguchi asked.

“It is,” Tsukishima smiled. “I thought it was something you’d want to see.”

“It really is, it really is,” Yamaguchi cooed. “Pet his head for me when he wakes up, okay?"

"Sure."

"But as much as I like seeing Starry, I’d much rather look at you right now.”

“That’s a compliment coming from you,” Tsukishima laughed as he brought the tablet before his face. “What were you doing just now?”

“I’ve just been unpacking.”

“Ah, so I’m bothering you, aren’t I?”

“It’s a welcome distraction,” Yamaguchi grinned. “I was getting kind of bored.”

“Your new flatmate didn’t feel like helping you out?”

“He has an organization meeting right now, apparently. I actually have to leave in a bit to attend an orientation session, but afterwards I’m going out with some of my flatmate’s friends.”

“Getting yourself busy right from the get go, huh?”

“I have to keep busy so I don’t have any time to feel homesick,” Yamaguchi confessed. “I’ll give you a tour of the place once I get properly settled, all right?”

“Sure,” Tsukishima replied. “Do you—“

“Tsukishima, let’s go—oh? Yamaguchi?” Hinata shouted as he barged into the play area and sat next to Tsukishima, and his loud voice startled Starry into consciousness.

“Hi, Hinata! Where are you guys going?”

“Yeah, where are we going?” Tsukishima repeated in a monotonous tone. Starry approached him and began to lick at his hand, and he took it as a signal to pat the dog’s head.

“We’re meeting Kageyama.”

“Why do I have to go? I didn’t agree to anything,” Tsukishima grumbled. Starry shook him off to play with his chew toy.

“Eh, come on, we’re going to have lunch together,” Hinata reasoned.

“You don’t have anything planned today, do you, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked. “We can always talk again next time.”

“I don’t feel like going around town any more today,” the blond complained.

“If I was there, would you go?”

“Well, yeah—“

“So you should go,” Yamaguchi said with a smile. “Have fun!”

Tsukishima pouted. “Fine. You have fun, too.”

“I will,” Yamaguchi replied, and the freckled boy quickly cancelled the call. He typed out the message, “Take care!” before promptly logging off.

Tsukishima stared at the tablet screen before locking it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Tsukishima, could you adjust your seat?”

“No way. My legs feel cramped enough as it is,” the blond replied. “Why don’t you just move over to the side? There’s enough space for you there.”

“But I wouldn’t be able to feel the air conditioning there. Could you at least adjust the air conditioning so that some of it could reach the back?”

Tsukishima sighed. “Yachi, can we turn up the radio so Hinata wouldn’t feel so compelled to fill in the silence?”

“Just hold on for a bit longer, you two, we’re almost there,” Yachi slumped over the steering wheel, clearly the most exhausted out of the three.

“Why are we headed so far away, anyway? I thought we were just going to—"

“We’re here!” Hinata said excitedly as he rushed out of the car before Yachi could even bring the car into a full stop.

“Where are we?” Tsukishima said once Yachi had properly parked the car.

“This is Hinata’s place.”

“You’ve been here before?” Tsukishima asked as he opened the car door and stepped out onto the street.

“Around once or twice, maybe? Why?”

“Does Hinata cook well?”

“I don’t really know,” Yachi shrugged.

“So why are we here?” Tsukishima said as he folded his arms before him. He followed behind the girl as she walked towards Hinata’s apartment door. Yachi slipped off her shoes and entered the apartment silently, and Tsukishima followed suit. “Look, Yachi, the two of you have been pretty suspicious this whole time. What is going on?”

Yachi’s face crumpled up as she covered her expression with her hands. “Ugh, I can't do this! I’m just no good at this without Yamaguchi-kun!”

“Huh?”

Yachi’s shoulders sagged as she walked further inside the apartment. Hinata was seated on a couch nearby, and the person on his left had long outgrown his bleached hair, with dark roots spreading over the crown of his head. His eyes were glued to the television before him, and his hands were quick to mash the buttons of his game controller as Hinata looked on with wide eyes and an opened mouth.

Tsukishima didn’t recognize him. He focused back to the blond before him.

“I was planning on surprising you for your birthday. Well, a late surprise anyway, since we weren’t able to do much yesterday,” Yachi explained. “But I just had no time to prepare and I didn’t know any of your other friends and—“

“Eh, the food’s ready?” Hinata jumped from the sofa. The other person seated with him lagged behind, leaving Tsukishima and Yachi alone in the living room.

“Ah. I guess we should just go eat, huh?” Yachi said with an apologetic smile. She played with the hem of her shirt as she examined the ground.

Tsukishima sighed. “You do know that you didn’t have to do this, right?”

“I know, I know,” Yachi said with a shake of her head. “This is probably really weird and bothersome and you’d much rather do something else—“

“You might be right,” Tsukishima admitted. He smiled slightly as he said, “But don’t worry. I appreciate free food.”

The soured look on Yachi’s face easily brightened up as she playfully smacked Tsukishima’s side.

“I would’ve been fine with just cake, though.”

“We’re getting you cake too, so just hold tight,” Yachi said with a grin.

The cracked apartment walls were painted white, but in the dining room, the place had taken on a yellow hue that made Tsukishima's head ache. A plastic table took up most of the space, and its grainy white texture was made livelier by the bright orange placemats set upon it.

“Hey, Kageyama, you should help, too,” Hinata said as he distributed plates.

“I already paid for a case of beer, what more do you want?” the other boy grumbled.

“Could you at least get us some utensils?”

“Fine,” Kageyama replied as he stood from his seat and exited the room.

“Ah, Tsukishima, I forgot to introduce you,” Hinata said as he took a seat across from the bespectacled boy. He slung an arm around the blond next to him and said, “this is my roommate, Kenma.”

“Hello. Sorry to intrude so suddenly,” Tsukishima replied. “I’m Tsukishima.”

“Yeah. Shouyo said it was your birthday, so it’s fine,” Kenma said without making eye contact.

“Kenma’s really good at playing games. You should come over to play with us next time, Tsukishima-kun!” Hinata said with a grin.

“Right,” Tsukishima droned.

“If you’d rather not play console games, we go for volleyball sometimes too. We could really use some tall guys when we play against Kuroo!”

Tsukishima frowned. “Kuroo?”

“Food’s here,” Kageyama said as he walked in the room carrying a handful of forks.

“Ah! That smells amazing!” Hinata grinned as another boy entered the room with a platter of spaghetti.

“Sorry, it’s all I could manage in such short notice,” he said. A mess of jet black hair framed his face and nearly covered parts of his ears. He placed the spaghetti on the table and added, “There’s still some more in the kitchen, so feel free to get seconds.”

“Nice,” Kageyama nodded. “Thanks for the meal.”

“Your spaghetti is the best,” Hinata smiled.

“Are you the birthday boy, then?” the dark-haired boy asked as he sat next to Tsukishima.

"Ah. Yeah. My birthday was yesterday," Tsukishima replied.

"Oh. I see. Happy birthday anyway,” he said plainly. "What was your name again?"

"Tsukishima Kei."

“Tsukishima Kei…” the boy repeated slowly. “You look hot."

"E-excuse me?"

“Do you want me to turn down the heating?” he asked. “It was pretty humid in the kitchen as I was cooking too, so I’ve gotten a little sweaty myself.”

“Oh.”

The boy turned to the other people around the table and asked, “Would you guys mind it if I lowered the temperature?”

“No, it’s okay,” Hinata replied.

“I’ll go adjust it, then,” Tsukishima offered. He was halfway out the room when Kageyama called out to him.

“Do you even know where it is, Tsukishima?”

“It shouldn’t be too hard to find,” the blond shrugged as he walked out.

He scanned the living room and even peeped into the kitchen, but to no avail. He didn't want to admit it, but Tsukishima had a hard time finding where the thermostat was located. He’d been mentally debating whether to head back to the dining area to ask for help when he felt a presence behind him.

“The controls are right by the entrance, next to the light switches,” said the dark-haired boy that walked towards him.

“Ah. Thanks,” Tsukishima answered. Once he’d successfully adjusted the heat, he noticed that the other person continued to trail behind him. The blond brought his hands before his body and turned towards him, pausing to look into the other’s heavy-lidded gaze before promptly looking away. The other boy looked almost sickly, or at least deathly tired. “Uh. Are you Hinata’s roommate, too?”

“I used to be. I transferred to my university’s dorms just recently.”

“Oh. I see,” Tsukishima replied. He gulped, feeling self-conscious of the silence that spread between them.

“How do you two know each other?”

“We both work at the museum, and my partner’s close friends with him I guess,” the blond shrugged.

“Ah, that makes sense. I was wondering why your name sounded familiar,” the boy nodded to himself.

“Familiar? How?”

A sharp buzz rang throughout the room.

"That should be him," the other boy mumbled as he walked over to the door to open it.

Tsukishima squinted his eyes. “Ah—“

“Oy, Tsukishima, happy birthday!”

“What are you doing here, Kuroo?” the bespectacled boy said with a scowl.

“I brought cake and drinks. Shouldn’t you be happy to see me?” he grinned as he entered the apartment. Kuroo looked over to other boy in the room and said, “You weren’t lying. Bokuto really is sick, huh? I tried to get him to come over but it looks like he’s out cold today.”

“Give him a few hours. He’d probably come over here anyway,” he shrugged.

“I’ll go drop these over in the kitchen, then,” Kuroo said as he lugged his things inside.

Tsukishima stared at the older boy as he disappeared into the apartment, and his frown doesn't leave him even after Kuroo was out of earshot. "Are you a friend of Kuroo's?" he asked.

"Maybe," the other boy said with a shrug. "We're suitemates. We play on the same volleyball team sometimes."

"Oh,” the blond replied. "Is it a school team?"

"Not really. I don't have the time to play anything other than casual games, so official teams aren't feasible right now. Kuroo and I both play for other volleyball circles, though. We just go with whichever matches our schedule."

"I see," Tsukishima nodded. “What's it like to live with him?"

"He's manageable on his own. He becomes a headache when Bokuto-san visits," he said with a shrug. “We should go eat. We might run out of food if we stay out here for too long, and it’d be bad if we drank on an empty stomach.”

“Okay,” Tsukishima nodded as he motioned to follow after the other. “Ah, wait. I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Eh, did I forget to introduce myself?” the boy said with an apologetic smile. He turned to Tsukishima as he added, “Sorry about that.”

Tsukishima replied, “It’s not a problem.”

“I’m Akaashi Keiji,” the boy answered. “Tsukishima, do you happen to hold your liquor well?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Cologne du 68 is a pricey little unisex fragrance from the famous perfume house, Guerlain. It takes its name from the fact that it's comprised of 68 notes — as in 68 different scents. Some call it a masterpiece for its sophisticated composition, others call it pretentious perfumery. Personally, I have no idea how it actually smells like.
> 
> ——
> 
> For those who have read all three parts of the series, I think you would appreciate [this endearing little ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4956973) by artisticalgorithm entitled "[If Those Walls Could Talk](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4956973)," which perfectly summarized all the important happenings of the fic so far! Thank you so much again for writing it, Elisabeth TT____TT
> 
> to everyone— thank you so much for reading Harnessing Habits despite my irregular updates;; i look forward to writing more fluff, smut, and angst for this AU! ^_^v


	12. Novice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** this chapter is **explicit** for real. Aside from the text, it also has some suggestive drawings that I personally would not want to be caught looking at if I were in public. I'm sorry.
> 
> I dedicate this chapter to my friend Erin (he is on ao3 as riteofspring, tumblr and twitter as pneumoria) as thanks for being a good friend that I've had the pleasure of sharing several heated discussions about Serious Kinks. He also motivated me to finish the spicier parts of this chapter, and I'm truly grateful for his help.

“I admire you, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi froze. He had only managed to slip an arm through one of his coat sleeves when he turned to his laptop and raised an eyebrow.

“For what, Tsukki?”

The other boy remained quiet and motionless. Yamaguchi took it as a chance to properly adjust his clothing.

From the video panel, the freckled boy could see that his boyfriend was lying on one side, eyes closed and cheek smushed against a floral-printed pillow. The limited lighting caused Tsukishima's lips to look glossier than usual, and as Yamaguchi trained his gaze elsewhere, he instead focused on the faint impressions on either side of the blond’s nosebridge. Yamaguchi suspected that he might’ve just imagined the markings— it really was too dark to tell if he’d seen things correctly.

As Tsukishima licked his lips and let out a sigh, Yamaguchi silenced the thoughts of caressing his lover’s face.

“Yachi… when she’s drunk, I just— I don’t know. I’m usually out of it before she’s even lost her sense of self, but this time I barely had a sip by the time she was in full force. I can’t wrap my head around how you willingly look after her when she’s not in her best form.”

“Why? What exactly did she do this time?”

The freckled boy’s lips quirked upwards as Tsukishima’s eyelids lazily fluttered open.

“You’re asking the wrong question. ‘What was something she didn’t do’ would require a shorter answer,” the blond droned. “She was all over the place. I think she hugged every one at least twice. It was funny in the beginning, but—”

“You felt concerned, didn't you.”

“I mean, you’ve seen the way she moves when she’s drunk, right? Would you even call that uncoordinated dance production of hers ‘walking’?”

Yamaguchi laughed. “You aren’t any better.”

“I know,” Tsukishima replied, sounding genuinely exhausted. “That’s a bit hard for me to admit, honestly.”

“Where’s Yachi now, then?”

“She’s in her room. Hopefully, her entire body is still in bed.”

“Did you at least give her some water?”

“Yeah,” Tsukishima replied, eyes drooping heavily as he stared blankly ahead.

“Did you enjoy yourself at your own party at least?”

“I don’t know. I’m too tired to tell,” the blond shrugged. “I met some of Hinata’s friends. Kuroo-san was there.”

“Eh? How do they know each other?”

“Club activities, apparently. I wasn’t really interested in getting the details.”

“I can see that,” Yamaguchi commented with a smile. “Were you guys able to eat anything before the drinking happened?”

“Yeah. The food was great at least.”

“Oh, I didn’t know Hinata was a good cook.”

“I don’t think he is,” the blond replied plainly. “His ex-roommate did the cooking.”

“Did you have any cake?”

“We did,” Tsukishima answered with a bored expression. “Kuroo-san bought it, and he has horrible taste in pastries. The cake was practically death by chocolate. I didn’t even eat much.”

“You should’ve bought another one for yourself, then,” Yamaguchi answered with a small smile.

“I don’t feel like it. It’d be better for me to just wait to have some of your cake again next time,” Tsukishima said with a yawn. “You know, your room’s starting to look more put together.”

“Well, I’m only letting you see the portion of it that looks neat enough,” the freckled boy laughed. “There’s still a lot of things that this room lacks. I’ve already ordered most of my stuff online so I could get them delivered here, since transporting them from the store by myself is just a bit of a hassle.”

“Does that cost less or more?”

“Well, you have to pay for the convenience,” he shrugged. “And it’s okay, anyway. My mom did offer to pay for them.”

“So you’re just left with a heavy conscience?”

“No, no, I don’t think that’s it,” Yamaguchi said with a shake of his head. “I know I couldn’t do this alone. I’m glad for her help.”

Despite the tiredness reflected in Tsukishima’s brown eyes, the smile on his lips looked every bit genuine.

“How long are you going to be out for?”

“I don’t know. Don’t wait up for me, Tsukki,” he replied sternly. “Shouldn’t it be past midnight for you already? Go to sleep.”

“I do what I want,” the blond grumbled as he stifled another yawn.

“I’ll message you when I get home, okay—“

“Wait, are you leaving already?”

“No, I was just going to get my bed sheets from the dryer. I think my laundry should be done by now.”

“Then keep the call going,” the blond requested. He paused to rub his eye before adding, “There’s still something I want to tell you when you get back.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi smiled. “I’ll try not to take long.”

Tsukishima hummed, lips curling upwards as he replied, “Don’t worry. I’ll wait for you.”

Yamaguchi walked out of his room and made a beeline for the communal laundry area. He had to wait for two more minutes before his dryer’s timer finally ran out, and although his hands and forearms burned from the fresh warmth of clean linen, he hastily folded his items and lugged them towards his unit. As he struggled to open the door, he felt a growing strain in his abdomen, and he shifted his weight from side to side in attempt to delay nature’s call. Like a blessing, the door flung open just before he felt like giving up. He dumped his laundry on the couch and locked himself up in the restroom.

Yamaguchi resurfaced into society after what felt like an eternity.

“You good to go?” his roommate asked from the common area. “It was really quiet when I got in, so I thought for sure you weren’t here yet.”

“Oh, okay. Just give me a second, Tooru,” Yamaguchi said with an embarrassed yet relieved laugh. He walked towards the couch and retrieved his sheets, which had already cooled slightly. “I want to put on my bed sheets before we leave. I’m sure I’d be too exhausted to do it later.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” the brunet smiled in understanding. Without warning, he brought his hands together in a single loud clap as he exclaimed, “Oh! Right. hold on, before I forget—“

Yamaguchi remained still as he watched how his roommate strode into his room and emerged out of it in a moment’s notice.

In his hands, Oikawa held a small gift box, its edges slightly bent and creased.

“What are these?”

“The perfume samples,” the other boy replied. “I like to spray some perfume on my bed every time I change beddings. You should try doing it. I guess these could count as my welcome gift to you as well.”

“Oh, wow, thanks!” Yamaguchi said. “Can you bring them for me to my room, please? I don’t have any extra hands.”

“No problem,” Oikawa answered as he followed behind the freckled boy. He barely stepped a foot inside the other’s room when he said, “I’ll just leave it here on your shelf.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“I’ll wait for you out here, then.”

Yamaguchi nodded and discreetly locked his bedroom door the moment the other boy had slipped out of it.

“Tsukki?”

No answer. Yamaguchi teetered inside his room and sat on his unmade bed. He rested his chin over the lump of sheets that he’d propped on his thighs, and the heat radiated to his cheeks and filled him with calm. He stared ahead to the dimmed screen of his laptop. Even from his distance, he could see the small window that reflected his bare room, whose plain walls contrasted the bright floors and the striped bed sheets that he’d newly purchased. He quickly shifted his focus to the big picture — to that of a sleeping face that looked more stressed than peaceful, but it somehow made Yamaguchi feel even closer to home.

He took in a deep breath. The freshly dried beddings felt warm beneath him, but the mattress’ stale smell overpowered any feeling of comfort.

Yamaguchi stood from his bed to retrieve the box that Oikawa had left by the doorway. Inside the lilac-coloured box was a small set of vials, all filled with clear liquids. With careful movements, he meticulously picked out the most familiar-looking label from the bunch, choosing to spritz the perfume onto his mattress and sheets before thinking to put some on himself.

“My friends are here, so we’ll wait for you outside, all right, Yamaguchi?”

“Okay!” Yamaguchi called out as he quickly spread his beddings and pocketed his essentials. He walked over to his laptop and whispered, “Sleep well, Tsukki,” before typing out a message and logging off his computer.

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

  
His body immediately tensed. He jerked into an upright sitting position before he could even think to open his eyes. The intensity of his heartbeat eclipsed the throbbing of his head. His first thought rang deafeningly in his mind — What was that?

From out in the hallway, he could hear the muffled sound of thuds and crashes followed by a small hissed out curse— “A-ah, c-c-c-crap…”

“Yachi?” he called out tentatively.

He heard no reply, but he dragged himself out of the room anyway, only to find the smaller girl curled up on the ground several paces away from him. She hugged her knee close, and even with his unaided vision, Tsukishima could see the faint gash of red that marred her skin. Around her lay a mess of stationery and books that had fallen off a nearby shelf, which he carefully steered clear from as he approached her.

He raised an eyebrow as he grumbled, “What happened to you?”

“Tsukish—“ she coughed, “—ma, please… I’m not going to make it…”

Yachi looked up to him, and in the corners of her unfocused eyes were tiny tears than threatened to fall. Her shoulders shook from the effort it took for her to breathe.

“Toilet?”

“It’s too late for me now,” the girl groaned. “A plastic bag would do.”

“Okay,” he said as he walked around her limp body and towards the kitchen area.

He took his time to retrieve a bag from one of the counter drawers, and he tucked the plastic inside his short’s pocket as he bent down to grab a Pocari Sweat from the refrigerator. He unceremoniously propped the two items next to Yachi’s head on the floor, and as the girl mumbled her words of thanks, Tsukishima went right back to the kitchen and started cooking.

He emptied a packet of miso soup into a pan of boiling water, quickly adding some tofu and mushroom to garnish the meal. He lightly beat a single egg and poured it into the broth. He picked on his lips as he stirred the soup, focusing instead on the dryness of his mouth instead of the strange noises he heard coming from the hallway. He chose not to mind it and instead focused on the aroma that filled the room. He transferred the soup into a bowl and set it on the table before washing his hands and threading his damp fingers through his hair.

He moved out of the kitchen area to catch Yachi still groaning on the ground, where an empty bottle of Pocari Sweat and a suspiciously stuffed plastic bag lay close beside her. A small cloud appeared to be licking Yachi's sobbing face, and the girl seemed pretty content with snuggling up to it.

“Oh. Uh.”

Yachi glanced to him as she said, “I feel so much better when Starry does this.”

“Yeah, sure,” Tsukishima droned, disinterested. “Your breakfast’s on the table.“

“Eh?” the girl gasped, her eyes widening as she slowly lifted herself off the floor. “Y-you made food?”

“I’m not going to help you eat.“

“No, no, that’s okay, I can manage on my own, I think,” Yachi replied. “Ah, you’re a lifesaver! Thanks so much.”

“It’s nothing.”

Yachi ruffled the fur by Starry’s head before finally getting on her feet. She picked up her trash and lifted her eyes to the taller blond as she asked, “Hey, Tsukishima-kun, are you sober enough to drive?”

“I don’t have a license,” he replied flatly.

Yachi’s face paled. “You drove my car last night with no problem, right?”

“That was an emergency. I’ll book us a cab for now.”

The girl let out a long groan. “But that's expensive.”

“Do you even want to go to work today?”

“I have to, I’ve got no choice. It’s my fault for drinking too much anyway,” Yachi sighed.

“I’ll get ready first then.”

“Okay,” Yachi mumbled. “Ah, but Tsukishima-kun, thanks so much for looking after me. I don’t think I would’ve survived last night without you.”

Aggressive flashbacks of Yachi dancing on tables and draping herself atop unsuspecting strangers rose to the forefront of his memory, and Tsukishima closed his eyes slowly, already feeling exhausted from just recalling the previous night’s events.

“Right. It's no problem.”

He walked back into the guest room and picked up the cellphone that he'd been borrowing. He activated the GPS and connected the device to Yachi’s wifi network to open an application. The program greeted him with a bright blue car with blinking eyes and flashy yellow wheels, but the screen quickly faded into a map that immediately picked up his location. The image was littered with a small array of moving dots, denoting that there were plenty of roaming taxis around the area. He sighed in relief.

It’s only then that he noticed the unread Skype notification alert on his screen. He clicked the application button and scratched his lower back as he waited for the messages to load.

The first message was intelligible, at least. It had three words, a single emoticon, and a reasonable timestamp. It read, “Good night, Tsukki!” Tsukishima guessed that it was most likely sent around the time he and Yamaguchi had been chatting the night before.

The second message was sent only a minute prior to his current time, and it wasn’t nearly as comprehensible as the message that preceded it. It simply read, “ehy” [sic].

A green orb glowed by the name of the sender. Tsukishima’s eyebrows knitted together as he typed his reply.

“Yamaguchi,” he began, “do you want to talk?”

The other boy was quick to reply. He simply left him with the letter “Y”.

Despite the freckled boy’s quick text response, it took him quite a while to accept Tsukishima's call invitation.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi panted the moment the call connected.

“What happened to you?"

"I just. I just got back.”

“From what? Running a marathon?"

A hearty laugh bubbled out of Yamaguchi’s lips and floated into Tsukishima’s ears, but even though the blond knew the laughter to be that of his lover’s, it didn’t quite sit well with him. It sounded too sharp, too light — too happy for it to be considered completely natural.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m great,” the other boy replied, voice leveled with such care that Tsukishima wondered if he’d just imagined the mirth that came before it. “Did you rest well, Tsukki?”

“I guess. I don’t really know,” he replied with caution. “How was your little outing?”

“It was fun. We drank a bit. Or a lot. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Tsukishima echoed, voice slipping up an octave. His heart dropped to his gut as he asked, “Where are you right now?”

“I’m in my room. Why?”

“Did you lock your door?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then go check it.”

“But why?”

“W-why? What kind of a question is that?“ he asked, irritation thick in his tone. “Go lock your door!”

“F-fine!” Yamaguchi spat. “It’s going to be a pain to open later on, but fine, I’ll do it.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah. Everyone wasn’t done drinking yet. I went ahead since I wanted to talk to you, but I would've drank for longer if I'd known you'd be in such a bitter mood,” the boy grumbled. “I don’t even know how I managed to get home, but I’m here, so I’m good.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think so? I can’t trust my —” Yamaguchi rambled and abruptly paused, and Tsukishima could only make out an erratic sound coming from the other end of the line. “Anyway, yes! The door’s locked! Can I go lie down now?”

“Fine,” the blond answered, and he sighed out the breath he’d been holding. “Did anything interesting happen to you while you were out?”

“Ah. Well, Tooru’s— ah, I mean, Oikawa-san’s friends were a strange bunch. I haven’t seen any of them in my classes so far, but they were pretty cool to be around. You know, this one guy, I forget his name, but, see, he got so red when he’d only had a few. He reminded me of you! He was really touchy feely though, which was kinda strange, considering he looked really really scary and up to no good. Luckily I was seated quite far away from him, so I was spared of his apparently ‘heated touch.’”

“Really… “ Tsukishima commented, dragging on the silence for as long as he could hold it in order for Yamaguchi to catch his breath. “Just how many people were you with?”

“Ten? At least initially. They came and went freely. The people here are mad. They drink like they’re determined to reach an eight-glasses-a-day quota. And there’s people drinking literally everywhere! Even the air smelled of beer, it practically oozed out of everyone’s pores. It’s such a relief that my sheets smell just like you.”

“What? Wow, you’re really drunk.”

“No, I’m not just imagining your scent at all,” Yamaguchi reasoned, finally speaking slower for a change. “I have it! Your perfume. I got a small sample of it from Oikawa-san. It doesn’t quite smell the same as it does on your skin, but it’s good. I’m happy.”

“You’re so weird when you’re smashed,” Tsukishima said with a laugh. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“I’m not drunk. I know my limits. I’m not like you,” he explained. “By the way, didn’t you want to say something to me?”

“Huh?”

“Before I left today. Before you clocked out—”

“Oh.”

“I wanted to know. At first I wondered if you had some good news to share, but then I started thinking, dang, what if it was bad news? Before I knew it, I’d already forgotten to keep count of how many beers I’d had.”

“Ah, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean it like that.”

“Like what?”

“It wasn’t anything important. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Don’t say that,” Yamaguchi whined. “Of course I’ll worry. If something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to sleep well again. Or at all. Don’t hide stuff from me anymore. Please?”

“Okay,” Tsukishima replied. He raised his free hand to the thin chain by his neck, tracing the lines of the circular pendant before saying, “I won’t.”

Yamaguchi was silent for a moment, but it was long enough for Tsukishima to wonder if the dark-haired boy had dozed off. He kept the call on as he stood to grab a towel from a cabinet, paying close attention to the sound of shifting and creaking that he heard from the other end of the line. The blond rubbed at his eye and licked his lips as he walked out towards the kitchen and wordlessly looked on as he saw Yachi drinking up the remainder of her miso soup, her face near-eclipsed behind the bowl she held to her lips. Tsukishima continued on towards the bathroom, where he slipped off his shorts before stopping midway from reaching for his shirt.

“What did you want to say back then, Kei?”

When the other boy finally spoke again, his voice was softer yet deeper, the way he usually sounded in the later hours of the night. It caught Tsukishima off-guard, and yet it comforted him all the same.

“Are you doing okay? Do you need me to do anything for you?”

“I’m fine, Tadashi. I really am,” Tsukishima replied slowly as he sank to a sitting position, propping himself along the edge of Yachi’s bathtub. “I just wanted to tell you the usual, you know, ‘Take care, have fun, let me know when you get back…’ really, it’s nothing worth worrying about.”

Silence.

“Eh? That was it?”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Tsukishima added, “and sorry to make you worry.”

Yamaguchi chuckled. “Ah, really… I wish you were here today. The people here are so— so different. It would've been more fun if you were around.”

“It’s not so fun to judge people on your own, huh?”

“It’s not as great to experience all these new things on my own.”

“Dont worry. You're such a good storyteller, it kind of feels like I was with you when everything happened.”

“If only that were true!” the freckled boy grumbled. The two of them were silent, and Tsukishima heard the other boy take in a deep breath before saying, “Being away from you is really hard.”

Tsukishima attempted to laugh, but all that escaped him was a sigh. “It really is.”

“When we’re together again, I want to see all sorts of new places with you. We should go on a vacation next time, Tsukki, just the two of us.“

“That’s nice, but I think I’d rather talk about that when you’re sober.”

“Hmph, I’ve sobered up enough. I already went to have some water,” Yamaguchi defended. “Where are you right now, anyway? Your voice sounds kind of weird.”

“I’m in the bathroom.”

“Doing your business?” Yamaguchi said with a hint of a laugh.

“I’m preparing to shower.”

“Ah, take me with you. I feel so grimy right now.”

“Then go shower yourself.”

“No way. I don’t want to move any more,” he complained. “Carry me to where you are.”

“Do you really think I have enough strength for that?”

“Ah. You’re right. It’d probably be better if I carried you instead,” Yamaguchi sighed. “Stop shooting down all my fantasies, Tsukki.”

“I’m cutting this call.”

“Eh?” Yamaguchi whined. “Why so soon?”

“I’m going to shower—?”

“Why don’t you just put me on loudspeaker or something?”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“I want to talk to you more. I like hearing your voice, you know.”

He licked his sore lips. Its normally soft texture had been replaced with dry cracks, and as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, it caused a sharp sting. He could taste a faint hint of metallic, and he scrunched up his face in distaste.

“Ah. Shit.”

“What happened, Tsukki?”

“I think my lips are bleeding.”

“Eh? Did you cut it?”

“No. They’re just really dry. They’ve been this way since last night,” Tsukishima droned.

“Oh. Have you tried using lip balm?”

“No. Do you think I should use some?”

“Sure. Why not?” the freckled boy responded. “When I come home to you, I don't want to be welcomed by your bloody chapped lips, so you better take care of them.”

“Is that so?” Tsukishima chuckled. “I’ll take note then.”

“Hmm… Did you put me on speaker?”

“No, not yet.”

“Oh. Okay,” Yamaguchi paused. “Actually, I keep thinking about your mouth lately, Kei.”

“Eh— Really,” Tsukishima trailed off.

“Yeah," the other boy answered. “When I see you on video call, it gets pretty difficult to look away from them.”

“Are they even all that good?”

“They look better in real life,” Yamaguchi confessed, voice low and barely above a whisper as he added, “I’ll never get tired of kissing them.”

“You’re a much better kisser than me, though,” Tsukishima murmured, feeling electricity run down his spine as even his softest voice seemed to be amplified in the enclosed space of the bathroom.

“Oh, you’ve gotten much better at it lately, actually.”

“I have the best teacher.”

Yamaguchi let out a chuckle as he replied, “I’m sure he’s very thankful to have such a good student.”

“I don’t know about that, Yamaguchi-sensei,” Tsukishima hushed, meaning to say the other’s name as a joke. Instead his cheeks burned as he admitted, “I think I’m the lucky one for having someone like them — like you — in my life.”

Yamaguchi fell silent, and Tsukishima felt ready to die from embarrassment. The blond debated brushing off his previous statement as a mistake, but the other boy had already begun to speak before he could think of anything witty to say.

“I wish I kissed you more when I was in Miyagi with you, Kei.”

Tsukishima felt his breath catch in his throat. The way his lover practically moaned his name was hard to miss, and the mental image that Yamaguchi’s words conjured in his imagination was excruciatingly vivid, however the way Yamaguchi’s huffing and panting had grown even more audible was the final blow that drove all of Tsukishima’s blood to pool into one fixed part of his body.

“Y-Yamaguchi,” he said shakily. “You’re doing something, aren’t you?”

The other boy let out a half-hearted laugh as he said, “Is it that obvious?”

“You don’t sound like you’re trying to hide it at all.”

“Well, that’s true,” Yamaguchi replied, making a poor attempt to level his breaths as he asked, “You don't want to?”

“It’s… It’s not that,” Tsukishima said with a shake of his head. He’d lowered his eyes to the space between his thighs, and the sight made him bite his inner cheek from shame. He covered his legs under his towel and replied, “Y-Yachi’s outside.”

“What? Is her ear pressed against the bathroom door or something?”

“N-no, she’s still in the dining room. I think.”

“So? It’s not like she can see you.”

“She might hear,” Tsukishima hissed.

“She’d only hear you if you're going to be loud.”

“I’ve never done this before,” he admitted, heat spreading all over his body from embarrassment and arousal. “I don’t exactly know if I’d be able to control myself.”

“Ahaha, well, I guess it’d be better if I did most of the talking then,” Yamaguchi answered. “Would that make you feel more comfortable? We don’t actually have to do this, though, I can—”

“No, it’s okay. I want you—to, I mean, I want to,” Tsukishima stumbled on his own words.

“Me too,” Yamaguchi replied, a hint of a smile in his voice. “I’ve been thinking of you all day.”

Tsukishima covered his face with his hands and bit down on his lower lip until he could taste his own blood, and as his heartbeat echoed in his ears, he wondered if it echoed in the room as well. He closed his eyes shut and focused on Yamaguchi’s voice.

He lowered his free hand and reached under his shirt.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re doing right now, first?”

Tsukishima swallowed down his shame. “I’ve been… pinching…”

“Your chest?"

“Yeah,” Tsukishima answered, and it came out more breathlessly that he’d like to admit.

“Do you imagine me as you do it?”

His ears felt hot. He could only let out a pathetic squeak in response.

“Would you want me to suck on them until they get all red and plump?"

“Ah, how could you say that?” he said as he arched into his own touch. “That’s too embarrassing.”

“You don’t like it?”

“I don’t know… if I like it… or anything… It’s not like it’s something I’ve ever really considered.”

“But did it feel good?”

“Huh?”

“Did it feel good to have my tongue all over it?”

His stomach was in knots and his brows furrowed near instantaneously. The mental image was too painful. His jaw fell slack and the pit of his gut burned with a fire that could consume him.

“How could you say that so calmly, Tadashi?”

“Calm?” his lover replied in disbelief. “I’m such a mess right now. I wish you were here so you could see just how much of a wreck I am because of you.”

“Why? H-how do you look like right now?” Tsukishima began tentatively, immediately regretting his choice of words the moment they left his mouth.

“Do you really want to know?” Yamaguchi asked.

Tsukishima nodded. He quickly remembered his situation with a tinge of bitterness and humiliation, but his curiosity burned hot between his legs enough to fuel his motivation to muster a small “Yes” in reply.

“I’m sitting on my bed, knees up, and my legs are spread for you already, Kei,” Yamaguchi began, pausing to breathe before continuing, “I still have my clothes on, but my pants are down, and I have my hands around myself.”

Yamaguchi’s answer rewarded Tsukishima with an image he couldn’t have been able to picture out on his own. His body had never felt that warm in a long time. He drew his legs closer together, as if willing himself to feel more pressure without him having to actually touch himself. He had been keeping his eyes closed, preferring to block out his sense of reality to lose himself in Yamaguchi’s words, and it almost sounded like the other boy had leaned in to whisper into his ear —

“Kei, please, tell me, how would you want me right now?”

"Eh—"

“You should speak up sometimes, too," Yamaguchi crooned despite his ragged voice. "You know I’m always willing to do anything you want.”

He felt a shiver run down his spine as more pressure built up inside him.

“Wh-what—“

“Would you rather have me on my knees so you can take me from behind? Or would you want to lay down on your back so I can give you a good show?”

“I- I can’t answer that!”

“Why not?”

“What if… Yachi—”

“You actually want her to hear you, don’t you?” the other boy asked. “You’re not being very discreet.”

Tsukishima felt his entire body tense. His chest grew tighter as he breathed, “It’s not like that at all—“

“So you just wanted me to hear you, then?” Yamaguchi teased.

“I— I don’t—“

“Hey,” Yamaguchi said abruptly. “Have you started touching yourself, too, Tsukki?”

“N-no…”

“Ah, I’m sorry for going ahead,” the freckled boy apologized.

“No, it’s okay,” Tsukishima said with a light shake of his head. “Does it feel good to rub and stroke yourself with both hands like that?”

“Y-yes, yes,” Yamaguchi panted. “But, I wish it was your mouth wrapped around me, though.”

“Ah,” he gasped, and his erection throbbed in his briefs. Despite his conflicting emotions, he brought a shaky hand up to his mouth and began to suckle on his own fingers. He balanced the phone in between his ear and shoulder as he trailed his other hand down his torso to rest by his thighs. His towel fell to the floor as he began to palm himself through the fabric of his briefs, and he tried his best not to feel too encouraged by the louder moans that Yamaguchi rewarded him in turn.

The sounds grew louder and louder as his fingers got increasingly slick from his spit, and his imagination granted him with thoughts he would've normally fended off.

“You’re so good at this, Kei,” his boyfriend said breathily, and Tsukishima could almost feel the other’s hand gripping his short hair as he did so.

The blond slipped his fingers under his waistband to trail the length of his own cock, and the sensation caused him to let out a moan. He was quick to attempt to silence himself, but it was difficult to do so when Yamaguchi kept showering him with words of affection. He pulled the fingers out of his mouth to catch his breath and to fondle himself, flicking and rubbing the nubs of his chest.

Like a whispered prayer, he confessed—

“Tadashi, I wish you’d fucked me before you left.”

Yamaguchi whimpered. His voice was rough as he said, “I know, I feel the same way. I’d wanted, so badly, to make you come until you had nothing left to give me.”

Tsukishima quickened his movements and flicked his wrist in the way he knew Yamaguchi always did. He ran his tongue over his lower lip, but the dull sting only seemed pleasurable to him now.

“Why didn’t you?” he asked, and it sounded a lot like a whine.

“We were in your childhood room. I didn’t want to taint it that much.”

Tsukishima’s face split into an aching grin as he said, “You were fine sucking me off, though.”

“I could only control myself so much back then,” Yamaguchi let out a sob, his breath coming out in broken gasps as he hissed.

“So,” he said slowly, “what would you have done if we were somewhere else?”

He matched his pace with whatever he could make out of Yamaguchi’s rambling. His boyfriend was unabashedly vulgar, even more so than the usual teasings he’d whisper in his ear when they were walking home or preparing meals together. Yamaguchi’s voiced-out fantasies made him shiver. He loved it. He’d always loved how Yamaguchi guided their bodies into angles and positions that were the most pleasurable for them both, loved the way Yamaguchi sunk his teeth into his collarbones, loved the ever-present warmth of Yamaguchi’s hands, the hotness of his tongue, the heat with each thrust, the tenderness of the smile on his lover's lips before he’d urge him into one more kiss—

“Next time,” Tsukishima began, “would it be okay if I went a little rough on you?”

Yamaguchi let out an approving sound.

“It’s been a while since I've been inside you,” the blond pointed out. “You must be really tight.”

“Ah, Kei, I'm sorry," the other boy replied. "I've been playing with myself lately...”

It was with shame that Tsukishima bit his tongue in an attempt to keep his own voice down as his release spilled into his palm.

“You know, if you wanted me so badly you could've just told me,” he said as he wiped he stared at his own hand.

“You just look so beautiful under me that I couldn't resist,” Yamaguchi panted. “But you can take the lead any time you want.”

“Good,” Tsukishima said with a smile. “I want to make you feel good, too, Tadashi.”

“Kei, I'm already—” Yamaguchi let out choked cries as he reached his own orgasm, and it was enough to stimulate Tsukishima again.

Just as the blond opened his mouth again to speak, the sound of crashing filled his ears — too loud to be that of the neighbor’s, and too close to be considered comfortable. It was more than enough to snap him out of his dreamy state.

“Huh. What was that, Tsukki?”

“I don’t know. But. Uh, we should probably clean ourselves up.”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi said with a hearty laugh. “Aren’t you running late for work?”

“Ah, you might be right," he replied. "Sorry. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

“Okay, Tsukki,” the other boy answered. “Have a good day.”

“Thanks. Go get some rest.”

“Will do. I’m so exhausted.”

“I could imagine,” he said with a grin. “I love you.”

He cut the call without waiting for a response, but Yamaguchi quickly sent him messages with a string of exclamation points and embarrassing expressions. Tsukishima hastily threw his already-soiled towel aside, kept away his borrowed phone, and went straight under the ice cold shower before thinking to adjust the temperature.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“T-Tsukishima-kun, I want to apologize for something,” Yachi said as they walked towards an escalator. Several museum patrons roamed around them, toting bags of souvenirs and snack items.

“For what?”

“I… I think I heard something that I wasn’t supposed to hear.”

Tsukishima’s blood ran cold, and he felt his heart descend in the same way the escalator lowered them to the basement floor.

“What… kind of thing…”

“I really didn’t mean to listen in! I was only passing by to reach my own bedroom, but, you see, I heard these weird noises, and I got a bit intrigued, and now I feel really guilty. I’m sorry!” Yachi apologized, bowing her head profusely as she said, “I’m sorry I accidentally heard you while you were in the middle of poop—!”

“Not so loud,” Tsukishima cut in as he covered the girl’s mouth with the palm of his hand. He quickly glanced around them to see if anyone had picked up their conversation. Once he was certain that no one had paid them any mind, he drew his arm back to himself in time to step off the escalator.

“I mean… You were grunting a whole lot… it must’ve been… really hard to push out— ah, I’m so sorry!” Yachi whispered as her face took on a distinct shade of red. “I know it wasn’t something I was meant to hear and I know I should’ve just brushed it off but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t apologize!”

“It’s… all right… You didn’t mean to do it—”

“Tsukishima-kun, are you here for lunch, too? Let’s go, let’s go!” a shorter boy said as he rushed towards the two of them. Another boy trailed close behind him as he said, “The lunch rush is already in full force right now and I don't want to run out of food!”

“The store’s never going to run out of ramen, Hinata—”

Before Tsukishima could even finish his sentence, he’d already been pulled along by three different people.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, you’re staying with Yachi now?”

“Temporarily,” Tsukishima hummed as he wiped his mouth with a tissue. He had to speak louder than usual in order to be heard in the crowded food court. He already felt like he was shouting as he said, “I’d like to find my own place as soon as possible.”

“So soon?” Yachi pouted. “You can stay for as long as you need—“

“Gah, please, Tsukishima-kun, come live with me instead,” Hinata pleaded as he folded his hands before his face. “I’ve been dying to make the rent at my place.”

“Don’t you have a roommate to help you out with that?” the bespectacled boy asked with a raise of his brow.

“Ever since Akaashi-san had to move out, we’ve been struggling to get the payments done on time,” Hinata sighed.

“Eh, I thought your rent was relatively cheap,” Yachi commented.

“It is,” Hinata answered, “but Natsu’s been getting a lot of projects at school, so I’ve had to send her more money than usual, and my own budget’s gotten affected because it. I don’t want to get another job either, since I don’t think I’d be able to handle it anymore. I barely ever get any sleep.”

"That's no good," the girl said with a shake of her head. "I thought you already interviewed a potential roommate just recently."

"The dude backed out the moment he found out our shower didn't have any heating," Hinata sighed.

"Naturally. It's almost winter. How are you even going to survive without warm water?" the bespectacled boy asked as he brought a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

"We heat the water manually. It's not that difficult," the other boy replied. "Although Kenma and I might've just gotten used to the whole process. Kageyama always complains about it whenever he comes over."

"It really is tiring to do that every time," the dark-haired boy confessed.

“So just how cheap of a monthly rent is it?” Tsukishima asked with an expressionless face.

Hinata, however, immediately beamed. “Divided between three people, it’d be around seventy thousand for each of us.”

“Seventy thousand yen, huh,” Tsukishima mumbled as he took a sip of his drink. As he set the glass back on the table, he shook his head firmly as he replied, “I don’t have that kind of money.”

“Eh? Really? You, without money?” Hinata said with a suspicious look in his eye. “You saw my place already, didn’t you? Is it too plain for you, huh? If you don’t like it, then just say it.”

“It’s not that,” the blond replied with a scowl. “I’ve only recently started back at work. I don’t even have a single paycheck’s worth of cash at the moment.”

“Don’t you usually just go to the ATM for that kind of thing?” Kageyama asked, visibly confused.

“You actually need money in your account before you could withdraw any value out of the machine,” Tsukishima explained boredly. He turned his attention back to Hinata as he asked, “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask if you know of any part-time jobs near here.”

“Ah, Kenma did say something about needing help at the arcade he works at—”

“I was thinking of something with a night shift. I can only work after my job here at the museum,” he cut in.

“Eh. Well, there’s a new Lawson opening a few blocks from my place. You could try applying,” Hinata shrugged. “They’re pretty flexible with their work hours. I heard they even allow one-hour shifts.”

“Why would I want to work anywhere near your neighborhood?” Tsukishima said with a sour face.

“If you’re going to start staying with me eventually, then it’d be a nice spot, don’t you think?” Hinata said with a sheepish smile. “Besides, competition for jobs can get pretty tough, so you have no right to be picky about where you’d get assigned anyway.”

They continued to chat as they ate up their meals. Once they finished, the group stood from their seats and cleaned up after themselves.

Hinata walked up to Tsukishima and said, “You don't have anywhere to be yet, right, Tsukishima-kun?”

The bespectacled boy’s forehead wrinkled as he said, “Huh? Why?”

“Kageyama, do we still have some time left in our lunch break?” the shorter boy asked.

“Yeah,” the boy answered.

“All right!” Hinata said with a smile and a pump of his fist. “Yacchan, you come, too! Let’s go play some games!”

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

“I regret everything.”

Yamaguchi readjusted the frame on his wall, distancing himself slightly in order to check if the cicadas encased in it were leveled. He turned back to his laptop and said, “Oh come on, Tsukki. I think it’s a great thing that you actually went to Hinata for help.”

“Eh, but I didn’t ask to be dragged into some kind of play date,” Tsukishima frowned. “I was perfectly content catching stuffed toys for Yachi until Hinata dragged me into playing games with him and Kageyama.”

"Did you lose?"

Tsukishima scoffed. "Of course not."

“Oh, so you actually put an effort into playing this time?”

“I wasn't even trying. Hinata’s just awful at the games that he picked,” he shrugged. “At first he told me that I owed him a game since he answered my questions about the job and the rent, but when I kept winning, he started getting really pissed about it. He ended up calling in his roommate to fight a 'revenge match' with me.”

"What was his roommate's name again?"

“Kozume,” Tsukishima replied. “He works at that arcade near Keisei Ueno station.”

“Oh! We’ve visited that place a couple of times before, haven’t we?” Yamaguchi beamed. “That’s where you never win against me, isn't it?”

"Don't change the subject."

"All right," Yamaguchi smiled. "What's the problem about playing a match with someone else, though? Sounds like an opportunity to get to know him, especially if you're planning on moving into their apartment eventually.”

“Eh. I don’t know. I don’t feel like going out of my way just to play a video game.”

“Are you scared Kozume-kun might be better than you?”

“No.”

The freckled boy readjusted himself in his seat as he said, “You’re just going to have to visit that arcade again, right?”

“No. Apparently he isn’t allowed to play games during his work hours, so Hinata wants us to meet up at his place next weekend.”

“So? What’s keeping you?”

Tsukishima’s face crumpled into itself. “It’s… too far…”

“Oh, please, I’m not going to buy that. You’re just making excuses,” the freckled boy said with a wave of his hand. “Just go. Hinata’s your friend too, isn’t he? Plus it’s not like you have anything better planned.”

Tsukishima pouted. “I’ll consider it.”

“Good!” Yamaguchi said with a flash of his teeth.

Tsukishima mirrored his smile only slightly before scrunching up his face in thought. “I noticed it a while earlier, but are those flowers behind you the ones—”

“Yeah, they're the plastic ones you gave me for my birthday last year,” Yamaguchi answered. His face lit up as he said, “I brought Tikachu with me, too! I'll go show you.”

"Okay," Tsukishima replied with a laugh.

Yamaguchi unplugged his laptop from the power outlet and lugged the computer out into the common area of his unit. He walked over towards one of the shelves and angled his webcam to capture the collection of figures and trinkets displayed behind him.

"Turns out Oikawa-san had some figurines himself, so we decided to showcase them all out here. It's pretty great, don't you think?"

"Well, it sounds like it," the blond said with a hint of reluctance. "Are you ever going to take that guy out of his box?”

“No way. Tikachu looks so snug, sleeping in there so peacefully,” he replied as he glanced at the figure's solemn expression. He glanced back to his screen, staring into the image of his boyfriend's face that flashed on the application window.

The glare of the sunset made it difficult to really see his expression, so Yamaguchi repositioned himself on the couch in order to see Tsukishima clearer. The other boy had already changed into his pyjamas, but he was still wearing the eyeglasses that Yamaguchi had grown quite fond of.

“You know, Tsukki, I think I fell in love with you the moment you gave me that.”

“Really?” Tsukishima said, face contorting into that of a grin as he commented, “A cartoon mouse made you realize your feelings for me?”

“It wasn't because of the gift but because of the gesture,” Yamaguchi explained. “I mean, who even does that? Who spends so much time and money on somebody so— so freely? You’ve liked me for a long time, haven't you?”

“Don't flatter yourself,” Tsukishima complained, but his cheeks had turned pink and his smile didn't falter. “I was only trying to return the favor since you helped me before then, too.”

“Well, you can deny it all you want,” Yamaguchi began, “but this much is certain—”

“Oh, hi, who’s this?”

Yamaguchi jumped in place, goosebumps prickling his skin as he turned his head around.

“T-T-Tooru, I didn't know you were home.”

“I needed to pick up some things for my next class,” the brunet said as he appraised his reflection on Yamaguchi’s screen. He'd draped himself over the backrest of the sofa, and his face was graciously illuminated by the warm light. Oikawa quickly brought his attention to the larger video window and said, “Hi there, I'm Oikawa Tooru.”

“Ah. Hello. I'm Tsukishima Kei.”

“Kei?” Oikawa’s eyes widened up in acknowledgement. “So this is who you got busy with last night, huh?”

Yamaguchi felt his body go numb. “W-w-wh-what—”

“Listen, Kei-kun, it’s no good if you let your boyfriend do all the talking. You have to stimulate his imagination, too,” Oikawa said plainly, as though he were commenting about the weather. Yamaguchi remained frozen in place as his flatmate continued, "If it was your first time, then I'd understand, but if you're going to keep doing this, then you'd have to let loose a bit more."

"O-okay," Tsukishima replied. To Yamaguchi, it felt like the other boy's voice had grown more distant than it had been just a few moments before.

"I can give you guys some tips, if you'd like. I can understand this whole long distance struggle from personal experience, so I'd recommend—"

“I appreciate it, but t-this isn't any of your business, Tooru,” Yamaguchi spat as he shakily rose to his feet. “Excuse me."

Yamaguchi’s brief moment of bravery immediately deflated once he made it back into his room.

The two of them were silent for a good minute. Tsukishima looked significantly paler as he whispered, “I thought you said you were alone last night.”

“I thought so too, but I guess he might've arrived home while we were in the middle of things.”

"Huh."

"Yeah..."

“Crap, this is so embarrassing,” the blond groaned as he hid his face in his hands.

Yamaguchi let out a weak laugh. "Guess we’d never be doing that again, huh.”

“Huh?” Tsukishima said, peeking out from behind his fingers as he asked, “Why?”

“Eh, uh," the freckled boy gestured into the air as he attempted to bring his thoughts into words. “I thought for sure you wouldn't—“

“Ah, I mean, if it’s uncomfortable for you, then, we don’t have to, obviously,” the blond answered as he looked away.

“So are you saying you’d want to do that sort of thing again?”

“Not anytime soon! But, well, I wouldn’t complain— I mean— j-just give me a heads up before we do that sort of thing next time so I can prepare.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said with a smile that was a mixture of relief and mischief. “I’ll prepare something special for next time, then.”

"Really, you don't have to," Tsukishima grumbled. "Just talking to you is special enough."

"Is that so?" the freckled boy teased. "I feel the same way, Tsukki."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The one-hour conbini shifts are based on the information from [this article](http://www.japantoday.com/category/lifestyle/view/looking-for-a-job-in-japan-try-a-convenience-store).
> 
> * The thing about Yamaguchi's framed cicadas, Tikachu figure, and plastic flower arrangement are references to events that happened in [Redefining Routine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2419391)! I know that a bunch of readers of this fic haven't read the first parts of the series, so I hope they didn't seem all too confusing or out-of-the-blue!
> 
> You might be thinking, "Uwah, what's wrong with this author, why are they always writing smut scenes lately…" AND TRUST ME, I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS LIFE, if I didn't go this route then this chapter would've been uploaded MUCH, MUCH EARLIER and i would've been spared from SO MANY TEARS but the fact is that all this filth is actually plot relevant so just. sit tight. i know this chapter could practically be pwp bUT IT'S NOT… I SWEAR IT HAS IMPORTANCE LATER ON… *SWEATS*
> 
> Also, I would like to apologize for the delayed update. I wasn't able to update AT ALL in November, and I have a handy list of reasons why I wasn't able to update on time:  
> 1) sickness (I was sick with a fever early last month, and I'm sick with a cold right now);  
> 2) i was working on four different jobs (one office job, three freelance projects);  
> 3) yamaguchi week participation;  
> 4) got emotionally compromised from hq manga updates (SCREAMS AT AND FOR TSUKKI); and  
> 5) the Fuckn TsukYam Confrontation Scene got animated so beautifully and i'm still not 100% over it…
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I'm sorry I'm such a sinner!!!!! I promise I'd steer clear from plotting another spice fest so that the next chapter wouldn't take ten thousand years to write;;;


	13. Janus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and transitions — the start and end of conflicts.

A golden blanket hung heavy above his head, blocking out the glare of the autumn sun. The shroud moved gracefully as the wind blew past and tore at its fringes, and the blades of auburn and copper fell to carpet the ground that he trod. They crumbled at the weight of his heel, and the crisp leaves crunched into the soles of his shoe as he shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets.

He turned his gaze to the side, taking in the sight of the Shinobazu Pond. The pond's lotuses had already begun to wilt, their once vibrant greens shriveling into lighter browns. He felt the outline of his borrowed cellphone in his pocket and felt a tinge of disappointment that he wouldn't be able to capture the scene before him, but a part of him still questioned why he even felt a need to document such a plain thing.

He took out the phone anyway, reasoning to himself that he merely wanted to check the time. He picked up his pace.

It had been a while since he'd last walked through Ueno Park on his own, and it almost seemed like the place had taken on a new life during the time he'd spent away. The vibrant leaves seemed to change colour depending on where he stood, and the patterns they left on the ground were constantly evolving. It wasn't especially cold, and the fair weather drew out a sizable crowd, but the light breeze lifted him to a place that wasn't quite there.

An unfamiliar tone filled the air, and if it weren't for the buzzing he'd felt in his palm, he wouldn't have realized that the sound had come from his own phone. He glanced at the screen long enough to see that it flashed with an unknown number. He brought it to his ear by instinct.

"Hello?"

“Kei! How are you?”

“Nii-chan?” he greeted with hesitation. “How did you get my number?”

“I had to ask Tadashi for it," his older brother answered. "I’ve been trying to contact him all day yesterday before I remembered that he’s out of the country. It’s a good thing I was able to ask him for his e-mail last time.”

"Huh."

"Are you busy right now?"

"Not really. I'm just walking back to work," he said as he made a turn towards a narrower path. The trees were greener here, and their leaves glistened in the light.

"Have you eaten lunch already, then?"

"Yes…?“ he answered tentatively. "Is there something you needed to tell me?”

"Do I always need to have a reason to call you these days?" his brother complained lightly. There was no annoyance in his voice as he added, “But yes! I'm heading to Tokyo in a few days. Would you be able to make some time for me while I’m there?” Akiteru added teasingly.

"Huh?" Kei blinked twice. In his mind, he mapped out the plans and appointments he'd made for the weekend, and quickly reached a conclusion. “Uh, yeah, sure. My shift ends at around six, so I'm only free after that.”

“Eh? R-r-really?” Akiteru stuttered. “I was just kidding, you know. You don’t have to go out of your way. It’s such short notice, so I’m sure your schedule is—”

“No, it’s okay," Kei replied with a sigh of relief. "It's not like I had any plans.”

“Oh. O-okay!" his brother said, and Kei could practically feel the other's smile emanating through their voice. "Is there anything in particular that you'd want me to bring over?"

Small creases formed between his brow as he considered the offer. The word 'no' had already settled onto the tip of his tongue when his eyes widened in realization and he blurted, "Ah. My phone."

"All right! I'll make sure to pack that. I could ask mom to bake some cake for you, too. We could have a belated birthday celebration,” the older boy added. “We could even go out for dinner— my treat! Just nowhere too fancy, okay?"

“Okay,” he answered, and he felt a smile creep up to his lips, too. “What would you be doing here in Tokyo, anyway?”

“It's just an errand, actually. It's something our manager usually does, but she'd be attending a conference on the same day, so they're sending me instead."

"So you're just going to be here for a day?"

"No, they're giving me the entire weekend to do the job."

"Where will you be staying?"

"The company's booked me a hotel. It's a bit far from where you work though, so I guess we could just meet up somewhere halfway."

"I see," Kei said with a nod.

Akiteru was silent, and for a time, Kei could only hear the distant sound of footsteps and chattering. When his brother finally spoke, his voice flowed soft and slow as he uttered, “It’s been a while since we’d spent time together, just the two of us. I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

“Yeah," he agreed. "See you.”

He ended the call and brought his fingers to the bridge between his eyes to readjust the nosepiece of his specs. By the time he'd finished, he'd already pocketed his phone, and in the distance he could see the facade of the National Museum of Nature and Science.

As he walked back into his office, he'd barely managed to settle himself and reboot his computer when a friendly smile peeped up from behind his cubicle's walls.

He turned on his swivel chair to properly face the girl that greeted him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Tsukki, are you free?"

"Please don't call me that, Yachi."

“Eh, not even flatmate status can authorize me to use that?” the girl pouted. “Is that Yamaguchi’s exclusive pet name for you now?”

“We don't use pet names. I’ve just gotten used to him saying it.”

“That’s sad."

Tsukishima furrowed his brows. "Why?"

“I mean, it’s such a missed opportunity! You've been together for quite a while now. Can't you think of anything cute to call the person you love?”

“W-what," he stammered. "When it comes to stuff like that, I'm afraid that's your expertise and not mine.”

"Would you want my help in choosing a nickname for him, then?"

He frowned.

When the quiet stretched and Yachi finally caught on that he didn't want to answer her question, she smiled innocently as she gestured to Tsukishima's screen and asked, "Is that part of your work?"

"Huh? Uh. No," he replied. "I was just doing a quick search before I left for lunch."

The girl nodded slowly, but her expression betrayed how lost she was.

"Why?"

Tsukishima pursed his lips. "Why what?"

"Why would you look up the meaning of flowers?" Yachi asked. "Isn't your fieldwork more towards—"

"It's for Yamaguchi," Tsukishima admitted. He turned his chair back to his screen to close the browser window that he'd wished he'd quit sooner, but he made sure to remember the website to refer to it at a later time.

"Huh? Did you guys fight again?"

"What?" the boy spat, eyes widened as though he had just been accused. "No. What gave you that idea?"

"For what reason would you even look up flower meanings in October?" the girl asked, face scrunched up in total confusion. "Unless you're shopping for birthday bouquets in advance. Ah. Is that what this is?"

"Yes," he grumbled. "Don't tell him."

"Isn't it a bit early to shop for his birthday?"

"I guess," Tsukishima agreed. "He's far away, so there's some things I have to figure out."

Yachi stared at him, and her mouth slowly formed into that of a large grin. "I can help you again this year, if you want."

"Thanks," he mumbled. "Wasn't there something you needed help with?"

“I have some posters I need to put around the museum. Can you—?”

“Sure, just give me a moment.”

Tsukishima switched off his computer screen and readjusted his suit jacket as he stood from his station and walked out of his cubicle. Yachi trailed behind him.

“Our first stop is the bulletin board near the museum shop," Yachi briefed as she squatted to grab the handles of a paper bag that she'd left a few steps from Tsukishima's cubicle. She handed it to Tsukishima before lowering herself to carry a bundle of papers. “We'd have to leave some of these flyers there, too. After that, we’d branch out to the ones in the restaurant area and the special exhibit area, as well as the boards near the gardens.”

“Can I tag along?”

“Ah, Narita-san,” Tsukishima said with a nod. The other boy stood to their side and by his own cubicle. “Shouldn’t your tour be starting soon?”

“Yeah, I'm on my way to the meeting point right now,” he replied. “Do you need help carrying those, Yachi-san?”

“Ah, it’s fine, they're not that heavy,” the girl answered.

"I insist."

"U-uh, ok, thank you," she replied, smiling in a mix of nervousness and relief.

“How’s it like to be back at work, Tsukishima-san?” Narita asked as he walked alongside the two coworkers.

“It’s the usual,” the taller boy shrugged.

“I was by the supervisor’s office during lunch, and I heard him mention your name in passing. I think they might already be considering to bring you to Rebun Island,” Narita relayed.

“For the dig?” Tsukishima said with a slight frown. “I wouldn't be the best person for the job. That site is more for studying hunter-gatherer cultures, and that isn't my expertise.”

“Maybe the higher ups are looking to train you towards that instead?”

“I doubt they’d bother with me. I’m just a museum aide.”

“An overqualified one, at that,” Narita answered. “Besides, during the meeting, didn’t the director ask you if you wanted to work as a curator instead?”

“Whoa, the director himself?” Yachi said with wide eyes. “What an opportunity, Tsukishima-kun!”

“The pay for that is so much better than what you’re making now, too,” Narita added.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said solemnly. "But that's a whole different thing from what I've been training for so far. It's not an easy thing to transition towards."

"It's something you should think about at least," Narita replied. "Chances like this won't always come your way."

Tsukishima nodded as he bit the insides of his cheeks.

They made their way to the basement floor and walked towards the museum shop, where Narita dutifully requested a spare vest from Tanaka before setting out to do his usual tour session. Yachi was quick to set up a modest stack of flyers by the museum shop's entrance and cashier station, while Tsukishima was tasked to tack a poster advertisement on the designated boards.

The shop was mostly deserted, as most patrons were still out eating lunch or having snacks.

"Yacchan, is Tsukishima with you?"

"Yeah, he's outside!"

A frown crept its way to the blond's face as he overheard the conversation. He didn't spur when he sensed a presence beside him, and he didn't flinch from how loudly the other person spoke, either.

“Oy, Tsukishima, remember our rematch this weekend, okay?”

The taller boy didn't even have to glance around to know who it was. He didn't even turn to acknowledge the other as he replied, “Ah, sorry Hinata, turns out my older brother’s going to be in town by then.”

“Eh? So? It's not like you're going to be with him for the whole day, right?”

“I don’t know. He said he wanted a tour around Tokyo, and you know how it can be pretty difficult to get around on the weekends."

Hinata's voice soured as he replied, “You set this up, didn’t you. Do you even have an older brother?”

Tsukishima stared at the shorter boy, face flattened from his lack of expression. From the corner of his eye, he spotted Yachi walking out of the shop, and he motioned to follow suit as he answered, “I wouldn't make things up.”

“Hey! I’m not letting you off so easily!” Hinata said as he ran up to Tsukishima. “Let’s just do it today then, after work! You’re not doing anything anyway, right?”

“Eh? I want to go home right after.”

Hinata whips out his phone and starts dialing dramatically. “Maybe if I call Yamaguchi to convince you, you’d change your mind.”

“Oy, it’s barely even dawn for Tadashi right now. Don’t disturb him,” Tsukishima warned. “What the hell, don’t you even dare dial his number! Do you even have enough credit to call him? Fine, fine, I’ll go to the damn arcade with you.”

“Great,” Hinata said with a sheepish smile. “Kenma’s shift ends at six, though, so we have time before we meet with him.”

“What? I didn’t agree to that—”

A dark cloud seemingly crept up to them and said, "Oy, Hinata, get back to work!"

"Just give me a sec, Kageyama, there aren't even any customers in the shop right now anyway," Hinata hissed back. “See you later, Tsukishima!”

"You guys made plans?" Yachi said as she looked up to her co-worker. "Should I save some dinner for you or are you eating with Hinata?"

"I think I'll get some takeout somewhere. Thanks for the offer though," the boy replied.

"Okay," Yachi answered with a smile. "Let's move on to the restaurants, then!"

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Oh, just the two of you today? That’s new. Where are your usual companions?"

"I pissed off Kageyama too much, so he doesn't feel like going with me today," Hinata pouted.

The security guard let out a boisterous laugh. "So Tsukishima is your unwilling victim today?"

"Unfortunately," the taller boy droned.

“I haven’t seen Yamaguchi-kun in a while. Are you guys still together?”

“Very much," Hinata said with distaste. "They’re very much still together, Noya-san.”

"Why do you sound so put off by that?" Tsukishima questioned.

Hinata was quick to reply, "It's nothing, nothing at all. Let's just go! Bye, Noya-san!"

"So how do you suggest we kill time?" Tsukishima asked as the two of them walked down the steps of the museum entrance. "I'm not going to spend the next hour just roaming around the park with you."

The shorter boy clicked his tongue. "Are you hungry, Tsukishima? Is that why you're in such a sour mood?"

"Actually, I think some food would be nice. I didn't get to eat much for lunch today."

"Is there something in particular that you'd want to eat?"

"Not really. It'd be nice if the place had some seating, at least."

Hinata brought a finger to his temple, and he looked thoughtful as he hummed, "Hmm, some fast food, then?"

"Yeah, that'd be okay," the blond said with a shrug.

"You better start walking faster then if you want to avoid the crowd."

"The rush hour has already started. There's no point," Tsukishima complained. "Besides, it's not like we're in a hurry, right?"

Hinata pouted and trudged alongside Tsukishima as the taller boy lead them through the park.

As expected, all the nearby food places were too packed for them to even enter, and they kept moving further towards the arcade's area in an attempt to find someplace with better conditions. It was a futile effort. Hinata puffed up his chest as though to say, "I warned you!" but Tsukishima didn't entertain him and instead resigned to a familiar McDonald's branch.

"We'd be better off fighting for some seating at the park benches."

"Would it hurt you to just keep a lookout for a free table?" the blond grumbled.

"And what, save a table for us and brave this queue again once you're done giving your order?" Hinata whined. "And you're taller, anyway! Wouldn't it be easier for you to do this?"

"I'll order for you," Tsukishima groaned.

"You better not just get me a budget meal," Hinata complained, eyebrows furrowed in distrust. His eyes shift to a point beyond Tsukishima's gaze, and the shorter boy's eyes widened. “Uwoh, Kuroo-san! Bokuto-san!”

Tsukishima turned to the line next to theirs, coming face to face with someone he hadn't expected to see. 

“Ah. Akaashi-san.”

“What are you doing here?" Hinata asked.

"I'm hungry, and Kuroo's treating us to food," said the boy that Tsukishima didn't quite recognize. His bright eyes lit up even more as he declared, "You know what, we should just order together!"

"Oy, Bokuto, are you telling me to pay for everyone's food? I'll pass," Kuroo replied. "I'm pretty sure these two are capable enough to pay for themselves."

"Isn't this place a bit far for just a snack? I thought for sure your school was a bit far from Ueno," Tsukishima commented as he moved a step forward in his own queue.

“Yeah, well, I just finished practicing with Todai's circle. I decided to pick up Kenma along the way since we’re headed to our practice match afterwards,” the dark-haired boy replied.

“Kuroo just needed our help in persuading Kenma, really,” Akaashi explained. “He’s been skipping out a lot lately. It’s good that you’re here today, Hinata. Maybe you could help us.”

Bokuto nodded. “You’d be able to join us today, won’t you, Hinata?”

“Ah, I want to, but I have to work an extra shift at the pub later,” Hinata sighed. "I'm only here because this guy promised to play a match with Kenma at the arcade."

“Eh? Really?" Kuroo said with a laugh. "You don't look too happy about all this, glasses-kun."

"I'm really not," Tsukishima agreed.

"Ah, well, that's okay I guess. It's not like it'd take too much time for you guys to finish your game," Akaashi commented.

“I’ll try to call the team to see if anyone could fill in for you today,” Kuroo replied as he turned back to Hinata. He briefly glanced towards the cashier— they were five people away from their own turn.

“You said you didn’t have anything to do today, right?” Hinata said as he turned to Tsukishima. "Do you have time to play volleyball later?"

“Eh, if your schedule's so free, how come I haven’t been seeing you in Todai’s practices?" Kuroo asked with a questioning smirk. "Ennoshita’s been looking around for you.”

Tsukishima shifted his eyes to the side for a moment, before bringing his gaze to the floor. “I dropped out of school.”

“Eh?" Hinata reacted in a way that was loud enough to overpower the din in the room. "So that's why you're working full-time now?"

“Oh? This is news to me, too,” Kuroo said in a serious tone.

“What happened?” Hinata asked.

"It's a long story," the blond shrugged, digging into his pocket to look for his wallet.

“Are you planning on going back to school anyway?” Kuroo asked.

“Eventually,” Tsukishima whispered, barely audible.

“What were you studying before?” Akaashi asked.

"Paleontology," Kuroo dutifully answered.

"Eh? Like fossils and stuff?” Bokuto asked.

"Yeah, like some old man’s profession."

“Eh, and you work in the museum now?” Bokuto asked.

“Yeah,” he replied as he adjusted his eyeglasses. He deeply wanted to talk about absolutely anything else, but he grit his teeth before adding, “I just want to focus on my work for now.”

Bokuto nodded before landing a firm slap onto Tsukishima's back, successfully displacing Tsukishima's specs in the process. “Your job’s pretty related to what you were studying then, right? That’s cool.”

“You used to be the same, huh,” Kuroo commented. “Not everyone has to follow the whole school-to-career formula.”

“Yeah. You’re at least on the right track already, glasses-kun.”

The blond’s eyes widen from the ache in his spine, but managed to muster, “I’m Tsukishima.”

They ordered their food separately, and by a stroke of luck, they managed to snag a table that was just enough to seat the five of them. As Kuroo, Bokuto, and Hinata left off to get some extra ketchup for their fries and take a restroom break, Akaashi settled next to Tsukishima and took a sip of his own drink.

“Do you work in the museum shop just like Hinata?”

“No,” the blond said, almost offended. “I work as an aide.”

“What exactly do you do, then?”

“It depends on the day,” Tsukishima hummed. "Sometimes I just have to install exhibits, on others I have to supervise part-timers and volunteers, or do office duties."

“Sounds like a lot of work.”

“I guess,” he shrugged. “I think I have too much free time, though. I’ve been planning on applying for a part-time job.”

“Oh,” Akaashi asked with a spark of interest. “Where?”

“A convenience store.”

The dark-haired boy raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a little overqualified?”

“I’m not picky,” he answered. “I just need it for the money, anyway.”

“How long have you been playing volleyball?”

Tsukishima's forehead wrinkled from the unexpected question, but he answered anyway. "Since elementary school."

"Are you any good?"

The blond pursed his lips into a thin line. "I don't know."

"Hmm," Akaashi hummed as he began to swirl his straw around his drink. “Have you ever thought of coaching part-time?”

“Hah?”

“Or at least assisting?” the boy suggested. “Bokuto-san coaches all sorts of teams throughout the week, and he could really use some assistants.”

“I have literally zero experience as a coach,” Tsukishima deadpanned. “Don’t you guys know anyone better qualified for that kind of job?”

“We do," Akaashi agreed, face showing visible signs of exhaustion. "Bokuto-san can be tiring to work with. He’d come up to your door at 3AM to join him for early morning jogging training. He’d start promoting all these strange diets and supplements, and you better not say no to him when he does.”

“Why?”

“Just don’t,” Akaashi droned. “Most of Bokuto-san’s assistants quit fairly early, and I can’t help him all the time since I have my own school work to catch up to.”

“What are you studying, anyway?”

"I'm—"

"Huh, you guys haven't started eating yet?" Bokuto said as he slid into the seat across from Akaashi.

"Let's eat, let's eat!" Hinata grumbled as he took a seat. "Smelling all this food has started to make me hungry now, too!"

"Kenma should be out in a few minutes," Kuroo said calmly as he took a clump of french fries into his hand. "We need to hurry if we want to catch him before he slinks away to who knows where."

The warning was a bit unnecessary — the food flew off their table so quickly, it was as though it disappeared in the blink of an eye.

  


 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"Whoa, you really went to the arcade today, Tsukki?"

"Yeah. I didn't have much of a choice," Tsukishima answered, his voice muffled by the pillow he'd burrowed his head in. "If I didn't get it over with today, I would've had to deal with Hinata's pestering for one more week."

"That's true," Yamaguchi laughed, and Tsukishima turned to the screen just in time to catch the other boy's smile. "Did you win?"

"Well," the blond paused. "It wasn't a complete loss."

The freckled boy's smile turned less innocent and more mischievous as he asked, "Just how badly did you lose?"

"Bad," he admitted. "You should've seen the crowd we drew in."

"Were they interested in seeing how awful you were playing?"

"Maybe, if the matches were long enough to be entertaining," Tsukishima chuckled bitterly. "But you have to understand that I didn't stand a chance."

"Don't worry, you might've kept losing the games," Yamaguchi smiled, "but you still keep winning my heart, right?"

Tsukishima grinned back. "Are you sure you're not drunk right now, Tadashi?"

"You're right. No sober person would find it endearing to hear about someone getting their butt kicked."

"Hey, look, it turns out that Kozume-san's pretty well-known in the community, and the only thing that stops him from playing competitively is because he thinks it's too much of a hassle."

"If you say so," Yamaguchi said, but his face showed how unconvinced he was. "What did you guys do afterwards?"

"They wouldn't let me go home until I stuck around to see their practice game."

"Oh, for volleyball?"

"Yeah," Tsukishima replied. "They're playing in some small open games this season, and they're set up with some decent prizes."

"Are you joining them?"

"Maybe," the blond answered. "But I don't know. The practices can run a little late."

"So?" the freckled boy said. "It's not like you have a bedtime."

He shrugged. "I guess not."

"Is there anyone on the team that I know?"

"Well, there's Kuroo and Hinata, and you already know that Hinata's roommates are there too."

"That's Kozume-san and…?"

"Akaashi-san."

"Oh, okay," Yamaguchi nodded. "What's he like?"

"A breath of fresh air," Tsukishima grumbled. "At least, if I take into account how it's like to be around Hinata and everyone else on that team. It's like everyone's got a never-ending supply of energy. At least Kozume-san and Akaashi-san are easier to be around."

"That's good, then, right?" the freckled boy said. A warm sunset illuminated his face nicely, blurring the edges of his features into a faint glow. To Tsukishima's unaided vision, it seemed like he was looking right into a dream.

He yawned as he replied, "I guess."

"You're looking kind of sleepy, so I'll let you rest."

"Eh," Tsukishima frowned. "You didn't even get to tell me how your day's been like yet."

"It can wait another time. It's already really late for you, isn't it? Besides, it wasn't like my day was as eventful as yours," Yamaguchi brushed off. "Good night, Tsukki!"

He pouted for a good minute before he replied, "Good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Thank you for supporting my otp feels in 2015 hahaha I hope 2016 will be full of great opportunities and blissful otp moments for all of us~
> 
> It's a bit of an unexciting chapter, at least in comparison to what the last update was like hahaha everything is meant to build up to something, and I'll leave it to you guys to decide whether the next developments are going to be positive or not. ;)c
> 
> Also, a bunch of cool people are making a 2016-2017 TsukkiYama calendar with me. :^) [You can read more about it here!](http://yankasmiles.tumblr.com/post/136032888704) Hope you guys enjoy the rest of your holidays!


	14. Curious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *REPEATEDLY SLAMS HANDS ON DESK* I FINALLY MANAGED TO UPDATE ON TIME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HALF A YEAR...

It started with a photograph.

Once he'd convinced his boyfriend to log off, he returned to checking his online accounts. He'd been scrolling through his newsfeed when he chanced upon a collage from a gathering. In it were familiar faces he'd known for some time, as well as a couple of people that he vaguely recognized based on what he'd heard of that party.

He clicked the innocent icon of an arrow, and his cursor turned and turned as his browser struggled to load the image. The screen abruptly turned to grey, and a pixelated dinosaur took the place of the webpage. He pouted slightly as he unplugged his laptop from its charger and lugged the computer to the common area outside his room. He flopped onto the sofa and propped the gadget on his lap.

The internet connection was more forgiving from his new location, allowing him to browse with lesser obstructions. He stared at the images on his screen and analyzed them as though he were trying to decode a cipher. Blond waves, flushed cheeks, beer in hand. Black hair, hooded eyes, calculated smile.

The more he looked into the situation, the more he realized how much he didn't know about it. All he knew was what he had pieced together from stories that had been retold, but never things that he'd found out or concluded on his own. The innocent question of "Who is that?" inadvertently stirred more. "Where is he from?", "What is he like?", and "Isn't he sitting a little too close to my boyfriend?" were not questions with answers he could find through a simple search engine keyword, but he knew how to go about it anyway.

Social media could only reveal so much about a person. The information available through such outlets only provided a mere skeletal, carefully curated, and superficial image of an individual, and the dangerous tendency to fill in the blanks and make assumptions about one's personality was quicker than having to get involved with them.

Even so, he had only wanted to know the basics. He at least had a face to associate with the name he so often heard. It didn't hurt to read the comments left behind on the other's page either — it was a small and possibly more genuine glimpse of their life and interactions.

As he browsed through the profile, he made sure not to leave any tracks behind. It wasn't because of shame or guilt. He didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong. He didn't want to think that he was being possessive or protective either, because he wasn't motivated by malice. He really was only driven by his curiosity.

But curiosity was a dangerous thing. It could be the catalyst of opportunity — a chance for knowledge, discovery, or even mental calm. But on some occasions it bore more risks than boons, and instead sparked anger, fear, and conflict.

 _Some things are worth the consequences_ , he thought, as he clicked the arrow again.

_Probably._

Scroll.

_Maybe._

Click.

_Most of the time…?_

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

At least, with certain things, he'd rather be knowledgeable than be kept in the dark, and if first impressions held any weight, then he certainly didn't have a good gut feeling about this guy.

"What have you been doing there all evening?"

He jumped in his seat, instinctively slamming his laptop shut as he let out a tiny yelp. He looked over his shoulder to find his flatmate close behind.

"Ah, Tooru—" he trailed off.

"...Well, I'm going to bed," Oikawa said with a disinterested shrug. "You should call it a night soon too if you plan on getting enough rest."

"Thanks. I have a lecture at eight tomorrow, so I'll try to be mindful of the time."

The other boy continued to look at him, and he felt the time grating against his skin with each second that passed before Oikawa finally turned away.

"See you in the morning, Tadashi."

The laptop whirred and whirred, overheating the top of Yamaguchi's thighs with a dull sting.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Tadashi."

The voice was distant, foreign, and distorted. It was like his name had been warped through space and time, dancing along sound waves that had been wrapped in cellophane.

"Tadashi? Oy, Yamaguchi?"

The more he heard it, the stranger it sounded. Was that really his name or was it just static noise? Somehow it reminded him of waltzing over mountaintops on a clear summer night, where he was high enough to see the world below but not quite close to reaching the moon above.

"Ya-ma-gu-chi!"

He shook his head. No. It didn't mean anything. The syllables weren't making much sense.

_Thud, thud, thud_

"Are you even in there?"

"What?" he groaned. He had only let out a whisper, but he heard a door fling open the moment he'd uttered it.

"You sleep like a log."

The voice was louder now, and much, much clearer. Yamaguchi furrowed his brows and slowly opened his eyes, struggling to focus his bleary vision on anything other than the aggressive neon pink that contrasted with everything in his room.

"What the heck are you wearing?" he grumbled, shielding his eyes from the offensive colour of the other's clothing. "Why are you even in my room?"

"Didn't you say you had a lecture at eight?"

"Hmn?" the freckled boy muttered. He blinked twice before he managed to say, "I think so… Yeah?"

"Are you skipping it?"

He let out a poorly contained laugh. "Heh. No way."

"Well, too bad," Oikawa replied with a mirrored smile. "You're already running late."

"Okay," he nodded. His eyelids drooped heavy as he asked, "Wait. What time is it?"

"It's seven fifty in the morning."

His eyes shot open and he sat up on his bed so quickly, he was still seeing stars as he spat, "What?!"

Yamaguchi grabbed his phone from under his pillow and glared at the reading of the time. He threw the device in the air as he flipped his blankets away from his person and stripped off his shirt in record speed.

"There are some donuts on the table. You should get some on the way out," Oikawa said as he nonchalantly turned towards Yamaguchi's doorway. "I don't feel like waiting for the tram, so I was planning on taking a cab to campus. Do you want to come with?"

"Thank you, Tooru, I owe you one," Yamaguchi said as he wrestled to put on his jeans.

"You owe me half the price of the taxi fare."

And with that, Oikawa left the room.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He arrived in class with barely a minute to spare. A few people turned to see him enter the laboratory, but he shied away from their gaze and directed himself to the nearest seat he could get.

The professor was still nowhere to be found. Yamaguchi spent the time studying the various instruments and equipments in the facility — or at least, as much as he could see from his corner of the room. The setup didn't differ much from what he'd used as an undergraduate, but being in a laboratory only made him remember the situation that brought him to his current reality.

It was a bittersweet reminder. The unmistakable smell of latex gloves was almost homey, but it brought up the recollections of his internship days, and those weren't exactly welcomed in the forefront of his mind. It was hard to shake off the ear-piercing note of glass breaking and smashing, and difficult to forget how he'd set a new record for "Most Number of Test Tubes Broken in a Week." He could still vividly recount the day he'd triggered a full-scale evacuation of the lab after dropping a bottle of beta-mercaptoethanol, right down to every excruciatingly embarrassing detail. He could practically smell the gut-wrenching stench of the substance straight out of his memory.

"Are you all right?"

The foreign language brought him out of his reverie, transporting him back into the present. Before him stood a girl with light hair tied into a low ponytail, and the softness of her features seemed familiar. He hadn't noticed that the professor had already entered the room either, and the older man had only just begun setting up his laptop with the projector.

"Your face is all scrunched up," the girl added.

"A-ah, I'm fine," he stammered.

She gestured to the area next to Yamaguchi as she asked, "Is that seat taken?"

"No," he replied quickly. "It's okay if you'd want to sit there."

"Thanks," she smiled. She walked over to the adjacent station and set her bag on the floor. "Are you from here?"

Yamaguchi shook his head. "No, I'm not."

Her eyes lit up as she said, "Me, too! It looked like everyone else already knew each other, so I was starting to feel even more of a foreigner amongst foreigners. It's comforting to know we're on the same boat."

"Oh," the freckled boy said with a polite smile. "Where are you from?"

"Keio."

"Ah, that makes us schoolmates."

"Really?" the girl said with a grin. She switched to speaking in their native tongue as she said, "That's a relief."

Their lecturer called for their attention, and promptly gave them a task to complete in groups. It was only then that he thought to introduce himself to the girl he'd been speaking to, and in turn he learned her name was Nametsu Mai. She'd interned and worked at an esteemed facility in Tokyo for about three years, but she dropped an offer to continue a longer career with them in favor of pursuing higher education.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, actually. I was already earning fine with my job," she said as she put on her lab goggles, "but there's still so much I want to learn. It might even give me a better edge later on, you know? It felt right to come here to study, so I'll have to work hard to make sure this won't be something I'd regret."

Yamaguchi simply smiled at her statement. He understood what she meant, but somehow he felt his own predicament — however burdensome it already was for him — was so much smaller in comparison to hers.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The journey home felt long and weary. His stomach would plummet whenever he sensed someone else's eyes on him, and overhearing other passengers speaking in languages he had no grasp of only made him feel even more of an outsider. Were their laughs aimed at him? Were their heated discussions just acid remarks directed at him, insults disguised in foreign clothing so as to save him from unnecessary humiliation? A part of him felt like it might've been self-centered to worry, but as he brought his hands into tight fists by his side, he couldn't help but feel like he didn't belong in the landscape.

He stared at the tiny patch of sky that he could see from his spot in the tram. The dreary mix of cloud and sunshine was at least something he could relate to, and as the scenery moved past him, he considered investing in a pair of headphones if it meant his commute would go much smoother.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He kept his head hung low as he walked to his hostel. In the daylight, the premises looked vibrant and welcoming, but it didn't quite feel like home. He connected to his room's WiFi, and it didn't take long for his device to begin buzzing with notifications. He immediately scrolled to see the oldest one, but the name of the sender drained him of all his remaining energy that he chose to start from the most recent one instead.

He hadn't even read a single line yet, but he already felt better knowing that Tsukishima had sent him a string of messages.

_Timestamp: 12:28 AM_

>> i'm bringing yachi's tablet with me today. i need it for work, but i forgot to charge it overnight.

>> i wish i didn't have to bring this thing. it's heavy.

>> yachi says 'hi.' i was going to take a picture of her but she says she did her eyeliner badly today, so she refused. i think she looks fine, though.

>> she keeps pointing out her mistakes that i think she might've drawn her eyebrows unevenly today, actually.

>> don't tell her i said that.

_Timestamp: 12:35 AM_

>> too late. she said she's going to try to fix it.

_Timestamp: 12:40 AM_

>> fjklzsj

>> aghs

>> sorry. that was starry.

_Timestamp: 1:56 AM_

>> we took the train to work today because we couldn't find yachi's keys in time.

>> she suspects starry took them.

>> how much do you want to bet she just accidentally lumped it in with her laundry again? but like hell i'm gonna help her sift through her intimates.

>> anyway, i'm at work now. i wouldn't be able to check back until lunch, maybe.

_Timestamp: 3:34 AM_

>> great. i forgot to bring the charger of this thing.

>> good thing i'm already done using it for my job, but i was hoping it'd last long enough for when you woke up.

>> oh well.

_Timestamp: 4:13 AM_

>> having lunch outside again. the sky looks nice at ueno.

>> has the sun even risen for you yet?

>> you're probably still sleeping right now.

There was an image attached with Tsukishima's message. Once it had finished loading, Yamaguchi looked at the expanse of blue and white and felt a sense of fondness.

It made his heart burst with affection to know that Tsukishima wanted him to see the same things that he did. It was all trivial, and yet it brought him so much unexpected happiness.

He opened the camera application on his phone. He walked over to his window and captured the pale sky outside. He resisted the urge to layer a filter on to make the photograph's colours look somewhat decent. He typed a message along with his attachment:

"I overslept and didn't have the chance to check my phone throughout the day," he began. "I'm sorry I didn't get to reply earlier, Tsukki. I just arrived in my room. The sky looks sad here. It's good to know that it's warmer back there at home."

Yamaguchi switched to another message window, this time from Hinata. It had been delivered just a few minutes before Tsukishima sent his last message. It simply read, "I swear this guy is only bearable when you're around! I'm sorry Yamaguchi, but your boyfriend can be a pain to deal with when he's on his own."

Yamaguchi replied with an emoticon, and a short inquiry asking what might've happened between them that drove Hinata to contact him about it.

He'd also received messages from Yachi. He smiled as he read the girl's own recounting of her day, from complaining about how the weather wasn't cooperating with her hair and segueing to talking about comics and tv shows. He enjoyed reading each line and musing, but Yamaguchi's favourite message had been sent at the beginning of the girl's morning.

"I asked Tsukishima-kun to help me look for my car keys but he kept getting distracted!!!" Yachi relayed, punctuating her message with a slew of emoticons.

As Yamaguchi waited for the image attachment to load, his eyes glanced over the string of text that accompanied it:

>> They've gotten so close lately! You've got competition, Yamaguchi!!

The picture captured a moment where Starry was happily licking Tsukishima's cheek. He could practically hear his boyfriend's laughter from the way his smile spread across his lips. Rather than being perched on Tsukishima's leg, it seemed like Starry was being carried in the blond's arms, and Yamaguchi wondered if Tsukishima purposely subjected himself to that situation instead of the usual arrangement, wherein Starry would have to force the blond into doing any form of activity with him. The photograph practically radiated with warmth, and Yamaguchi felt like he was overflowing with love.

Yamaguchi saved the photograph, and immediately sent out his words of thanks to Yachi before dutily typing out his reactions to Yachi's every thought and rant.

The last message — the earliest one he'd received — was from a sender he didn't quite feel as happy to hear from. Just seeing the notification made him feel awash with mixed emotions.

"Tadashi," the message began, "call my secretary as soon as you read this."

He felt sick in his stomach. He knew better than to delay the inevitable now.

It didn't take long for his call to connect.

"Tadashi-kun, you're just in time," a man said, his voice sounding chipper through the phone. "Madame has just finished her meal. I'll notify her immediately."

"Thank you," the boy replied. He pulled at his collar as he asked, "Do you have any idea for what my mom wants to talk about?"

"She hasn't gone into detail about it, but I assume it has something to do with your upcoming birthday."

Of course. No other occasion would call for his mother to constantly touch base with him. If not for the birthday reminders she'd scribbled on her planner along with the convenient setups of holiday events, when else would she think to call him up?

"Tadashi," his mother greeted. "You've been ignoring your father's messages again, haven't you?"

"Mom, I'm back in school now," he replied, and he already felt exhausted from the conversation. "I don't have time to keep checking my emails."

"Well, he has a conference in Germany next month," she said. "It's in Berlin, but he's willing to make the trip to Halle in time for your birthday."

"Oh."

"The next time you get in touch with him, do tell him to pay the dues for his condominium in Dubai."

"Mom, I won't be seeing him for another month," he muttered. "I might forget."

"You will be corresponding with him as soon as possible, right? I'd greatly appreciate it if you reconnected with him," she answered sternly. "You're an adult now, Tadashi, and I don't appreciate having to relay your messages to his secretary all the time."

He tightened his jaw. "All right."

"I'll let my secretary send you a reminder in case it slips your mind."

"Okay," he replied tersely.

His mother let out a sigh. "How's it like to be back in school again?"

"It's… different," Tadashi said slowly. He played with the hem of his shirt as he added, "It doesn't feel the same way as it did when I was just a college student."

"Well, that's to be expected from graduate studies," she agreed. "If you stay focused, you won't have unnecessary trouble meeting expectations and deadlines. No vices, relationships, or any of that— they'll just distract you. I tried juggling all those back in my time, and they did a horrible job in making my experience a pleasant one."

"Ah… Right…"

There's whispering in the background, and he heard his mother acknowledge the other speaker before saying, "Tadashi, it seems my flight's ready for boarding now, so I'll have to cut this call short."

"I understand," he replied, and it felt like his lungs were finally starting to breathe in some air. "Where are you headed now, mom?"

"I'm making a short trip to the office at Thailand. I'd be in transit and back here in Singapore within a few days' time."

"Okay," he said softly. "Bye, mom."

"Bye, Tadashi."

He kept the call going. He left it long enough to hear his mother chatting idly with one of her associates. Numbers and deadlines spilled from their speech, slurring into an hodgepodge of nonsense that he had no interest in.

He stared at his phone screen before finally disconnecting from the call.

He switched back to his image gallery and looked at his most recent addition. The warmth of Tsukishima's smile was enough to temporarily ease his headache. He silently stared at the picture, eventually setting it as his phone's lock screen.

He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. He took in a deep breath and walked to the kitchen area.

Yamaguchi did a quick survey of the refrigerator and cupboards before he washed his hands. Once he'd dried himself off, he prepared the necessary pans and utensils he needed before taking out a pack of soft tofu. He unwrapped it and transferred its contents onto a clean chopping board. The device in his pocket began to vibrate just as he'd finished cleaning the knife he wanted to use.

He read the quick message before setting his phone on the counter top and against the wall, angling it in a way that the front camera could capture his face as he stood by the kitchen stove.

"Tsukki, hi!"

"Hello," Tsukishima replied in a low voice. It took a while for his video panel to load, but when it did, the first thing Yamaguchi could see was the other's tousled hair against pillow covers, and the tangle of earphones and wires was a vibrant contrast against Tsukishima's pale skin and bed sheets. The blond's eyes drooped heavily as he managed a smile and said, "You sound extra happy."

"Just happy to see you," Yamaguchi smiled back.

"How are you?"

"I've been better," he confessed. "I just finished talking to my mom."

The blond's face fell. "Oh. How did that go?"

"Eh. It wasn't bad," Yamaguchi shrugged as he turned away from his phone to the white blob in front of him. He sliced the tofu block into smaller pieces as he replied, "Apparently my dad's coming to see me next month."

"Hmm," the other boy hummed. "Are you looking forward to it?"

Yamaguchi retrieved a teaspoon and used it to sprinkle some salt on the different sides of the tofu cubes. He bit the insides of his cheeks, trying to bide time before finally saying, "I can't say for sure. Our last meeting didn't exactly go so well."

"Is he going over to meet with you specifically?"

"As if he'd go out of the way for me," Yamaguchi said with a forced laugh. "He has business in the country, so I'm just a pitstop along the way."

"Tadashi…"

"Sorry, Tsukki," he replied with a sigh. He placed the tofu cubes onto a mesh tray and set them aside. "I haven't exactly had a good day."

Yamaguchi mixed some dashi soup stock with soy sauce, sugar, and salt in a saucepan. For a moment, the quiet sizzling was all that he could hear.

"You seem distracted. Are you cooking dinner?"

"Yeah," Yamaguchi said with a nod.

"Can you look at me for a bit?"

Yamaguchi bit on his lower lip as he transferred the saucepan to the back burner and lowered the heat. He put a lid on the pan before he reluctantly held his phone in his hands and looked back to his screen.

"I'm sorry, Tsukki."

"It's okay. I understand," the blond replied. "This isn't just about your parents, is it?"

He shook his head. "It isn't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I think I can manage," he said with a small smile. "Now would've been a nice chance for you to hug and comfort me, though."

Tsukishima blinked slowly. "I wish I could do that, actually."

Yamaguchi grinned wider as he said, "Hey, Tsukki, you're smart, aren't you? Surely you could think of a way to do just that."

"Do you think so?" the other boy replied with a squint. His nose scrunched up slightly as he considered his response. "All right. I'll send one over as soon as the post office opens in the morning. You can expect to receive the warmest of my embraces within a few weeks."

"What? Just one?" Yamaguchi pouted. "I'm at least worth priority mail."

"You could go to bed right now and I'll hand it to you personally in your dreams."

"The only one who should be going to bed right now is you. You're up way past your bedtime again," Yamaguchi pointed out.

"I don't want to go to sleep yet," the blond grumbled. "I've been waiting to talk to you all day."

"What did you want to talk about then?"

"Nothing specific," Tsukishima replied.

"Nice," he chuckled.

"What are you cooking?"

"I'm making ramen, with some agedashi tofu on the side," he answered. He put his phone down and let it rest on the wall as he raised the daikon in his other hand. He didn't look at the screen as he said, "Want some?"

"Of course."

"If you go to bed right now, then it'd be done in time for you to dream about me feeding it to you."

Yamaguchi had been grating the radish, but he glanced at his phone in time to see Tsukishima pouting.

"...Do you want to get rid of me so badly."

"No, Tsukki, it's not like that," Yamaguchi said softly. "It's just… I'd feel guilty if you stay up because of me all the time."

"This is my choice."

"But tomorrow's going to be busy for you at work, right?"

"Yeah, the weekends are kinda tough," the other boy sighed. "Ah. Yeah. I'm meeting with nii-chan tomorrow."

"Oh, nice!" he exclaimed. He placed the grated radish on a sieve and wiped his hands on a towel before he asked, "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing," Tsukishima replied, glancing away as he said, "he's just coming to Tokyo because of work, apparently."

Yamaguchi smiled. He brought his phone closer to his face as he replied, "You look excited, though."

The blond furrowed his brows and glared at him. "No."

"You do," the freckled boy insisted. "You're smiling."

"I'm not," Tsukishima replied with a forced scowl.

"Don't try to hide it! See, even your nose is smiling."

"What?" Tsukishima snorted. He continued to chuckle as he said, "What does that even mean?"

"See! You're smiling," Yamaguchi repeated as he sported a smile of his own.

"I'm smiling because of you!"

"Wow," he said with a shake of his head. "That's so cheesy."

Tsukishima brought both of his hands to to lower half of his face as he said, "Oh, would you shut up!"

"No, don't cover your mouth!" Yamaguchi whined. "I like looking at your smile."

"I hate how you try to get it out of me, though."

"There you go with your lies again," the freckled boy frowned. He set his phone down to prepare a plate of corn starch as he said, "You love it."

He poured some vegetable oil into a pot and put it above a flame. Just as he was about to line a wire rack with paper towels, he heard Tsukishima say his name.

"Tadashi," he said, voice quiet as he added, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am, I am," Yamaguchi assured, but for a moment he wondered if he'd said it to convince himself. He stared at his hands, and when he opened his mouth to speak again, his words felt more sincere— "I feel much better now that I'm talking to you."

"When you say things like that, I never want to go to sleep anymore," Tsukishima whispered.

Yamaguchi turned to his phone and frowned. He resumed his cooking as he said, "Oh, would you just look at yourself. You've already got your eyes closed. I know you're tired, Tsukki. You should rest."

"No, I'm still listening to you," Tsukishima mumbled. "It's just that, like this, it sounds as if you're right next to me."

Yamaguchi felt his heart hiccup in his chest as the smile on his face widened to the point of making his cheeks ache. "I wish I was right next to you, too."

"The days feel kind of long without you."

"That's because you keep sleeping late."

"Maybe," Tsukishima laughed. "It's worth it, though."

"Hm?" Yamaguchi said with a raised brow. "How is it worth it?"

The room was silent, and when he turned back to his phone's screen he found that Tsukishima had already fallen asleep. He took a quick screenshot of the other's sleeping face before putting down the video call and resuming his cooking.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He had already begun garnishing his main dish when he heard the sound of a key lodging into the door. The shuffling of footsteps resounded in the room before coming to a halt.

"Tooru?"

"Ah. Didn't hear you there, Tadashi," Oikawa said as he entered the kitchen area. "Whoa, what's that smell?"

"I hope you haven't eaten yet, since I made you dinner as a thank you for saving me this morning," Yamaguchi said with a smile. "I ended up using some of your ingredients though."

"It's fine. I already told you it's alright for you to use stuff as long as you set aside a portion for me," the other boy replied.

"I'm almost done cooking, so you arrived just in time, actually."

"I'll just drop my things in my room, then."

"Okay," Yamaguchi nodded.

He waited for Oikawa to join him in the dining area before pouring the dashi over the tofu, along with a mound of daikon and spring onion.

"There's some ramen heating on the stove, so just let me know if you're ready for a bowl so I could get some for you," Yamaguchi said as he brought the appetizer onto their table.

"It's fine, you don't have to trouble yourself. I can get some on my own later," the other boy replied as he folded his hands before him and uttered his thanks. "Thank you for the food."

Yamaguchi brought his palms together and did the same before taking a sip of the broth. He felt immediately grateful of its warmth.

"Whoa, this tastes amazing," Oikawa said as he bit into the tofu.

Yamaguchi laughed. "Thank you. That's good to know."

"Iwa-chan would really appreciate this."

"Ah, there's still enough for one more serving, so you could invite him over if you wanted."

"Really?" the boy grinned. "That'd be great. He needs to taste this," Oikawa said as he whipped out his phone from his pocket. He dialed a number and put the call on speaker mode as he continued to eat.

The ringback tone repeated for four cycles before the other boy finally picked up.

"Iwa-chan, what took you so long to pick up? I know you're not doing anything right now."

"I was on the toilet, you bastard. I already told you to send me a text before trying to call me."

"Sorry, I forgot," Oikawa replied in a sing-song manner. "If you're done doing your business, come over to my room. It's an emergency."

"Emergency my ass. Did you misplace your hair wax again because I am not helping you find it."

"Oh would you just come here already," his flatmate grumbled. "Tadashi made dinner and it's your favourite."

The line was silent for a while before the other boy cleared his throat and said, "Which favourite?"

"Age dofu, and it's the best I've ever tasted in years. I'm gonna eat everything up if you're gonna take so long to get here."

"Is your flatmate even fine with me joining in?"

"Ah, it's okay," Yamaguchi blurted.

"Oy, Oikawa," the other man bellowed. "You put me on loudspeaker again?"

"Don't shout! You don't expect me to hold my phone when I'm busy enjoying how this tofu is melting in my mouth, do you?" Oikawa said. "Mm, you know what, I think I'm just going to eat your share."

"I hate you. Give me ten minutes."

"They'll be all gone by then."

"Five. Bye."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"What was your name again?"

"Ah, Yamaguchi—"

"Thank you, Yamaguchi," Iwaizumi said after he'd sipped the last of his soup. "I haven't had good food in a long time."

"I'm happy to hear that," the freckled boy grinned.

"I didn't know you cooked so well, Tadashi," Oikawa said as he gathered some ramen with his chopsticks. "Did you take a course on culinary arts or something?"

"No," he replied shyly. "I'd lived by myself for some time, so I ended up learning a few things through trial and error."

"That's amazing," Oikawa said with a nod. "We should let the other guys try your cooking next time, too."

"Ah, uh…"

"Stop making arrangements on your own, Oikawa. It's not like you're the one who'd be doing all the work," Iwaizumi scolded.

"You say that, and yet you practically sped your way here to get a taste of Tadashi's cooking," Oikawa answered.

"Oh, I won't actually mind," Yamaguchi said as he waved his hands before his body. "It's just that I'd need to be told beforehand so I can get a hold of the ingredients."

"Don't bother. We'll let the guests chip in for the groceries," Oikawa replied. "It's settled then. The next time we have a party, Tadashi will be catering."

Iwaizumi sighed. "Yamaguchi, you don't have to follow everything this ass says. If they get too annoying, just let me know."

"Excuse me," Oikawa interrupted. "I've been nothing but good to Tadashi."

"Stop bothering your flatmate," Iwaizumi lectured. "This guy might leave you even faster than the last one did. The other dude didn't even want to move in when he heard you stayed in this room."

"I already told you that the guy ended up renting his own place, so his room here is going to be empty for the rest of the semester," Oikawa defended.

"Eh," Yamaguchi said with a tilt of his head. "We won't be having another roommate?"

"Seems like it," Iwaizumi replied as he glanced at his wristwatch. "Ah, it's already this late. I have to go."

"School?" Yamaguchi asked.

"No. Gym."

"You're working out immediately after dinner?" Oikawa said with distaste. "But Iwa-chan, we already exercised this morning."

"I left one of my textbooks in the locker, so I have to collect it if I plan on getting any studying done tonight," Iwaizumi explained. "You should come with us to the gym tomorrow if you want, Yamaguchi."

The freckled boy's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at their guest. "Huh."

"School's a major stressor, and it helps to keep the body in shape in order to deal with that," Oikawa added.

"The other guys you met during Oktoberfest are going to be there," Iwaizumi said, "so it's not like it's going to be a boring session each time."

"If you want to join us, you'd have to fix that sleeping schedule of yours, though," his flatmate replied. "No more all-nighters cybering with your boyfriend."

"C-c-c-cybering, " Yamauchi stuttered. "We don't do that."

"You don't?" Oikawa said with a pout. "That's kind of sad."

"What—"

"Oikawa, not everyone's a pervert like you," Iwaizumi grumbled as he stood from his seat.

"Tadashi was definitely looking at pictures of his boyfriend last night, though," Oikawa said with a teasing smile.

"You peeped?" Yamaguchi squeaked.

"Oh, were they naughty pictures?" Iwaizumi asked as he sunk back into his seat again. "I didn't peg you as the indecent type, Yamaguchi."

"Wait—"

"Tadashi was viewing the pic in full screen. It was kind of hard to miss," Oikawa relayed.

"It was a group picture!" Yamaguchi defended.

"Was it really?" Oikawa hummed. "Let us see."

"Eh?"

"Come on, I'm in a sharing mood now," the brunet grinned.

"If you're in a sharing mood, you're supposed to be talking about yourself," Iwaizumi groaned.

"But if I talk about myself, then I'd just be tempted to talk about you, too."

"Don't you dare," Iwaizumi frowned.

Oikawa leaned in closer to Yamaguchi. "I'll save that conversation for when we're in private, Yamaguchi."

"What the hell did you just tell him?" Iwaizumi scowled.

"Nothing!" his flatmate smiled. He turned back to Yamaguchi as he asked, "So, are we looking at the picture or not?"

Yamaguchi's face soured, but he eventually sighed as he retrieved his phone and loaded the webpage.

"Which one's your boyfriend?" Iwaizumi asked as he loomed over Yamaguchi's phone.

"It's the blond with glasses," Oikawa replied before Yamaguchi could even open his mouth.

"Oh."

"Who's that?" Oikawa asked, pointing to the dark-haired boy seated directly next to Tsukishima in the group picture that had initially grabbed Yamaguchi's attention the night before.

"Ah, it's one of my boyfriend's new friends," Yamaguchi answered.

"You've never met these guys before?" Iwaizumi asked.

"No, not all of them."

"Oh. He's good-looking," Oikawa nodded. "I'd be worried if I were you."

"Huh? Why?"

"I mean, you'd never know what could happen. It's not like you're really there to see what he's doing," his flatmate reasoned. "You should keep an eye out for what your boyfriend does with him."

Yamaguchi re-evaluated the photograph. His eyes immediately settled on a mop of blond hair — it was natural for his line of sight to be directed to Tsukishima. He didn't need a reminder of his boyfriend's attractiveness. No bad lighting or dubious filter choice could change his mind.

He trained his eyes away, and instead studied the face of the person that sat beside him. Being aware of Tsukishima's proximity with someone Yamaguchi didn't personally know made him realize that fact even more — Tsukishima was attractive. It wasn't going to be difficult for him to attract attention from another person. In Yamaguchi's mind he'd always considered the idea of not being enough for his lover, but it was something new to think about Tsukishima finding someone else. He was quickly reminded of the many conversations he'd had with the other boy, and the different interactions and experiences that he'd shared with him.

If he'd ever begun doubting anything about their relationship, it wasn't even about Tsukishima.

The sound of laughter filled the air.

"If you're suggesting that he might cheat on me, then I don't think I have anything to worry about," Yamaguchi said with a smile.

"That's some confidence," Oikawa replied. "This isn't the first time you guys have been away from each other, then?"

"Actually, it is the first time."

"Hmm," Oikawa nodded.

"It's good that you can trust him like that. You must have a good relationship with him," Iwaizumi said solemnly. He glared at Oikawa as he added monotonously, "If only everyone was like that."

Oikawa smiled innocently as he asked, "What are you implying, Iwa-chan?"

"Nothing. I'm leaving," Iwaizumi answered. "Thank you for the food again, Yamaguchi. I hope to see you tomorrow morning. It'd be refreshing to have a new face in the gym."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! ^_^


	15. Obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’d like to thank ao3 user bananasloth for being my beta reader for the first half of this chapter!!
> 
> The last part of this chapter is SUPER MEGA EXPLICIT..... or at least in my standards it is, and that's kind of saying something hahaha I wouldn't recommend reading the last half if you're in public!!!

The plastic knife sank into the cream, causing globs of white to overflow. A chunk of bright red toppled towards the edge of the paper plate, turning to reveal the pink flesh of its underside. He gingerly plucked it with a fork before bringing the plump fruit to his mouth.

"How is it, Kei?"

He chewed as slowly as he could, savouring the flavour for as long as his self-control allowed. He trained his lips into a straight line before he answered.

"It's fine. The strawberry might be a little underripe, though.”

The older boy before him smiled as he took a phone out of his pocket. He slid the device over to Kei.

“Is that what you'll tell mom, then?"

"No," Kei quickly responded. He held the cellphone in his other hand, the shape feeling familiar in his palm. "Did you bring the charger?"

"Yes, Mister Forgetful."

Kei glared at Akiteru from across the table.

Akiteru noted the pout on Kei's face, and the way his younger brother's face scrunched up made him smile even wider.

"Were you in such a rush to see Tadashi again that you ended up leaving things behind?"

Kei chomped on another portion of shortcake instead of answering.

The older boy sighed. "Are you sure you should even be eating dessert before dinner?"

Kei's frown only deepened. "If you were against it, then you shouldn't have given it to me yet in the first place," he grumbled.

"I'm not stopping you," Akiteru replied, his expression changing into something more defensive. "But I know how cake spoils your appetite for anything else."

"I'll just finish this slice, then we can go," Kei mumbled. He gestured to an extra set of utensils as he added, "You could have some too, if you'd like."

"Thanks, but I'm fine,” Akiteru said with a shake of his head. Even so, he accepted the plastic fork that Kei passed to him.

The younger boy repeated the motions — slicing small portions of the cake before raising them to his lips, pausing after his third bite to wipe the cream that got caught on his cheek.

“It’s uncomfortable if you keep staring at me as I eat."

“Sorry, I hadn’t noticed,” his older brother apologized, frantically dropping the fork he’d been twirling idly in his hands.

Akiteru silently stared at the fork. Kei kept his eyes on his plate. Neither of them made a move to do anything.

Akiteru cleared his throat. “You know, you didn't have to meet me here at the hotel."

“It’s okay,” the younger boy answered. "My friend offered to drive me here anyway."

"What was her name again?"

"Yachi."

"You should've invited her to join us for a bit. There’s enough cake for two.”

Kei shrugged as he gathered up what was left of his serving of cake. “She was on her way to visit her mom.”

“You should’ve at least offered, just to be polite.”

The younger boy kept his eyes on his plate. “You said it's been a while since it was just the two of us, so I thought you wouldn't want any other company."

Kei hadn’t noticed the silence as he swallowed the last of his cake. Despite how engrossed he was with the taste, he still noted the way Akiteru shifted in his seat. It was with a hint of reluctance that he raised his gaze to his older brother, only to see Akiteru with a large grin that made him feel even more self-conscious.

"L-let's go," Kei blurted as he set his utensils down.

"Right. Do you have a place in mind?"

"You pick. I'm not really hungry anymore."

“Well, it’s still pretty early. Why don't you bring me to some places first?”

 

* * *

 

 

 

The sound of soft whirring could be heard in the distance. The air was stale and stuffy, and his shoulders began to slump against the sofa's backrest. He felt a certain lightheadedness, like a dull heat was burning behind his eyes and within his bones. Not enough to be completely unpleasant, but not exactly something that was favourable either.

“You’re still here, Tadashi?”

He shifted his eyes to the door of his flatmate's room. Oikawa slumped against the doorframe, arms hanging loosely by his sides.

Yamaguchi opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out of his mouth was an off-tune squeak. He brought his lips together and cleared his throat. He wouldn't have noticed the frown on Oikawa's face if the other hadn't made a big show of dropping his shoulders further as he sighed.

"I'm thinking of making us lunch. You haven't eaten yet, have you?"

"Ah," Yamaguchi rasped. "Yeah, I haven't. Thank you."

Oikawa's bedroom slippers made a faint sound against the flooring as he walked towards the kitchen area and away from Yamaguchi's line of sight.

His body felt more awake now, more aware of his surroundings. It's like he'd forgotten he had limbs and he'd gone clumsy trying to coordinate them to accommodate the weight of the laptop he had on his lap. The slight sting from the overheating machine only began to register in his mind. He took a pillow from the sofa and positioned it between him and the laptop in order to cushion it and soothe his now-sore thighs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I have a complicated relationship with the subway," Akiteru commented as he joined Kei by the turnstiles, both of them tapping their way out of the station.

"How so?"

"It's well-managed," his older brother said with a thoughtful expression, briefly pausing to glance at Kei before continuing, "but I don't think I would ever enjoy the crowd. I feel like everyone and everything is moving too fast in this city."

"The hectic crowd is part of our tour," Kei replied as he adjusted the nosepiece of his eyeglasses. "It wouldn't be a complete Tokyo experience otherwise."

Bright neon lights greeted them on the street. The air was damp with the scent of rain, and the people roaming about sported coats and folded umbrellas that had been peppered with droplets of water.

Kei lead his brother through the traffic, under low-hanging trees, and towards a mostly deserted alleyway. The narrow road was well-lit even in the sunset. Sprouts of grass peeped through the cracks in the pavement, leading towards a small bookstore that would have normally been obscured from view.

"Long time no see," the shopkeeper greeted when they entered.

"I guess it's been a while," Kei replied, his tone light as he made his way to the counter.

"You're just in time. I had a new shipment a few days ago, and we've just managed to sort them all out," the shopkeeper smiled, gesturing towards the aisles. "Take a look."

Kei nodded. "We'll take our time," he answered, a small smile on his face as he walked towards the end of the first aisle.

Torn leather, colourful script, and worn-down spines — a wide array of books stood before and around him, giving off the familiar smell of old paper and accumulated dust.

"Is this where you've been spending all your spare change?"

"Well, I used to,” he answered. He let his finger linger over one of the book spines before dropping his arm to his side. “It's not like I have the luxury of having any spare change right now."

Akiteru hummed. "Well, it's normal for spending habits to change once you get in a relationship."

Kei rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"I know. Tadashi tells me you guys are constantly splitting the bills."

"When exactly did Tadashi tell you that?" Kei said with a squint.

"That time you visited us in Miyagi. I was able to chat with him for a bit. He seems really nice. Very genuine person," the older boy commented.

"I know."

"He's really in love with you."

"Huh."

"I noticed your matching necklaces,” Akiteru said with a teasing smile, quietly gesturing to the thin silver chain partially hidden under his younger brother’s shirt. “That's cute."

Kei quickly turned back to the books on the shelf, grabbing at a random book and appraising its contents. "It was Tadashi's idea."

"I figured. You'd never do something as sappy,” his brother continued. “Ah, nevermind, you already have."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, I just remembered a little something Tadashi shared with me."

"What exactly?" Kei hissed.

"Not telling."

Kei frowned deeply and trained all his attention to the cupcake recipe book he mindlessly plucked off the shelf. He browsed through the pages and glanced through the pictures in an attempt to look busy.

"You better invite me to whatever kind of ceremony you've got planned."

"You are thinking way too far ahead!"

"I know you. I'm sure you've given it some thought already."

Kei felt his stomach sink to the floor. His shoulders tensed as his anxious hands struggled to close the book. He looked his brother dead in the eye.

Akiteru’s jaw fell slack for a moment. It took a moment for him to regain his composure enough to speak again.

“You really have, haven’t you?”

Kei pouted. “Yes.”

"Have you guys talked about it? Like, are you going to go for it after you graduate, or once you’ve got more money in the bank, or—”

"No," he interrupted. “No, we’ve never mentioned anything like that.”

"You have to bring it up, then."

"That's embarrassing."

"He might be waiting for you to talk about it first, you know?"

 

* * *

 

 

 

"The food's going to get cold."

"Eh?" Yamaguchi squeaked, abruptly turning away from his laptop screen. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't notice you were there."

"It's okay. I've only been standing here for a few minutes."

"Sorry," Yamaguchi said with a low bow of his head, nearly toppling his laptop to the ground in the process.

"It's fine. I'm only kidding." In his hands, Oikawa held two identical yellow mugs, one of which he passed to Yamaguchi. "The tea I've prepared really is starting to get cold, though."

"Oh, thanks."

Yamaguchi stashed away his laptop and trailed behind Oikawa as the other boy walked to the dining table. His flatmate had prepared some instant ramen, with a platter of cold cut fruits laid out at the center of the table. The freckled boy stared emotionlessly at the selections as he settled on a chair.

“Was the boyfriend taking too long to reply?"

Yamaguchi narrowed his eyes. He shifted in his seat to give Oikawa a look. "Why do you keep assuming that I'm waiting for him?”

His roommate tilted his head slightly and frowned, unimpressed. "Tadashi, you were literally just staring at his Skype profile two minutes ago."

Yamaguchi groaned. “Okay, maybe I am waiting for him. Just a little bit.”

“Is there ever a day when the two of you don’t talk to each other?”

“Well, we used to live together, so no, I don’t think so…” Yamaguchi trailed off. He picked up his mug and took a sip from it. The warm heat behind his eyes faded, and instead a faint burn trickled down his throat and spread throughout his chest. He downed the entire drink all at once.

"It can't be all that bad to not talk all the time, right? Surely you guys weren't in constant contact when you lived together, either."

"Yeah, I guess." Yamaguchi pursed his lips and avoided Oikawa's curious gaze. He sighed and set his empty mug on the table. "But back then, it was good enough to just sit together in silence."

Oikawa nodded as he brought some food into his mouth.

Yamaguchi stirred the chopsticks in his ramen and watched as the noodles swirled around the cup. "It's not really the talking that matters to me, but the distance— rather, feeling like the distance isn't there."

“I can understand how you feel, but is all this moping and waiting really a good use of your time?” Oikawa said. "I don't want to burst your bubble, but didn't you say you had a paper to write?"

"I was actually doing some research on the side too, okay," Yamaguchi insisted. He clumped some noodles together with his chopsticks and raised them in the air to cool. "Ugh. I don't know. Lately, I just feel so impatient."

Oikawa raised a single eyebrow. "Is this your first long distance relationship?"

"Does it even matter?" He brought his food to his mouth, but paused before taking a bite. "Why are you even asking?"

"No reason. It seemed like you were in a sharing mood." Oikawa smirked. He picked up an apple slice with his fork and let the piece of fruit dangle in the air as he paused to think. "Would you like to hear some advice?"

Yamaguchi shrugged as he began to eat. "You're going to give it to me anyway."

Oikawa smiled triumphantly. "Just live your life, Tadashi."

The freckled boy furrowed his brows. He tilted his head to the side and frowned. "Just what exactly are you implying?"

"The two of you may be together, but you don't have to dedicate all your free time to him," the brown-haired boy elaborated. "You could use a new hobby aside from spoiling your boyfriend."

Yamaguchi breathed in sharply. "I am not spoiling him!"

"That's all you got from what I said?" Oikawa pouted. "How about you take some time away from your computer and join me and Iwa-chan again at the gym later?"

"Eh, again? But we already worked out in the morning," Yamaguchi complained.

"You only stuck with us through the warm up."

He pursed his lips. "Iwaizumi-san's routine was intense."

"I could ask him to do a lower impact routine tonight," Oikawa insisted. "It'd be fine."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The two brothers left the bookstore with a few purchases — Kei had picked up a book on entomology, one with a large phasmid mimicking a leaf for its cover. Akiteru ended up buying a gardening magazine and a few back issues of Shounen Jump and G-Fantasy, to which Kei merely raised an eyebrow.

"I'm starving," Akiteru announced as he rubbed his stomach and walked onto the street. "Have you eaten at any of the restaurants around here? Do you know any good ones?"

Akiteru walked further into the crowd, his dark blazer seemingly indistinguishable from the other salarymen around him. Kei stared at his brother's back, pursing his lips tightly as he eventually lowered his eyes to his own loafer-clad feet.

He put one foot before another and stopped, somehow unsure whether to continue. He quickly glanced back to the street to find that Akiteru was a few meters away from him. Kei weighed several options in his mind, ultimately choosing to catch up to his brother.

"Kei!" he heard Akiteru call out once they were both close enough to one another. "I thought I lost you there. I'm not familiar with this place, you know! That gave me a bit of a scare."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," Akiteru said, smiling once Kei finally lifted his eyes to meet his. "Is something on your mind?"

"It's not—" he paused. His mouth felt dry as he tightened his jaw.

Akiteru looked at him patiently, and Kei dreaded the silence they shared despite the noise of the neighbourhood market.

"Niichan," Kei began, bringing his hands before his body and interlocking his fingers. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Oh,” Akiteru said with a small nod. "Do you want to sit down and talk about it?"

He weaved his fingers together tighter. "Okay."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Is it okay if you'd do the dishes, Tadashi?" Oikawa asked, the top half of his head temporarily stuck in the blue shirt he wrestled to take off.

Yamaguchi barely gave Oikawa a glance, but a split second is enough to assess Oikawa's fitness, regardless of whether the latter was clothed or not.

"Sure, Tooru. It's practically just a single dish anyway."

"Could you throw the trash too, then?" the brunet asked as he slipped on a fresh shirt.

"Yes, sir."

"Thanks. I knew I could count on you," Oikawa replied with a finger gun and a wink. "Dinner will be on me, then."

"There's no need," Yamaguchi said with a forced smile. "I can cook for us."

"Oh? And here I was thinking I could treat you out," Oikawa said with an exagerrated frown. "Who knows if you'd even have enough energy to cook after working out later."

Yamaguchi quirked his head to the side. "Hmm, I'll think about it."

"Think about it while you do your research paper," his roommate said with a wave of his hand. He slung a messenger bag over his shoulder and walked to the door of their shared unit. "See you tonight, Tadashi."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Street lamps and shop signs illuminated the view outside the restaurant. Red lanterns with energetic calligraphy painted onto them hung from the low ceiling, and the yellow glow of the bulbs inside them gave a soft glow to his brother's face as he recited the both of their orders to the server.

Kei swallowed thickly and resisted the urge to lick his lips as his brother ended their order. He briefly considered excusing himself to the restroom to apply some chapstick, but resigned when Akiteru turned to him expectantly.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Kei shifted his eyes to the couple at the table across from them. They held hands under the table, and he immediately stared at his hands on his lap, lowering his gaze further to the grey floors.

“How did it feel to switch careers?"

"Oh. Uh. It was strange, I guess," Akiteru answered. Kei could see his brother shift his feet. "There were a lot of things that I had to adjust to, but that's to be expected from any new job."

Kei lifted his chin and looked at his brother. "Do you wish you didn't have to quit your last job, then?" he said more bluntly.

Akiteru met Kei's eyes with seriousness. He studied his younger brother's expression, and Kei's stare wavered just as Akiteru gave him an apologetic smile.

“No. Not really," Akiteru said. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it."

Kei nodded, pursing his lips as he tried to both maintain eye contact with Akiteru and avoid his eyes altogether.

"What was it like to work in Kyoto?"

"Not what I expected, that's for sure," Akiteru replied with a laugh. "I’d constantly be in a position where I could barely keep up with rent and expenses. After paying the bills, whatever I had left from my paycheck never amounted to much, yet it was all I could give to help you and mom and dad through their situation right now — but you already knew that much. I thought I just had to brave through it somehow and that one day, surely, we'd come out of this rough time and I'd make it in Kyoto, but—" he trailed off. Akiteru sighed. "I guess life had other plans, at least for me."

"You could've just stayed there," Kei said in a low voice. "I could've gotten a better job, maybe switched to part-time at school—"

"No, I didn't want to do that to you," his brother said with a shake of his head.

"Why not?" Kei spat. "Mom, dad, and you — all of you keep refusing my help. Am I not capable of anything in your eyes?"

“We all thought we’d be able to sort things out without having to resort to that. Well, I thought I’d be able to sort things out in time," he sighed. "Actually, if there’s anything I regret from my decisions, it’s the fact that you had to endure so much out of all this.”

“Do you think you made the wrong choice, then?”

"It's hard to tell. There might've been better options that we hadn't considered.” Akiteru answered. “But I do know that if I'd stayed in Kyoto, I wouldn't have had the resources to send you back to Tokyo. Then all four of us would be sad and suffering, and that's not something I could take. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I wanted to at least try to be a good brother to you. " 

Kei frowned. "You didn't have to give up on your dream to prove that."

Akiteru shook his head. He smiled. "I never gave up on my dream, Kei. I just have a new one."

Kei raised his brows.

"How about you?”

“Huh?”

“What are your dreams now, then, Kei?"

"Don't ask me stuff like that so out of the blue.”

"You didn't give me much time to prepare for your questions either, you know."

Kei pouted.

Akiteru chuckled. “Fine. I’ll give you five minutes to think about it.”

“What?" Kei groaned. "I don’t want to.”

“Oh, come on. You never share with me, anymore. Don’t you have any goals that you’d want to achieve by the end of the year at least? That's when Tadashi's coming back, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Do you have anything planned for that?"

"Isn't it too early to think about that?" Kei answered. "It's still 82 days until his flight back."

“Whoa, what?" Akiteru said incredulously. "You've been counting?"

“N-n-n-not especially, I just, uh, have it marked on my calendar, so I kind of see it everyday," Kei stammered, trying his best to play it cool.

"No, it's okay, I'm just… I'm so surprised,” he said with a shake of his head. "What do you like most about him?"

Kei forced out a laugh. "Ok. What makes you think I'd answer that question?"

"Come on, humor me for a bit!"

“I’m too old for this kind of conversation.”

“I’m older than you and I want you to talk to me about this,” Akiteru smiled. "Is it his charm? Or his smile? He had this big goofy smile when I talked to him about you—"

"When?"

"Back when he visited you in Miyagi."

Kei narrowed his eyes. "Just what did you talk about..."

They were interrupted by their server, who set down a tray with bowls of ramen and side dishes before each of the two brothers.

"That's a secret," his brother winked. He folded his hands and prepared his chopsticks. "Let's eat!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

"—Anyway, how are you?"

"I'm great! Meggy and Starry are here keeping me company at my mom's place."

"Did Tsukishima mention whether he'd be going back to your apartment?"

"Yeah, he asked me to keep the hallway lights on. You know, Hinata-kun was so annoyed at Tsukishima-kun! He thought for sure that Tsukishima-kun was just making a fake excuse to opt out of going to the arcade with him today, but he actually looked quite nervous about visiting his brother."

"Really?" Yamaguchi replied. He stared at the picture of a black-haired boy with dark blue eyes that peeked from behind his Skype application window. "Did he mention anything to you, Yacchan?"

"No. In the car, we were kinda busy talking about something else."

He let his hands hover over his keyboard. "Something else?"

"Don't worry it wasn't anything interesting," Yachi hastily replied. "Just work things. I swear."

"Okay..."

"I actually wanted to show you some design mockups I made. I know you're busy making your paper right now, so I took some pictures of them for you to see! I'll send them over to you in a bit and you can look at them whenever."

"Sure thing!" he said cheerfully as he guiltily reopened a word document file.

"Sorry to bother you when you're so busy!" Yachi apologised. "I miss you so much already! Call me soon, okay?"

"I'm glad we got to talk a bit today, I've missed you too!" Yamaguchi replied. "Good night, and sleep well."

Yachi ended the Skype call and promptly signed off. Yamaguchi closed his Skype window and brought his Facebook tab to the center of his screen.

"I need to focus," he said as he closed he opened up his extensions tab and activated his website blocker. He exited from his browser and returned to working on his homework.

 

 

* * *

 

 

By the time he arrived in the apartment, the place was brightly lit but uncharacteristically silent. From the absence of chatter and stray coffee mugs, he deduced that his housemate was most likely away. There were no excited footsteps or sloppy kisses to welcome him home, and he tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment that coupled his realization that Yachi had brought Starry to her mother’s place.

He slipped off his coat as he wobbled to the kitchen for a drink. He prepared a glass of water for himself and stared at the circles that rippled on its surface, eyes unfocused as he channeled all his attention to his thoughts.

"Tadashi, I—" he paused. "I would. I would like to."

He grumbled to himself and pulled out a chair for him to sit on.

He mechanically reached for the phone in his pocket and opened his contacts list, going back and forth between two names that caused his stomach to twist and turn.

Hinata.

Kuroo.

Hinata.

Kuroo.

Hinata.

...

He downed the entirety of his glass and smashed the dial key.

"Ah, Tsukishima, so rare of you to call," a deep voice greeted him.

“Good evening," he greeted, shoulders sagging as he resisted the urge to groan. "I’m sorry for calling out of the blue, Kuroo-san.”

“It’s okay. It’s not like you’re interrupting anything, anyway," the other boy yawned. "What’s up? Did you want to have a late night heart-to-heart?"

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “May I ask for Akaashi-san's number?"

"O—oh," Kuroo sang, humming towards the end as he added, "What for? If you're feeling lonely, you'll have better luck with someone else."

“I’m calling him about work."

"Ah. With Bokuto? Hah. Good luck."

"Thanks. That sounds very reassuring."

"Bokuto's not a bad guy. I think you'll do all right."

“Have you tried working with him before?”

“Too many times,” Kuroo said with a cackle. “But man, it's been so long. School's been burning my ass, yet that guy still has all the time and energy to spend. It’s like the times haven’t changed at all.”

“Being old must be so tough for you.”

“Do you want Akaashi’s number or not?”

“I do.”

“Ok. Introduce yourself through a message first before calling him, or else he would never pick up your call."

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Am I done?" Yamaguchi muttered to no one in particular. Blocks of text blurred into a singular nonsensical sludge before him, and once he refocused his eyes onto the paragraphs on the page, he dedicated all his focus on the word count on the corner of the screen. "I'm done. I think. Okay. I don't really care."

He brought the pads of his fingers over his eyelids and rubbed them, dragging his hands up until the heels of his palms were pressing his eyes deeper into their sockets.

Against his better judgement, he minimized his report document to reveal the Skype profile he had been keeping open for the entire night. The icon next to his boyfriend's name is a light green.

"Online."

Yamaguchi frowned.

He picked up his phone and opened his world clock.

"One A.M. in Tokyo and yet he still hasn't seen my message? It's been three hours," he whispered, immediately biting his cheek afterwards. "No. I am not clingy. I am not doing this. He has his reasons. I'm sure."

He took in a deep breath.

He selected the conversation thread he had with Tsukishima.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> ——— Monday ———
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei** : can we do a video call later?
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** : Ah, I have classes until six tonight
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei** : and?
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** : That'd be one in the morning for you...
> 
> **Tsukishima Ke** i: next time then. can i call you now at least?
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** :  Just a while, okay? I have to leave for class soon, sorry :x
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (call 37 minutes 29 seconds)

 

 

 

He typed out a new message.

 

——— Today ——— 

  

 

 

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi** : Hi tsukki! How was your day with Akiteru-nii?

 

 

He stared at his message on the screen before typing out something else, but he closed his laptop instead of pressing 'Send'. He packed his bag and left for the gym.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
"Towels?"

"Yeah."

"Salonpas?"

"Got them."

"Toilet cleaner?"

"Here," he said as he shifted the shopping basket from one hand to another. "But what would he need toilet cleaner for during sports training?"

"No, this isn't something we need for that purpose," the boy before him shrugged. "I'm just adding it in anyway since I need it at home."

"So we're paying for that separately?"

"No way. I'm taking this out of the budget. You should take something for yourself, too."

He adjusted his eyeglasses before he scanned the nearby displays. "I think I'll get a ring."

"A what?"

"A ring."

"What for? Are you going to wear it now?"

"I don't think I'll ever wear it."

"...Then why are you even buying it."

"I just need something to remind me why I bothered coming to the hundred yen shop at four in the morning."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yamaguchi wrapped a light scarf around his neck. The setting sun coloured the sky a beautiful orange and pink as he unloaded his bag of his books and notebooks, but he kept his wallet and room keys inside it. He took his phone out of his pocket and jumped a bit at the number of unread messages he'd gotten while he was in class. He received e-mails from several lecturers as well as an online shop membership activation message, along with a reminder that his paternal grandfather's death anniversary was coming up.

However, he was more interested with the Skype notifications he received.

 

 

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei:** hey. sorry i wasn’t able to really message you earlier.
> 
> >> i didn't notice your message. i just got my phone back.
> 
> >> niichan brought it back for me and all.
> 
> >> i haven't really finished setting it up yet.

 

"I should look into data plans soon," he mumbled to himself as he read the rest of Tsukishima's message. He included brief snippets of what he talked about with his brother, and attached a few pictures when he talked about a new part-time job he'd gotten for himself.

"It's only my first day so I can't really say much about it," Tsukishima went on, "but it's tiring to wake up earlier than usual."

Yamaguchi snickered at the poorly-lit selfie that Tsukishima shared, with the blond pouting and pointing at the dark circles under his eyes.

Yamaguchi felt his heart skip to his throat when he reached a photo of two jacket-clad men, one of whom had the same dark hair and brooding face as the man that had been distracting him for the past 24 hours.

"The guy with the weird hair is Bokuto-san, he's who I'm working for. He's like the equivalent of two hypercharged Hinatas. I feel like I might die if he catches me alone," read Tsukishima's caption. "Akaashi-san was with us today, which was a blessing."

 

 

 

>  
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei:** also yacchan is staying at her mom's for the weekend, i don't know if you already knew that.
> 
> >> i have no idea if i'd be able to commute to work on time from here but i guess i'm going to find out soon
> 
> >> anyway i'm going to take this opportunity to sleep in my boxers
> 
> >> it's been a pain to keep wearing pyjamas for the sake of decency
> 
> >> i have to wake up early for work tomorrow so i'll be going to bed
> 
> >> let me know about your day, i'll get back to you when i wake up
> 
> >> good night

 

"Oh god, brain, please shut up," Yamaguchi groaned as he typed out his reply to Tsukishima and dropped his phone into his bag and walked out of his room.

"You're out of your room earlier than usual tonight," Oikawa greeted him as he stepped out into the common room.

Yamaguchi fought the urge to grumble. "I was planning on going to the library before it closed."

"We can go together, then. I'm headed there too, anyway."

"Oh, you aren't going to the gym tonight?"

"No, it's about time I took a little break," the boy shrugged. "How are your muscles?"

"They're sore as hell."

Oikawa smiled. "Thought so."

Yamaguchi played with the straps of his bag and briefly scanned the room. "Actually, Tooru, there was something I wanted to ask you."

"What about?" the other boy answered as he adjusted the lensless eyeglasses on his face.

"Can I—" Yamaguchi paused. "Could I ask for your advice on something?"

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The lights in the room had been dimmed, curtains drawn, door locked. He stared at the ceiling as he plopped himself onto his bed.

"Give me a few minutes! Let me just put away my gym bag" was what Yamaguchi had last sent him. It's been five minutes since then.

Tsukishima idly tapped on his stomach and drew imaginary patterns with the lines and bumps on the ceiling. A lone light bulb shone in the corner of the room, its glow tinting his vision in warmth. He held his cellphone in his left hand as warmth and guilt pooled in his gut. He clenched his right into a loose fist against his chest.

His phone began to ring. He held his breath.

"Good evening, Tsukki!"

Nervousness drained out of his system. "Good afternoon."

"Hey, you sound tired," Yamaguchi replied. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "I wasn't able to get much sleep last night."

"Are you sure you aren't overworking yourself?"

"No, it's okay, really," Tsukishima assured.

"I'm sorry you had to stay up so late just for me."

"It's nothing," he insisted. "This is like the one part of the day that I actually look forward to."

"You make sleep deprivation sound so romantic," Yamaguchi chuckled. "Do you want to go to bed for now? I feel like I haven't heard from you in a while, but we can catch up another time."

"Okay..." In the dead of the night, he found courage to be honest — "Actually, I think I could really use a breather tonight."

"O-oh. I see. Hmm," Yamaguchi hummed. "You're that stressed, huh?"

"I wouldn't really call it stress," Tsukishima said. "I think it's more like confusion."

"You don't want to talk about it for a while?"

"I think that can wait until morning, when my mind is making more sense."

"Too horny to think?"

"Oh would you shut up," Tsukishima groaned. "You asked me for the same before, too. I can't quite tell if you're teasing or judging me."

"It's both," Yamaguchi laughed. "Also, I'm jealous. I wish I was your hand."

"I wish your hands were on me, too," he replied without much thought.

Yamaguchi fell silent for a moment. "Do you fantasize about me, Tsukki?"

Tsukishima felt like he choked on his own spit. "What kind of a question is that?"

"I just want to know."

"...Of course I do."

"Why don't you share them with me?" Yamaguchi asked. "Next time we meet, they might not just be a fantasy anymore."

He felt his muscles tense. "I'm way too sober to do that."

"You should've had a drink then."

"Yachi drank up everything we had before she left to her mom's," Tsukishima sighed. "Something about nearing deadlines. You know how it is."

"Tragic."

"I know."

"I understand why you'd be so tense, then," Yamaguchi replied. "Well, I don't want to stall you. Have fun—"

"W-wait."

"Hmm?"

"It's... Uh, do you have to leave for class right now?"

"Not until a few hours. Why?"

He closed his eyes as he traced idle patterns onto his shirt, moving his index finger in mindless loops and lines. "If you're not busy, I was hoping you would join me."

"...Hmm, I'm not entirely convinced," Yamaguchi answered. "If you'd want me to join you, then you're going to have to seduce me."

"W-what—"

"It's only normal. You can't expect me to be any help if you wouldn't even bother setting the mood."

Tsukishima pouted. "Any more of this and I feel like I wouldn't be up for this after all."

Soft laughter tickled his ears and brought a wave of anticipation down his spine. "You're so bad at this, it's cute."

"I don't know how to seduce you through the phone," Tsukishima confessed. "It's easier to seduce you when you're actually with me."

"What the hell, did you actually just say that?" Yamaguchi guffawed. "How would you have seduced me right now, then?"

"Well, I would love to kiss you right now."

"That's unfair," Yamaguchi whined. "I can't resist you when you start kissing me."

"I know," Tsukishima agreed. "I guess it's kind of a bad time to bring it up, but I saw this old couple kissing today—"

"Ew, Tsukki, don't you know how to look away?"

"Look, I really didn't mean to. They were right around the corner when I arrived at the building," he defended himself. "They were saying good bye or something."

"Oh. That's kind of sweet."

"I guess," Tsukishima said. "Seeing them reminded me of us, though. Made me realize a few things..."

"We are kind of like an old couple sometimes, aren't we?"

"Tadashi," Tsukishima whispered softly. He briefly considered saying something else, to tone down his feelings and brush it off for another time. But fondness swelled in his chest, full of dreams where he'd come home to kiss Yamaguchi passionately, gently caressing his cheek as Yamaguchi would tease him into something deeper. No matter how much time would pass, he knew Yamaguchi would still kiss him rough and use too much teeth from impatience, moan into his mouth until fire would breed in his lungs. He didn't need to rehearse the words to know they were true — "I'd be happy if we could reach that point where we've grown old and wrinkly together. I— I'd really want to kiss you all my life."

The call fell silent.

Tsukishima gulped.

"Ugh, I can't believe you."

He felt his blood run cold.

"Saying something so sweet so out of the blue... You're really mean. My heart wasn't prepared, you know?" Yamaguchi groaned. "I wanted to make this hard for you, but you're making it hard for me instead. You suck."

His chest tightened as he smiled in relief. "You, too."

"Just what kind of face did you make when you said that? Ugh, damn, just imagining it is killing me," the other boy grumbled. "I want to kiss you so bad."

"Me too."

"Where are you?" Yamaguchi asked.

"I'm on my bed."

"Naked?"

"N-no," Tsukishima blurted. "I'm fully clothed."

"Can I take them off for you now?" Yamaguchi asked. "Or would you want me to watch you undress?"

His body grew warmer, and he guided his hand from his chest to his stomach, tightening his grip over the waistband of his pants.

"That's a little..."

"Embarrassing?" Yamaguchi asked. "It's just me, Tsukki."

Tsukishima played with the pendant by his neck, tracing the familiar pattern again and again. "I know… I guess it's just a little unexpected."

"Do you still want to continue?"

He nodded, but quickly realized that Yamaguchi couldn't see him. He swallowed. "Mm. Just let me prepare for a bit."

"Call me again, ok? I'll wait as long as you need."

Tsukishima fumbled for his eyeglasses by the nightstand. He slipped them on before getting out of bed to retrieve a strip of cloth and the tablet that Yachi had lent him. The small rectangle weighed close to nothing to him, but his chest felt a weird heaviness as he propped the gadget on the bed and attached his headphones to it. He started up the camera and caught a glimpse of himself as he adjusted the tablet's stand. White shirt, gray pants, the standard after-work look. He ran a hand through his hair and unbuttoned his shirt once, angling his body in different ways out of curiosity to see how he looked like.

"This is silly," he mumbled to himself.

He started up Skype and sent a video call request to Yamaguchi. He didn't have to wait long for it to get accepted.

"Hi," Yamaguchi greeted. He was seated by his work desk, with the late afternoon sunlight filtering through from one side of his room.

"Hey..." He looked at his boyfriend and thought about all the possible ways things could progress from there. His heart raced in anticipation of the unknown.

"Oh?" He heard Yamaguchi say as he took off his eyeglasses. It's only a split second, but it's enough for Tsukishima to see Yamaguchi raise his brows the moment before he affixed a blindfold over his eyes.

"Oh," Yamaguchi said again. "I didn't think I would be so turned on to see you like this."

Tsukishima bit on his lip.

"Is this part of your fantasy?" Yamaguchi said so softly, as though he were whispering it straight to his ears.

"N-No. Just the thought of seeing you, or me, on video is..."

"Hmm, if you say so," his boyfriend teased. "Can you unbutton your shirt for me?"

His hands felt unsteady. It's not much different from when they had done it over the phone, but knowing that Yamaguchi was there, looking at a part of him that he couldn't easily confirm was unexpectedly exciting and suffocating all at once.

"One more."

His wrists brushed lightly against his chest as he moved to unfasten one more button.

"Another."

Tsukishima circled a finger over his chest, feeling two soft bumps through his shirt fabric.

"W-would you—" he trailed off, voice dying before they could reach his lips.

"I'll do anything," Yamaguchi said. "You don't have to be polite about it."

"S- s-" he attempted, stuttering on his own words.

"Yes?" his lover urged.

He swallowed his shame. "Su- suck on them."

"Oh? So you do like it when I touch you there," Yamaguchi said. "Are you sure you'd want me to? I might end up teasing you for a long time — ah, but that's what you're after, isn't it?"

He shivered in anticipation. "M-make me beg."

He couldn't tell how Yamaguchi did it, or if it was a product of his hyperactive mind, but he could hear it — the sounds of Yamaguchi sucking on skin, as though he were wrapping his tongue around him.

Tsukishima brought his hand to his mouth and suckled on his fingers.  He spread the drool over his already pert nipple, squeezing and rubbing it along to Yamaguchi's moans. His other hand traced his breastbone before unbuttoning his shirt further.

"I love how you're so sensitive here," Yamaguchi said softly. "Your chest becomes so pink, it's cute."

"Whose fault is that?"

Yamaguchi chuckled. "Pink is a good colour on you. Maybe I should leave some pink on the rest of your body, too."

Pink. The lines Yamaguchi would dig into his thighs. The marks he'd leave when he drinks into his skin. The colour of his lips when he kissed him too long. The flush across his cheeks when he looked into his eyes when they fucked...

Tsukishima nodded, dragging a hand up to claw at his neck and back down to his bare chest, trailing his hand lower to the zip of his pants.

"Would you like to unbutton that too, Tsukki?"

He nodded again, trying his best not to seem too enthusiastic.

Yamaguchi chuckled. "I don't know. You look like you could still last a little longer."

"No," he moaned, pressing into his chest and hips and feeling electricity in his veins from the added pressure.

"Then show me just how bad you want it."

He breathed heavy from his mouth, cheeks hot as he began to pleasure himself. He wrapped his fingers around the outline of his erection and began to stroke himself through his clothes. He paced himself the way Yamaguchi always did when he teased — touch light but firm, hands warm and searching. He tilted his head back, picturing Yamaguchi brushing his teeth against his neck before marking his collarbone.

"I wonder what you're thinking about. You sure are making a lot of noise just from imagining it," Yamaguchi commented. "You should try wearing a gag next time, maybe that way you'd be quiet enough for us to do it in public."

"No way," he whimpered loudly. The idea of Yamaguchi lovingly fastening a gag over his mouth was way too humiliating, but the image excited him all the same. Realizing that he wouldn't mind surrendering that much power to Yamaguchi brought electricity into his veins. Tsukishima brought two fingers into his mouth and kept them there, thrusting them into his mouth and wrapping his tongue around them as he stroked himself quicker.

"Kei, could you scoot back a bit?" Yamaguchi asked. His voice had become deep and breathless, but Tsukishima wanted the other boy to lose his composure even more. "I want to see you better."

His mind raced as he adjusted himself on the bed, feeling vulnerable knowing his body would now be better within the camera frame. The idea of Yamaguchi pleasuring himself from the sight of his body made him want to melt from embarrassment.

"Oh, wow, you're leaking so much," Yamaguchi said with a chuckle. "You're going to mess up your clothes like this."

"I don't care anymore," he panted. "You keep making a mess of them, anyway."

"Really? I don't remember such a thing."

"Liar," Tsukishima pouted. Yamaguchi had all too many times kissed Tsukishima's erection through his chinos, wrapping his lips around him as his tongue worked into the fabric before he'd use his teeth to unzip his pants and pull down his briefs. There were times when the freckled boy would grow impatient and grab him by the hips and bring their bodies together, grind against him as he kneaded his ass and bit into his collarbone. The memories were enough to quicken the pace of Tsukishima's pulse.

"Look me in the eye and say that to my face."

He knit his brows together, clenching his jaw as he gently rubbed and flicked his nipple. He reluctantly brought his hands to the back of his head, biting his lower lip as he unfastened the bow of his blindfold.

"You're always making a fool of me, Tadashi."

He fluttered his eyes open. From the small tablet screen, Yamaguchi's wide smile was a blur to him. His other hand was lost under the table, but from the small and steady movements of Yamaguchi's exposed arm, it wasn't difficult to imagine what the other boy was doing. Tsukishima squinted his eyes slightly, and it's enough for him to make out the dark flush across his lover's face.

"You make me feel like a fool too, Kei."

He felt an ache in his gut and a burning need in his chest. The tightening of his pants was getting uncomfortable. He brought the heels of his palm to shield his eyes as he groaned.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he heard Yamaguchi say.

"I can't look at you," Tsukishima whined. "I'm not going to last any longer like this."

"What a relief, because neither am I," Yamaguchi laughed, and it made Tsukishima's ears heat up. "Do you want to leave it at this?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Start preparing yourself, then."

Without looking back at the tablet, Tsukishima peeled his hands away and fumbled to his side to find the bottle of lube he'd placed there. He worried his lip as he stared at the eyeglasses that sat on the bedside table. With shaky fingers, he slid his frames onto his face.

"Hey," Yamaguchi greeted once he turned back to the tablet screen. "I'm glad the light's glare isn't harsh enough to totally wash out your expression."

"Maybe I should adjust the lighting then."

"Kei," Yamaguchi whined.

He smiled. In his mind, he was thankful that the tablet was large enough for him to see his lover's face.

"Is it okay if I watched you, too?"

Yamaguchi smiled back at him. He readjusted the angle of his camera and pushed himself further away from his desk. He took his shirt off in one smooth motion, muscles tensing and relaxing with his movements.

"Oh," Tsukishima said as Yamaguchi stood from his seat. Tsukishima unzipped his pants and palmed himself through his boxers as his eyes followed the dark trail of hair by Yamaguchi's stomach, lingering there as the other boy slowly took off his undergarments. "Is it a trick of the light or are you more, uh..."

"Am I what?"

"Hmm," Tsukishima said as he parted his legs. He wrapped three of his fingers in a condom before squeezing some lube onto his hand and spread it over his cock, flicking his wrists in time with Yamaguchi.  He swallowed thickly. "When did you get so hot?"

"Wh-what?"

"Is it the gym?" Tsukishima asked as he spread his legs wider, bringing his free hand to fondle his chest as he circled his fingers against his hole. Preparing himself any further was unnecessary — he'd already fussed over himself just moments before contacting Yamaguchi in the first place.

"I doubt it. It's only been days," Yamaguchi said as he slowed his pace and moaned, and the sound made Tsukishima arch his back against the mattress.

"Fuck," Tsukishima hissed. His knees buckled as he rubbed against his prostate. When did he become so needy, so deprived, so desperate for the other's heat that he'd settle for three fingers curling inside him? It felt like the core of his body coiled and tightened the longer he looked at Yamaguchi unravel before him. "I want you so bad."

Yamaguchi's cursing only fueled the fire in his veins.

"More," he whimpered, matching the rhythm of Yamaguchi's strokes with that of the thrusts of his fingers. "Faster, harder, please, please—"

"Kei," Yamaguchi groaned. His shoulders quivered as he combed away the hair that fell on his face. "If you don't shut up, I'm really going to cum."

His mind blanked out, and his body shook as the tension in his body melted away. He tried his best to control his voice, but what spilled out of his lips was more than enough to push his lover to the edge. He felt hands caressing his waist, his neck, his face — somehow his body was not his own, and the only thing he could feel was Yamaguchi on his skin. When he regained his bearings, his first coherent thought was of how much he wished that were true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven’t followed a long, ongoing fic in the past five years and it’s mostly because i couldn’t trust authors who wrote gripping plots and numbing cliffhangers only to abandon their fics halfway as they moved onto other fandoms or just left the whole fandom scene altogether. i started writing this fic with the aim of updating weekly to spare other people from that same fear and horror, so now i feel like a huge hypocrite!!!
> 
> thank you so much for reading this chapter and for following this fic after all this time. even after all these weird art changes and clumsy cliffhangers and awkward smut. even after me putting it in the back burner for over half a year…….. thank you so much…………… T_T it kinda feels like a lot of people have moved on from the tsukkiyama fandom already, but i'm unfortunately still really passionate about these two nerds orz


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